to help out? I can't decide if I should volunteer to go to Maryland to help out because I know the other grandma probably won't. Should I just ask them if they want me for a couple weeks or wait and see if they ask me?

I wouldhave loved to have had my mom around when I hadmy kids. I would just offerthen seewhat they say.

Is this your son or your daughter? I think it makes a difference. My DD is expecting her second child soon. Her MIL has volunteered to stay for a while but DD isn't too thrilled about it. However, she's counting on me coming to help. I'd ask and see what response you get. Just let them know you're available if needed.

What you do is say you are coming and wait for the response. Judge you decision by what is said. You might get a big thank you or a lukewarm response. The lukewarm response might make you decide to just stay a few days until she is back up on her feet.

I was going to stay with daughter for a day or two, but could not put up with the dogs and other things. So we came home after one day. But, we did not have to go so far, just a two hour drive by car.

Maybe I'm bad, but I never asked - I just said I was coming to help and I got no resistance - in fact, both my daughter and my SIL were VERY happy to hear that. My mother lived near me when I had my kids and she always took a week off work and came everyday. It was a Godsend. She cleaned, did laundry, grocery shopped and cooked. I was able to go to my older daughter's on a daily basis, but my young one lived in MD when her first was born and I stayed a little longer than a week and when the second was born, just a few months ago at their home upstate NY I went for nearly 2 weeks. Both times, she cried when I left. So, make that call - tell them you'd like to come if they will have you.

My son and wife asked me to come all three times. Her mother lives closer, but not as able to do what I can do. It is the most wonderful kind of exhaustion.

id say offer but dont be disipointed if she says no.

I told my kids if they wanted help I would be there. all they have to do is ask. Otherwise i keep my nose out.

most chose to do it alone, they felt they needed to establish their own routine.(DH and i felt the same when we had ours) The kids all know we will be there if they need us.
I don't like the assumption some have that the new parents "don't know what to do" or "can't handle" it. i have more confidence in my kids that that. they are all quite capable of taking care of themselves AND a baby.

My sister just had her first and is grateful that my hubby and I are going to be staying with her while we move. BUT, we're very close and I told her very clearly what my expectations were and asked what exactly I could do to help. It's boiling down to me cooking and keeping the baby while she naps. She rejected offers from everyone else...and I think it's because she knows she can be blunt and honest with me and I won't be hurt if she needs to have a little time to be mad.
I think if you're going to "impose" make sure you ask and go to truly help out. (My sister had offers where what they really wanted to do was hold and play with the baby and expected her to do everything.) Maybe you could even let them know how you intend to help or ask how you can. Really set the boundaries and expectations. Emotions can run a little hot and cold after giving birth...for both parents.
I hope it all works out. If anything enjoy your time with the new baby and CONGRATS!!!

From my MIL, no, she is sweet. But Mothering styles are extremely different. From my mother, it would have been a blessing. Like minds.

From MIL, there is too much friction on how a baby should and should not be taken care of. Two women raised differently on how a child should be raised, even in the best of relationships, this can be an issue.

I would exactly like ScrappyCats said. Just say "hey im coming" see if you get a "great!" or a "hmmm, were going to be busy....."

Me too...I did have my gram a while. But there's nothing like mom and that bonding. I can't wait to be a Nana...but I'm not in that big of hurry... =)

I was informed by daddy his mom was coming to help out for a week or two, haven't asked dd her opinion yet!

I would let them know that you're available to help and then let them decide what they want to do.

I have only one daughter. She has two children now. I have been blessed to witness the birth of each of my grandchildren and am bonded with both. When the first one was born my daughter and son-in-law wanted some time to learn how to care for a newborn without anyone watching and correcting them. They were and are both excellent parents. I was welcome to visit and get all the cuddling I wanted. I stayed long enough to tidy the house and such then I would go home and give them their privacy back. When my daughter needed sleep she called me to say so. When she went back to work I took all my vacation and spent each day with my granddaughter. When they came home from work I went home for the night. I have also been able to help with the 2nd grandchild. He is such a sweetie. They would have loved to have help from the other grandparents but it just wasn't an option. One set lives 10 hours away and another set has medical issues which prevents their helping.
What is the translation? Ask. Be prepared for the 'honesty' a pregnant female or new Mother is likely to give. Honor their wishes as much as you can. If you know your daughter is sleep deprived you might want to 'drop in' and let her get some good sleep. The lack of sufficient sleep seems to be the biggest challenge for the parents of a newborn. When you haven't slept in days you don't care if your saviour is your Mother or your Mother-in-law.
Good luck to each of you. Grandchildren are such a joy.

My MIL told me when we got married that she planned to come stay with us for 6 months to a year when we had our baby.

I tell you what, that was the best form of birth control ever! We never got around to having children.

I mentioned to my mother what MIL had said, and my mom said "I raised my kids, Don't be expecting me to take care of yours." Well, ok then. Thanks. I hadn't even asked her and wasn't even pregnant.

Best thing is to just talk to them, ask them what they want. If you do go stay with them for a bit, if it starts to be uncomfortable you know it's time to go home.

both my neices wanted their mom to come. she stayed a month
with the oldest( the new dad was doing chemo everyday )and DD had C sec. She was very welcomed by both of them. The youngest also in MD wanted the same but because she was far away she did 2weeks.

When my daughter was due. I went to Tennessee & ended up staying about 6 wks. So before the due date off I go. She went over... Then when the 2nd boy was born I went & took my Mom for several wks. You won't regret going & it'll be a sweet memory...... My SIL parents lived 45 min from them & I was the one who spent the most time....

:thumbup: :thumbup:

ROFL

:P :-P

I would have loved any help but it seemed the only thing I got was people coming at all hours that wanted to help only with the baby and tell me what to do. So please be sensative to that and truely help where help is wanted and needed.

