I'm a huge supporter of suicide awareness and reducing the stigma of mental illness- so I wonder if I'm a hypocrite if I don't reach out for help? Don't get worried- it's not bad- I'm thinking it's that "seasonal" type. But this is what I'm feeling-

down- my son did not invite his sister (my DD) to his wedding. I am so torn- he/fiancee are mad because she had been married before and it only lasted 4 mos. and then she met hubby and got pregnant, came home, had baby, then married and left. they can't forgive her because she didn't invite them to her 2nd marriage ceremony (dad and I went because we said we were- end of story). So I have tried for over a month to get this resolved. I'm ready to threaten not to attend wedding to prove my point. I cry so easily over this- I have cried to him, hubby and I feel like my thoughts don't matter. I want my kids to get along! I stopped looking for a dress for the wedding, I am so upset over this.

down- my birthday was last week. no big deal over turning 51. Big deal- only my Dad (who said- do I have the right day?), my bff and 1 sister called me. I have a Mom, 4 other sisters and 2 brothers. None of them called. Reminded me of how I am such an outsider in that family. My kids were awesome- calls, came for dinner, observed my rule of no gifts.

down- I get an email from 1 sister and it's an invitation to my oldest brother's birthday party tomorrow. why invite me? you don't talk to me- you missed my birthday. Is this to rub it in that I don't belong?

down- I own a small business. It is regulated by the state. Our industry is under attack by the Insurance Dept.- saying we don't provide a service worth the fees charged. I have 1 1/2 employees and am dying under regulations, fees, taxes, etc. But at the same time, I can't quit to work somewhere else, it's all I've known for 24 years. I'm down to $200 in savings and went without a pay last month to make the bills here. I live in fear I will get sued- the underwriters are now suing agents when they suffer a loss. I can't put my home on the line for this business. (I've been an agent since '97 and never had a claim)

down- my house is a pig pen. It's messy, I need to scrub the grout in the tile in the kitchen, there are 2 boxes of decorations in the formal living room from Christmas, there's stuff to mail out and give away, I just can't bring myself to do anything. I get upset looking at it, but I can't bring myself to do anything either. My house NEVER looked like this- I am embarrassed. I always kept it neat and clean and "magazine cover" quality. Now it looks disorganized and dirty. And the dogs need a bath too. They smell like dogs. And I'm the only one who bathes them (and I think I'm the only one who smells them too).

up- the sun is shining- that always helps me. But I feel crabby and close to tears anyway. Shopping hasn't helped- I spend only what I have saved in my wallet and now I feel like I shouldn't even be doing that.

up- I have no credit card debt and I can pay my bills. I mailed my mortgage payment out (I always feel good when I mail that). I have a wonderful husband but he doesn't understand how I could feel down when I have so many blessings.

up- I have way too much stash and I'm trying to gift some to others to reduce it. It's fun to stick my hand in a tub of fat quarters and stuff them in a box. I figure if I look at what I pick out I could be tempted to keep them. But I pack it and it sits in the box on the floor- for 2 weeks now.

So what's wrong with me? Is this depression? I just needed to express myself, not looking for sympathy but I guess if someone says- pick yourself up by your bootstraps and stop whining, I will do it. Until then, I wallow in my self pity.

P.S. I just finished a Dr. Pepper and some chocolate cake and although it tasted good, I will have heartburn shortly.

Basically- I always considered myself a hugely POSITIVE thinker- I just feel so NEGATIVE and I can't kick it.

(And you know what- I worry my negative atitude will make bad things happen- and I don't want that!)

Sorry to whine, there are those who have it so much worse than me but I just can't shake this yucky attitude- I don't want to be with me. Tell me something positive you do that makes you feel better.....

Sometimes life Sucks! I feel your pain some of what you describe sounds like my life, no invite to Brother's wedding, blame for not helping plan it, kid's not getting along, job lay off, tears, depression. I do recommend if even for a short time you discuss this with your Dr. There is help out there. It sure helped me to get on something for a while. There will be up moments too! Chin up and smile. You know you always have us. We will be here to support you but you need to take the initiative to take care of yourself,The other things will fall into place. Good luck and hugs to you.

