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Thread: Dealing with disappointment re gifting

  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    I hope this the right section for this topic.

    I've been reading a lot of threads where some of us have been hurt or disappointed by the reaction of some recipients to our home made gifts.

    That happened to me a few years ago and I was actually humiliated in front of other people by the reaction to my gift. It was a real wake up call to me that not everyone wants or likes quilted articles . It's not even about not appreciating the work or effort or expense. We like what we like.

    I am addicted to quilting/fabric/sewing. I decided not to be bitter about ungrateful people, but to share my skills with those who can benefit. I satisfy my addiction by making quilts for the preemies at our hospital and quilts for the children at the women's shelter. I use my best fabric for these donated quilts. I only ever buy my supplies on sale and I buy with these quilts in mind. The recipients are not fussy, the hospital staff is so grateful whenever I show up.

    Don't get me wrong, I also sew for my kids and my grandkids, but they have input into what they are getting so I know they want it and will like it.

    So for those of you who have been hurt by less than enthusiastic responses, think about sewing your hearts out for babies or kids or seniors that need it. You'll feel good, trust me.

  2. #2
    Super Member tjradj's Avatar
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    What an uplifting post. Thank you for your positive attitude. Positivity rubs off. Keep it up.

  3. #3
    QuiltingHiker's Avatar
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    good attitude.

  4. #4
    Senior Member cowpie2's Avatar
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    I agree so with so much of what you said. There are many organizations I support with my time and my quilts/knitting, etc.

    When it comes to gifts, just as I would not be thrilled to death with the latest xbox computer game, I know not everyone would be thrilled with what I make. I make things because I enjoy making them. I give the things I make to other like minded individuals who I think would like what I made - everyone else gets store bought gifts.

  5. #5
    a regular here hazeljane's Avatar
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    For quilts I make for folks I don't know as well, or who have no input, I always enclose a card telling the receiver to feel free to pass along the quilt to someone who will like and use it, if it is not to their taste. or in the case of a child's quilt, to donate it where it will get used. There is nothing sadder to me than a child's quilt in a closet somewhere, when it could be dragged around, making tents, soothing hurts, etc.

    I try very hard to get input as to what folks like and don't like, and make accordingly, but none of us hits the mark every time.

  6. #6
    Super Member kateyb's Avatar
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    I am chairperson for the guild's charity quilt project. We give to the domestic violence safe house. Quilts are done by all skill levels and they are all appreciated.
    Find a place in your area that could use your quilts. They are greatly needed and appreciated.

  7. #7
    Senior Member qwkslver's Avatar
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    That is a great idea, but you would need to make sure the recipients enthusiastically welcome your hand mades. I had the idea to join in with the warm up America thing where you crochet the squares. Found out they don't really want them at Michael's (some throw them out) and what they really expect you to do is put them together and make the blankets yourself and find a recipient. (More than I want to get into. I have a little bit of time and materials to share but I don't want to go out beating the bushes looking for someone who wants my stuff). It is still a great idea though.

  8. #8
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    I really like your attitude too! :D:D:D

  9. #9
    Senior Member GrammaNancy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JanieW
    I hope this the right section for this topic.

    I've been reading a lot of threads where some of us have been hurt or disappointed by the reaction of some recipients to our home made gifts.

    That happened to me a few years ago and I was actually humiliated in front of other people by the reaction to my gift. It was a real wake up call to me that not everyone wants or likes quilted articles . It's not even about not appreciating the work or effort or expense. We like what we like.

    I am addicted to quilting/fabric/sewing. I decided not to be bitter about ungrateful people, but to share my skills with those who can benefit. I satisfy my addiction by making quilts for the preemies at our hospital and quilts for the children at the women's shelter. I use my best fabric for these donated quilts. I only ever buy my supplies on sale and I buy with these quilts in mind. The recipients are not fussy, the hospital staff is so grateful whenever I show up.

    Don't get me wrong, I also sew for my kids and my grandkids, but they have input into what they are getting so I know they want it and will like it.

    So for those of you who have been hurt by less than enthusiastic responses, think about sewing your hearts out for babies or kids or seniors that need it. You'll feel good, trust me.
    You are a wonderful lady, you really have a great idea and a generous heart. I have read some of the other talk about not so well received gifts. How sad. We should give our gifts because we want to give, from our heart. What the recipient does with it is not what it is about.

  10. #10
    Super Member Airwick156's Avatar
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    I can soooo understand where you are coming from. About 5 years ago I was working in a Nursing home on the Oregon Coast. There were about 70 of us employees. I was one of the Cooks. Anyways, I decided to make Christmas stockings for all of the employees. I made 95 in total just in case the company hired new employees before Christmas so they wouldnt be left out. They were all about 16 inches long, padded with Warm and Natural and embellished with bells and bows and stuff like that. I gave them to our boss to pass out. The company was giving out Gift Cards. So they put in a gift card, fill it up with fruit, candy, nuts. Most people would be appreciative you would think. But later on that afternoon, one of the Nurses came to the kitchen with an arm ful of Stockings that I had made. She found them in various Garbage cans. I was so heartbroken because they were very very nice. It wasnt only my own money that I spent to make them that bothered me, I wanted to do it. But just the fact that some people just don't appreciate what others do for them. Never again did I do that again. I learned my lesson. But those that did appreciate them and the work that I put into them, thanked me many times over.

