I wouldn't say you are old, but polite and wise. You treat others as you wish to be treated ... and often folks forget these things.

I would rather say 'no' than ask for collateral! I also don't think much of friends who ask to borrow your stuff. I wouldn't ask to borrow anything from anyone.... Borrowing puts too much strain on relationships. It's a disaster just waiting to happen.

They are NOT embarrassed to ask for a loan. consider it a business transaction.

I have a friend that borrows books, mags, fabric, whatever, and I do the same with her. Our pieces are not marked, so we are never sure who has what, but it works out well in the end

I am amazed at the number of people who "borrow" and do not return things or return them only when asked for and damaged. I have to replace my Gingher scissors because someone use them to cut something other than cloth. I got them back and I think it was because I had engraved my initial on the handle. Didn't find out until later that they won't even cut through cotton now. Best not to ever loan anything you cannot replace or live without. That is the only way it doesn't bother me. Just expecting "adults" to return something is asking for hurt feelings.

I don't borrow and am not hesitant about saying "no" when asked to loan something. (Now, EVERYBODY knows not to ask me to loan them something, they know it isn't going to happen!) I have always managed, on a very tight budget, to get the things I need and want; I think everybody else can do the same.

I borrowed a tiller from a co-worker, but ended up having to replace a part because it broke; that would be the "return it the same or better than before" item. And then, I loaned a series of books, and one of the books was returned damaged (looked like water was spilled all over it). I was so upset that I ended up giving the whole series to Goodwill. This would be the "don't expect to get it back in the same shape as you loaned it" item. Needless to say, I learned a lesson on loaning, but I will ALWAYS fix it if I broke it.

I think you might say, "If I loaned you this, can you afford to replace it with new if you damage or break it?" If they say "No", then you can say, "Well neither can I. I have already purchased it once. Can't afford to do it again".
If they say "Yes, then you could say, "Since you can afford it, it would be best for you to go buy one for your own use. That way, mine is here for me to use when I need it."

it was great fun to read m.elizabeth's comment! i taught middle school, also. i never let a pen, pencil or dictionary go to a student's desk without some meaningful collateral! pencils were 35cents down. if they weren't returned i had the money to buy new ones. same with pens. 8th grade brings out the creativity in teachers!! lol

that is the way I was brought up too. I loaned my son my relatively new carpet cleaner. It didn't come home until I told him I needed it. Well, it looked really bad he'd been cleaning his rent houses. It was filthy and stunk. I gifted it to him and bought myself a new one, never to be loaned out, ever.