I'm sorry your feeling so down right now. Clearly you know you feel down and that is a big part of getting through it. At least your acknowledging it. Many times talking about it helps. I'm sending hugs your way.

Sometimes, when I get to feeling like I am the only one in the world who cares about stuff?
Well, that is just silly thinking! <g> What changes my mind is to change the focus of my pondering ....
I am not in control of most of what other people do around me. The best I can do in any given situation is to decide how I will handle myself.
Basically, I get in touch with the ONE who can make a difference in people's lives and learn more about Him ... because He cares more about you and your family than you ever could ... when you realize that God of the Universe has a plan and you matter and the people you love matters, then most of what we go through takes on a different feel.
Remember the Serenity Prayer?
Lord, give me the Strength to change the things I can change, the Courage to accept the things I cannot change, and the Wisdom to know the difference.
Everyone gets to feeling down sometimes, but we can decide if we are going to stay there.
One of my friends told me one time: The more I know about your parents, the less I can figure out how you are the person you are
(silly me! I thought she was complimenting me! LOL maybe she was ... ) and, I only say this to let you know about how I never seemed to belong ...
when hubby and I got married, he finally set me down and said: It is obvious to me that you love your family, but you are very disappointed that they aren't living up to their potential as you see they could ... and, you become defensive around them, finding real and imagined hurts every time I turn around.
He counseled me to do what I wanted for, to, with my family because that is what I wanted to do - - and, to ONLY do it with no strings attached ... do it because I loved them, NOT because "if I do this, they might do that" ...
it was interesting to find out how little influence they could have on my life and mental state if I just let them be who they were and lived my own life the way I wanted to live it.
I have shown many times that everyone spends a little time in the dumps of life - - it is sort of a reality check ... without the dumps, one never embraces the rose gardens, and if you keep walking toward the gardens, no matter what is going on around you, you will get there ... it just depends on how long you decide to poke around in the dump.
I am a strong believer in we can CHOOSE how we feel most of the time ... and, sometimes, I just like to sit around and be mad! LOL <wave>

We also have the five minute rule:
You get to feel whatever you want to feel for five minutes, and then you have to go do something POSITIVE, constructive, practical for someone else ... doesn't mean you don't get to go back to a pity party, just have to wait until you have met the next goal you set for yourself. <wave>

It's all okay. Yes, you are depressed. If you don't have the energy to do what you want to do in your surroundings, then there's a problem...probably medical not mental....not to alarm you, but to get you to your doctor. Hey, families don't go bad overnight...you've been dealing with them for a long time....might not have been fun, but you had a clean house. Women react differently to medical conditions...and we are usually too good at getting used to not feeling well.
Let yourself take care of you...everyone else can/will do the same for themselves. Life's too short...do only that which matters to you and do that for the right reasons. Hope I haven't jumped too hard...my reply is intended to "Snap" you into seeing this differently...if you felt better you'd be quick to change what you are able to change...and quicker to leave the stuff that you'll have no effect on alone. Kids of all ages have at each other...you've never been able to prevent it and you probably never will...let them work it out their way...your love for them is unconditional...but that may need to be from a distance right now....same with other family...except your spouse...keep him close. You are stronger than you think...and you matter. Hope this helps.

I think you need to take care of yourself. I have the same kind of problems with brothers , sisters , kids and yes a husband. You just need to get things done. If you think you need help go get it. PM me if you need someone to talk to. I need someone at times to talk too. I will even call you.

Oh, Barb, I understand completely. I have suffered with clinical depression for 25+ years. For me, the answer is a little blue "happy pill" (no, NOT Viagra! :roll: Prozac is my little blue happy pill), that I take daily. I can skip a day once in a while and it doesn't seem to affect me. The problem that I have is that my brain chemistry needs the help that the antidepressant gives. I'm on the lowest dose possible. This information may or may not help you. If it does nothing other than get you to talk to your Doctor about possible solutions to your depression, then I am thankful.

