I think the "be nice" features are not so much lost but anger within themselves that they are now dependent on others. They strike out at the ones who are the closest/nearby. They often believe you're the culprit. Some of the meds don't help either.

Prayers from the Gulf! This is not going to be an easy journey but when you get weary, He will carry you til you get your strength back.

I dread the day when DH and/or I will be the ones that need the care.

I have a friend who is a nurse. We were discussing my FIL after he passed. He was normally a very sweet, gentle man, but in the last 2 years of his life he had become quite contrary and cranky. My nurse friend said this pattern was very common and the nursing community has a theory that dying people sometimes get cranky as a human mechanism to make it easier to let them go. You may think it strange, but somehow that comforts me.

Hang in there with your Mom, her tricks indicate that she is frightened, even if she doesn't tell you so. Love and cherish her as long as she lives, you will not regret it.

My parents worked with an elder care lawyer, and he was very good. That made things so much easier for them and for us as they got older. No family squabbles about money, no executor of their wills, etc. My in laws didn't see any need to spend the money, and the squabbling is horrendous. I think my parents were growing old gracefully, while the in laws went kicking and screaming. When it is my turn, I will work with an elder care attorney for the sake of my kids.

God bless you through these trying times. I was close to the point of needing such help myself before my folks passed away. As hard as it is, you will be glad you acted in your Dad's best interest.

As expensive as a lawyer might be, it is still cheaper than making costly mistakes. I learned this the hard way. BTW, for those suffering from rude or abusive elders, my 92 yo DF was moved into a Memory Care facility 2 weeks ago. He had become verbally abusive, and had even started to assault people. My sister and I decided he needed to be evaluated, and now he is on 3 medications for a previously undiagnosed mental health disorder. He is a new man! He speaks cheerfully, is appreciative of the work my sister and I have been doing for him, and he is no longer combative. He still had to go to a facility because he cannot live alone, but he is going on field trips, taking ballroom dancing, eating good meals, making friends, etc. he has expressed regret for his lifelong anger, but we are just happy to have a happier dad now. So if you have an out of control elder, please see a doctor, psychiatrist, or some other geriatric specialist so that your last memories of this person will be pleasant ones. I am so happy my DF has a good life now.

They are mad.....they are scared....they know that they are losing control of their life....their health....

Been there.....dont take it personally.

Sandy

To read this thread made me cry as I have just lost my DML that I took care of since 1999 along with her husband and my DH who passed 4 yrs ago. As hard as it was ,I went to bed each night, when I could, just knowing I did my very best each day and asking God for strength to do it again the next day. I was so tired when it was over but would do it again unselfully. With love. I hope I set an example for my children, but dread the day that might come. Hope you can get the legal advice you need, I am very bless to have an attorney friend that has helped me through many issues I could not have done without him. I will pray for you. palmetto girl