My SIL has been mad at us for about 5 yrs. We haven't spent Christmas or Thanksgiving with them in all this time - she makes sure they have other commitments that don't include us - she never answers the phone when we call, and so on and so forth. Since it's only my brother and me, we see each other frequently, but that came to an abrupt halt. Where his wife is concerned, my brother doesn't rock the boat, he prefers peace at any cost to conflict, so our relationship has suffered as a result.

My DH and SIL were raised together so my DH totally understands. My DH and I just got caught in the middle of her family feud and although we were managing to keep ourselves out of the mainstream, my poor DH let something slip in an innocent conversation with "outsted" family members and suddenly we were in the dog house.

Well, when I called a few days ago my SIL answered the phone!! And my Xmas gift from her was a basket she had woven herself - believe me, she weaves astonishing baskets and her quilts are works of art so to get something made by her is a major treat. I almost fell off my chair!! I'm so happy!! My DH tells me it's little steps with her so I will step lightly, but we already have plans to visit them in February for their grandson's cub to boy scout celebration.

So color me freakin' happy this holiday season!

Aw, I am really happy for you! They do say Christmas is the season of Miracles...I hope things continue to get better for you all. HUGS!

My sister didn't talk to me for 15 years. I kept openning the door, just in case she wanted to talk. Finally, she did. It was very small steps - today, we talk every day. BUT, I keep my feelings safe - I don't trust it won't happen again. She's just like that.

Glad your SIL is "coming around". Just act as if nothing ever happened.

Glad to hear that. Good for you and your family. Family relationships are so difficult. I didn't even get a hello from my only surviving brother this year. Something is not right. I, too, keep opening the door. But he doesn't even want to peek.

I try to keep things together with my DH's children, who can be a very selfish, spoiled group. My DH says he should call me Mrs. Kissinger, but that would make him Mr. Kissinger and he is not that by any stretch of the imagination.

I just keep trying and keep getting hurt but I live by that golden rule...do unto others...

It may not work in my lifetime, but I can put my head on my pillow at night and know I have done my best by trying to share my love.

So happy to hear that she has taken steps to finally make amends. Merry Christmas!!!

family can be very disappointing. DH has a daughter who does not speak to him, no one can figure out why. Just vague "you weren't there for me" kind of stuff. He has 3 other kids, got cards from all of them, none of them called on Christmas day.

Wonderful news. Keep it going.

Congratulations! It's so horrible when family can't be family. My brother's were married to women that didn't get along, it was pretty tense at family gatherings until I took them both into mom and dad's bedroom and had a talk with them. I told them both that they could act any way they wanted on their turf but when they walked through the front door of mom and dad's house they were to treat each other with civility. I also told them that if either one of them weren't mature enough to do that then that one needed to stay home. They still couldn't stand each other but they acted decent at mom and dad's.

Now, that's a good Christmas present. May in Jersey

I have 10 siblings so it seems that there is always someone unhappy with someone else. Since there are so many at large family gatherings they can generally avoid each other until they get over it. Only one brother never comes it seems he is angry at everyone. Don't know why. Although, I suspect, his now ex may not have told him of get togethers and he felt excluded.
So far I've had no luck at changing that.

Congratulations ... I'm so glad you had a great Christmas :)

I wish I could say my family's relationship has mended. I have 5 brothers and sisters, all are mad at me. I have tried to contact all of them many times.

Thank you for sharing this encouraging news! The Christmas season can be difficult for many people - and it is just so neat to hear of a mended family relationship. Hugs to you from Iowa :)

Building on a relationship-- one suggestion is to make an offer (better in e-mail or letter so she can re-read and re-think her reply) to buy one of her baskets as a gift for someone you know, someone that she does not know. Show her you are proud of her work, and acknowledge her creativity. That is a grand gesture that she cannot ignore. Just don't defeat yourself by bargaining for a discount price!!!! Good luck! Some things cannot be hurried...

That is great news!! So happy for you.

I am very happy for you.
as has already been said small steps and things will get better in time.
it took me over 30 years to even get an hallo from my father inlaw, and 33 years to convince my MIL that I wasn't what she thought of me. after I helped to shower her and do little jobs for her after her operation, but she still went to the grave saying I tricked her son into marrying me, it must be the longest trick in history as we have now been married for 46 years. her oldest son still hates me but he hates everyone so that is his problem. he is even turning his own children away from him by the way he shouts at everyone, I am sure he will burst his boiler soon,
it is so sad when people behave badly everyone suffers one way or another.

