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Awesome :!: Sounds like you took control and your immediate family pitched in. Sometimes I am amazed at what happens if I just take one little step. I am bookmarking you and looking forward to hearing about your progress. You are already an inspiration to me, and I am going to go do 10 minutes worth of something (probably laundry, which I like to do).
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My husband put up florescent, indirect lighting in our living room, dining room and family room. (Living room and dining room are somewhat open and next to each other.) There are times when I get depressed for no reason. That is when I turn those lights on. Boy does it light up the rooms. My husband said it looks like an airport runway...laughing....but in the winter time, he encourages me to turn them on when I'm starting to feel depressed. It works for me. The lights give me energy and helps to get me motivated. This might be another factor in everything bothering you. You might want to look into great lights (at least for one room) and see if it helps during the winter months.
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barbm,
Sounds like you are getting back on track. It is ok to have some 'down' time as long as it does not last too long to get back on track. I don't think you are clinically depressed either nor do you need long term meds. Someties a short term med can work wonders. Then you come of of it and you get on with things. Unconditional love is what we moms give. Go to sons wedding, go to DB B-day only if it is what you want to do, try the life coach thing-it may help, re-think the work situation-sometimes we have to re-invent ourselves, the 15 minute rule is great to live by. As far as Christmas being in your formal room-wanna try the tree still up? Yeah I know but we could not get out to the shed where the boxes are stored because of all the snow, then mud, now the ice and mud from melt-off. However, DD brought boxes in 2 days ago, so guess I will work on it tonight. As far as cleaning-when you die who cares how clean your house was or wasn't unless it was an absolute pig-stye(sp). Ease up on yourself girlfriend. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. |
So glad you are feeling better. Sometimes it helfs just to verbalize or wright it all down. Journaling is a great thing. Just know that all of us are willing to listen any time you need someone. I think one of the great things about this board is the sense of annonimity. We know each other but we don't and that makes it a lot easier to say some of the things that are bothering us the most. Also things that we wouldn't say to people that we know really well.
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Sending you comfort and peace in the shadow of angels wings..they're always there!!!!......sure sounds like depression (been there). As for your kids, you nurtured them...and now nature has taken over. They're adults, and make their own choices...you have no hand in it any more...as for your sister, rather thoughtless I'd say. You reap what you sow...you DO have other plans right? Taking care of YOU? And depression doesn't NEED a THING to make it happen...you CAN mature in to lacking a chemical in your brain...just like people acquire diabetes. No shame in it...have a chat with your Dr and keep us posted. We DO care..that's what friends do.
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Bravo!!
You got some things done, you felt really good about mailing those packages, and you're a bit better, even if not all the way there. Sounds like DH & DS are pitching in, which has to help. Time helps, too. |
Sending you big hugs from me.... I think many of us can relate to what you are going through. I just want to say that when you do see your Doctor, do have your thyroid tested and your FSH (estrogen) If that is starting to fall, it will affect you in many ways. I started having all sorts of trouble, and never imagined it was menopausal syptoms. But I dont recall you mentioning it, so having a doctor check would be beneficial. Sounds like you are getting some things done that will make you feel better. Keep up the good work! And go easy on yourself. We are all collectivly sending you good thoughts and prayers!
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I keep pushing myself- trying that 15 min. each time. I finished all the wash, shampooed the spots on the carpet in the guest room and formal living room and dusted the guest room. I think I know why women in the 40s did not work outside the home- the antique furniture full of decorative wood and veneers. OMG- took me 30 min. to get all the nooks and crannies. But the room is done!
