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Thread: A Relationship on the Mend - Merry Christmas to Me!

  1. #1
    Super Member lalaland's Avatar
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    My SIL has been mad at us for about 5 yrs. We haven't spent Christmas or Thanksgiving with them in all this time - she makes sure they have other commitments that don't include us - she never answers the phone when we call, and so on and so forth. Since it's only my brother and me, we see each other frequently, but that came to an abrupt halt. Where his wife is concerned, my brother doesn't rock the boat, he prefers peace at any cost to conflict, so our relationship has suffered as a result.

    My DH and SIL were raised together so my DH totally understands. My DH and I just got caught in the middle of her family feud and although we were managing to keep ourselves out of the mainstream, my poor DH let something slip in an innocent conversation with "outsted" family members and suddenly we were in the dog house.

    Well, when I called a few days ago my SIL answered the phone!! And my Xmas gift from her was a basket she had woven herself - believe me, she weaves astonishing baskets and her quilts are works of art so to get something made by her is a major treat. I almost fell off my chair!! I'm so happy!! My DH tells me it's little steps with her so I will step lightly, but we already have plans to visit them in February for their grandson's cub to boy scout celebration.

    So color me freakin' happy this holiday season!

  2. #2
    Power Poster CarrieAnne's Avatar
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    Aw, I am really happy for you! They do say Christmas is the season of Miracles...I hope things continue to get better for you all. HUGS!

  3. #3
    Super Member Kooklabell's Avatar
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    My sister didn't talk to me for 15 years. I kept openning the door, just in case she wanted to talk. Finally, she did. It was very small steps - today, we talk every day. BUT, I keep my feelings safe - I don't trust it won't happen again. She's just like that.

    Glad your SIL is "coming around". Just act as if nothing ever happened.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Japonica's Avatar
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    Glad to hear that. Good for you and your family. Family relationships are so difficult. I didn't even get a hello from my only surviving brother this year. Something is not right. I, too, keep opening the door. But he doesn't even want to peek.

    I try to keep things together with my DH's children, who can be a very selfish, spoiled group. My DH says he should call me Mrs. Kissinger, but that would make him Mr. Kissinger and he is not that by any stretch of the imagination.

    I just keep trying and keep getting hurt but I live by that golden rule...do unto others...

    It may not work in my lifetime, but I can put my head on my pillow at night and know I have done my best by trying to share my love.

  5. #5
    Senior Member trueimage's Avatar
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    So happy to hear that she has taken steps to finally make amends. Merry Christmas!!!

  6. #6
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
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    family can be very disappointing. DH has a daughter who does not speak to him, no one can figure out why. Just vague "you weren't there for me" kind of stuff. He has 3 other kids, got cards from all of them, none of them called on Christmas day.

  7. #7
    Super Member Murphy's Avatar
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    Wonderful news. Keep it going.

  8. #8
    Super Member raptureready's Avatar
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    Congratulations! It's so horrible when family can't be family. My brother's were married to women that didn't get along, it was pretty tense at family gatherings until I took them both into mom and dad's bedroom and had a talk with them. I told them both that they could act any way they wanted on their turf but when they walked through the front door of mom and dad's house they were to treat each other with civility. I also told them that if either one of them weren't mature enough to do that then that one needed to stay home. They still couldn't stand each other but they acted decent at mom and dad's.

  9. #9
    Super Member May in Jersey's Avatar
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    Now, that's a good Christmas present. May in Jersey

  10. #10
    Super Member kateyb's Avatar
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    I have 10 siblings so it seems that there is always someone unhappy with someone else. Since there are so many at large family gatherings they can generally avoid each other until they get over it. Only one brother never comes it seems he is angry at everyone. Don't know why. Although, I suspect, his now ex may not have told him of get togethers and he felt excluded.
    So far I've had no luck at changing that.

  11. #11
    Super Member CraftsByRobin's Avatar
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    Congratulations ... I'm so glad you had a great Christmas :)

  12. #12
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    I wish I could say my family's relationship has mended. I have 5 brothers and sisters, all are mad at me. I have tried to contact all of them many times.

  13. #13
    Super Member Midwestmary's Avatar
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    Thank you for sharing this encouraging news! The Christmas season can be difficult for many people - and it is just so neat to hear of a mended family relationship. Hugs to you from Iowa :)

  14. #14
    Senior Member yonnikka's Avatar
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    Building on a relationship-- one suggestion is to make an offer (better in e-mail or letter so she can re-read and re-think her reply) to buy one of her baskets as a gift for someone you know, someone that she does not know. Show her you are proud of her work, and acknowledge her creativity. That is a grand gesture that she cannot ignore. Just don't defeat yourself by bargaining for a discount price!!!! Good luck! Some things cannot be hurried...

  15. #15
    Super Member mollymct's Avatar
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    That is great news!! So happy for you.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by trueimage
    So happy to hear that she has taken steps to finally make amends. Merry Christmas!!!
    I am very happy for you.
    as has already been said small steps and things will get better in time.
    it took me over 30 years to even get an hallo from my father inlaw, and 33 years to convince my MIL that I wasn't what she thought of me. after I helped to shower her and do little jobs for her after her operation, but she still went to the grave saying I tricked her son into marrying me, it must be the longest trick in history as we have now been married for 46 years. her oldest son still hates me but he hates everyone so that is his problem. he is even turning his own children away from him by the way he shouts at everyone, I am sure he will burst his boiler soon,
    it is so sad when people behave badly everyone suffers one way or another.

  17. #17
    Super Member amandasgramma's Avatar
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    WONDERFUL!!! Life is too short to let petty things keep a person from loved ones! I'm glad she's coming around.

  18. #18
    Senior Member ljsunflower's Avatar
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    well, that's great. Glad things are mending but it sounds like your DH is right so step lightly.

  19. #19
    Senior Member cashmommy11's Avatar
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    good news maybe one day my sis will get over herself heres hoping

  20. #20
    Power Poster nativetexan's Avatar
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    give her a huge long hug when you see her, before she can distance herself. good luck.

  21. #21
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    What a great Christmas gift :D:D:D

  22. #22
    Junior Member diane647's Avatar
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    I totally understand, it seems that when our family gets together there is always some kind of misunderstanding. I'm the one who does not like conflict. I will try to do whatever to keep the peace. It does not always work. I am happy for you that your problem seems to be coming to a halt. Happy New Year. I hope that all will work out.

  23. #23
    Junior Member diane647's Avatar
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    I only wish that I was as smart as you.

  24. #24
    Jim
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    Super Member Jim's Avatar
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    Happy for you...family feuds can be so mentally exhausting

  25. #25
    Super Member Joan's Avatar
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    Glad to hear the news---family relationships can be complicated!

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