WONDERFUL!!! Life is too short to let petty things keep a person from loved ones! I'm glad she's coming around.

well, that's great. Glad things are mending but it sounds like your DH is right so step lightly.

good news maybe one day my sis will get over herself heres hoping

give her a huge long hug when you see her, before she can distance herself. good luck.

What a great Christmas gift :D:D:D

I totally understand, it seems that when our family gets together there is always some kind of misunderstanding. I'm the one who does not like conflict. I will try to do whatever to keep the peace. It does not always work. I am happy for you that your problem seems to be coming to a halt. Happy New Year. I hope that all will work out.

I only wish that I was as smart as you.

Happy for you...family feuds can be so mentally exhausting

Glad to hear the news---family relationships can be complicated!

I'm not sure what color "freakin happy" is, but consider yourself colored! I hope that's the end of the fued!! :D :thumbup:

My SIL's sister is a master basket weaver and I used to get priority buying privileges when she made new baskets (I have them on display and in use all over my house), and then she taught my SIL to weave and I purchased the first set of coasters my SIL made - I never negotiated, I gladly paid full price, their pricing has always been fair. Hopefully, in the future, I'll have an opportunity to purchase some of my SIL's baskets. We'll see!

EXACTLY

You are so right.

I work in the funeral business and so glad to know that your next visit will be with the living and not looking at someone's body in a casket. Every week I deal with people who cry over a casket with regret about broken relationships. Life is to short to be at odds. Even if we have to apologize for something we know was innocent. God bless your family real good through this joyous reunion. Cherish each new memory.

I have a sister and half-brother who have not talked to me since our mother died 6yrs ago. I say life is to short to be so petty. There is a saying stab me once shame on you stab me twice shame on me, NEVER again. And guess what life does go on. I have made peace one to many times and now it is their turn. I don't want to sound negative but keep your guard up. Hoping all turns out well for you and your family.

I'm so happy for you! By all means keep the steps light! I can relate fully to this situation - i have one of my own and I just keep the door open - if she wishes to enter, that would be wonderful, if not - well, the door remains open!

That is great news - maybe this is just the beginning! My ex has not spoken to our daughter in almost a year - treats her like an acquaintance. Still does not know why. His family feels horribly about it so maybe they will speak up next time they see him.

Peace and forgiveness are good! What a wonderful Christmas gift.

i agree about his kids i keep putting my hand out to them and nothing so as sad as it was i said enough there was problems before my DH passed but tried to keep the line open sence then but no responce except 1

I have a sister in law who lives in the same town as my DH (her brother) and I do. I always try to speak to her and be friendly but she would turn her back to me. We would get notes and cards from her regularly,wishing DH would make amends. I called her and suggested she call him and make a "date" with him. That way, they can visit and get over the conflict. It have been two weeks and she have not called him. But the ball is back in her court, sadly.

My brother and I had a a terrible relationship growing up, even in our 20's we couldn't be in the same room together longer than 5 minutes before we would start arguing with each other. Just by chance, we discovered that our mother, thinking she was "helping" us with our relationship, was actually the reason it was so bad. We got along after that but it wasn't until our mom passed away that we became really close.

So it was especially hard when my SIL turned her back on us, although it really wasn't out of character for her to do so. And my brother isn't a strong person so I wasn't surprised when he just accepted it.

So now I'm just hoping we will get back on an even keel. It really helps that my DH totally understands, probably better than my brother and I ever will, since he's known her all his life.

that is so good to hear. I wish my son would see the daylight & man up. But he too won't rock the boat because the wife & kids are in the boat, even tho he knows what has been said is the truth. I've apologized that the arguement happened but that's not enough for his wife. It's 5 months today that they have been dragging this on & I just don't play those games well. Hard to figure out & I tried killing this girl with kindness for 9 yrs. No one could understand how I remained so calm & collected when it came to her. I never play their head games they play so I ignored anything she was trying to 'create'. I feel it is their loss not mine other than not seeing my grandkids like we use to. Her girlfriend put it best when she called her a 'physco b&***" one time. That name has stuck in the back of my mind every since!

Nothing is better than a mended family. We have had major family issues over the past 20 years, but now everyone loves everyone else, and all is well. I know how it feels, and I am happy your family is healing.

Merry Christmas is right!!

So glad for you! Life is too short not to talk or see each other!