I sometimes feel exactly the way you describe. There are times my house is a pig sty. It happens more often than not. But I have to remind myself that the dust bunnies don't care whether or not I am happy with my life, and when I am feeling up to getting rid of them, they will be there for me, waiting patiently.

I am pretty much a positive person, too. Spending time with my two grandsons (ages 2 and 4) makes me happy. It's hard to be sad when they are nearby. So loveable.

It also makes me happy to just sit and play with my fabric stash. I don't have to sew with it, just looking at it and feeling it pleases me.

Have you tried playing some music? There are times I just give in to the sadness and sit in a dark room, play some sad music and have a good cry. Release the tears, and let the brain chemistry have some relief. Then move on to some happier tunes. I generally use classical music, or sometimes opera. I can't be bothered with pop tunes when I'm feeling low. I'd rather use the music to elevate my mood without the distraction of lyrics.

Here's a bigger question for you: what makes YOU happy? Is is possible for you to take some time and take a drive? Go see some beautiful scenery, nature unfolding into spring? Go to the zoo and watch the animals? Try anything that may make a change in your mood.

I'd start with a call to your Doctor first. Sounds as if you have so much on your plate that you can't make a decision on what to do first. If you are that overwhelmed, it may be good to get on medication for a short while.

Keep us apprised of what is happening. We're here to listen and will help, if we can. And remember: better days are coming.

Odessa

If you are normally a POSITIVE person I think that this is just a spurt of unhappiness with all the stress around you right now. I hope that you can motivate yourself somehow to keep going. I would start with the mailing as gifting to someone may help lift your mood because you are a kind and generous person!!!

I hope that this will pass for you very quickly. Try not to hold on to the things that you cannot control like the kids and their dispute. you can help talk with them but they will do what they want anyway. Try to keep your UP'S going. and if you find it getting harder and harder please talk to someone. we are here for you to vent so if that helps then vent on......

I agree DOCTOR first and second-let yourself off the hook!! You are responsible for YOU! You can not be responsible for everyone and everything around you--the world will not stop if you don't do this or don't do that for someone else.
DO or NOT DO because you want to or don't. It is OKAY!!
Families are always in motion- evolving- likes & dislikes forever changing---it is the way of life--let yourself believe that.
The best thing would be to see a dr., maybe he/she can help you get on an 'even keel' and life may just look a lot more managable--ask me how I know!!! ((pm's welcomed))
all the best to you,
Susan

Oh sweetie! I'm soooo sorry that you are feeling this way! (((HUGS))) (sometimes a hug from a complete stranger helps! :-))
My first "advice" would be to go to your sons wedding if it's what YOU want to do. Don't go or not go because it might change someone else's actions (I've tried that, it doesn't work! lol) The only persons actions that you can control are your own. I've learned, in my relatively short life so far (30 years) that you have to do what feels right to you. You can't be the referee between your kids. They are grown adults, and need to work out their differences on their own. If you can help them set up a time to talk, fine, but I wouldn't go any farther than that.
This is just my 2 cents, my opinion, and you can take it or leave it, it's up to you. Take it if it makes sense for you, and leave it if it doesn't make sense to you. Also, I don't know you at all, but I am here if you need someone to talk to. (I've been told I have a good "listening ear" :-)) I have had battles with depression, and have days (sometimes weeks lol) where I just have the "YUCKS"
but it always gets better.
My favorite saying, and something I try to live my life by is: "This too, shall pass" basically...it will get better.
My heart goes out to you, and you are in my thoughts.
(((HUGS))) again!
~Heather

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know what it is like to know that you are supposed to do something but be unable to do it. I just got my Christmas decorations put away 2 weeks ago. I think it is wonderful that you are able to see your blessings, sometimes even those are so hidden by the way we feel. I agree with those who say to contact a doctor. Sometimes we can't pull up by ourselves and need help. I hope the days to come will be better. I know the work I do with the rescue kitties give me a purpose and make me feel needed. God bless you, you are in my prayers.
Wendy B

No, I don't think you're clinically depressed. You DON'T need to see a doctor for a mood-altering drug.

