I am sorry that I have no clue to what you are dealing with. I assume it is an ailing, declining mother? Based on your tag line with your identity on QB.
Sandy

This really isn't about specifics.

When our only son was little we used to take him to restaurants and movies. One theater had a cry baby room he just slept through the movie! We took him to restaurants so he would know how to behave in one. We even had a baby carrier on my husbands bike. We used to take him to the base to go shopping. When he was older he worked at the skating rink on Lakenteh Base in Japan so he could buy his own TV and record player.

My mom and dad stayed at home. My sister gave up her nursing career to stay with them. I went to their home in Puerto Rico 4 times a year to give my sister some time to go to the beach and visit with her family in NY. They were pretty stable and did not get dementia until the end and that was probably caused more by heart problems than anything else. They both died peacefully at home. My MIL was another story. She had dementia for about 10 years and went from being a nice gentle soul to being a terrible tyrant with a vocabulary that would shame a sailor. We had caregiver after caregiver quit after she hit them or spit at them and never mind about the names she called them. She was vicious with my DH and but for some reason spared me other than racial epithets. She became sneakier and sneakier and escaped from the house repeatedly in the night. One night we found her by our pond. We lived on a ranch and very few neighbors and it was frightening when she escaped although we had latches and locks all over the place. She threw food and although she was continent she would do her business on the floor and step in it so it went all over the house. When my DH retired, this stopped somewhat but it was insane at our house. We had no visitors because we never knew what would happen when they were there. We ended up being prisoners. My only escape was to go to work part time so that we could afford the caregiver. After 7 years, she went to an assisted care facility. We were very active with the facility and I have to say they were wonderful. I went twice a week and taught a quilting class for the residents and staff. My DH visited daily. We are grateful for the assisted living facility/nursing home. When she deteriorated further, she went into the nursing home part of the facility and we visited there frequently too. It makes a difference if you go there to be with your family member. I hate to say that when she passed it was a blessing because we still miss her and love the her that was before the dementia kicked in.

Yes this!

I for one was born at home, birthed my babies at home and plan to die at home if it is possible.

Struggling with dad's future care as I type. Very tough year for him medically. I am currently with him (several states from home) so that sis can have a break. Two sibs are local to him and 2 of us are not. Tough situations as well as choices. Each person...those needing care and those providing it....have different needs and circumstances. What is right for you and yours may not be the same for me or any of our neighbors. We can only hope to make the best decisions based on available information at the time. Sometimes those decisions might need go be reevaluated after time, but only time will tell.

Deep breaths. Repeat many times per hour. Change is tough.

I wish our government was as wise as you are. I have watched lousy parents abuse kids for years, and never hear from CPS, and have seen good parents lose their children to the government. I have watched the government give children to folks I would not leave alone with my dog. I have hear d CPS workers casually mention that all foster children develop "attachment disorders" as if discussing the weather. Nothing is ever done to prevent or treat it. Government needs to get out of the business of children and let communities go back to raising children. Before the government got involved, we had children who respected parents, rules, teachers, and themselves, not we have whole generations u able to cope with life. Most of them are now on disability, or living in the streets. The system is broken and so is our future. Makes me glad to be old. I won't be here when the results of electronic babysitters comes home to roost.

I don't have children so I'm living on the assumption that when DH & I get old enough we're going to have to arrange for a paid caretaker or live in some sort of assisted living facility. I am trying to save up accordingly, so I can end up somewhere decent in my sunset years. I'm hoping some sort of personal assistant robots will be a reality by then, to help prolong my self reliance period, but who knows what will happen? I hope my niece and/or nephew will help keep an eye on us so we won't be taken advantage of when our minds start to lose touch with reality, since we won't have kids of our own to watch out for us.

There's a really nice senior assisted-living facility in my area that puts on an annual quilt show. It is very nice and clean and they have lovely gardens, and the residents seem happy and active. I hope I can afford somewhere like that, when it's time for me to live with help! I wouldn't mind living there now! LOL

I think her "point" was to start a discussion and thought. It worked.

Sometimes the individual can choose, then there are often times someone else has to make the choice for the individual. May not always be preferred but often needed. The consequences are often not to the liking of others.