I'm discouraged to keep hearing folks say "I'm so stupid" or "I'm computer challenged", "my points don't match", etc. When will we start taking care of ourself by acknowledging the good things and not advertising the negatives? Sure, some of us may not be as knowledgeable around the computer..but that doesn't make you stupid, it just makes you less knowledgeable! None of us on the board are stupid because we know enough to get on the board in the first place.

Years ago a book was published (which I never read) but the title was wonderful: "All You can do is all you can do, but all you can do is enough". What I took from it is that we all have things we can and things we can't do...but what we can do is enough to get us thru the current situation and to the next level of learning.

I challenge you all to avoid the "I can't.." syndrome and the other negative statements about your self, and turn them into positive statements like: "I want to learn more about...", or "my next challenge is..., or "can you help me with...".

It's OK to say you need help, and you already know that others on the board are willing to help, but why help someone who keeps saying that they are "stupid" because, as I was taught, stupid people can't learn, uneducated people can learn.

We quilters are an amazing group of people, and I think it's because we're not stupid and because we are willing to ask for help and a way to learn.

Have a good day, and hope I haven't offended anyone.

Kate, good thing to remember. I am very guilty of this, lately, with trying to get a decent job. I CANT go back to school because, you know, wont pass math, BLAH, BLAH. I need confidence, and I NEED to remember this.
How does one get confidence, if ANYONE knows, please tell me?!!!
Ah, I am rambleing, firstcup of coffee, lol!

Happy Tuesday and I so agree! Beating one's self up is defeating... Do your best and when you have questions seek others for answers... No one knows everything, but we learn from each other and by research! I learn something new each day!

I think that part of getting confidence is acting confident...find those things that you do well and emphasize them (but don't stretch the truth) and also restate those things that you feel you "don't do well"...some training I had in how to do interviews said to restate...instead of thinking and saying that I "can't do x" think and say "I am learning to do X", or "I am looking for the opportunity to learn X"....as someone who was able to hire people in my job, I was more interested in people who knew their shortcomings and how to deal with them than in the folks who knew everything or who demonstrated an attitude of failure.

Being without a job is not an enjoyable experience, and I hope you realizee that folks here on the board are supporting you.

i agree totally! i am constantly trying to get people to stop 'beating themselves up' and expecting so much...there are such negative terms used that i find distressful...like (cheater-panal) cheater seems so negative and yet these wonderful fabrics are made to inspire and be useful there is nothing negative to finding a wonderful panal you love...why stick such negativity to it?
be proud of your accomplishements, show them off, and avoid the negativity
DON'T WORRY--BE HAPPY! if you make something-- that is such a great accomplishment! there should not be a negative foot-note added to your accomplishments!

I agree with all the above.
However, a lot of my self put-downs are not a big deal to me!
I'm either half-joking or I don't really care about it that much.
I think there's a lot to be said for laughing at one's self. Keeps me from taking myself and life too seriously :)

the problem with putdowns is that others may not know you're kidding, and eventually, we start believing what we say..it's the old "self-talk"...we are what we say we are.

It is worth remembering this little quote...."If it is to be....It is up to me." We can do anything we set our minds to....so what if it is not absolutely perfect. Whatever we do we do with love and caring and that alone is worth more than we will ever realize to another person.

in reguards to quilting..i usually make a "funny" out of my mistakes. they don't worry me..and by posting about them, i hope it makes others feel, that they don't need to be perfect. that they happen in quilting,to all of us (veterans,newbies and thise in between) and they can be fixed,adjusted or made into something else!

the only thing I know for sure that I can not do is waterski, I spent a whole sumer trying and never got my skinny fanny up out of the water, had a whole lake full of people LOL, but I kept trying. I can't is just not part of me, I know my limits but I also do not know all I can do till I try. So till then their is only one thing I can not do, LOL

Agree!

