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Thread: husband & wife

  1. #1
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Subject: Marriage Part I, II, III and IV
    Marriage (Part I )

    Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

    'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
    I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
    I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
    I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
    I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
    when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
    give me a hard time about it.
    Those are my rules. Any comments?'

    His new bride said:
    'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

    Marriage (Part II)

    Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
    The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
    that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'

    'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
    that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'



    Marriage (Part III)

    Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

    Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no
    good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.

    After some time he realizes he was nasty and
    decides to make amends and rings her up.

    She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
    She says, 'I was in bed.'

    'In bed this early, doing what?'

    'Getting a second opinion!'



    Marriage (Part IV)

    A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

    He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
    wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

    One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it is time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

    His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
    shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'




    A man and his wife were having some problems at home
    and were giving each other the silent treatment.

    Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
    to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
    of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

    The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
    was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

    Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
    noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

    God may have created man before woman, but there
    is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

    ************** ***************************

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  2. #2
    Super Member LoriEl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Monroe, NJ
    Blog Entries
    I've read these before but they crack me up every time. I can see my sister saying these things but I don't think quick enough.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Missysgottohelp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Northeast NE
    Blog Entries
    I'll have to remember these. LOL

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