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Thread: JOKE: How to give a cat a pill

  1. #1
    k3n is offline
    Power Poster k3n's Avatar
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    Feb 2009
    Somerset, England
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    1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left
    arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger
    and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently
    apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right
    hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
    Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
    Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm,
    holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws
    open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of
    wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill
    from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and
    repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
    figurines and vases from hearth and set to one
    side for gluing later.

    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie
    on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
    Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open
    with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to
    humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply
    Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
    from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another
    pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard,
    and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.
    Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard
    door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of
    scotch. Pour a shot, drink. Apply cold compress to
    cheek, and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from
    across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed
    into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill
    from foil wrap.

    13. Tie the little sucker's front paws to rear paws with
    garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table,
    find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down..

    14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to
    drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while
    doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill
    remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
    home to order new table.

    15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

    How To Give A Dog A Pill.....

    1. Wrap it in bacon.

    2. Toss it in the air.

    That's what I like about a dog!!! :D

  2. #2
    Super Member Baren*eh*ked_canadian's Avatar
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    Mar 2008
    Ha, I had that one posted on the wall at my parents' house for years. I love it!

  3. #3
    Super Member Ducky's Avatar
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    Mar 2009
    Oh, thank you so much for the Monday morning laugh! I needed that!!!!

    :shock: :shock: It's so true, too!

  4. #4
    Power Poster Ninnie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Athens Ga
    So true :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
    I also have dog!!!!!

  5. #5
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    Jul 2007
    Out searching for some sunshine :-)
    Blog Entries
    :lol: :lol: :lol: Oh Yes!!! Been there before!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

  6. #6
    k3n is offline
    Power Poster k3n's Avatar
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    Feb 2009
    Somerset, England
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    I have to say in defence of my own Barney Cat that he is very good at taking pills and has never scratched me even though he still has his claws! I do however, get him in a head lock and push it down his throat, but he does LET me! My Dougal Dog, on the other hand sniffs everything suspiciously, before he'll take it, even the dog biscuits he gets every morning, so he has to have pills pushed down his throat as well! :D

  7. #7
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    SW Iowa
    Oh, I have been there. Most of my cats have been good about taking pills, but my dear old man (who has gone to the Rainbow Bridge ) took me and my three kids holding him to get a pill down.

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