It means I like you! Seriously, I only give quilts to people I care about a great deal. All of the recent threads about people's reactions got me thinking, and annoyed all anew, at a recent quilt gifting situation that's a bit different than those I've read, so please allow me to vent.

My MIL and I have always had a good relationship, I thought. She had mentioned several times how much she loves quilts, though not in a begging-for-one kind of way. So, I went ahead and made her one. It took me forever. I usually ignore imperfections and relax when quilting, but this one meant a lot to me, so I was much more critical of my own work than normal. The quilt was very difficult and time consuming, and I was very relieved and proud when I gave it to my MIL. Honestly, the thing was such a PITA to make, I'm happy never to see it again, but, I digress. My MIL loved it! She apparently dragged it everywhere for months to show to all of her friends. She traveled all over with it, even taking it to her hairdresser to share! I was thrilled that she loved it so much.

So what is the problem you ask (if you've even stayed with me this long)? I just recently found out that she thinks I might not like her. WTH!?!?! (please excuse my language, even in its texty form). But seriously, what the @#^&? I've spend literally hundreds of hours over the years making her gifts, including the most complicated quilt I've ever done, and she thinks I might not like her? What do I have to do? She's the only adult I've ever made a quilt for (other than my husband, of course). I don't do that for people I don't like! She does love quilts, and she knows how much work goes into them, so I don't know what she's thinking. What else can I do to let this woman know I like her? Being me, I would love to sit her down and tell her I like her, but my family thinks I'll come across as too intimidating and she'll cry, and not in a good way, so that's out.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I love that she loved my quilt, I just don't know how or why she could not realize that when gifted a quilt the quilt-maker likes her! Believe me, I do not give quilts to my enemies.

so true so true

I think I'd really look at the person who told you that and wonder about any hidden agenda that person might have (unless it's your husband). I never really understand why people pass that kind of info along. Is it meant to make you happier? More secure with her? I just don't get that.
But, I am glad that she loved your quilt. I'd take her actions over someone else's talk anytime.

Wow, that's a different twist, isn't it?? Sounds to me like she is just insecure and you can't do a darn thing if that's the case. Security has to come from within.
I applaud you for making her such a wonderful quilt!!

how about sending her a note - something like:

I heard that your new quilt has visited many people ~ I'm thrilled that you think so much of it. Only special people get quilts from me and I'm happy to say you are one!

Maybe she is just an insecure kind of person or one who thinks she doesn't deserve to be loved for who she is. Just keep on treating her well and things may turn around.

Maybe you just need to express your true feelings in a calm way (without the language used here, of course ;-). Spend time with her doing fun stuff and tell her in no uncertain terms that you appreciate that the two of you are friends.

Show her this thread and what you just shared with us! That may open her eyes!

I like this!!!!

No matter how much I do for my MIL who lives on our property in her own house and I keep her yard mowed, pay her sattelite and water, run errands, take her to doctors, everything....and she thinks I don't like her. I love her and sometimes I don't like her because she can say some pretty mean things at whim. But my DH is her only son and I respect her for that. So don't take it personally, you know you have done everything to show it, let her learn to feel it. *H*U*G*S*

Have you thought the person passing on this info about your MIL may be jealous. MIL got a quilt and She/he didn'ton.
There are people that love to create friction in famillies.
Just forget it and enjoy your MIL.

I'm a writer, but I would express my feelings in writing - in much the same ways suggested above, but "attach" that note to a small gift like a coaster set or something and say "I only make handmade gifts for people who are special to me - LIKE YOU. If she doesn't "get it" the second time ..... well no more quilts for her! And probably a little less trust. Which is a shame.

Ditto!

Actually, it was my husband, among others. It's really the only explanation for some of her bizarre behavior. She's quite obviously trying to get me to like her. She's really trying; way too hard.

I like this a lot! Thanks for the idea.

Take her out to lunch and in a round about way let her know how much it meant to you that you were able to make her a quilt. That way she should get that you do like her and that she should feel special about being the only adult to receive a quilt from you. Jade

EXACTLY what I was thinking....give it the spin that you are overwhelmed she cared so much and that it only confirms how much she means to you!

Like mommamac's idea, give it a try & see where it takes you

I wish I had a DIL I would spoil her rotten. My departed MIL was soooooo good to me. I miss her.

I think some people as they get older experience their insecurities more than they did when they were younger. I know this happens to my DM.

How about calling and asking her, "I was thinking about you, how about going out to lunch? What day/time are you available? I love you and would really enjoy some time with just you and I." :D:D:D

With some people, no matter what you do will make them happy. My MIL has only one child. She says she lost 7, but I know better what happened to them. When I got pregnant of my third she said to me that I "have options" if I didn't want another one. Anyways, I am drifting from the subject. She hates my guts and tells everyone that she knows I don't like her. As usual, she do things and blames it on others...again drifting...12 years ago my husband got sick and needed a kidney transplant. His father was his first donor and best option. He was found to have a cancerous tumor sitting next to his kidney once they opened him to do the transplant. She cried and made a scene worthy of Broadway, but never once offered one of her kidneys to her only child. I was tested the same day as his father and knew I was compatible enough, so the hospital said they needed to take the mother first before even testing me further. She wouldn't do it, so I told the Dr if I wasn't the next donor we would go to another transplant center and tell them he had no mother. Two months later I gave him one of my kidneys.