The formal living room will be tackled tomorrow. I think once this room is "back on track"- picture perfect I will feel better. I don't like messes and I think I felt out of control with the mess. I'm watching E!- Marie Osmond talking about her son's suicide and her bouts of depression. I know how she feels- the loss of my brother almost 5 years ago has left me so sensitive and any talk of it just sends me back to day 1 and the incredible loss I feel to this day. But, you know what's weird- I pick up pennies, wherever I find them. I was told sometime ago- it's pennies from heaven and someone is looking out for you. Today- I was cleaning the guest room, I clean even though no one goes in there and no one has stayed over since early Dec. I had already shampooed some spots so I was on my hands and knees in that room- but- when I was dusting, I was following the line of the armoire and went down to the floor- and there it was- a penny! Right out in the open, how weird- I immediately thought of my brother and smiled. Oh well- relaxing now by ironing fabric and cutting strips for a swap. Think it will be an early night, I'm tired from all this cleaning! |
Originally Posted by MadQuilter
If you love doing laundry you'll never get to 100% ( not in my book) hahahahaha.
Just kidding. Keep up the good work. I'm not a religious person but there is a prayer that even strikes a cord with me: Give me the strength to change the things I can, the patience to leave the things I can't change, and the wisdom to tell the difference. You are a wise woman already - you'll do well! Man I wish I had your energy. Hope tomorrow is a better day. Deb |
I have heard people say they love to iron because they press out their problems or the same about dishes. Just wash away your problems.
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You amaze me, Barbm. You're not doing just one 15-minute session now and then, you seem to be on a roll!
Actually, I have to say you inspired me the other day to get moving myself. It was a bad week. The week before, three different recruiters had contacted me about jobs and all three acted like I was the answer to all their problems. This week, none of them followed up, none answered their phones when I called to follow up, and none returned my calls. I've been unemployed for close to two years now, and things are getting desperate. I've also gotten behind on my housecleaning - and with no excuse, since I don't have a business or a family to attend to. Anyway, my bathroom thanks you because you and your thread inspired me to clean the parts I'd been neglecting for a while. My kitchen floor and the fridge are next on my list. |
So glad that you're getting better. Sounds like you're getting a good handle on things, and the more you do, the stronger you'll feel for tackling the next thing. Glad to see that your family is helping out too.
If going to the wedding is something you want to do, then by all means go. If you think that you need to heal the rift in the family, you'll just be stressed and anxious about it. Just think of it this way, we all have our lessons to be learned in life, and this is one that your son and daughter need to learn from. You'll cheat them out of an opportunity to work through their own issues if you try to control their behaviors now that they're adults. And, as my DH says (he saw this on a poster once): "Never try to teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of time and it annoys the pig." Corney I know, but it's easier to catch myself or have DH remind me that sometimes I'm just trying to "teach a pig to sing" and it's really out of my control. Maintain your relationship with both of them, and let them work out (or not) their own problems. |
Glad to hear you're feeling better. Sometimes it helps to "spill your guts" to a close friend(s) but if you have or continue to feel this way, get some help.
For some, depression won't get better or go away by itself. It would be a good idea to see your dr. and if he doesn't think you need meds you might want to see a counselor. They can determine if counseling would be helpful and all you may need is to go a few times. I agree with the others, that you need to take back control of your life and not allow your family to make you feel like the bad person. It's to bad about your birthday, it's hurtful when siblings do things like that to each other. As for your son's wedding, if it were me I wouldn't miss it for the world. It's understandable that you'd feel torn between your kids but they're adults and it's their job to work things out between them. Go buy that new dress for the wedding and dance the night away. You won't regret it. Good luck! |
Things will get better, I know what your going through the stress is just horrible. am going through a lot like you. also have a wedding coming up in may. that I need to go and don't know if i can bring myself to do it. have a lot of problems out of a couple of my sons and my health has been in the pits this winter. But doesn't going out to the barn, make you feel better.. I think I'd just take a quilt out there and sleep with those babies of yours. Hope you start feeling better.. it was nice today with all the sunshine. I think this winter was rough on everyone and their moods.
