Go spend some time with her. My mother found out she had bladder cancer and my brother decided not to come home, (if you don't see it, it isn't real ) and he regrets it now. Mom is gone and he missed his chance to let her know how much she meant to him.

[quote=iowabelle]
I did tell my brother I was willing to come home, either to visit or permanently (unfortunately I had an unpleasant childhood--mostly on account of my father and bullying at school-- so this is a big thing for me to be willing to do).
Since I'm currently unemployed, renting a small apartment and have no children, it's not like much holds me here. My motto is "Have kitty litter box, will travel."


Go, Now! See for yourself what is going on then make your decision about moving.

Dear Iowabelle - sorry to hear of your news. I can only recommend that you try to stay in touch - a call, a note in the mail - several times a week. Your Mother is going to go through some tough days with chemo. With modern medicine many older women are cancer survivors. No it is not realistic to expect to have our parents forever but we are not talking realistic right now. Your heart is breaking. May I leave some words for you: Life is a gift.....Once shared it remains in our hearts forever. a prayer for you and all in your family.

Follow your heart... Regret magnifies grief, so do the things that make you and your mom happy and feel loved. Watch old movies together. Go through the family photo albums. Listen to comedy records (Bill Cosby's, My Brother Russell With Whom I Slept is the best on this planet). Buy your mom a journal so that she can have a private place to share her fears, her hopes. Bake her fresh bread. Fill her room with beautiful things and the things she loves. Tell her bedtime stories when she can't sleep. Share your happiest memories of her. Hold her hand. Look into her eyes.

My husband and his family have had lots of cancer. My husband survived 3rd stage non-hodgkins lymphoma with a bone marrow transplant. I count my blessings, as we've lost too many others. My dad died of a stroke, my mom is still alive at 80, my aunt has been diagnosed with 3rd stage lung cancer, my sister has beginning emphysema... I just try to wrap them, and myself, in quilts of love.

I didn't have much time to think about it either...diagnosed and then surgery all in one week. I'm fine now and have been for 8 years..count my blessings and just prayed alot. Friends were so good to me and so many cards I didn't have time to brood

I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer 2.5 years ago. (A different type of cancer in each breast). What meant most to me was people helping my husband with meals, cards (just knowing I was being thought of) and prayer. Sometimes I'd cry (when no one was around) because I couldn't believe this was happening to me. God was right there with me through it all.

I grew up with a mother with breast cancer so I have faced it all my life. She was diagnosed when I was five and she fought it bravely until it won when I was 21. We buried her 30 years ago on Christmas Eve. My dad passed from cancer 6 years ago. What my mom taught me was to be brave and don't let it take over your whole life. Spend time with those you love, take care of yourself so you can be there for others, do what it necessary and let the rest go. Live so that you have no regrets.

Ohhh, this is such good advise. I'd like to add: get your mammograms done according to schedule. I was only one month late...

First off, let me say I HATE cancer! My dad got bladder cancer and in 6 months he was gone. It is a horrible disease that literally eats the life out of you.

I lived 6 hours from my family, but dh and I went up alot to visit. I told him all the time I loved him. When he died, it was a blessing.

Just tell those you love how much they mean to you. Cancer is sometimes treatable, but, when it isn't, it is death doing its job.

I miss my dad very much. I think of him often, but I don't think of him the way he was with cancer, I think of him as he was when he was healthy.

When I was 37 (1979 & 18" of snow) I had my first (left) mastectomy and 16 lymph nodes removed. Chemo for a year. My mother lost it. Well, in 1983 Mom died of ovarian cancer. In 1984 my right breast had to be removed, no chemo, or radiation. (thank goodness) Mind you I was raising 3 kids alone at the time as their father gave no support at all. Anyway, I worked every day, took the chemo for the first breast on my lunch hour and worked every day. It was tough but I made it. My youngest was only 5 years old at that time. Well, at 27 my baby (youngest) found out she had cancer. Mastectomy, chemo and radiation. Then I lost it and realized what my Mom had gone through with me having cancer. Six years later (a month before her wedding) she found out she had to have the right breast removed. She gave her, now husband, a chance to back out. He told her that he loved her no matter what and would stand by her. He did...that was four years ago in April. She went through radiation, no chemo this time. She has not been able to conceive, so they are foster parents with option to adopt should there be a child to be adopted. Right now, they have a little almost four year old little girl. They will have her until May so far as we know. They both love kids. My sister had cancer in both breasts but opted to only have lumpdectomies. She didn't want to disfigure her body. Imagine that!!! All in all, everyone is doing fine at the moment. It is so nice not having to wear a bra...lol