Ever since this woman has not change a bit the way she treats me (well, lately she has because I heard her say some horrible things to her husband.I have the upper hand and Know how to play it). She has never thank me. I don't need her too, but It would be nice. She still tells everyone I hate her, and I have given up on her. DH wanted to take his car out today with all the snow we have to take her grocery shopping and I set my foot down. She knew there would be snow and didn't go shopping before, and she lives near 3 supermarkets where she wouldn't shop because some items are 10 cents more than other places. Well, let her spend 10 extra cents. Less money to go to the casino.

Sorry, I got carried away again. Is that ^%$& MIL subject. Get me every time.

Just go on with your life and ignore anything she does or says. You will never win in her eyes and is not worth the effort.

I'm so sorry that others have such, well, less than nice MILs.
My first one was a throughly nasty female, the other one was an absolute living Portuguese doll. That chubby old lady was one I wanted to be like when I grew up, everyone loved her. She even told me that if my DH, her son, ever got mean to go live with her!! She thought since he fought with brothers as a child he was mean!! He was as sweet as she was...I'll always miss him and her too.
Here's wishing all of you a much better year. May you have all you need and most of what you want.

Every quilt is truly stitched with love, why doesn't everyone know that??? dah!!!

I also like this idea!

I agree...for a person to pass that along sounds more like a person trying to cause friction. Maybe jealous that your MIL is sooo proud of you making her a beautiful quilt?

Perfect!

Great point!!! I would just let that one go. My MIL (rest in peace) would pull some weird things when she was feeling a little needy. I finally just stopped paying any attention to that. Wasnt worth it. I know I loved her, I told her I loved her and I was there w/ my DH (her son) when she took her last breath. She knows...trust me...she is just stirring the pot a bit. Hang in there girl!

I have a MIL that I love dearly, moreso now that my own mom is gone. We live about 100 miles apart, but talk on the phone often and visit when we can. I told her after I got a DIL that I hoped I would be as good as she had been. She cried. I never leave or hang up without telling her I love her. When DH and I married, she told him he better be good to me because I was way too good for him...she was kidding. A little. She's been my MIL for 41 years and I don't think we've ever had a cross word. I have been blessed.

I agree with this too. Some people are just so insecure they can't imagine that someone really loves them just for themselves.

I think I would be very confused if my MIL thought I didn't like her. I really, truly love my MIL, nearly as much as I love my own mother. She's a gem. How odd.

Anyhow, I though I would do like mentioned above. Mention to her how you heard the quilt you gave her has been well travelled and that you're glad she loves it so much. A quilt is a labor of love that is done only for those YOU love.

I am not, and I mean I am NOT, saying that your MIL is anything like mine. BUT....I know my MIL plays this "game" with her son (my DH) and I. She also plays the game between the two sons, I hate to say it, but sometimes she does this just to get attention/sympathy from one or the other. She plays each sons family against the other. It is irritating, but, we have learned (the hard way) that this is just her way.

Three days before my MIL died in my arms she told me she had underestimated me for years. She didn't like me in the beginning, but said I treated her better than her own daughters. Even when she was being judgemental of me, I always told her I loved her, and in the end she finally believed me. Just tell her you love her and let the stuff everyone else told you roll off your back. Just remember, they said She thought You didn't like Her, not that She didn't Like You!! Big difference.

I'm sorry so many people have MIL issues. Just to clarify, my MIL is not in any way mean. I don't think she's playing a game. She doesn't have a duplicitous bone in her body. I think I might understand this better if she were that way. I'm not at all mad at her, just confused, and honestly, I think a little hurt.

I know I can't expect others to feel this way, but I feel that there is no greater compliment I can give than to give someone a hand-made item. Because my MIL loves hand-made gifts, particularly quilts, as well, I never thought she would question my feelings after recieving a quilt.

Thanks for the support, guys!

Yeah if she got gifted a quilt I'd say you really like her.

Just this year I have made quilts for several family members that I love dearly. Unfortunately MIL was not one of the recipients. Our relationship is not the greatest, problems with my MIL are mostly between her and DH.(She chose men, and a different lifestyle than most mothers, she didn't take care of him when he was little, and when she was actually with him she was mean to him. She kicked him out of the house when he turned 18, he had a job and his own checking acct - she stole money from him. There's lots more, its really sad. He hardly ever talks about his childhood when he does he makes me cry.)

Needless to say DH harbours lots of bad feelings. MIL can go for months at a time without seeing DH or our children (her grandchildren) In 2009 one of our boys had hernia surgery and she had the nerve to get mad at us for not calling her. To be honest it just didn't occur to me as something I should do since she barely sees them anyway.

I try to stay totally out of it. I won't be mean to her, but truthfully she is not one of my favorite people in the world.

Anyways...... to the point. She has hinted all year that she would love to have a quilt. Her hints have not been at all subtle. I decided to gift her a quilt sometime in 2011. (The plan is to start it sometime in June so it will be done by her birthday in August) But I am dreading it so BAD :( Its just no fun making something for someone you don't have that "LOVE" for. My own mom told me to look at like this....... She is my husbands mother, and that means something. I don't want to give somebody something and begrudge it. IDK..... But I can relate. If you love or even like someone gifting is so easy, but when there's no feeling behind it, its makes it so much harder.

WOW I really rambled on.

she may of had a bad day,
was feeling blue. i wouldn't think on it at all anymore. let it go.
"PITA" has new meaning in my life now!

:lol:

This may not be a good idea for some, but i am the type of person to just ask (calmly of coarse) Maybe she just needs to have a "heart to heart" with you and doesn't know how.
I hope you can work things out :lol:

This is a great response as it covers everything.

I agree!

:thumbup:

I like this, too!!!!!!!!!!