You are what you said: down. It's not seasonal, it's based on circumstances. You're under stress about your business, you feel unloved by your nearest and dearest, and your surroundings aren't helping because they're dirty and smelly.

It is OKAY and VALID to be blue now and then, and it can last a while without it being something requiring medication or therapy.

I would say, start by taking 15 minutes at a time to clean up. Get those Christmas decorations back to wherever they're stored for the rest of the year as your first task. Pick another task for the next day, or for the evening, if you prefer.
And if you haven't heard of this, check out http://flylady.net and get on the free email list and join a free local group. It can help you get back on track. OTOH, you may not need or want it, but it's worth checking out.

If money is low, instead of giving away your excess stash, sell some of it on eBay. Consider building an eBay business or writing an eBook about insurance as ways to make extra money or avenues to move into if you can't continue as an agent.

You might feel better if you talk to a professional counselor, or consider finding a support group. But choose this because you think it might be good to try, not because you think you're so depressed you must.

I read this again and I feel a bit sheepish about doing this. I normally "suck it up" and not let anyone know I'm down.

I'm still at work- needed to to a scan for bugs on the one computer. just waiting for it to restart so I know it's OK. update- it's not OK :( will come in tomorrow to debug, getting disgusted.

Going to go home now. Will load the packages to go to the post office tomorrow. And take the 2 boxes to the basement of the Christmas decorations. I think I will also load a bag of junk so I can put it out with the garbage next week. Maybe even dunk the pug- she likes baths and makes me laugh at her doing the "pugtona" trying to dry off.

oh well- I'll be glad when spring is here- get rid of the dirty snow banks and chill in the air.

P.S. Had another round of Dr. Pepper. It goes down so smooth- have to drink it here- hubby won't let me have soda at home. Now, wonder if it will make me burp. hehe. (yep- good burp just happened.)

have you had your thyroid checked? the only time I had any problem with any 'down' time was before my hypothyroidism was disagnosed. Also have your a1c checked for diabetes

Barbm

Glad to hear that you're feeling a bit better. And I think you're on the right track. Set a few easy goals and once you handle them you feel better enough to handle a couple more and so on. It sounds like you definitely have enough going on to feel overwhelmed. I do agree with the poster who said your kids have to work out their own issues, you can only do so much.

I took a workshop once where they had us draw three circles within each other. The inner one was our Circle of Control and would contain only the things or thoughts that we can directly control. The next ring would be our Circle of Influence, where things would go that we could influence, but not control (like your kids spat), and the outer ring is Outside my Circle kinds of things that you just have to realize you can't control so you can identify which things to cross off your mental to-do list. It's helped me a lot to mentally assign an issue to it's "circle" to determine how much mental or physical energy to expend on it. If it's the outer circle, fuggetaboutit!

I've suffered with clinical depression for years, and am on medication and see a therapist for it. In my not-a-doctor view, you're more overwhelmed by current circumstances than actually depressed.

Take care, and be gentle with yourself. You can only do what you can do and the rest can slide and the world won't end. Take some "me" time to do something you love. (Sorry this is so long - I didn't mean for it to be.

Barb, yes you are depressed, but probably short term. This is from another one that suffers from clinical depression, for over 30+ years. I had tried everything including prozac, didn't work. Found a great doctor and a great drug called Lexapro, can't tell you how different I feel. Never new what normal felt like until 5 years ago. I can concentrate, have very few panic attacks and have very few down days. In fact when I did, the doctor laughed and said welcome to normal, you should have an "occasional down day, that's normal".

The main thing is take care of yourself, you have a lot on your plate and a lot to be sad about, and that is ok, you are allowed. I still have bouts where it is hard to get off my butt and clean the house, but all in all I feel good and not sad, which is wonderful. But it is not a happy pill, just keeps me on an even keel so to speak.