take care hon. Wish I was close enough to give you a hug.. |
Originally Posted by Barbm
I'm a huge supporter of suicide awareness and reducing the stigma of mental illness- so I wonder if I'm a hypocrite if I don't reach out for help? Don't get worried- it's not bad- I'm thinking it's that "seasonal" type. But this is what I'm feeling-
down- my son did not invite his sister (my DD) to his wedding. I am so torn- he/fiancee are mad because she had been married before and it only lasted 4 mos. and then she met hubby and got pregnant, came home, had baby, then married and left. they can't forgive her because she didn't invite them to her 2nd marriage ceremony (dad and I went because we said we were- end of story). So I have tried for over a month to get this resolved. I'm ready to threaten not to attend wedding to prove my point. I cry so easily over this- I have cried to him, hubby and I feel like my thoughts don't matter. I want my kids to get along! I stopped looking for a dress for the wedding, I am so upset over this. down- my birthday was last week. no big deal over turning 51. Big deal- only my Dad (who said- do I have the right day?), my bff and 1 sister called me. I have a Mom, 4 other sisters and 2 brothers. None of them called. Reminded me of how I am such an outsider in that family. My kids were awesome- calls, came for dinner, observed my rule of no gifts. down- I get an email from 1 sister and it's an invitation to my oldest brother's birthday party tomorrow. why invite me? you don't talk to me- you missed my birthday. Is this to rub it in that I don't belong? down- I own a small business. It is regulated by the state. Our industry is under attack by the Insurance Dept.- saying we don't provide a service worth the fees charged. I have 1 1/2 employees and am dying under regulations, fees, taxes, etc. But at the same time, I can't quit to work somewhere else, it's all I've known for 24 years. I'm down to $200 in savings and went without a pay last month to make the bills here. I live in fear I will get sued- the underwriters are now suing agents when they suffer a loss. I can't put my home on the line for this business. (I've been an agent since '97 and never had a claim) down- my house is a pig pen. It's messy, I need to scrub the grout in the tile in the kitchen, there are 2 boxes of decorations in the formal living room from Christmas, there's stuff to mail out and give away, I just can't bring myself to do anything. I get upset looking at it, but I can't bring myself to do anything either. My house NEVER looked like this- I am embarrassed. I always kept it neat and clean and "magazine cover" quality. Now it looks disorganized and dirty. And the dogs need a bath too. They smell like dogs. And I'm the only one who bathes them (and I think I'm the only one who smells them too). up- the sun is shining- that always helps me. But I feel crabby and close to tears anyway. Shopping hasn't helped- I spend only what I have saved in my wallet and now I feel like I shouldn't even be doing that. up- I have no credit card debt and I can pay my bills. I mailed my mortgage payment out (I always feel good when I mail that). I have a wonderful husband but he doesn't understand how I could feel down when I have so many blessings. up- I have way too much stash and I'm trying to gift some to others to reduce it. It's fun to stick my hand in a tub of fat quarters and stuff them in a box. I figure if I look at what I pick out I could be tempted to keep them. But I pack it and it sits in the box on the floor- for 2 weeks now. So what's wrong with me? Is this depression? I just needed to express myself, not looking for sympathy but I guess if someone says- pick yourself up by your bootstraps and stop whining, I will do it. Until then, I wallow in my self pity. P.S. I just finished a Dr. Pepper and some chocolate cake and although it tasted good, I will have heartburn shortly. Basically- I always considered myself a hugely POSITIVE thinker- I just feel so NEGATIVE and I can't kick it. (And you know what- I worry my negative atitude will make bad things happen- and I don't want that!) Sorry to whine, there are those who have it so much worse than me but I just can't shake this yucky attitude- I don't want to be with me. Tell me something positive you do that makes you feel better..... i'm no professional, just a mouse so don't really know if it's more than situational...and everybody gets that. No need to feel guilty for feeling down. You do, you know. It's all in your message. Your a human being, barb, and being way too hard on yourself. well, as far as what i do to help myself feel better: 1 - when I listen to the devil mousie on left shoulder I eat sweets, or buy fabric I can't afford. 2 - when I listen to the angel mousie on my right shoulder I go get my grandbaby for a visit. I don't know if that is an option for you...#2 I mean, not #1! ;) I'm so glad you shared this huge load with us. I need hugs too right now, and it feels really good to give some. From reading your ups and your downs, you have a right to not feel great, gee whiz. and...we love our hubbies, but come on...we all have blessings in our lives, that doesn't mean we don't have the right to recognize the suck-lemons times when they come, and "no! we don't have to like it". tons of hugs, and hope your family wises up and starts to realize how wonderful you are, and that they need you and each other. |
I don't know your age but, You have all the signs of depression go to your Dr. assp
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Glad things are getting better for you.