I was told recently by my best friend that when we met, because of my silent, reserved and watchful nature, that she first thought I was uppity. Little did she know that I was just testing the water before jumping in with both feet. She was glad she had given me the benifit of the doubt.

"If you mouth is open, your ears are closed!" I need to shut my mouth and listen to my inner "child" when it tells me what to do. lol .....

Keep in mind that if/when you do go back to school and you don't know math (for example) - the school might offer a tutor program that is free to students.

Thanks for posting this. I run across it lots of times; I try to assure people that ignorance can be fixed.

Thank you for the reminder. I decided to start challenging myself because I of the "fear" of the unknown. My son took over my computer and showed me a few things on my EQ5 program someone pointed out that " He wants to know what the buttons do and WE are afraid of what they might do!" I will be posting this to my machine!! I lost my foot for my machine and found that FMQ is so much easier than I thought I just have to follow the 3 P's practice, practice, practice. Thank you again!!

You gain confidence by doing. It doesn't have to be done perfect and you don't have to present yourself as perfect. Just start doing.

I second what watterstide said. When I say I don't know, I did it wrong, the mistake is, etc. it is a statement of fact and not a put down to myself. Just wait until I post the finished picture of my (Danmar's Swish) Bargello. I love that quilt and I have made sooooo many mistakes while making it. I knew better, just didn't do better. Statement of fact.
I agree our phycie (how do you spell it?) hears us put ourselves down and over time will/may start believing what it hears. The truth is the truth. Statement of fact is statement of fact. Let's pump ourselves up. My Bargello has taught me that I do know, can remember how or look it up and come out with a beautiful quilt in the end. Somebody is going to care it has bearding, wrinkles in the backing at the sashing, so many rippit spots they are crying out in anguish, that I had to iron adhesive backing on one corner because my temper put tiny holes in the rippit spots. ????? No one cares. I don't care. I love the quilt and I can do it!!!!!! :D :D :D

Thanks for this positive post.

I went back to school when I was 50, had the opportunity and decided to take advantage of it.. Was so proud of myself when I graduated with my Associates degree in Office Technology.
Its so true, "You can do anything if you set your mind to it" . :thumbup:

congratulations on your degree, janethagy

Particularly with the quilting, I have heard SO many people say, "I could never do that", I just love to show them differently. You can do anything you put your mind to. It may not turn out like you expected, but if you persevere you can do it! Some of the prettiest projects I've seen are not what they started out to be, but because of the experience they are actually BETTER! Also, if you even think you want to go back to school, don't let a little thing like being bad a math stop you. You will amaze yourself. I graduated at the bottom of my high school class. 13 years later I went to college, graduated the same year my oldest child did. Magna Cum Laude! It all depends on your determination!

I frequently use a comment made by a couple of quilting instructors have used in class..."It's not a mistake, it's a design decision". there are so many things that turn out differently than we expected or even hoped, that we have to be flexible enough to leave some in...and those become design decisions...Yes, I designed that ruffle in one corner for a little surprise! Yes, I designed the cut-off points on this one just because I liked the look. Yes, I designed it so it has one block turned the opposite way because only God is perfect.

I make a lot of design decisions in my work, and no one is the wiser.

What a good reminder.

Been working on that for some time now! and so much easire to say I can, a positive mental attitude, working on that

I couldn't mess with a computer say 12 years ago, I can now say I CAN! the binding on quilts, just a few months ago! now I CAN , still a work in progress, and is getting better, But I can say I CAN!

I can do a lot of things I couldn't not too long ago! so ladies heads up You can !!!!!

Like Janethagy; I also went back to school in 2004,( at age 58) got me an associates degree, which is just sitting on my wall for me to look at, but I did it! I accomplished something I wanted to do for years! Like some one said, If you put your mind to it you CAN do it!. I always thought I was stupid, not worth anything and so on, not just because of the schooling, I learned who I was and what my purpose is on this earth! . If I can do it so can you.