I will say when my house is a mess, I am a mess. Once it is straighted up you will feel so much better. Mine is more guilt, I won't allow my self to do fun things when my house is a mess, without feeling guilty, which is stupid I know, but that is the way it is. Although 2 years ago when I broke my leg and could not get out of bed for 4 months, I had a huge attitude adjusment about house cleaning.

This might be a little TMI for the board. Oh well, feel better soon.

Since you say you are normally a positive person, and you family has not just suddenly changed, but has been experiencing these problems for a while, I truly feel that you need to see your doctor and be evaluated for depression. Most docs have a little questionnaire that they use to help evaluate your problem. Remember, depression is not a matter of having a screw loose, it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. These chemicals can get knocked out of whack by a number of things...one you mentioned is the seasonal type, another is premenstral, sometimes a number of minor catastrophes all at once can throw things off. Sometimes, a round of antidepressants is all that is needed...maybe 6-12 months and counseling. Sometimes just counseling, either way, it isn't just a matter of sucking it up! Short term blues lasting a week or two, maybe, but when you begin to lose your energy to carry on with just daily activities, then it is time to see your doc. Your doc will know if you are clinically depressed and need medication or not.

That being said, I will pray for you for strength to get through this tough time, but don't be so hard on yourself, admit that you need some assistance with this issue and then go for it...you are worth it and also don't have to be super woman.

God Bless

I agree with JJs ,you need to get your thyroid checked.If your thyroid count is off,it just seems to suck the life out of you.Mean while we;re all here for you.BIG HUG

This is what my 16 year old says (1st time when he was 10). "it's over & in the past , just get on with your life." Sometimes families totally suck. Maybe dd didn't want a lot of hoopla over 2nd marriage. Lots of people don't have a big deal over it. Maybe you can get them to talk & explain to each other what went down.
Don't worry about the house, mine stays messy more than clean. With 2 gs's living here plus DH & DS its a total battle all the time to keep things tidy & I don't work anymore except at home. I'm so sorry about your business. It's a tough business even without government regs. They need to keep their noses out. Hey girl Happy Birthday. I'll be your sister. My oldest DS can't remember my birthday either. But his new lady (thank God he divorced the last one) is keeping him on a tight leash & he is doing better.
We could start a dirty dog club. My yorkie who stays outside needs a hair cut & bath but can't do it till its gets warmer.
We all need to unload sometimes & it is nice to have friends to let it all out to. I don't have any close friends to talk to.Dh never wanted me to have any friends. Very private person, so I have all of you. Keep drinking those DR Peppers (state soft drink of Texas). I'm right there with you. Thats my morning coffee. Throw in a Hershey Bar or Butterfinger ever so often, it will make you feel alot better. You know chocolate can cure anything. Sometimes getting it off your chest does wonders. So you hang in there & know we all are thinking of you & keep that chin up. Even have a good cry sometimes that can make you feel alot better.

This is from one more who suffers from clinical depression. Talk to the dr about it and see what he/she thinks. I am intolerant of most mainstream antidepressants but I do have a great dr and a therapist both of whom I see regularly. That helps me but may not be for everyone. When I was going thru a particularly difficult period, my pastor (who has life experience with depression) helped me more than did the other 2 professionals. When I am down, I put on gospel and old inspirational hymns and that does help but so does walking my dogs and just getting out of the house.
I agree with the poster who talked about circles of control and influence. Your family is either in the middle or outer circle and the only thing you can control there is your own reaction to and actions towards them so let go and let GOD!!! He is in control all the way and all the time. God's blessings on your situation and your stress levels. God bless you also. Chris

Oh, my. Too many of us have been there! I started having problems several years ago when my husband (who I have since lost) was getting sicker and sicker, my job was getting more and more stressful, and I just couldn't see any way out of it all. His doctor recommended someone for me to talk to, which of course at the time my attitude was 'I'm just fine. I'll suck it up and be okay. I don't need help.'