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At 51 you are probably in some stage of menopause. I'm now 64 and I think I'm all the way through it, it sure threw me for a loop for several years. I thought everyone was against me and trying to drive me crazy, tears came easy and I was a real mess. It finally let up it's grip and left me a lot smarter about a lot of things than before. I've now adopted the 20 year rule. If it won't matter in 20 years, it don't matter. Most things fall into that catagory. You can't pick your siblings and your kids can't either, in 20 years none of these problems will be there. Life is too short to worry over these kinds of things, your job is the most important of these, concentrate on that. As my son use to say " Don't sweat the small **** and it's all small ****, of course, he didn't make that up but, he said it lots.
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Originally Posted by Debra Mc
I think this called the Serendipty Prayer. My manic/bypolar sister carrys this charm on her key chain.
Also, if you're 51 it could be related to menopause...I started through it at 46 an finished at 52. I had some really bad depression for about 6 months, and my life situation at the time made it worse. I went to my GYN and she gave me a really mild antidepressant and recommended an herbal estrogen replacement, and I felt a lot better in just a few days. Best of luck, and you'll be in my prayers. Take care of yourself. Janice |
I'll have to remember the 20 year rule. It makes sense to me.
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Just remember, when things are at their worst, they can only get better from there :) I am also a super positive person and when I am down I get so frustrated and the littlest thing can just BAM blow up! We are allowed to have bad days, I just always try to wake up the next day happier than the day before :) Keep your chin up, everything will get better
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I have three sisters and a brother, I call all of them on there birthdays, but have never gotten a call on mine. I don't let it hurt me any more. I will still call them. Your children will need to work this out on there own. go to the wedding, your son was hurt so only time will heal, he knows how this hurts you but he is also hurt. yes you do have deppresion. I have had it forever, please go to your Doctor, take walks in the sun while its there, or just sit out in it. but you done all you can, so now just do something for you. If you need to talk, pm me. you are in my prayers. Penny Doty
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Originally Posted by jljack
Originally Posted by Debra Mc
I think this called the Serendipty Prayer. My manic/bypolar sister carrys this charm on her key chain.
Also, if you're 51 it could be related to menopause...I started through it at 46 an finished at 52. I had some really bad depression for about 6 months, and my life situation at the time made it worse. I went to my GYN and she gave me a really mild antidepressant and recommended an herbal estrogen replacement, and I felt a lot better in just a few days. Best of luck, and you'll be in my prayers. Take care of yourself. Janice |
Perfectly said! I agree. We all send ou our love - and lots of BIG HUGS!!
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I have suffered from depression and been on medication for many years. It sounds like our symptoms are very much alike. It may be an isolated event or a continuing problem. Whining is GOOD. It means you are in touch with your feelings are letting others know that you need their support. All families have these ups and downs that are so very painful. We have had some very serious situations in our family that were devastating. Through out these painful times the lesson learned is that I must follow my own path and understand the consequences. And that means living with my decisions. When I finally learned to let go of trying to make things right for others and began doing what was right for me, life became so much more managable(sp) No it was not easy or without pain. But it was right. Lastly my Dr. suggested that I find ONE thing to do each day. Brush your teeth, wash your face, dust. That one accomplishment can feel like you just won first place. And most important . . . know that you have a place here to go in the worst of times where people want to help you feel better. Feel free to pm me if you just need someone to listen to you or vent. God bless you.
