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Thread: i want a weekend do over - nothing good about it

  1. #1
    Member ajat0921's Avatar
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    Friday we finally go the diagnosis confirmation that Andrew has Autism. The Dr also would not give AJ a "normal" diagnosis. She said there are too many "ticks" to say he is a normal child. And because they are twins she wants them both to go through the gauntlet of tests (EEG, MRI, bloodwork, sleep study, etc)

    My husband is in denial of this, and refuses to talk to me about it, but is happy go lucky about anything else you talk about.

    my mother asked if I did something wrong while pregnant.

    thanks to all this I had the worst migrane. Thank goodness my dr put me on anti-depression meds two months ago, but I don't think I would have handled this weekend without it.

    Today my husband had to work, so I had to cook my own mother's day dinner, and clean house. BLAH!!! And he didn't even show up on time today, due to an arrest. Don't people know not to fight on mothers day?!?!

    So here it it 7:45 on Sunday night, I am tired and want a glass of wine, and there is none in the house.

    I WANT A DO OVER!!!

  2. #2
    Senior Member adyldrop's Avatar
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    awww you poor thing!! I'm sorry you've had such a crummy weekend and mother's day!! (((((hugs))))

  3. #3
    Moderator Up North's Avatar
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    It would be so easy to say don't worry but I know that wont help, Keep your chin up and try to find something good that happened today! I work with children and know you must be feeling so low! Autisim is not the end of the world these children have so much to offer us. keep looking for the positives! Happy Mothers Day!

  4. #4
    community benefactor collettakay's Avatar
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    I had a bad Mother's Day a couple years ago right after my grandmother and mother-in-law passed away. It was a horrible day that I just wanted to get over with.

    You need to take a nice long hot bubble bath with some soft music (or absolute quiet, I know how nice that is sometimes) and pamper yourself a little bit tonight. This is your special day even though things seem like a mess. Try to salvage what is left of your day.

    I pray that everything works out well for you and your family.

    BTW, what meds are you on? It was around my bad Mother's Day that I finally admitted that I needed an anti-depressant. I take Lexapro and it has done WONDERS for me! It does take some time and probably dosage changes to get to where you need to be. Hang in there!

  5. #5
    Super Member quiltwoman's Avatar
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    ((((HUG))))
    Hope things look better tomorrow!

  6. #6
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    {HUG}

  7. #7
    Super Member Sharon M's Avatar
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    I am so very sorry this is a bad day for you and people are being inconsiderate :( I have 2 bottles of wine I am sorry we aren't closer we could drink them together :D :D But I will drink a glass for you I promise! Your mother just wasn't thinking don't let that get to you. Your husband can't help it ..... he's a man, sorry but it is just that simple. You will have to learn to deal with this in your own way. You are a mother every day and you don't need one particular day to make you feel special. and sometimes when you have smaller children and a busy or unthoughtful husband you have to make the plans yourself and say hey this is what we are doing to celebrate my day. Just take charge sometimes and don't feel sorry for yourself. ....and remember never ever let yourself run out of wine!! I hope tomorrow is a much better day for you. Hugs to you :-)

  8. #8
    Super Member sewsewquilter's Avatar
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    {{{{BearHUGS}}}}


  9. #9
    Power Poster Blue Bell's Avatar
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    So sorry that you are having a bad day.
    Remember: Tomorrow, tomorrow, is just a day a way.
    Tomorrow will be a better day.

  10. #10
    Super Member sewjoyce's Avatar
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    I am so sorry you had such a miserable weekend!! If I could, I would wiggle my nose and make things all better! (HUGS!!)

  11. #11
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you had such a stressfull weekend! Having a special needs child(ren) is not easy...especially when you first get the diagnosis. Try not to stress too much right now, when the final results are all in the picture may change!
    Autism is a very broad diagnosis...varying degrees....types... let it sink in for a while. I have spent the last month researching this for my niece, as she is going to be moving closer to me soon. There is sooo much more available today than 25 years ago when she was first diagnosed. I am amazed at how much help is available from doctors, psychiatrists, pharmacy and support for the families.

  12. #12
    k3n
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    Can't do anything but send you hugs!!!

    K x

  13. #13
    Power Poster sandpat's Avatar
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    I'm really sorry about your weekend...wish I could grant you a do-over, but the hugs I'm sending will have to do..(((((((HUGS))))))

    And since its now Monday...the wine store is open..make sure you lay in a good supply so the running out NEVER happens again :wink:

  14. #14
    Super Member LindaR's Avatar
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    you've got us ajat...take a deep breathe. I take it your DH is a policeman not arrested himself? LOL Happy mothers day anyway

  15. #15
    leona07's Avatar
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    I am sorry to hear that you have a rough weekend!! I hope that you are feeling better now. Don't in any way think that you did something to cause the Autism!! It's not your fault! Everything will be okay!

    I wish I could give you a do-over, so I'll just send along my best wishes to you instead!!

  16. #16
    Super Member Quilt4u's Avatar
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    Plenty of Hugs. Make sure he takes you out on his next day off.

  17. #17
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    (((HUGS))))

    Somehow everything seems worse when it happens on a "special" day such as Mother's Day or Valentine's day.

    Same **** on another day is just ****, but on a "special" day, it seems to be a major blow.



  18. #18
    Super Member Mplsgirl's Avatar
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    Special needs kids give us more than we can know. When my daughter was born deaf I kept asking "Why me?" One night, in the middle of the night, the answer came. "Why you? Because God knows you can handle this and no one else can." Bless you.

