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Thread: I'm am desperately sleep deprived.

  1. #1
    Senior Member blzzrdqueen's Avatar
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    Hi all. I don't want to come here and complain but I need to vent.

    I haven't had a good nights sleep in months. My 11 month old daughter is a horrible sleeper. It's very hard to get her to nap during the day unless we take her for a long ride in the car. At night, she has to be rocked to sleep and given a bottle. Then, maybe 3 or 4 hours later she wakes up crying. The again 1 to 2 hours later, and so on throughout the night. There have been weeks here and there that she would sleep through the night, but no matter what we do, we can not get her to sleep through now. When she wakes up, most of the time she's really not awake, but just whining really loud. She is in our room, and will be for an un-known amount of time. We live in a 2 bedroom house, and my oldest daughter has the other room. There's no way I can put the baby in there with the way she sleeps. Plus I don't want to take my older daughter's privacy away from her. It's really the only place she can when she needs to be alone. Lately when the baby wakes up, she cries until I give her a bottle of formula. I've tried to get her to take just water but she refuses it and then just cries more. And sometimes she'll wake at 3am and not go back to sleep...insisting on playing or crying the whole time. When I just can't take it anymore, I put her in bed with us, and most of the time she just tries to climb all over us instead of laying down to sleep.

    I'm at my wits end right now and I'm so frustrated. I never had this problem with the older one. We've tried all the suggestions that the internet has short of the extreme sleep training. It's effecting my everyday mood, making me very irritable, and I'm down right tired. I'm to the point where I don't want to quilt right now...which is something that I love doing.

    Thanks for letting me vent. I needed to just let it out and sometimes it's better to do it with online friends then real-life ones...

  2. #2
    Super Member beachlady's Avatar
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    I am glad that you feel you can vent here. All my children were good sleepers, so have no hints for you. Hopefully she will out grow not sleeping through the night soon. It must be hard having her in the same room. Hope you some relief soon!

  3. #3
    Super Member Shemjo's Avatar
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    No advice, but will pray for relief for you. Sleep deprivation is torture! I NEED my sleep! Praying that you get the sleep YOU need to be a GREAT MOMMY! :lol: :lol:

  4. #4
    MelissaK's Avatar
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    Have you tried the "Ferber (sp?) method"? What you might have to do is put her downstairs or in the living room or something.... away from you two. She knows that you are there... that is why she is doing it. You basically console them (5 mins or so), and let them cry. Both of my kids were difficult at times. You basically have to shut the monitor off and let them cry themselves back to sleep. It may take a few nights, but it should work. Don't pick them up. That is the worst thing you can do. Just leave them in the crib. My daughter is also 11 months and she sleeps through the night.

  5. #5
    Power Poster MadQuilter's Avatar
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    Can she see you when she wakes up? That may be the reason why she is so insistently fussy. If you can't put her in a different part of the house, can you put up a screen? She may still be fussy for a bit, but once she realizes that nobody is going to get her for play time, she should settle down again.

    Good luck!

  6. #6
    Senior Member blzzrdqueen's Avatar
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    No, she can't see us. I still have a bumper on the crib, and even though she's mobile, she won't get off her back. I think even may be part of the problem. She goes to sleep on her back and when she fusses she tries to get on her side but can never make it all the way, or stay in the position. She never really learned how to roll from back to belly, but she can do ANYTHING else.

  7. #7
    Super Member Maride's Avatar
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    I would recommend to talkit over with the pediatrician first before trying anything else. My little one was a bit of a difficult sleeper at times and I found out that the longer he sleeps during the day the better he slept at night. If he took short power naps he would be up most of th enight. Try putting her to sleep during the day and since is day, you don't have to be in the room and that will teach her to go back to sleep. Extreme training works, but is difficult on all of you. Basically what they do is to let her cry and come back to her after 10 minutes at first, then 20 minutes, etc. In the mean time, she is crying, probably so are you, and everyone else at home is awake with her crying.

    Can you get some help so that you can get some sleep?
    Good luck

    Maria

  8. #8
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    My youngest about this age wouldn't sleep, cried almost all the night. During the day she would nap maybe 30 min and wake up crying. I was almost to the point of collapse, I had a 3 year old too. The ped Dr wasn't much help at all. I took her to a family Dr. and he x rayed her collar bone. Said he's seen many babies with fractures in the collarbone that causes distress when laying down and moving. That was it. A small fracture! She wore a brace for while until it healed and slept fine.
    I'm sure that's not the case with your baby if she is playing and not crying most of the time.

