Reading how many of you have been married for a really long time ... made me wonder ...
If you were to give advice to the younger generations that so easily divorce these days ... (if they were to ask ...) on how to make their marriages work ....what will it be?

make sure you spend 10 min alone (if you know what I mean) with your spouse EVERY day. It keeps the souls attached. Realize that your spouses happiness cant rest souly (sp) on your shoulders, they have to do something for themselves that makes them happy. Mine is quilting, his is antique cars.

I remember Edie Gorma (sp?) and Steve Lawrence saying on Johnny Carson one night (yes, I am old!)...their successful marriage was due to the fact they never had a serious conversation about anything.

Take a long hard look at your self, be honest; take responsibility for your part.
Don't forget what you found attractive in the first place.
Let some things go; who cares if you do something better, if he does it. let him do it & be happy he did it.

I had a disasterous first marriage-but I've been married almost 20 years now, and still sooo happy! I think it's important that both of you give-without keeping track, and saying "I love you" often, and keeping a sense of humor as much as possible. Don't sweat the small stuff-or the big stuff. Let things go! We've weathered a lot of stuff in 20 years-including losing everything he worked for when he sold his business to his druggie son-enough to destroy any marriage. . .but we worked together, accepted the loss and eight years later, we're as strong as ever.

Be best friends first and foremost.

Other things seem to vary by couple ;-) DH and I like doing everything together - DH got me into aerobatics and I got him into autocross, pipe band and horses etc. One of the main reasons for the demise of my first marriage was that we did not do enough together, whereas other couples I know of have almost no shared interests but still stay successfully married.

patience lots of patience and a sense of humor and talk to each other about how you feel guess I know a little been married 50 years in Dec oh and love has a lot to do with it :wink:

Some one told me that no marriage is 50/50. Sometimes it is 90/10 or 20/80 or...............Sometimes you carry the load and sometimes he carries the load. Just realize it for what it is and move on.

Remember to keep the "romance" alive. I packed my hubbys' lunch almost every day for 30 years and I always put something in there to let him know I was thinking of him. He never said much about that little item or saying but one day I forgot. He asked me when he got home where it was...........little things can mean volumes.

Going on 34 years and he is my best friend. I think remembering life always has it's ups and downs. Never make a final choice on the down swing...for this to shall pass.

I ask my self this one question, "do you want to be right? or do you want to be happy?"

and finally...a belief that you are married to the best person in the world...makes you married to the best person in the world.

and second finally...a good belly laugh each day together!

I agree with everything above but also for us having God in our lives makes a big differece. Also when things get tough put. Yourself in the otheR persons shoes. And...... Don't go into it with the attitude.... If it doesn't work I can always get a divorce! Most ppl who have been married a long time will tell you even when things got tough they didn't just throw in the towel so easiLy.
Good luck!!!

Been married for 56 years, and one piece of advice to me from my dad was ,"Never go to bed without kissing goodnight" He said, "you can't stay mad at someone you kissd before falling asleep, and you won't wake up mad in the morning". Dad was 64 years old when he gave me that advice right before my wedding day. My mom told me to always let your husband know he comes first, always let him feel like a man. Sounds a little old fashion today, but it sure got us over some rough spots..

Sometimes it's better to keep the peace, even though you are right.

Remember the golden rule, agree to disagree, hug a lot, laugh with each other often, say "I love you" and show it. Little things DO mean a lot, put each other first and marry your best friend or make the person you marry your best friend.......... :D

Always talk (not yell) things through and never go to bed mad at each other. Always tell each other I Love You! before you go to sleep.

Been married for 33 yrs and all I can add to all of the above is to keep the communication going. And try to think of ways to show the other person how much they mean to you. When possible, we like to turn off the TV at night and just talk for 30 minutes about whatever. It usually lasts much longer but at least 30 minutes.

Remember that although you will always love them it's alright to not always like them.

Both my husband and I dealt with our parents' divorces and have chosen to learn from their mistakes on how to make our marriage stronger. We focused more on our marriage then the wedding, and from the beginning we have both seen our marriage as more then a commitment. It is a covenant under God that can't be broken. I think so long as both parties agree to that and don't waver it is easier to weather the storms of life together and remember admist all the craziness you have to deal with in life you still have that one person in your corner.