When we were kids, we would say "I can't". My mom would tell us to put the "can" down and do it anyway. This has always stayed with me. You CAN do anything that you set your mind to do.

Can't pass math...thats me, I have a dyslexia, but oh yes I did go back to school and I did get a BA and a decent job. I did take math, I had to, all the way up to Statistics (awful) and Trigonometry (really awful). I just kept plugging away at it, I asked tons of questions, handed in the homework even though it was mostly wrong. I think the prof saw I was really trying hard and took pity on me and gave me a D. Now I would have been on the deans list except for math. But that was a while ago and I did get work, no one asked me to do math with out a calculator or what my grades were....so I guess confidence is gained by trying, for sure you won't be perfect, so what, it is sort of like when in grade school and they threatened to put "it" on your permanent record....guess what no one notices your permanent record. Go forth and do even if you think you might fail, you might surprise your self, you won't shame your self and you will never have to say..."if only I wasn't such a scaredy cat I would have..." you do not learn from your successes you learn from your mistakes and failure is a great motivator to learn to learn in a different way. At the very least you will be able to say I tried, I gave it my best. When Edison was working on finding a suitable filament for the light bulb he tried over a thousand things before he found one that worked. Later a reporter asked him about this and asked how he dealt with the disappointment of failure,,Edison replied that he had not failed over a thousand time, he had discovered over a thousand things that would not work....go, do, don't let fear get in your way.....and you will be fine.

I tell people who are "down" and negative- think of one thing you do well or like to do. Count that as blessing #1. Then think of another- oh gee, that's blessing #2- then keep going.

You find out you have confidence in yourself, you need to wade through all the negatives you've built up around it. I have a Facebook account and I have friends that say they start out their day for my post- always something positive and I try to be funny.

It's so much easier being positive if you "shoo" away the negatives and don't let them in your life. It takes a conscious effort at first, but you will whittle them away and then the next thing you know- life is truly happy and satisfying! (and the negatives are really not so bad- they are dealt with and shoved aside)

This week I was overwhelmed (to put it mildly) at work. I thought- I have got to put this in perspective, I know it will work itself out but it was dragging me down. So I wrote- how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. So for 2 days I had elephant for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I even said I was then having fish- because I was floundering. I got words of encouragement. And the elephant is done- today was pizza for lunch. haha.

Barb

And you said the magic words! I have had classes for the past 4 1/2 years, took math at least 5 times, and failed every time, so here is one "CAN'T" . Some have told me I just am not well versed in it so let it go! all the math I took and just not able to pass it, I did kick myself a lot, but now , I am feeling much better about it. It is not crippling me, I am setting my sights to other things, oh before I go any further,

why in the world am I doing quilts??? triangles, squares, circles, etc etc, and I laugh about it ! the formulas and all, thats what messed me up in math!!! still funny to me......... BUT this is more fun! thought I would add that.

[why in the world am I doing quilts??? triangles, squares, circles, etc etc, and I laugh about it ! the formulas and all, thats what messed me up in math!!! still funny to me......... BUT this is more fun! thought I would add that.[/quote]

It is not that you cannot do math....you do math all the time. It is that the way you were taught was not working. You are obviously a global thinker. We all have different ways of learning, some are linear some are not, unfortunately most classes are taught in only one limited way. When you do math for a quilt you think in terms of the whole and then the parts. So many half square triangles, so many squares then you put it together math wise....four patches to make up one square and so on and so forth. If you had been taught geometry with quilt squares you would have gotten it right away, same with fractions, and so on. I used to work with low IQ residents teaching them living skills. They could all learn, the challenge was for me to teach them in a way they could learn...would that all teachers were able to do so. My oldest son who is very bright is a multi-dyslectic. He had nothing but trouble in school and hated it. I tried to help the school understand he was a kinetic learner and what worked with him but they were not interested in hearing me. He graduated from college with a BA magna cum laude after years of undoing the damage done to him by standard teaching methods. He also acted as a mentor and tutor to other dyslectic college students. There are no can-not's in learning only unsuitable teaching methods. Find your own way and you will do fine.