Fast forward 6 months, and I absolutely needed help. I went to see this person - she's a life coach. She saved my life. Having someone to talk to that you are not related to is a wonderful thing. She never told me what to do, but asked me a lot of really good questions that helped me get a better understanding of what was really bothering me, what I really wanted in life, and how to get there. She taught me that you can't control what life throws at you, but you can control how you react to it.

Whether or not you are clinically depressed, I sure couldn't give you a diagnosis. But coming from my experience, I know that connecting with the right person who will listen and not judge can make all the difference in the world.

Today, I still visit my life coach every couple of months - mostly because we really enjoy each other's conversation, and really can laugh together. Lord knows, I spent enough time crying in her office, it feels good to laugh now.

I wish you peace and joy. You can find it in spite of all the downs that life can sometimes bring. Sending white light your way!

You really do sound depressed. Do you have a trusted Dr. you could talk to. My sis is the happiest person you could meet, but when she has a ton of problems in her life she took antidepressants for a while. They helped her.

First off, God loves you, messy house, crappy attitude and all. Secondly, you're going on my very special prayer list.

Thirdly, as so many have suggested: Get to the doctor! They can give you even a "little" something that will help immensely until you get yourself back on an even keel.

And here's something that usually works: Imagine you are in say, a Wal-Mart Super Center with 45 minutes to wait. You don't want to spend any money, so you're not looking to purchase anything right now. What department will you go to for the 45 minutes and what will you look at? - That's your current passion. Pursue it!

As to the pity pot, we all "need" to visit it from time to time. But when we forget how and when to flush, that's when you get to the doctor. Man! If I didn't have my hormones, I'd be the wicked witch of the west.

Most of all prayer will pull you out of this pit. I'm honored to send a few your way. Hang in there; we're all here for you. Do stay in touch.

I was in a blue funk yesterday also, DH couldn't look sideways at me LOL...then invited DD to dinner and I was having leftovers. Gleefully she called and couldn't make it LOL...I can just laugh because I know this will pass and then it dawned on me, you dummy you took a sleeping pill last night and just can't wake up. by 5 PM things looked better, theres always a silver lining isn't there?

I think we all feel this way at times. Just hang in there. Reminds me of a country song- dont know who sings it, but its called: Sounds like life to me. You know our Lord and Savior didnt have it made on this earth, why should we expect perfection for ourselves. The lows make us appreciate the mountain tops. God loves you!!

I like this

help out sombody who is worse off than you,,,

I think the main thing is don't listen to anyone that says just snap out of it. If is persists, get help. There is no shame in admitting you are depressed. If it is clinical, you need help, don't depend on time or prayer to heal you. It may help but if it is clinical it will come back and frequently. I can't tell you how wonderful life is once I got help.

There is just no need to feel sheepish about venting. Sucking it up only works to a point; sometimes you have to let it out instead.

Here's hoping you got those few things done that you planned to do. If so, you should feel a little better, both for the accomplishment and for the improvement in your surroundings.

Enjoy that Dr. Pepper! Sometimes you just need what you want.

One of the most important lessons we have to learn is that we can't control other people. If your son and daughter want to fight then that is their decision. Go to his wedding in the same way you went to your daughter's wedding. Your going does not mean you approve of what is going on. Your going just means that you want to be there for your son's wedding. Going to the wedding does not mean you are taking sides.

As for you birthday, face it...sometimes people are just insensitive. You don't have control over your sisters, mother and brothers but you do have control over yourself. If you think you will enjoy going to your brother's birthday party, then by all means ...go. If you aren't going to enjoy yourself, then do something else.

As for your house...if you are like me, having a mess around me depresses me.
laughing at myself....sometimes when the house gets me down, I pick one room to clean up completely. I keep that room clean. That is the room that I will sit down in and relax. When I look around that room, I get pleasure out of being there. At times like that, I don't worry about the rest of the house. After awhile, you find that your energy comes back and you are ready to do something with the rest of the house.

One of the biggest things that can depress us is the idea that we don't have any control on what is going on in our life. Your going through that with your job, your children, and your extended family.
Cleaning that one room gives us some control. Recognizing that we are not responsible for other people's happiness also helps us to let go of trying to control everything with other people.