We were married 35 years when I became a widow, but when our three children were little ones, we made an agreement (jokingly) that whoever wanted a divorce HAD to take the kids. Kept us together all that time!

My first marriage ended in disaster. My second has been wonderful. I married my best friend. We have had a lot thrown at us in the 25 years we've been married but we have supported each other through it all. I'm looking forward to the next 25 years. Little things means so much, a note, a touch, a wink, a smile, things that keep you connected.

DH and I always joke that we could never get divorced because we would never be able to agree on custody of all our animals, lol.

My great uncle gave us this advice.
"Never let her own a iron skillet and NEVER go to bed angry.
Even if you have to stay up all night." LOL
Yes, there are times I wish I had that skillet. It is hard work, but most of the time it is worth it.

Be slow to judge, quick to forgive, and laugh as much as possible.

We've been married for 36 years. I think we have such a great marriage even though we are sort of opposits.

I agree with everthing already said and will add a few things here.

Value your differences. His strengths are often my weaknesses and vice versa. For example, he is a brilliant person who loses things, like an absent minded professor. Whereas, I'm organized and I know where all my things are (and his), but I'm not nearly as intelligent. We are really different and that could drive each other crazy, but we recognize that together we are very strong and we make a great team.

The other thing is no matter how old you get, flirt with each other. No fake flirting, but sincere compliments, laugh at each other's jokes, hold hands, steal kisses, tickle each other and so on. Flirt! It is fun.

From a mom whose son married last year and has a daughter getting married in June...I would give the following advice:

1) I think one needs to THINK seriously before getting married. If there is something about your future spouse that you think you will 'change' after you are married...then, don't get married. Going into a marriage with an expectation that you will 'change' the guy's attitudes, quirks, or faults is a recipe for disaster.

2) No matter whether both are earning an income...each person needs to have some money to do with as they please. DH and I have our joint accounts but we each also have a personal account with a debit card at different credit unions. My quilting and fun money comes from what I have put in that account from my bi-weekly paychecks via direct deposit.

3) Don't gripe about each other behind your backs (with friends/coworkers).

4) Have some hobbies...and don't rely soley on your spouse to do things for you that you could do yourself. Retain your individuality.

To start with, throw out that "Each one should do FIFTY PERCENT of everything in a marriage." Wrong...EACH one should do ONE HUNDRED percent in a marriage.

Remember, the dog shouldn't be the only one who is glad to see him come home at night.

I treated my husband like a dog. I found a book called "If A Man Answers" which told how to do this. (They even made a movie about this book.I think Sandra Dee was in it.) When he found out about it he was irritated to start with, but after reading it he was amused and bragged about being treated like a dog.

Husbands leave home by the thousands and some have to be dragged back by the law.

Dogs get lost and come home hundreds of miles on bleeding paws because they are loved and treated well there.

When you call a dog, you pet him for obeying.

When you call your husband, you may be irritated at his slowness and tell him "Dammit, Harry, why didn't you come when I called you? You HEARD me, speak up!!"

And dogs are kept in good condition with treats now and then, taken for walks and talked to during the day. Their beds are always made comfy, just for them.

Husbands sometimes come home to cranky wives eager to tell him how horrible HER day had been, with no interest in his.
(Those 1940s wife suggestions may be funny, but they have a basis of truth in them.)

I would meet my DH at the door whenever possible, hand him a big glass of tea or something hot in cold weather and the daily newspaper. Then I'd go into the kitchen and fry ONE SLICE OF BACON, which would make him think dinner was on the way.

Of course then I could open the freezer and wonder what the heck I was gonna fix for dinner, but the stage had been set.

We were married for 39 1/2 happy years before his last stroke.

My first marriage of seven years was an abusive one. This fall, I will be married this time for 25 years. Advice? We put Sundays aside for ourselves; whatever I buy for me, him, or house, I tell him it is half that cost (he knows it's more); we finally quit dragging each other to events the other did not like even if it's family functions; we say "I love you" every day.

P.S. I met him at the door one day with nothing on but a tie. I figured if Julia Roberts could do it in Pretty Woman, I'd try it.

There's so much good advice here; I don't know that I can add anything. We've been married 39 years. We're best friends; there's nobody either of us would rather be with than the other. We laugh together alot. We talk alot, about everything. And people change- I think that's an important one. People change.

Agree to disagree sometimes!

