For when people ask to borrow something?
 

Has anyone else considered asking for 'collateral' before loaning an item?

If someone wants to borrow a book, for example, ask for the replacement cost as a 'reminder' - and then when the item is returned, give the collateral back?

I think it might help some people 'remember' that an item is 'on loan' and NOT a 'gift'.

Thoughts?

I have not asked for collateral , but not a bad idea. Maybe a yard or two of their favorite fabric would be incentive to return the item.

It would depend on who was asking. A close relative I would just show up at their door to retrieve it.

I think twice before I loan something expensive these days. I loaned a good friend my gingher scissors. She was complaining about her carpal tunnel and that she had promised to make drapes for the church and her scissors were not up to the task. She returned them but they were permanently damaged. I don't know how she could damage them on drapery fabric when I had used them to make jean quilts with no problem.

A special Aunt of mine used to say "Don't ever loan something you can't do without and be grateful when it's returned." I have never sued anyone. But it is weird, whenever my kids damaged anything at someones house, we always paid for repairs or replacement. But, it seems whenever anyone kids did something at our house we would be lucky to get an apology. Go figure.

There are some people you can rely on and some you cannot. Alien Quilter, you are obviously in the reliable catergory. I cannot remember the last time I borrowed anything from anyone.

I loaned a book to a friend once and after many months it was not returned so I asked quite politely if she has finished with it could she please give it back when we next meet. Her reply was I had finished it and loaned it on the another friend - unknown to me. I was quite upset about it as the book was not hers to loan. If she had asked me that would have been a different matter. For the sake of peace etc I did not take it any further with her. But ........

A lesson from that day to this - never be a borrower nor lender.

I've had people ask to borrow and tell them it's out of commission or I just don't have one. I loaned an iron a long time ago and it actually came back dented (a big dent). I asked what happened and she said she dropped it on the way back to my house. Anything I've ever loaned out came back damaged. Just say no and some store may have it on sale. I don't like to borrow, I just get my own.

Peace my foot!!! I'd have told her to go get my book back! now. I too return things in good shape. even if I happen to work at some else's desk, I leave that desk the way I found it. everything in it's place as the main worker liked it. Wouldn't think of doing otherwise. Can you tell i'm old?

I learned my lessons from...my mother... I loan her books- then find them in a box marked *free* sitting by her door & find she is telling anyone who stops by to look through the box & see if they want anything; I loaned her a really nice word processor/typewriter...she *forgot* where it came from & put it at the bottom of her driveway with a *free* sign (cost me $189 and I used it on occasion) when I asked for it back she felt bad...found a different one for $25 on ebay & bought it for me- came without a power cord or ink...I loaned her a crystal punch set for an *important* get together- she gave it to my sister in law for her birthday...now, i'm the *selfish* one in the family & just say...no! if the request is something I think someone really *needs* I buy them their own & gift it to them...loans...nope- to aggravating!

[QUOTE=bearisgray;6160830]Has anyone else considered asking for 'collateral' before loaning an item?

I would not have thought of this in terms of quilting, but I required collateral of my 8th grade students who could never provide a pen, etc. for themselves. They always remembered their ring, wallet, etc. Until I started that policy, I failed to have many pencils, books, etc. returned. So - it might work for adults! Who knows???

This thread reminded me of my job I have a new two hole punch and the main one was bent one day I said jokingly I should make you leave collateral! Because mine is the only other one in the office and I always had to hunt for it! The gal that always borrowed it said great Idea and left me her favorite ring that day so far it is always on my desk when I arrive! LOL

I "loaned" my oldest daughter my vintage turquoise Singer sewing machine. She was a teacher and she wanted to make some sort of curtains for her classroom - maybe to hide a closet. Anyway, another teacher saw her curtains and wanted to do the same thing - so there went my sewing machine - from classroom to classroom. Never have seen my sewing machine since - that has been years ago. OIY!

I would not loan anything, except maybe a cup of sugar and would not expect to get it back.

Sounds like we all come from the same neighborhood!! My husband will do strange things before he will ask to borrow anything for the same reason stated here. It never came back like it left. It is a pet peeve to me and I relly like the collateral idea. Anyone have a rotary cutter I can borrow????:D:D:D

I used to be very generous and learned too many lessons of quilting items not being returned or me having
to ask/beg for them back. It puts a damper on friendships so I no longer loan anything out.
I just keep my mouth shut when someone is looking for something. Sad because I am not like that, I like to share.

If it's too precious to lose, it's to precious to loan.

My husband hates to borrow anything. When he's working on something and needs a special tool, he will buy it rather than borrow one, even if he only uses it once! We have one friend who always wants to loan us his broken equipment so that my husband will fix it before using it, and it generally costs us more for the parts than it would to buy another one! Not long ago, he 'loaned' us a tiller - same problem. I told my husband to stop fixing people's old "junk" so I went out and bought him a brand new tiller! Problem solved!
Years ago, I had a very nice travel trailer, and some people had the audacity to ask to borrow it. I just told them there are certain things I don't loan, and that's one of them. Same thing with a Rainbow Vacuum Cleaner I had - it costs way too much to loan out and take the chance of having it ruined...
I loaned a rotary cutter and mat, and the mat came back almost in shreds so I'm done with that too.

I was taught to return things in the same condition, or better, than when I borrowed them. Remember the old saying, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be?" That's my motto. If someone gets pushy about borrowing, I tell them I have plans to use it soon. It's mine. They can get their own.

Most things I have loaned dont come back.....but they are things I dont care that much about and am willing to replace. I assume before loaning something that it will never come back. If I am ok with that, then I loan. If not, then I tell the borrower they may bring their stuff over and use it at my house, but I am using said item currently and dont have time to loan it out.