Offer to help, and if accepted, keep in mind that SHE is the baby's mother...ask her before you do anything with the baby! Don't offer advice unless they ask, and don't get inbetween Mom and Dad when they have a difference of opinion regarding the baby. (or anything else! ;) )

I'd have loved to have been there when my grands were born...

Just tell them that you would like to come and help out and that you are available, then leave it to them to let you know what they would like. Open communication is the best. Don't go and then get a "feeling" that you should leave. Most people are not very good mind readers:)

My daughter has 4 boys and I was there for all 4 ,we lived in the same town, and my son and daughter-in-law have 2 girls and live in Atlanta,Ga.Her folks live there and were with them when the girls were born.I went to Georgia 3 wks later.

I think asking them is a good idea.

For my part, my MIL once made me promise that she would be present at the birth of my children. Call me childless in CA. lol

My oldest DD was living with me at the time. I was her breathing coach. She and the baby moved out after 2 weeks. It was sad to see them leave, but good to know she was going to a place where they could start their new lives together. Two more children later and a husband, her family is thriving. (I love you Mia!)

DO IT!! I had four kids in four years and I joke...but totally serious after the last three were born(they were vbacs) I was doing laundry and loading the dishwasher after they were 24 hours old...I never had more than hubby!!
DO IT!!!!! You wont regret it!

My mom stayed with me when I had my first. It was a blessing!!!!!!!!! Too bad she had to go home (25 miles away). That's when I began having too stay up all the time. Lack of sleep. She did come out every now and then so I could get some sleep.

Make the offer. You want to be there for your daughter and grandchild and yes SIL too. Even if it's so she can rest some. If SIL says no explain "A happy mom is the best wife and if she's tired it's like she's having PMS." LOL

It's also bonding time with grandma!!

GO FOR IT! ALL they can say is no thanks.

My DH and I lived with my mom when our DD was born. My mom was really good, and she did try to impart advice but I firmly told her that I was my DD's mom, and that I had to make my own choices on how to raise our DD. We're fine now, but we did have one major blow up argument.

And my MIL still has not seen our daughter, 2 and a half years later.

ROFL. I bet planned parentthood never thought of that.

My stepmother came when my children were born (I have 4). My MIL and my mother were not willing or able to help. I will always be grateful that she came. She didn't really help with the housework (although she did offer) but she did get meals and take care of the older children as the younger ones came along. And it meant a lot to me that she was willing to come and help me. She really has been a mother to me over the years and I am thankful to have her. She and my Dad will celebrate 36 years of marriage on May 31!

My first child was the first grandchild on my side of the family. I told my MIL she could come after my mother left because we had only one guest room. Thankfully she listened. I told my mom to wait until baby was born because I wanted her there longer after baby came. It would have been great to have her there before too, but I knew she wanted to spend time with the baby. I didn't ask and she didn't ask, we just both knew. Second time around MIL did not make it, we were stationed too far away for her to drive and she doesn't fly. My mother was there and I cried when she left!

i would ask... she what they say...
Thank god for my mom... she lives in the same town.. did't over step, and insisted to take the baby one night to her house, so we could get some sleep!

I have 11 grandchildren and have been blessed to be at each of their births, except the last two, and helped out afterwards. My Mother always came and if I remember correctly, at times both my Mother and MIL came... they just took turns.

I have heard from others or from young mothers themselves that they don't want their family or siblings in the room for delivery. See, I am blessed because even my DIL wanted me. Those are special moments. There is a way to stay out of their way while you are staying with them. Usually, that type of help is very welcome. I hope it all works out for you. Congratulations on the birth of your grandchild! It is such a blessing to be a Grandma...

Just ask. You'll never know otherwise. Me, I didn't want anyone but hubby here, but others are different (and other moms too)

When I had my first baby, my MIL told us at the hospital on the day when we were to come home that she was coming to take care of the baby that she wold feed her and watch her so I could get some rest. I will always remember her for her act of kindness. That was 34 years ago.

My first grandbaby was born on the 15th. I got to be there in the delivery room with them. Then after they got out of the hospital I went and spent the days with them. They live in a tiny apartment so I drove 31 miles each way to my parents house for the night. I just got home on Sunday evening. It was wonderful being there to help them out and take care of Isaac while my daughter and her husband got a nap and a little bit of a break in!!!
My daughter asked me to come!

Even if they say no at first, feel them out again a few days after the birth. You never know how things will go. With my first, I was a wreck. I barely touched him for two weeks. If that happens, they will need help. If things go easy (like with my #2), they may not need it.

I agree :thumbup: :thumbup:

I would never offer to be at the birth. I personally think that is a time for just the parents, but I did go straight after to do the usual chores and stayed for a week each time. With the 2nd, my daughter asked me to come beforhand so that I could be there to look after no 1 when she had to go to hospital for the birth.

absolutely-my son in law is a picu doctor and my daughter is a genetics counselor and they asked my husband and I to come to their house the day they brought my g baby home because they were "scared". I went every weekend and took 2 weeks vacation so I could be there and they could sleep.This after my well educated dughter was sure she could handle everything herself. GO!!! theywill love it!!! and you. :thumbup:

I said I want to come but give your mom (DIL's) first chance to be there for the birth and a while afterwards. Maverick was born Jan.18th and I went Feb. 13th I think. It just makes sense to me to have the wife's mom there initially. When I got there, I offered to do the 4 AM feeding so mom could sleep in. Son is in military so gets up early. He would bring Maverick to me at 4 AM and I would feed and hold him until mom got up.... around 7 or 8 AM. I LOVED the time I had alone with my first grandbaby and since I am awake at that time anyway, it was perfect for me. I did ask before his birth what I could do to help. They both really appreciated me being there and taking the early morning shift.