God - First
Spouse - Second
Children - Third
Friends, work etc - Fourth

Give 100% to your spouse!
It is a covenant relationship.

My advice to you would be to remain friends with your husband. Do as many things together, even if just a short walk outside together. My husband and I hold hands when ever we are out in public. And remember to say "I love you" and kiss at least once a day. Marriage is a lot of work for both of you. It is hard at times. Remember, you will always love him, but some days it's ok to not like him.

My hubby and I have been together for 14 years and married Jan 1, 2000.

AND we still like each other! :) most of the time. LOl

Here are the rules we have... yes.. rules that we agreed on.

1. Never EVER argue about finances, no matter how bad it gets. And we have had a lot of bologna and hot dog days.

2. NEVER hint, joke, or say the word DIVORCE. It just isn't allowed.

3. Do NOT argue in from of the kids. It isn't their fault you're mad at each other, but they will think it is one way or another.

4. Now this is the most important of ALL. Realize that you will NOT like each other all of the time. For Pete's sake, we are all human and we all have good days and bad days. If you can't stand him breathing, then take a day off from each other. JUST REMEMBER, IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY. Sometimes it might last a week, or even longer, but you have to stop and realize, this is just one of the times the preacher was talking about. Thick and thin, sick and wealth.

I do not believe in divorce. My mom was married and divorced twice and it was terrible! My husband knows how I feel about it. Unless you are being abused, and I don't mean he said your hair looks bad today, but actually in mental or physical danger, there is no reason for divorce. Suck it up and work it out.

Treat your spouse with respect; be proud of him/her; and keep laughter in your marriage. My DH has been making me laugh for nearly 50 years.........

After being married 32 years I would say don't have a competition with your spouse. I see young couples competing, and hear the phrase too often, "What about me". They compete for money, friends, time and who has to care for the kids. Lots of times if a young couple can get past this phase they can come to work together toward the same things.

Choose wisely before you marry. Keep the lines of communication open at all times.

#1. Marriage is work, as has been stated before. The Great Marriage Fairy doesn't exist and will not visit you. You need to put in the effort (and sometimes it is an effort) to make time for each other and work together to make decisions.

#2. Your children should not be more important to you than your spouse. Eventually your children will grow up and move away. Neglect your spouse for your children and you may look around and be alone. Make time for each other that has nothing to do with the kids. Also, children belong to both of you. No one parent is in charge -- share the decisions.

#3. Support each other. Help your spouse with a project/problem even if you'd rather be hanged by the thumbs.

#4. Fight fair. You will not live in delightful harmony every minute of the day unless one or both of you are heavily medicated. You will have arguments but when you argue, don't call names and leave each other's families out of it.

That's all I can think of for now. Have to go help DH with #3 now and, yes, I'd rather be hanged by the thumbs.

This is probably one of the best things I have ever heard from anybody!! We have been married for near 22 yrs, this July, and that is the one thing that has always got us through the toughest times. Just sucking it up and working it out. Sometimes it takes days to figure out a solution or compromise and other times it takes nothing at all. It's just believing that in the end, it WILL be worth it, that gets us through. I was 15 and he was 18 when we got married and NO ONE gave us more than 6 months til we split. Well, I say they lost the bet. :wink: Our biggest thing has always been "decent" communication with each other. I say decent because sometimes in the heat of the "battle", that's all ya can really hope for. LoL! We have never gone to bed mad or upset, even if it meant not sleeping that night.

We married while we were still in high school, 42 years ago. We had our kids young and didn't have a clue how to be married, let alone raise kids. We decided that our goal was always to be honest and teach our kids right from wrong. We are grandparents to 8 kids. I think my advice is this: marriage requires 100% out of both. It requires allowing each to do their own thing and to have their own space when needed. It requires each to be the sounding board for the other and it requires unconditional support for each other. It requires a good rousing argument once in awhile, and it requires laughter....lots and lots of laughter. It requires forgiveness... and most of all you have to like each other. Love is often easy, but liking your partner sometimes is very hard.

Treat them the way you would want them to treat you. Make the Lord the center of your marriage.

Just remember that the first 5 years will be the toughest. Don't forget to make time for each other and yourselves. Don't go to bed angry.

We dated for 3 months prior to getting engaged, 6 months later we were married. We have been married for 23 years now.