    I would think it would be very scary to ask for an xray these days. It could be reported. :cry:

  9. #9
    Super Member Bill'sBonBon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blzzrdqueen
    She never really learned how to roll from back to belly, but she can do ANYTHING else.
    I hope you don't take offence of my advice I really think maybe you should see a PED.( I might be wrong,as I am not a Doc. of any kind. Just a mom of 2 Daughters,Grandmother to 5 boys
    GreatGrndmother to 5 kids,3 living from 18 months to 7 yrs. ) But most babies are turning over and pulling up by 11 months. Some are walking by 9 months. Maybe she has a medical problem and that is how it is showing up. I don't mean to scare you,but I would look at all the options.
    My oldest Grandson, and My next to oldest Grt.GrdDaughter were not Great Babies,Cryed all the time And didn't want to sleep but all were flipping over from back to front and front to back. pulling up to bars and standing in crib. At 11 months a bumper pad was a toe hold to see how far they could get up.
    I hope and pray putting baby in another room does work. I would surly try it.
    BillsBonBon

  10. #10
    community benefactor Knot Sew's Avatar
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    I had a first baby who was like that. He never slept through the night till he was 24 months. I was lucky, my mom came once a week ane I slept all day, only thing that kept me sane. I had two more children who started sleeping at night right away. :lol:

  11. #11

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    Been there , done that!:)My second one would even 'puke' (no kidding) for me to get her and if I didn't move fast enough...she would grace everything w/it:)I had a good friend that hers did the same thing. I wish I would have had her doc, for he said for her to ignore it...period. She couldn't leave him in that circumstance, so she would change him, his bedding and put him back to bed. Then go to the kitchen and drink a nice cup of tea in the dark and count many times thru 100. Her method worked, for he realized it wasn't working:) Both of mine were up by 3am...mine were wide awake not just wanting mom. We would sit in the dark watching our local religious station that has soft music and beautiful scenery. It would sooth them and me:)Wise words told to me that I repeated over and over in my head was 'this too shall pass'....and, actually it does and sadly...too soon!:)Even though you prob don't feel that way right at the moment:)If you have a grandparent or someone to give you a night's break...take it!! I was on my own over here and thought many times that would have been a blessing. One night can make such a difference. I assume you are feeding that kid:)More then formula by this time:0)My mom had 5 kids and believed in that last drink to have baby cereal in it...it did help for awhile:)Could be this kid is hungry:)Keep us posted...Skeat

  12. #12
    Super Member sewjoyce's Avatar
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    I sure hope you find a solution soon!! Being sleep deprived is not good for any of you...

  13. #13
    Super Member MollieSue's Avatar
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    Jen, I'd vote for a doctor visit too, just to rule out everything. Could even be an ear infection. They could also probably give you some ideas, if it's not something physical, on how to get her sleeping pattern straightened out.
    I know it's hard sometimes, I had four kids, in eight years, with the middle two 15 months apart. Looking back, I have no idea how I did it. lol!!
    Does your mom, or other family member live near, so they could watch them while you took a nap?
    Hang in there, this too shall pass. But I think I would start with the doctor visit.
    :-)

  14. #14

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    The suggestions of talking with the pediatric doctor sounds like a good start. You should let family know you need a break. I bet an aunt, trusted friend, or other family member would give you a rest if you just let them know how you feel.
    I take all 3 kids for my inlaws so they can have a night of rest.
    I didn't think they would ever let the first child stay away from home...and not until the second baby was born did they let her stay.
    With 3 kids under the age of 4 they're now glad someone offers to give them a break.
    Maybe just turning the child to a different position during the night will help also.

  15. #15
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    My DGD moved in with me when she was 10 months old. She did not sleep through the night til she was almost 2 years old. Yours sounds so much like her it is unbelievable. My daughters only saving grace is we could take turns getting up with her.

  16. #16
    Super Member alaskasunshine's Avatar
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    Never had that problem. So I think mayne a Shogi screen and a sound machine from wall mart. I have one that plays several nature sounds like Ocean, waterfalls, babbling brook. Leave it on only when she sleeps. The sounds are really soothing.

    That must be torture I need my sleep like crazy! Lack of sleep makes me nuts-o! We will pray for you all!