  11. #11
    Super Member fleurdelisquilts.com's Avatar
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    It's hard to understand how people can be so unappreciative and hurtful. But the key is to not take it personally. They aren't trying to hurt you, they just don't have the sense to know what they've been given. They certainly don't have a clue what you put into the project, and they are wired differently than those of us who appreciate a handmade item for what it is.

    There's an easy fix: do your best work and donate what you can afford to those who do appreciate the gift. I make little tiny shirts for babies in a NICU in the city. I realized what a difference it makes to the parents to see their baby in clothing when my own children gave birth to a preemie last year. It's not difficult to find a place as there are so many, just make sure it's something close to your heart and don't look back.

  12. #12
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    I like your attitude!
    Many people get so carried away with their hobby(machine emb., quilting,crafts etc.)they forget not everyone's taste is like that. It's not always a matter of not appreciating the work or thought that went into the gift. It's just being overdone. I know people that do emb. that think every gift they give has to be embellished in some way. It gets ridiculous!
    If I give you a gift, it's because I WANT to give you a gift. What you do with it after that is your business. you owe me nothing!

  13. #13
    Super Member Nanamoms's Avatar
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    Sometimes I think people are so spoiled and ungrateful if the gift is not the latest gizmo that is advertised. Give me a handmade gift any day especially if it is made by my DGC or nieces. If it comes from someone else and not to my taste, I will later "gift" it to someone else who it might fit better. For example, I received a frilly apron handmade by a guest who came to visit from out of state with my best friend. Just not my style but I will find someone who appreciates it and it will go to a new home.

  14. #14
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    JanieW- what a great post!! :D

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    I have a totally different opinion and I expressed it on the other post.

  16. #16
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    I have three daughters, two of them love handmade stuff and do their own in various ways, but they have enough quilting for now.. the younger daughter has always hated handmade stuff even as a child, and will not let her children have anything hand made either , she doesn't know why!! The son has even made his own stuff here, sewing of all sorts and she is pleased but they will never go on show. I do not get offended by this it is just the way she is. So I make quilts and hangings I like and hope eventually someone will want them because for me the pleasure lies in the making. When I am gone I won't care what happens will I.

  17. #17
    Super Member suebee's Avatar
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    Amen Janie! You have a good heart. :)

  18. #18
    Super Member Shorebird's Avatar
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    AMEN. These groups are always so appreciative, and do not worry about colors, patterns, etc. but are so thankful that someone, anyone, thought enough about them to make the quilt........I know you will receive so much more in blessings from doing this than you ever expected.

  19. #19
    Senior Member luvnquilt's Avatar
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    What a wonderful way to express your creativity and help needy ones at the same time!

  20. #20
    Junior Member weatheread's Avatar
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    My sister and I regift all the time I had rather they gift the item I made if they don't want it than to just trash my hard work . She makes Pot holder crochets them by hand and gives me pot holder for christmas I give them to the girls I work with as they love them and love to cook . I gave her stockings this year and she gave them to a need children Org to fill for the less fortunate and we know we do this and every year we do it again

  21. #21

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    weatherread, I agree with you. Regift it if you do not want it. But there is no need to throw it away or be rude when it is given to you. That reminds me of when my one grandson was about 5. They had a giftstore at there school where they could buy Christmas presents for next to nothing. He brought me a gently used statue of a lady that said "I love Grandmom" on it. I loved it and still have it on display. How would that little boy have felt if I had asked him why he gave me something that was gently used?

  22. #22
    Junior Member weatheread's Avatar
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    Yes I always tell my sister thankyou for the potholders and that the girls I work with will love them and I know the work she put into them but it doesn't matter what a little one gives you its from the heart and you always love it and cherish it

  23. #23
    Super Member mollymct's Avatar
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    Great post!!

  24. #24
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    Airwick 156, so sorry that happened to you. I'd have run home crying. I'm a nurse and I just can't imagine that. If I didn't want it I'd regift it. We just got reflex hammers from our bosses for the holidays. Some made remarks, but I don't mind. Btw, I still have this small, ugly quilt that my aunt, who I don't like in particular, gave me. Why? Because it's a quilt, and it has a bunny on it. She tried. I might donate it somewhere after she dies. But I wouldn't want her to see it at Goodwill and be hurt.

  25. #25
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
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    I have been reading a lot about people being unappreciative of home-made gifts. Someone said, how are you supposed to feel when someone gives you something you don't want or like.
    Well you can FEEL anyway you want. How you ACT is something else. There is no excuse for a reaction that makes the giver feel bad. Maybe you won't jump up and down and holler, but you can say, sincerely, wow, this is very nice - thank you so much for making it for me. Most people have enough acting ability to make it convincing.

    I can't believe I am hearing about people saying, is this what you got me, not saying anything and putting it aside, etc. Who brought these people up? Is this what we are coming to -- it's all about ME ME ME - if I didn't get what I want I will make sure everyone knows it.
    If I had ever acted that way my mother would have killed me. I am gathering from these threads that it is mostly the younger people who react this way. I think something is missing in their upbringing. And I think some older people are catching this attitude too.

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