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Long Marriages------------ Thank you >

Long Marriages------------ Thank you

Long Marriages------------ Thank you

Old 08-26-2010, 02:58 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Southeast Michigan
Posts: 825

DH and I have been married 19 years this month (of course, I was 6 when we married, lol. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!) I think too many folks fall for the old fairy tale -- "It was love at first sight and they lived happily ever after." I'd tell anyone considering getting married two important facts:
1) Marriage is work. If you aren't willing to put in the work of communicating, seeing things from the other person's point of view, compromising, setting goals and respecting your mate, then get a puppy but don't get married.
2) Look deep before you leap. If you don't know your partner's goals, hopes, morals, beliefs, views on children, views on money, etc. you better find out before you go down that aisle. If your partner is a disrespectful, controlling jerk when you're dating, it ain't gonna get better once there's a ring on the finger.
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Old 08-26-2010, 03:47 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Fayetteville, GA
Posts: 2,879

It will be 41 years in Sept for us. Some days great, some days not so great. I wouldn't trade him for any one else. He is a wonderful husband. Sometimes I think he's a better husband than I am a wife.
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Old 08-26-2010, 03:50 PM
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Camarillo, California
Posts: 35,242

We celebrated 30 in May.
It is work, but well worth it. You got a lot of great advice from everyone one here.
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Old 08-26-2010, 03:56 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Iowa
Posts: 8,111

I was a divorced, single mom of 3, when I met my husband. He loves me and my kids. We had 3 more kids together for a total of 6. It's a housefull but we wouldn't have it any other way. We just celebrated 25 years of marriage last June. I'm looking forward to the next 25.
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:01 PM
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Central PA
Posts: 5,573

Originally Posted by dellareya
I love your post AbbyQuilts. Made me stop and think.
My husband and I have been married 34 years. We've grown to appreciate each others' strengths and try to overlook all those weaknesses. It's not easy but it is worth it.
It saddens me when I see young people give up on each other and on themselves so quickly in life.
What a sweet thing to do! dellareya - DH and I have also been married 34 years. You have basically said it all. I might add never stop communicating. Share all...your day, your dreams, your fears...Communication is sooooo important. Don't just assume you significant other knows that you are upset, angry, hurt, frightened, knocked down....you need to verbalize it. Women tend to want to share frustrations etc, and often have gripe fests with each other, when you try doing that with DH (men are oriented as fixers) they get frustrated because they can't fix it. You need to let them know you don't want them to necessarily fix it, just listen as when we verbalize something, it sometimes helps us come to and understanding of a problem and perhaps a solution.
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:15 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Salem Iowa
Posts: 15,666

We met in Sept started living together in Oct got engaged on Fri the 13th in Dec 1974 gave my mom 1 month to put together a 4 bridesmaids and all the trimmings wedding. Over 300 guests. Got married Jan 19 1975 on my mom's bd.
We had our first child 8 mos after we got married. Our second child 12 mos later and almost lost him when he was born with pneumonia. DH had his head injury when the kids were 5 mos and 17 mos. I was pregnant DH in hosp in a coma for 3 wks.He lost his memory and had to relearn everything. I miscarried and got pregnant again within a few mos. Second child Nathan almost lost his eye to an infection a week after his first bd. Had my third child 8 mos later. This is all in the first 4 years we were married.

So I have said if we could go through all that in 4 yrs we can go through anything!! And we did. We both were raised to believe in working at marriage.

We will celebrate 36 next Jan 19
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:16 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Outside St. Louis
Posts: 38,211

Come Dec. 30th, we will be married 49 years. He was 20, I was 16, knew lots of others older than we were that didn't make it. 3 kids, all divorced, 1 twice. 3 siblings divorced, 1 twice, 1 from abusive Jerk, doesn't really count, I would have killed him. 1 never married.
You make a commitment to each other and stay commited, keep the 10 Commandments and communicate, live beneath your income so you will be able to live within your income and all will work out.
Son is trying to get a divorce and believe me divorces around here are NOT 350.00. This county drags them out for a year or two and favors the woman, no matter how useless she is, they are soft on woman that lie also.
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:20 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 607

As long as they are physically abusive, work it out. Cherish your time for some of us death has parted us and I would love to have one more day, even if it was one where everything wasn't perfect.
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:41 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 449

My DH and I have been married 36 years, some rough times, which make the good times so much sweeter. I work with about 15 other women, I am the only one still with my first (and only) husband. Some of them try to make me feel BAD for being married to the same man for so long, it's the craziest thing! I just tell them he's my best friend and always will be.
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:47 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: was Upstate NY, now NC & TN
Posts: 2,328

We just celebrated 30 years Monday. We got married very young and came from a long line of people on both sides who didn't divorce. We spent the first 8 years putting each other through college. That was really tough but I think it helped that we were in it together. We had four kids and there were some more tough times.

In contrast to everyone else who says they spend most of their time with their spouse, we give each other lots of space. We always shared responsibilities - DH handled all dentist appointments and orthodontist appts for the kids. I was responsible for paying for the braces and all their doctor appointments. DH worked PT for a few years so I could focus on my career since I stayed home with them for a few years when they were young. Lots of compromises.

I used to think that there was a certain point when you're past the divorce danger zone, but now I realize that's not true. It's always a possibility. Staying means you choose to.

I'm glad that women now have the economic freedom to leave a bad marriage if they want to. I'm also glad that I never wanted to.
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