  17. #17
    Super Member kwhite's Avatar
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    My (now 21 year old) was a great sleeper when she was small, but she had another problem with constipation. I took her back to the Dr. over and over and he was no help at all. Just kept telling me it was her diet and I changed her diet for 6 months she had nothing she shouldn't have according to him. I got so frustrated I finally took her over 60 miles back to the Pediatritian I had when she was born. I was so upset by time he came into the room he had a nurse take my daughter out until I calmed down. Long story short she had a real problem. He had it fixed within a week. My suggestion to you is if your Pediatritian is not giving you any useful information or help. CHANGE DOCTORS UNTIL YOU GET HELP!! Sit quietly by yourself and objectivly look at your mothers intuition. If you are not afraid to trust it you probably know if there is something wrong. Good luck and let us know what happens.

  18. #18
    Super Member b.zang's Avatar
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    Please, please, please take the advice given here and get some help from family for you to get some rest. You will feel better and be amazed at how much easier it is to cope with sleep problems. Explore the medical routes suggested here.

    Leaving a child to cry is one of THE most damaging things you can do to a developing brain. A child who is left to cry alone will fall asleep but the the brain has learned that the world does not care. Automatically and regardless of all other interactions, the harm is done to emotional responses, tolerance to emotion and even recognition of own emotions.
    Parents who have tried this will say that letting your child cry is extremely difficult for them, it causes stress and distress to the point where some mothers leave the house when their child is crying. If something is this distressing, why do we not listen to our instinct and act? I love kwhite's words, "sit quietly with your motherly intuitions." If you are rested, and do that, you will learn what the tears mean. Please, please give your daughter an emotional and physical connection with you now. Exhausting, perhaps; worth the time when measured in a lifetime, absolutely.

    Sorry to sound preachy. This is near and dear to my heart and has really struck a chord.

  19. #19
    Senior Member blzzrdqueen's Avatar
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    Last night's results:

    I fed her dinner later then normal. by a 1/2 hour, so she ate at 6pm. Kept her awake later then normal...going from 7:30 to 8:15. Fell asleep like a rock when I rocked her and gave her the bottle. That's usually never a problem. She didn't wake up until 2am...cried hard for the bottle. Gave it her to her, and she stayed awake for a bit after that bottle. I did not take her out of the crib. Just took the bottle away when she was done. she rolled to her side, sucked her thumb and held her lovie. She whined a few times every hour or so after that, let out a couple loud cries, but stayed asleep for the most part. Unless she cries a "I'm hurt" or a "I need to be changed" cry, I'm not getting out of bed, most of the time when she cries, it doesn't last any more then 5 minutes...I usually jump right up so she doesn't wake anyone else.

    Going to try keeping her up later again tonight and see what happens.

    Thank you all for your advice and support! I knew there was a reason God brought me to this board!

  20. #20
    Super Member kwhite's Avatar
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    I know my daughter was a real chow hound at that age. Maybe a bit of baby cereal right at bed time will keep her tummy happy until morning.

  21. #21
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    Without reading ALL the answers, my first thoughts were:

    Have you had her checked out by a doctor to see if she has any health issues?

    Is she just plain HUNGRY when she wakes up?

    After making sure all the usual things had been checked when I put one of my sons to bed, I would set a timer for 15 minutes (mostly for my benefit) and usually he had gone to sleep within 10 minutes or so.

    Good luck. Sleep deprivation is hard to handle.

  22. #22
    Senior Member blzzrdqueen's Avatar
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    I just want to thank everyone for the advice and support! It sure does mean alot to me!!

    It seems that the top tooth coming in was the root of the problem. It finally cut all the way through the skin and for the last 3 nights Abigail has slept pretty peacefully, only waking once for a bottle. No whining, crying or anything other then that. I guess I didn't think it was teething because it was lasting for soooo very long. This is only tooth number 4, so I know there will be more sleepless nights when more teeth arrive.

    Thank you all again!!

  23. #23
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    I am so glad things are getting better. Sleep well.

  24. #24
    Sanveann's Avatar
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    Hi, Jen ... I'm new here, but my older son, Matthew, who's 2 now, had a lot of sleep problems, and I wanted to chime in. "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers," both by Elizabeth Pantley, are both really good. I never wanted to let Matthew cry it out, and the books had a lot of really good suggestions.

    Before I got to the end of your thread, I was actually going to suggest teething. Matthew had an AWFUL time sleeping when his 1-year molars came in. For a little while, we had to give him a dose of Tylenol every night before bed just so he could sleep decently.

    I'm glad to hear that she's doing better, btw!

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