There is a good book called "Boundaries...When to say yes and when to say no" written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It really helped to change my life in the way I dealt with my sibblings, parents and friends. You should be able to borrow it from your local library. If you get a chance, read it. It will help you to put up your own boundaries up in dealing with your outside family.

You hang in there! Sounds like things are ovewhelming you right now, and I can surely understand why. You have my compassion friend, I know how you feel and so understand. Think of everyone who LOVES YOU and makes you happy!! That is one thing I do when I am feeling down - it does help to remember that you ARE loved and a VERY SPECIAL WOMAN. Take care and please keep me posted. You will be in my thoughts. char

...........this too will pass.............

Hey Honey, listen to me, I'm 76 years old and have seen darn near
any kind of life you can imagine!! From family fighting that lasts a
life time, to a father who walked out on my Mom with 8 kids and the
youngest 8 months, to a cheating husband then life with a marvelous
man and we were married for 39 and one half years till he died.

You can overcome this, sounds to me like you need a short breakdown.
I kept threatening to go into a closet and having a nervous breakdown
that would make Bedlam look like a retreat for the nervous and trembly!!
Scream into your pillow..when in bed alone. Exercise, that will help a lot.

NOW, first of all, get out of the house and walk around the block, try to leave
your glasses at home. Glass blocks out a lot of the good rays.Depression
has been linked to a lot of things, and also lack of sunlight.

SECOND..log onto the Internet to FLYLADY.com. She is free with all her advice
on how to declutter and keep your house clean...for only 15 minutes at a time.
Clutter leads to depression and depression leads to dirt and clutter. Flyady
speaks of living in a state of CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome),
which I'm sure lots of us can relate to.

Let us know how you are doing. I'm sure that between all of us, we've all gone
thorough at least a small part of what you are at this time. Some of us may
have gone through much more..but let's keep on the bright side. Better times
are coming.

You have your debts paid and that is something masses of people in America
can not say, so you are a smart and caring person.

Just do the best you can, for YOU. Your family will benefit from it too.

You can do it, and you have to do it for yourself first of all.

That was beautiful! I am printing it out - I may need it myself some day. Such wondeful compassionate and helpful words of wisdom. You are truly one wonderful woman and it was a pleasure to read your words - from your own experience! You Go Girl!!

I, too, have clinical depression. The first thing you need to do is see your Doc. If they find something, it can be helped. If not, it will at least give you peace of mind. Absolutly praying can help, I pray constantly, but my Dad had a saying "God helps those who help themselves" and it is so true. You can't just sit back and wait for Him to make things better. You have to act. As far as your kids are concerned, step back and tell them that you refuse to be pulled into the middle of anything. You love them both and will not take sides. They have to work this out for themselves. Emotional blackmail does NOT work. Your son will only resent you for it. DON'T feel guilty because they don't get along. They are adults and you are not responsible for how they act. ALL families have problems, we just don't always see them. There is no perfect family. As far as your siblings are concerned, if all you feel is hurt or used or whatever when you are around them, cut the ties. It took me a long time to realize this, but when I did cut all ties with my brothers, it was like a thousand pounds had been lifted from my sholders. You don't have to put up with anyone hurting you or trying to controll your life. You have to do what is best for YOU. Just remember that there are a lot of people here that will listen and be there for you. Go with God.

Remember love,

I like myself, I am in charge of me and I WON'T LET YOU
make me feel this way.

A good cry is good medicine.

If I ever feel this way again I calling Ramona Byrd. ROTFLMAO!!!

((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

Barb,
You cannot control how people feel about each other or how everyone else processes those emotional hurts (real, intended, or imagined). The only thing you can control is how you want to deal with the relatives.

Yes, it is sad that your DD probably won't be at your son's wedding. If you get in the middle, you may be uninvited as well. If it's meant to be, your offspring will sort it out eventually. In the meantime, you have a relationship with both of them.