  19. #19
    Moderator sharon b's Avatar
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    So Sorry you had such a rough weekend {{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

    And don't for a moment even think you did anything while you where pregnant to cause you to have a special needs child(ren) . Just think of the twins as the blessings that they are :lol:

    Men have a harder time accepting that their child(ren) are not perfect, but with time they do come around . Hang in there and tell husband, next weekend is "Your" mothers day and it better be special :wink:
    Sharon

  20. #20
    Power Poster Rhonda's Avatar
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    Hang in there! I have a grandson who is a highfunctioning autistic 8 yr old. He was diagnosed early at age 2.
    My daughter is a very hands on person and I can put you in touch with her if you like. She is strong on educating on autism. She has a forum she uses that helps to talk to others with similar situations.
    Sara has a 10 yr old with bipolar disorder and we think auspergers (mild form of autism) and a tick disorder. Zach is 8 with autism and Rachel is 7 with Russel Silvers Syndrome.(a growth disorder-she does not grow as fast as she is supposed to will always be small)
    So she has learned to deal with doctors and does a lot of research and canput you in touch with people who can help.

    We have done alot of learning about sensory toys. I have a sling swing in the middle of my livingroom primarily for Zach. This gives him the stimulus he needs to help keep him in one place for awhile and it calms him down.

    If I can help just ask and I will try! We are experienced grandparents of an autistic grandson and I have him two weekends a month to give Sara a break and a chance to spend quality time with her other two. Zach is a runner so you always have to concentrate on knowing where he is at all times. It wears you out!!

    I feel for you but these kids can lead a close to normal life if they get the help they need both physical and educational!
    We worried what kind of life he will have but he has been making leaps and bounds in his learning abilities so we are greatly impressed with how well he is doing!!

    Yes he is handicapped and always will be but there are ways to cope and give him a full productive life!!!

    Hope this encourages you and lifts your spirits!!

    BTW My sil refused to believe anything was wrong with Zach for a long time! But he and his parents have come around over time and they all understand him very welll now. It takes time to get over the shock and to learn what autism is all about. We all did the oh he'll grow out of it. He's just fine. Stages

    YOu will probably find Doctors who are not as helpful as they should be. ONe of Zach's earliest problems was he would sleep for a couple of hours and then be up at 1 am and not go back to sleep for 4 or 5 hours. Their bodies don't make enough Melatonin to tell the body it needs to sleep.

    This is very wearing and especially when Sara had two othere children.
    The doctor accused her of wanting to medicate Zaach just so she could sleep!!! Of course she and Zach needed to sleep! She had to be able to take care of him!!!!

    Zach still did not sleep the night through for many months after but he slept for longer at a time. He now usually sleeps through the night.

    Hope this helps to let you know you are not alone and there are lots of people that are more than willing to help you along the way! It is a fight to get the best for your child or children if both boys have it.


    REALLY IMPORTANT

    Educate yourself as much as possible so you have a good understanding of what is best for your child. Don't just take the doctor's word for anything. Go in prepared with questions to ask the doctor so you can have a say in what is decided and don't let them run over you!


    God Bless you and your family and I know you will come out on the other end of this trial just fine!!!! [email protected] Rhonda

  21. #21
    reneebobby's Avatar
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    Oh my so sorry. I hope things get better and soon

  22. #22
    Power Poster Rhonda's Avatar
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    You did nothing wrong during pregnancy. They believe this is genetic. It came down through the family on one side or the other.

    There has been some talk about the mercury in infant shots but it has been proven to be false. Some still believe it is true. It is kind of up to you to believe what you want to.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajat0921
    My husband is in denial of this, and refuses to talk to me about it, but is happy go lucky about anything else you talk about.

    my mother asked if I did something wrong while pregnant.
    I am so sorry you have to deal with this as well as the autism.

    Husbands can be so wierd about perceived imperfections, he probably thinks it is his fault. My husband's mother's last child had a neural tube defect and died at six months. He never said anything during our five loses, but I came to find out that he thought it might be his fault our babies died. It is so strange how deep men can be sometimes. I believe is it because they love us so much and when they can't fix something it just eats at their heart and they shut down. I know I never expected my husband to think the way he did.

    I don't mean to sound to over angry, but what your mom said, she should be so ashamed. I will never understand a mother treating her child like that. Moms should really try hard not to say such thoughtless and insensitive stuff. One time in the hospital after I had lost the twins at almost 20 weeks. My mom came in and told the doctor (in front of me) "I don't understand, I had six children I didn't even want with no problem, why does she keep loosing these babies." So you are not the only one with an insensitive mom.

    I am so sorry your weekend went so bad, hope you were able to get a glass of wine today. Take care of yourself, you are definitely needed by your family. Maribeth

  24. #24
    Super Member Barb M's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry. Sometimes mom's can say insensitive things without realizing it, maybe because they are still in shock over the news, and feel they somehow have to justify or find a reason or a cause, cus in their minds they're thinking this just can't happen, there has to be a reason. I'm so very sorry you're going through this, but you have received some very good advice here, hope you are able to make a connection with Rhonda's daughter, i'm sure that will be so helpful (((hugs)))

  25. #25
    Super Member Shemjo's Avatar
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    Today is another day! My brother is a deputy and he is the most laid back easy going person I know. Must be something with the job!
    Praying that you get the answers you need to help you be the best mom for your twins! :lol: :lol: :lol:

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