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Originally Posted by Murphy1
(Post 4770764)
It is even worse if it is your son. Because he doesn't answer emails, texts, phone messages or acknowledge gifts sent, this is super hurtful. We had a wonderful, no stress relationship for 32 years, then he married a woman who didn't want us in the picture. Soooo I think of what it must have been like for moms over one hundred years ago when their sons left for parts unknown. They must have wondered about them, just as I do, but then they didn't have iPhones, computers and digital imaging to keep in touch. I wonder what my son's excuse is? Sadly, when we were my son's age, my husband and I only had one parent (my Mom) still living. It is harder I think to realize our son has both parents, but he has chosen to throw us and his sister away. I wonder if regrets will ever cross his mind. I don't think I will ever know. Has this happened to others here?
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Wives and husbands come and go. Maybe your children will come back when the hateful spouse is gone. Another spouse may encourage family ties.
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I find it hard anymore to reach out and try to make friends for so many reasons. It used to be so easy. Sometimes I say the wrong thing and do the wrong thing but hey i'm human and not perfect. Sometime socially awkward. I wish when I do, the person I may have upset will call me on it. If you don't like me fine but don't be nice to my face and when I contact you shut me out, tell me. I have my big girl panties on. That is hurtful, reminds me to much of high school.
As for family, I never had a close family growing up and still don't. I received more acceptance from my in-laws than from my own family. I've always accepted that my sister is the favorite and that I am the one who broke up my parents because I was born a girl (yes, my mother said that.) Never mind that fact that I had a half brother born less than two months after I was. Today our relationship is not strong but I check on her and my dad by phone and during good weather when I can will drive over the mountain where they live with my sister. My sister and I have a strained relationship. My youngest son won't even speak to his grandmother because of her lack of intrest in him, his brother and now my grandchildren as they grew/grow. Such a sad thing. Thankfully I have a few very close friends who are my sisters of choice and love me because of who I am and I love them the same. I guess in the perfect world we would all have perfect relationships. |
Friends are the family you get to choose. This is my philosophy. :)
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Originally Posted by Murphy1
(Post 4770764)
It is even worse if it is your son. Because he doesn't answer emails, texts, phone messages or acknowledge gifts sent, this is super hurtful. We had a wonderful, no stress relationship for 32 years, then he married a woman who didn't want us in the picture. Soooo I think of what it must have been like for moms over one hundred years ago when their sons left for parts unknown. They must have wondered about them, just as I do, but then they didn't have iPhones, computers and digital imaging to keep in touch. I wonder what my son's excuse is? Sadly, when we were my son's age, my husband and I only had one parent (my Mom) still living. It is harder I think to realize our son has both parents, but he has chosen to throw us and his sister away. I wonder if regrets will ever cross his mind. I don't think I will ever know. Has this happened to others here?
I, too, was alienated from my older daughter for several years after the birth of her son when I was unable to be there for her - a story for another time. After years of unanswered calls and rejected messages, finally I could stand my broken heart no longer. I decided she needed to know about my life, even if she chose not to share hers with me. I began to write her a snail mail letter every Sunday, just a few sentences of happy things, doings of my week, memories of her earlier years, reminiscences of my young years, goals for the future, sweet jokes, things I'd read about in the news....that sort of thing. Light, loving, sweet. Every week. After four months I received a letter back from her. Glory! I continued to write to her week after week. And before 18 months were over she brought her little son, whom I'd not seen in over 5 years, to visit for 5 days with me in Texas. Her younger sister came down to spend 2 days with us and we had the most delightful time all together. I urge you to hang in there. Reach out, without ANY recrimination or sadness, without pressure or demand, just love as a mother, and I believe you will see him change as he begins to see what he is missing. I will pray for your family. Jan in VA |
Jan in VA, what a lovely idea. I wonder if that would work for a situation i'm going through right now with the grandaughter, or if her parents would even read her the notes or letters. She is only going to be 3 next month.
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All these people who will not give the time of day for whatever reason, send them one last message.............................."I will pray for you!" Then do it!!!
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Originally Posted by valsma
(Post 4772461)
Jan in VA, what a lovely idea. I wonder if that would work for a situation i'm going through right now with the grandaughter, or if her parents would even read her the notes or letters. She is only going to be 3 next month.
In this case I'd probably write these letters and save them for her rather than sending them at this tender age. If you feel her parents are withholding her from you, wait until she is old enough to understand the facts of your presence in her life to send letters. Continue to write her on special occasions and send those cards, perhaps, but also write just chatty letters about who you are and who you imagine her to be which you save for her later in her life. Best to you, Jan in VA |
We all pay a price for the people who leave our lives for whatever reason...sometimes I think that the price that is saddest is "what could have been".
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I have a brother that I have seen in a few years, he was in town this summer and never called or came over to either my sisters or my home. It's his lost, when it comes to being that he will need someone, no one will be there for him. I also have a friend who has just stopped talking or seeing me, this has happened twice with her, so as far as I'm concerned this friendship is over for good. I don't need to be hurt again.
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