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Thread: Laugh of the day….

  1. #1
    Super Member ljptexas's Avatar
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    Post Laugh of the day….

    A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO PUBLIX

    Yesterday I was at the Villages' (an area north of Orlando full of retirees) Publix (our large food chain in Florida) buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?

    So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

    I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

    Publix won't let me shop there anymore.

    Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
    ~ I'm a Blessed Nanna to 2 Grandsons & 5 Granddaughters & 1 grandson in law ~
    ~ I'm a Blessed Mom to DS & DDIL, DD & DSIL ~
    ~ Mom to 1 black beauty now ~ Daisy ~
    ~ God Bless the USA ~ God Bless Our Troops ~

  2. #2
    Senior Member jahaper's Avatar
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    Loved this. Thanks for the laugh.
    Janelle

  3. #3
    Super Member JoyjoyMarie's Avatar
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    Ha! Great impromptu joke. We used to try simple ones in the college dorm to trick the naive Freshmen, but I never came up with something that elaborate - there's something to be said for age and boredom, isn't there. Thanks for sharing!
    KEEP CALM and CARRY ON!!

  4. #4
    Senior Member stitchengramie's Avatar
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    My lands girl. Did the lady believe you. I sure would of liked to been there and seen her face and the cashiers as well.
    "Our deeds determine us as much as we determine our deeds" George Eliot

  5. #5
    Power Poster Jingle's Avatar
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    That was a good one. Your mind sure isn't retired to be able to think all that up so fast. Good for you.
    Another Phyllis
    This life is the only one you get - enjoy it before you lose it.

  6. #6
    Super Member Kimkankwilt's Avatar
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    Good times at the market....yeah!!!
    Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.

    Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but chuckle when you see one tumble down the stairs.

  7. #7
    Junior Member
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    You don't know how much i needed this ..I just got my serger back from the repair shop and he told me it was fixed and i'm still having the same problem so I was a little (no) a lot upset and you have made me laugh all the anger out..to the point of tears!!!!!! thank you so much.

  8. #8
    Super Member Jan in VA's Avatar
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    Didn't we just read this a day ago?
    (I hardly know what day it is, don't hold me accountable for remembering when I read a post!)

    Jan in VA
    Jan in VA
    Living in the foothills
    peacefully colors my world.
    http://www.quiltingboard.com/members...bums19552.html

  9. #9
    Super Member Abby'smom's Avatar
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    thank you -- need the laugh of the day!!
    diane

  10. #10
    Super Member oldtnquiltinglady's Avatar
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    This is the funniest thing I have read lately. I was laughing out loud by the time I got to the middle of your story--and for sure falling on the floor about the guy two spaces in line behind you. This ought to go viral. Do you know how to put it on whatever all the kids use? Hhahahahhahahah.....
    Make every day count for something!

    JoAnn

  11. #11
    Super Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jan in VA View Post
    Didn't we just read this a day ago?
    (I hardly know what day it is, don't hold me accountable for remembering when I read a post!)

    Jan in VA
    Think it was Chummy dog food before, she stopped to sniff something on the road.

  12. #12
    Super Member ILoveToQuilt's Avatar
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    ROTFLMAO...

    THANKS for the laugh!
    Anita

    The only place that housework comes before quilting is in the dictionary.

  13. #13
    Power Poster alikat110's Avatar
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    Love this joke. It has been around for years. ...

  14. #14
    Super Member CAS49OR's Avatar
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    Even though it's funny, I'm thinking if I walked around with dog chow in my pockets I would get more of a work-out walking, lol!
    :-)
    CAS

  15. #15
    Super Member JoanneS's Avatar
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    Hysterical! I've sent this one to several friends.

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