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Thread: Merry Christmas to the ladies here. The men can wish this for their wives but you'd better not tell them.

  1. #1
    Super Member raptureready's Avatar
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    Christmas To My Female Friends

    If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do
    I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you
    And deliver some things just inside your front door
    Things you have lost, but treasured before.

    I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor,
    And to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.
    Then restore the old color that once graced your hair
    Before rinses and bleaches took residence there.

    I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted
    So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
    I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
    Till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.

    I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin
    So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin
    You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells
    And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.

    No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes
    No searching for spectacles when they're right on your nose
    Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny
    From a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny.

    You'd never have a headache, so no pills would you take.
    And no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache.
    Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid
    You'd be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid.

    I 'd give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle
    And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
    But alas! I'm not Santa. I'm simply just me
    The matron-est of matrons you ever did see.

    I wish I could tell you all the symptoms I've got
    But I'm due at my doctor's for an estrogen shot.
    Even though we've grown older this wish is sincere
    Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year.

  2. #2
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    Thanks! I would be willing to give it a try! How soon could you get here? :lol: :lol: :lol:

  3. #3
    Super Member beachlady's Avatar
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    Can I get in line?

  4. #4
    Super Member raptureready's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ditter43
    Thanks! I would be willing to give it a try! How soon could you get here? :lol: :lol: :lol:
    If I ever find a way to get my own parts back into their old neighborhood (doesn't even have to be where they used to reside---just somewhere in the same vicinity) I'll let you in on the secret.

  5. #5
    Super Member Melinda in Tulsa's Avatar
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    :lol: :lol: :lol: I love it! Could Santa help me type better too?

  6. #6
    Super Member raptureready's Avatar
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    I guess I should have put a better warning for the men.
    Something like: "DO NOT print this out and put it in a card for you wife. Doing so could cause grave bodily injury and/or death."

  7. #7
    Super Member C.Cal Quilt Girl's Avatar
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    LOL thanks for the big grin..... oh no will cause those lines, but rather have them from laughing, than grouching:)

  8. #8
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    :D:D:D

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ditter43
    Thanks! I would be willing to give it a try! How soon could you get here? :lol: :lol: :lol:

  10. #10
    Super Member magpie's Avatar
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    Love it, Sign me up, please.

  11. #11
    Super Member katiebear1's Avatar
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    Made me laugh and cry!

  12. #12
    Super Member Evie's Avatar
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    Love it! Very clever and a Merry Christmas to you!

  13. #13
    Super Member wanderingcreek's Avatar
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    Love it too! You can sign me up also. Merry Christmas and all the best in 2011.

  14. #14
    Super Member Leota's Avatar
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    That is tooo cute..
    Merry Christmas

  15. #15

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    cute

  16. #16
    Super Member Quiltforme's Avatar
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    When did I get old and most of this pertain to me?? Oh well merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

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