I was also raised that you return anything you borrow in same or better condition than you borrowed it.

Kind of embarressing to ask a friend for collaterol.

In Nov I bought a really neat book at the LQS full of great quick little projects. I also had a few pages of holiday recipes and decorating ideas in it that I had picked up at the LQS, as well. Took it to school to show to a friend at lunch. (Yes...my name was on the front). It traveled among several teachers. Finally, two or three weeks later I tracked it to a teacher who said she took it home to show her mother. I never did get it back. Saddest part...I took it in the day after I had purchased it. Grrrrr

Say it with a smile and explanation.

It is also hard on a friendship if an item is not returned or damaged.

Learned my lesson when as a teen I loaned my 45 record collection to someone who never gave it back.
Im 73 yrs old now and still miss my records. Not replaceable.

I have a Bernina 910 out on loan right now. I bought if through Craigslist for $100, but I do not want to have it damaged. I only loaned it for my friend/neighbor's grandchildren could to while renting a camp for the week. They are returning today and I'm HOPING that it comes back and in perfect shape.

I am VERY fussy about my things and don't even like my husband to use my things, because he doesn't take care of his own things. I have my own hand tools and my own gardening tools. Maybe i am selfish, but I don't want to get mad at anyone.

I have a Bernina 910 out on loan right now. I bought if through Craigslist for $100, but I do not want to have it damaged. I only loaned it for my friend/neighbor's grandchildren could to while renting a camp for the week. They are returning today and I'm HOPING that it comes back and in perfect shape.

I am VERY fussy about my things and don't even like my husband to use my things, because he doesn't take care of his own things. I have my own hand tools and my own gardening tools. Maybe i am selfish, but I don't want to get mad at anyone.

I go with the old adage Never a borrower nor a lender be. But I do get a kick out of the things people want to borrow.My new neighbor lost her drivers license -to many points for moving violations.-Well the locals know her car and her so she wanted to borrow my car for a few days and could not understand why I said NO. My '99 looks show room new -her 2011 looks like it has seen every crash up derby this side of the Mississippi. Now I'm the bad guy

I do not loan many thngs, I find that I usually do not get them back!!!!

Wow this sounds familiar. Same thing here. Live and learn. And same thing with my kids!

my mom always kept a little notebook on the bulletin board in her kitchen. both she and dad would write down what was loaned, the date it went out, and if it was not returned soon, had no compunction about calling about it. they were very careful about lending anything in the first place--and were meticulous about keeping track. i can't remember what day it is, let alone what went to whom--so i don't loan anything to anybody unless i can afford to lose it, and i try to stick to immediate family. i know where they live! (they tend to be more careful, too!)

I have learned my lesson in lending. I now carry address labels with me and point out that "I'll just put this on the item so you remember who it belongs to." Works so far.

With me people get one chance to borrow and return. After that , FUHGEDDABOUTIT!!

I had one friend who borrowed a book, asked if she could loan it to her brother in Alaska (it was about Alaska), I said OK, and I DID get it back. So it can be done!


I find when you don't want to do something, like loan things out, pretend (if you have to) that you have had so many bad experiences in the past that you just never do it anymore. People can try to argue with you but they can't tell you you did not have bad experiences. Or if they say, "Well, I won't be like that..." answer, that is what they ALL said.

We had a new neighbor who asked to borrow our brand new shiny red wheelbarrow. I had been putting an old blanket in the bottom to keep it nice, but DH loaned it out. The neighbor used it to clear concrete and other junk from his yard and dump it illegally in the conservation area across the street, thus making us accessories to a misdemeanor. He also dumped his wasted food there, in that lovely previously pristine spot. Plus, the wheelbarrow was returned all dented and with the paint scratched off. It just wasn't worth it to me to do a favor for this neighbor again. He kept asking, though, and got quite insistent.

My best friend's husband had a neighbor ask him one time if he could borrow his garden tiller. He didn't even have it out of the box yet! His reply? "Don't ask to borrow my tiller and I won't ask to borrow your wife." The look on the other guys face was priceless! And he never asked to borrow anything again.

cookie68 now that is priceless...your husband is one sharp guy...

I learned the hard way, if you don't lend something you want or want back, you don't have hard feelings when you tell borrower I LOANED it to you and need it back now. I too was raised if you borrow something, give it back same condition it was in, and today most people seem clueless to that fact.

I would have told her to bring it back or I wanted XX amount of money, large amount to replace it, and would go to her boss (she stole it after all) if it was not done. People really need to be educated, and sometimes we have to be a little pushy/rude to do it, but them keeping your things is very RUDE. I am to old to beleive in the political correctness where people cannot have freedom to express themselves like we used to because some overly sensitive ignorant person won't like it.

Put your name on what you loan. People forget.

Since there are so many unpleasant experiences listed, I thought I'd add that I have a close friend with whom I cheerfully exchange books several times a year, and we both return them faithfully. I have known her since 1970, longer than I've known my husband.

It's apparently just too easy for some people to ignore property rights. I wouldn't even consider borrowing something that I wouldn't be able to replace if it gets damaged or lost.

We all need to be braver about the business of not wanting to offend people who have clearly not been too worried about offending us. It should not be that difficult to say, "Sorry, no." You don't owe anyone a loan or an explanation. In fact, if it's a previous offender, you owe it to yourself to mention that they didn't return or damaged the last thing they borrowed. Maybe they'll suddenly remember where it is.

Now that's a nervy neighbor! She completely disregards the fact that you will be liable for damage or injuries she causes if you were dumb enough to loan your car to her.

I never loan or give out anything I can't afford to lose. Your Aunt was very smart!