This sounds silly at first, but believe me, it works. Look at yourself in a mirror, smile and say to yourself: I like you, I LIKE you, I like YOU, I love you. After you giggle the first few times, it makes you feel good inside and better prepared to face the world with confidence. The best part is you'll really start believing and feeling what you're saying. You certainly deserve to love yourself.
Another way to gain confidence is to "act as if". Before you head into a stressfull situation, visualize yourself handling this situtation with confidence. Then, when you actually enter the situation you'll be better prepared to be confident.

We don't use words like stupid and hate in our house. We find less harsh words to substitute. We can dislike something but the only thing we are allowed to hate is sin and the devil.

Can you accept a compliment without giving excuses. Lots of women cannot take congratulations. My late husband would tell me just say thank you. If 99.9% of your work is O.K, why mention that little defect. Even Ivory soap was only 99% pure and it is selling well .

How to get confidence? First you fake it and eventually it becomes habit.

Has any of you heard the old BS about girls not being good at math? That is what keeps me quilting, just to prove "EXPERTS" wrong! There is not a quilter out there that does not use geometry, daily! "If you can use geometry, you can rule the world!" (Direct quote from my geometry teacher in high school.)

Some things I can do because they need to be done, some things I can do because I want to do them, and some things I can learn to do because I am capable of learning. And I thank God for these things every day

I have no problem making fun of myself because...why not? My children do it often. I'm a classic nerd with labcoat and goggles. My self esteem is very healthy, my intelligence has never been in question, and there are many things I can NOT do (walk a tightrope, sit through really LONG meetings with nothing to do). The only time I'm really bummed is when the computer eats something important that I forgot to backup.

I decided to get in touch with the right side of my brain (I'm very left-brain and linear) and make a quilt. In this process I discovered that I am "color challenged" and heavily patterned designs make it harder. Once I figured that out things improved because I developed strategies to overcome that. I make fun of my mistakes all the time because they are really funny. I can resew the same seam three times, not notice stripes are in the wrong direction, etc. and never notice until later. Goofy, yes, laugh worthy, you bet.

Nothing is a failure if you learn from mistakes (in engineering this is called a good failure), share a giggle and a smile, eat some chocolate... Sometimes I see bark and not the tree. Not always a bad thing just differently challenged I guess.

thanks Kellum46!that sure makes me feel better about me and math!

Selm; I learned that also," I am".... and so on look in the mirror and say it, if you can't say anything good about anyone(me??) don't say anything at all! and the can't underlined.

someone else said something about math,I do know why I have had a hard time in math, when I was growing up, my dad always called me stupid and all the negative words when I did the math, so I have a "block: there for math, anyway the other thing, in the era I was growing up, theres a place for girls, and they weren't to cross the line, the stay at home moms(and please I am not putting you dowen "home moms!)but that was the culture I was raised in, and y'know my brother was a wiz at math(still is), weird! so I let the others do the math, now English thats another story, I am very good in that . I even tried to write some stories. which thats another story, and the ones that hate math?? they are good in English

I have learned a lot just being on here, thanks ladies.

Cookie

CarrieAnne, try replacing every negative thought with a positive one, like:

I went to school before, and I can do it again. It will be more fun since I can do it because I want to and not because I have to.

I use math every day. I just need to review what I have already learned.

I'm going to find a great job. I am valuable and have plenty to offer.

You have found jobs before. You will find one again. Maybe you can approach it like this: You are interviewing THEM to decide if THEY are good enough for you to want to work for them (whoever "them" is).

I hope this makes sense. I have had to battle though all these things myself. I have learned that I am much more likely to succeed when I believe in myself. Hope this helps. Big Hugs to you.

Well said, Lab fairy. Life got much more pleasant when I learned to laugh at myself.