Judy |
I think we all "hit a wall" when we near our 50's -- whether it's the onset of menopause, changes in hormones, empty nest syndrome, mid-life crisis, S.A.D.S. (the lack-of-sunlite syndrome). For some reason everything seems to come to a head at the same time, and you can't help being overwhelmed. All above advise is good - especially figure out those things you can't control and force yourself to go with the flow. Families unfortunately don't behave like the Cleavers, Nelsons, or Father-Knows-Best. The best thing I ever did for myself is walk away from my sister, for once and for all. You can't pick your family, and you really don't need to feel guilty if you don't like them. Your mental health is worth a lot more to you than their's, so why give them the satisfaction of knowing they are getting to you. If she needed me, she can call and I will be there because she is my sister. But I doubt she'll call and I don't care. She made her own life and own decisions, and I refuse to take on any flack. So I walked away, and when I finally let go, it felt like a million pounds taken off my heart. Your kids -- that's between them. They are grownups now, let them fight it out on their own. It doesn't help to take sides or try to referee them -- they need to work it out. Who's going to step in when youre gone? And, maybe they just don't like each other and are better off not forced to be together. Nothing you say or do is going to change their mind, it'll just make things worse. I have NEVER known of a family in perfect harmony -- and if you think you know of one, they are just good at hiding it. Your business is one of those out-of-your-control things. Most businesses are hurting bigtime in bigtime ways (Lyondell Chemical Co. completely shutting down plants, Toyota trying to deal with all their legal woes). Times are changing, politically, economically, and socially. As much as we want to dig in our heels and pull back, doesn't do any good. Have to go with the flow regardless. Just take comfort in knowing you're doing your best and lots of other poeple are in the same situation. And as for your house -- I used to keep a spotless house and even got a tad bit obsessive when the kids were growing up. Now that I'm home with retired husband and four house dogs, the place is dusty, furry, and spotted. But I finally realized life is short -- if it's between cleaning and spending time with a friend or family member, I sure don't worry about cleaning. I try to keep it clean enough to keep the board of health away. When the sun tries to shine through my dirty windows, it take that as a sign to be outside.
In short, you're not alone -- we all have gone through it. Give yourself some slack -- let others deal with their own situations, and DON'T LET YOURSELF FEEL GUILTY OR RESPONSIBLE. Go outside and scream, throw something, yell a cuss word or two -- that'll help. Birthdays are just another day to everyone else but you -- Now that I'm approaching 60, I don't think I'll remember my own, either. Your kids are grown up -- your job is done. They are what they are - enjoy their good parts and let them learn from their own mistakes. Each is individual. Don't interfere with their battles. Clean your house as much as it takes to make you comfortable -- Home Beautiful will probably not want to do a spread on it, and the dust will come back. When it stops being fun, go do something else for awhile. At least you have people around who will help. And most of all, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, FIRST. You won't be good for anyone else if you're not good to yourself. It may feel like it at times, but YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Don't let anyone trivialize your feelings and emotions, throw yourself a pity party without guilt to acknowledge to yourself that you feel lousy, and then try to loose yourself in something enjoyable until you feel better and able to take things on one-at-a-time. |
Hi Nancy - I am printing out your message - such great words of wisdom! Yes, we all go through very trying times . . . and we are ladies with compassion and will be here for each other.
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You WILL get out of the low spot (the one we have all been in) and it looks as though you are making good progress. The only thing I would add to what everyone else said (and no, I didn't read it all, so my advice may be a repeat) is to make sure you get good daily nutrition ... all your vitamin A's, B's, C's, D's, etc. and necessary mineral requirements. You might be amazed at how seriously BLAH you can feel just from not having enough of something that your body and mind needs to stay healthy. If you are crying a lot more than is usual for you, you probably have a hormone imbalance, also.
Believe me, I'm not making light of your family and business ups and downs, but I know that you can deal with everything better if your body's physical and chemical needs are met. |
So glad to hear that you're feeling better. It sounds like you're doing what's best for you -- keeping busy and doing the things you love!! However, if the bad feelings persist, please talk to your doctor. He may want to to put you on medication for a short time. I also take a "happy" pill each morning but occasionally the dosage has to be adjusted.
