It's rough but don't make him too comfy. Keep your room

I can see you are probably a very sensitive person. However, I never read anything that wasn't tough love. As an older person, I can attest to there are times when a child needs to grow up. His Mother is certainly taking him in and no one has suggested less.

what about him having the walk in attic, sounds ideal AND he will be able to have independance too, after all it is only a temp thing------YOU HOPE!

There is a difference between being a loving parent who helps out short term and an enabler who helps turn their own kid into a drag on society after the parent gets fed up. We don't know the circumstances so many options are offered up for Mom to weigh and decide what she and Dad are to do. I honestly believe that you in the quote above show that you are also an immature (whether in years or just personality) person who doesn't understand what "tough love" really is. Perhaps you needed some yourself.
You didn't want to offend BUT...so maybe you should have kept your fingers off the keyboard as you have offended this 73 year old who has helped family (home, money & food) but also drew limits to help the person maintain their own self respect by getting out EVERY day and looking for work. There ARE jobs, maybe not with the desired pay or in the desired field of work but anything is better for your self respect than nothing and sometimes limits are needed for that extra push. Grow up and face it!

Thank you blueheavenfla. That was very well put and is exactly what I believe in. Of course, I am in the Senior citizen's group also and am some times astounded at what this younger generation does. There are still a lot of good young minds out there also.

The attic it is! He can make it as comfortable as he wants.

I have lost track of how many people have lived with me for a time. My first count is about 30 people, that is right 30. That is in about 54 years. Different reasons for all of them.
I am now retired and will limit my generosity to people that I gave birth too.

I just read this entire thread and see NOTHING heartless in any of the responses.
A lot of them are varied but I didn't read anything that suggested anyone doesn't love their child.
It's hard being a parent, but the most rewarding job I've ever had. I always want what's best for my children but best isn't always pretty!
A couple of my thoughts on this:
An adult child is not the same as an aging parent. Aging parents are usually, but not always, compromised in some way that is out of their control.
Adult children however, are usually able bodied and just starting their lives. I've seen kids move back home for many reasons and haven't like what I've seen. But they weren't my kids so it's none of my business. It really depends on the circumstances.
My Mom instinct is always to fix and rescue but that's not good for adult kids. It's a hard call to be sure.
I'm not even going to comment of what this poster should do but I wish you all the best!! :D

Maybe the corner of your living room or family room.

blueheaven fla. caring does not mean enabling. I feel bad for you. Tough love....I'v seen a 16 yo neice thrown out of her house with "tough love. how was that tough love. that was stupidity on my sisters part. My neice grew up in my house. It drove my sister and I apart. Tough love has anger in it and is fueled by a hard heart. My neice had 2 beautiful girls and was a good mom. However she passed away suddenly at 34. Her girls came to me at 15 &16 years old, My sister greives every single day about her Tough Love approach. One great neice will have a baby in April. He will call me Gramma.

quote=blueheavenfla]There is a difference between being a loving parent who helps out short term and an enabler who helps turn their own kid into a drag on society after the parent gets fed up. We don't know the circumstances so many options are offered up for Mom to weigh and decide what she and Dad are to do. I honestly believe that you in the quote above show that you are also an immature (whether in years or just personality) person who doesn't understand what "tough love" really is. Perhaps you needed some yourself.
You didn't want to offend BUT...so maybe you should have kept your fingers off the keyboard as you have offended this 73 year old who has helped family (home, money & food) but also drew limits to help the person maintain their own self respect by getting out EVERY day and looking for work. There ARE jobs, maybe not with the desired pay or in the desired field of work but anything is better for your self respect than nothing and sometimes limits are needed for that extra push. Grow up and face it![/quote]

Tough love is doing what you know is best for your child in the long run, even when it's difficult for you, and often for the child, in the short term. Tough love takes not only guts and foresight, but immense bravery and love. It's fueled by anything but anger and a hard heart. It can only be accomplished with immense love.

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