venting is good, but are you presuming she thinks she doesn't like you?Wow if someone gave me a quilt ! sure would really appreciate the work that was put in it. Like some of the girls said, who told you that, and are you certain its true, maybe that person is jealous?

Me too!

Some people, because of things said or done in their past, don't feel worthy of others' love. Just sounds like she needs continued hugs and love from you and pray that it sinks in during her life time so she realizes how much you love her. God bless you. :-D

Send her a Note and tell her how much she means to you and that you've been so Pleased that she is taking the quilt you made with Love to all her friends and showing off "your passion" with such pride in "Her Daughter In Law" Sign it "With Love"

Mattee........copy your post here and mail it to her ! That way she will "get the message" and if she cries, you won't be there to hear it and feel badly. Seriously though, she is probably just too sensitive to "read" your true feelings, and if a beautiful quilt didn't convey your affection for her, possibly nothing will. Maybe over time, she will know how much you care. Be patient, and be proud of that lovely quilt you gave her !

This is the way to go. AND what ulterior motive does the person have to told this to you. Simply reinforce the love you have for her etc.

I like mommamac's idea too. I hope that you'll feel better as time goes on and that your MIL will start to relax more, too.

I agree with writing the note with a small gift and note attached saying only special people get handmade gifts from you - and that she is very special in your life! That should make her think twice before saying anything else to hurt you - or make you wonder... make it be a gift for her birthday - or Mother's Day - her own special day - that makes it even more personal.

I agree whole heartedly with this..

This says it all! Simple, to the point and loving. Nothing more needed.

What a great way to get the point across. If she doesn't get the message then she never will. Just be glad she liked it so much.

This sounds like the note you should send. It is sincere and thoughtfull!!!!!!

I would take an opportune moment when we were alone and give her a hug and tell her how much it meant to you that she shared the quilt with her friends. That you are so happy that she is your MIL because she raised such a wonderful son and (insert several things here) . I'm sure you can find a few things about her to really seriously praise.
I then would tell her how glad you are that she is your MIL. You have acquaintances that relate horrible MIL incidents to you and that you are always so happy that she is not like that.
You get way farther with honey than with vinegar!! grin

How old is she? Could it be an aging problem?

My MIL didn't like me either. She was a little thing(5') I'm tall. I helped her get in my car the front seat, and put the seat belt on her. When driving down the road she said "You don't like me very much." I asked her why she thought that. It was because nobody ever let her sit in the fornt seat anymore because they thought the seat belt would kill her. Then we went to eat. She ordered at the counter in this real low voice, and when I ordered she says in the loudest voice you ever heard. I suppose I have to pay for it all." I did make her 2 quilts, and would you believe she told everybody I was her favorite DIL. There were 3 of us DIL. It will work out in the end. She passed away at 98,but she still knew who I was, the one that made her the great quilts.

I second this

That was my first thought too. ...but how do you know that she thinks you don't like her?

Call your MIL......."just to say hello" and add
"I love you, Mom" before you hang up. That'll do it.

I like mommamac's suggestion too. Good luck with your feelings.

An awesome way to respond.

Maybe send/give her a card that says how much you care - maybe it's less "intimidating" than saying it in person. Not sure if this is good advice or not - I always communicate how I feel - don't like people "wondering" about things so I try to be clear. Good luck!

Why not just sit down and write your mother in law a love letter telling her of all the various things you thought about her while you quilted her quilt? Tell her about the various blocks and why they meant a lot to you - for only her. Tell her many thing/reasons that you love her & also love it that her son is your husband. Your gift of the quilt is simply a way of expressing love. Perhaps she has very little self confidence - boost her up!

That's funny. In all the years I have known my MIL, I have never actually called her anything. I make sure that we have eye-contact in person and on the phone, it's no problem. She is not someone I would feel comfortable calling "mom" and it is too weird to call her by her first name. For the longest time she would end her calls with some sappy "I love you honey" or some other BS to which I replied (depending on my mood) "Allrighty then" or "That's nice" - She FINALLY got the message and gave up. (Wiping brow). lol

It may be that she wants a SPECIFIC interaction (Compliments? Invitations? Accepting/seeking advise? Respect for life choices?) from you and without that then she is not sure that you like her - in the way that she wants to be or is comfortable that she is 'liked'.

Family is culture and the probability is that your method of communicating that you care is a mis-match with her expectations of how people who 'like' each other interact. I'm pragmatic and blunt - not affectionate or demonstrative and often I have a difficult time 'communicating' with the gentler kinder people in my life.

I think this is a very good idea.

When my MIL came to live with us I wasn't sure how that would work. I once made the comment that I wasn't sure it would work because I didn't know if she liked me. She never interacted with me a lot. Her reply was, "You are a redhead I was leaving you alone." The thing she said later was I was easier to get along with than any of her other DIL's. So..you just never know.

I agree with this...write her a note telling her how happy you are that she loves the quilt you made for her. And make sure she understands that she is special to you.

I think this is a home run of an answer, and you are very wise Mommamac. Rita

I was kind of thinking along these same lines. There is a book out there about love languages by Gary Chapamn. I've read the book, and the funny thing is, I still don't know what my "love language" is, but I can spot others. For an example, my DIL is an excellent gift giver. She really pays attention to what people like, and her gifts reflect that. It is her love language. Maybe you need to find out what you MIL's love language is:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
or
Physical Touch

This is exactly whats between myself and my MIL but she has gone so far to say my DH should have married a girl named trudy This woman lives with us and if she needs anything it is my responsibility to do and I do it willingly Her other two sons who live in this same village comeand see her one on the average of once a month and the other about once a year

I agree here. Consider the source. Actions speak louder than words. Just be happy that she is happy with the quilt.

That is an excellent response!!!!!!!

although this particular discussion adds a different twist, the subject in general has been covered more than enough by now.

time to move on.