At least you realize you're grumpy and depressed -- sometimes hubby is really grumpy and I ask him, "who pissed in your cheerios this morning"... :lol: :lol: |
I feel for you Barb. I think it happens to everyone once in awhile. I don't know how to help you other than to just say that I understand.
I have felt so incredibly down and wanted to talk to someone but I feel so stupid for not just getting over it. Work is a worry (I work for a mortgage insurance company and we all know how THEY are doing) so my job is less secure than I am comfortable with. I live alone and I am so incredibly lonely sometimes. I cry at night laying in bed sometimes and I mean outright sobbing. My mother is gone, my father passed away a year ago. My children are fairly close (not in distance) but I long for that special love and companion in my life. Even that makes me feel weak because I'm a strong, independant woman... right? |
Wish we could all have a pajama party over the weekend, commune with nature (and God for those of us who Believe), watch movies, stitch and bitch, and cry on each others shoulders and have lots of hugs.
Think I'll call my friend tom. and see how she is doing. BarbM - one moment at a time my friend. |
Originally Posted by kapatt
My husband put up florescent, indirect lighting in our living room, dining room and family room. (Living room and dining room are somewhat open and next to each other.) There are times when I get depressed for no reason. That is when I turn those lights on. Boy does it light up the rooms. My husband said it looks like an airport runway...laughing....but in the winter time, he encourages me to turn them on when I'm starting to feel depressed. It works for me. The lights give me energy and helps to get me motivated. This might be another factor in everything bothering you. You might want to look into great lights (at least for one room) and see if it helps during the winter months.
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Hi,
If there is any way possible - GET TO A DOCTOR!!! I'm not one but I would guess you're suffering from clinical depression. I lost both parents in a house fire and I fell apart. It took me several trips to various doctors and several different prescriptions to find the "right" one for me, but I DID start to feel better! Life sucks sometimes and each of us probably thinks that nobody else has the crap to deal with that we have and then we're in a downward spiral. Get some help and I think you'll feel stronger and more apt to tackle what life throws at you. Then, you'll feel like cleaning and when your house is clean, you'll feel great!! Good luck! |
haven't written in a way- too busy. go figure. work is very busy- am working on a closing for tomorrow. laws changed 1/1/10 to make it easier for borrower to understand docs and I swear ALL the processors are STUPID now. anyway- now I am trying to get this ready for closing.
bottom line- my house is cleaner, my ooomph to sew is back. I hired a cleaning person for the office and work is crazy. Sometimes I think I just need to verbalize my insecurities and my luck changes. I was actually surprised that my attitude stunk for so long. I don't get down in the dumps very often. now to find some to time to answer some emails to my concerned friends. :) |
Originally Posted by bob1414
Hi,
If there is any way possible - GET TO A DOCTOR!!! I'm not one but I would guess you're suffering from clinical depression. I lost both parents in a house fire and I fell apart. It took me several trips to various doctors and several different prescriptions to find the "right" one for me, but I DID start to feel better! Life sucks sometimes and each of us probably thinks that nobody else has the crap to deal with that we have and then we're in a downward spiral. Get some help and I think you'll feel stronger and more apt to tackle what life throws at you. Then, you'll feel like cleaning and when your house is clean, you'll feel great!! Good luck! |
Originally Posted by Barbm
haven't written in a way- too busy. go figure. work is very busy- am working on a closing for tomorrow. laws changed 1/1/10 to make it easier for borrower to understand docs and I swear ALL the processors are STUPID now. anyway- now I am trying to get this ready for closing.
bottom line- my house is cleaner, my ooomph to sew is back. I hired a cleaning person for the office and work is crazy. Sometimes I think I just need to verbalize my insecurities and my luck changes. I was actually surprised that my attitude stunk for so long. I don't get down in the dumps very often. now to find some to time to answer some emails to my concerned friends. :) |
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