Quiltingboard Forums - Dealing with disappointment re gifting

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I 100% agree with you. Giving to the less fortunate, hurt, and lonely is so fulfilling.

I usually don't make a quilt for anyone who casually asks me to make them one. I'm sure you know the type. They always specify the size they would like. "I have a queen size bed." If they knew the magnitude of their request, I don't believe they could so easily ask.

Isn't it a canundrum? Only those who quilt can fully appreciate the intensity of love in a quilt, yet they can satisfy their own quilting requirements!

While I agree that once we give a gift we have no control over how it's used, or abused, this doesn't excuse rudeness. And unfortunately folks who can't say thank you and be appreciative of any gift they receive are simply rude. What they do with it afterward is truly their business and not ours but at the time they receive the gift they should at least be polite.

Love your attitude and spirit.

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Originally Posted by Sierra

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Originally Posted by GrammaNancy

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Originally Posted by JanieW

I hope this the right section for this topic.

I've been reading a lot of threads where some of us have been hurt or disappointed by the reaction of some recipients to our home made gifts.

That happened to me a few years ago and I was actually humiliated in front of other people by the reaction to my gift. It was a real wake up call to me that not everyone wants or likes quilted articles . It's not even about not appreciating the work or effort or expense. We like what we like.

I am addicted to quilting/fabric/sewing. I decided not to be bitter about ungrateful people, but to share my skills with those who can benefit. I satisfy my addiction by making quilts for the preemies at our hospital and quilts for the children at the women's shelter. I use my best fabric for these donated quilts. I only ever buy my supplies on sale and I buy with these quilts in mind. The recipients are not fussy, the hospital staff is so grateful whenever I show up.

Don't get me wrong, I also sew for my kids and my grandkids, but they have input into what they are getting so I know they want it and will like it.

So for those of you who have been hurt by less than enthusiastic responses, think about sewing your hearts out for babies or kids or seniors that need it. You'll feel good, trust me.

You are a wonderful lady, you really have a great idea and a generous heart. I have read some of the other talk about not so well received gifts. How sad. We should give our gifts because we want to give, from our heart. What the recipient does with it is not what it is about.

This is Sierra... who gives quilts as "thank yous" and to my grandchildren's church group projects and my grandson's Pacific Boyschoir Academy where my grandson is a scholarship student. But, two of my other grandchildren were deserted by their drug-mama (now adopted by close friends and doing well) and the youngest (4 yrs old) got a quilt from the police and it was so important to her to have that quilt! We moved soon after that and I took a quilt up to a young policeman who was talking to someone, waited respectfully until he was done, and offered him a quilt "for his trunk when he dealt with a child". He just said "ahhh" and an older cop jumped out of the front seat of a nearby cruiser and said "THANK YOU, it will get used.".

Remember the fireman who held the little girl after the Oklahoma City bombing? The child died, but she died after being held by a fireman who held her so tenderly that.... oh sweet Jesus, I'm starting to cry.... My point is, those hard ass cops and firemen and hospital people who have to DO THEIR JOB, choose that particular job because they care about people.

Wow, sorry about this, guess its too close to home. Anyway, think about giving small quilts for children, and even larger quilts to shelters. Those women and children need to know that someone cares.

Sorry I was so wordyl Blame it on the Christmas season. Sierra

Oh Sierra, that was so touching.
All of this about not being appreciative is a good wakeup call and a reminder to me that it isn't the gift, but the thoughtfulness and care the giver had.
Angela

Thanks for opening up such a painful vein. Expectations are what kills relationships; wrongful expectations as well as too high of expectations. I successfully completed and sold three crib quilts for newborns, all to one friend/customer, and I learned to go with her to the fabric store; let her pick some of the fabrics, and let her see some of my stash (baby prints and pastels) to select from. And one final Coup-de-grace, which I'm proud of sharing with all of you:

Once I had the basic squares completed, and the sashing cut, I took it to her and showed her: and I let her give me her opinion: I learned what her likes and dislikes were. The result was totally abandoning all the darker pinks, sticking to only the palest. I compromised my initial vision, and won three Commissions! Work with your client as your co-creator... and Good Luck.

I learned this lesson big time this Christmas. My daughter and son-in-law are University of Oregon graduates. The Ducks are going to the BCS Championship bowl this year. It is the first time and my daughter and son-in-law are over the moon excited. So I decided to make them a U of O quilt for Christmas. My husband helped me design it. I worked for a long time on it. I backed it in U of O polar fleece, my daughter loves to snuggle up in polar fleece. When my daughter opened the package she looked at the quilt and just threw it on the couch. Never even commented on the quilt. The next morning I found it in the corner and the cats were sleeping on it. I have made her several quilts over the years and this always happens. You would think I would learn. My husband hit it when he said she is just not into homemade things.

Well now we are back from Christmas I am going back to my Quilts for Kids and when those are done I am going to make a quilt for soldiers coming home. I know these quilts will be appreciated. I will not make a quilt for my daughter again. She just doesn't appreciate it. It takes up way too much timel

Two years ago I contacted my local womans shelter, I wanted to give the kids a quilt of their own and make bath beads for the moms (which I did).I didnt even get a thankyou or anything from them (the shelter employes).I was so hurt and upset.That christmas didnt mean much to me.Spent a lot of money and time on the gifts.Wont do it again!.

This really makes sense there is also women with cancer who would love something warm to help them through a difficult time. I make knitted hats for babies and starteding to make caps for cancer patients. You know these are apprciated.

At least if they re-gift they didn't put a handmade quilt into the dog house for "poochie" to sleep on.

I found if they give "hints" or ask for a quilt, you are pretty sure it will be appreciated. I think that some folks think that you give them something that you made is the easy way to gift, instead of going shopping. The idea of giving your your 'gems' to charities certainly does give you a lift. God Bless You