If you feel that you are only invited to your brother's birthday because of an obligation, don't feel obligated to go - don't go if you don't want to. However, if you want to go, I'd say don't take your unresolved hurts with you, instead you may look at the gathering as another opportunity to reconnect with your family. Relationships have to be maintained, and it sounds like your family collectively is wrapped up in their own lives and that is OK.

I have been through it with my own family (my brother didn't speak to us for 7 years) and we have pretty much pulled away from Pat's family (too many nuts, sluts, and perverts - according to my DH). All I can do is figure out where I fit and where I want to fit. I'm glad that my brother is back in the picture but the in-laws will not ever be part of my life again - except for my MIL.

Can't say anything about the business other than wishing you a windfall of good luck and lots of inspiration.

Hugs from CA.

thank you all for the support and kind words. I read them all and looked for my "Magic answer." I know there isn't one but I will work towards "close enough".

here's my progress: figuring on the 15 min. rule- what can I get done in 15 min. that would make me feel better?

So..... I went to the post office and mailed 3 packages out- one to a newbie here that weighed 12 lbs. (that felt good- I can't what 'til she opens it!), one to my Son in law who was just deployed to Afghanistan (this weighs heavy on my heart as all our service people) and one to my dd in Vegas. Just some cupcakes to her that are from here and some decorative hangar thingys I was going to paint and craft in a sports theme. She can do them- I don't have time. I used fat quarters for packing material so I know she will enjoy opening it. It felt great!!!

I have 3 more to go on Monday but they are for UPS, one is 20 lbs. to the same daughter- just a collection of Christmas gifts people left here for her (how did I get to be the drop place???) and some little things I picked up for Noah. 1 is a quilt top and backing to go be quilted and another to a quilter in need of some "stuff". That's my 15 min. for Monday.

Right now the washer is on load #5 of 6. I love to do laundry and hang my clothes up immediately after they are done, but dh and ds leave theirs laying around- don't get me started on that! I hear the central vac running- ds is doing the downstairs. He helped me take a leaf out of the table and put 6 chairs around it so it looks so much nicer.

The iron is heating up- I got the brilliant idea to cut strips for a swap (not due until April) and needed some prewashed. So I took 28 fabrics- took off a chunk of 10" and threw them in the wash with a load of towels. I now have a nice pile of ironing- not too smart Barb. :( But I like the smell of dryer sheets as I iron. :)

The dogs will get bathed when ds finishes the floor. He said he will help me. The pug needs to be cuddled after and he has to hold the beagle. I saved cleaning his bathroom until after the beagle bath (actually I stand over him and crab until he cleans it).

I organized the formal living room- I have 2 boxes and 1 big black garbage bag filled with blankets to be dropped at Salvation Army tomorrow afternoon. There's a lot more to do there, but I did take the 2 boxes of decorations downstairs. Whatever possessed my other son to clean the basement and put the bags there- grrr- double duty. Once I get these out I want to wash the curtains and shampoo the carpet (even though no one goes in there it gets dusty). Then I will feel better.

Oh- the one room where I always keep clean was even messy so I folded up the pack-n-play since we will not have little people here until June. I straightened the pillows on the bed since that's what I use for a "design wall" and I'm going to dust and vacuum there and spot shampoo 2 spots on the carpet.It took me 10 min. to clean up in there, and I feel better!

bottom line- yes, I still feel a bit depressed- but I'm looking at the things that can make me depressed as things outside my circle of control- the mortgage/real estate/ title industry for one. I've worked through bad times and I will continue to work through them. I can control my clutter and kind of "go with the flow" with the family issues until I can find something that will allow my heartache to ease.

I'm getting better, not 100% but better.

If you love doing laundry you'll never get to 100% ( not in my book) hahahahaha.

Just kidding.

Keep up the good work.

I'm not a religious person but there is a prayer that even strikes a cord with me:

Give me the strength to change the things I can,
the patience to leave the things I can't change,
and the wisdom to tell the difference.

You are a wise woman already - you'll do well!