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Thread: Summary of Life ..your smiles for today!

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    Summary of Life

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
    1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
    2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
    3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
    6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
    10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.



    GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
    2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
    3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
    4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground...
    5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
    6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..

    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional...
    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
    4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
    5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions...
    6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

    1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
    3) You are Santa Claus..
    4) You look like Santa Claus.


    SUCCESS:

    At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
    At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
    At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
    At age 35 success is . . . ..having money.
    At age 50 success is . . . Having money..
    At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license.
    At age 75 success is . ... . Having friends.
    At age 80 success is . . .. Not piddling in your pants.

    :-D :-D :D

  2. #2
    Super Member NancyG's Avatar
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    Oh, that gave me a real chuckle. Thanks for the humor☺

  3. #3
    Super Member drivingsusan's Avatar
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    Those are ALL so very true!!
    Darn it!!

  4. #4
    Super Member ranger's Avatar
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    Thanks for the smiles.

  5. #5
    Power Poster Lacelady's Avatar
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    Sadly I relate to so many of them.

  6. #6
    Pineapple Princess's Avatar
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    :)

  7. #7
    Power Poster CarrieAnne's Avatar
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    LOL!

  8. #8
    Luckynumber7's Avatar
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    LOL! Love it :thumbup:

  9. #9
    Ms. Shawn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ditter43
    Summary of Life

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
    1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
    2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
    3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
    6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
    10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.



    GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
    2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
    3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
    4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground...
    5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
    6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..

    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional...
    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
    4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
    5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions...
    6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

    1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
    3) You are Santa Claus..
    4) You look like Santa Claus.


    SUCCESS:

    At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
    At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
    At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
    At age 35 success is . . . ..having money.
    At age 50 success is . . . Having money..
    At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license.
    At age 75 success is . ... . Having friends.
    At age 80 success is . . .. Not piddling in your pants.

    :-D :-D :D
    OH Ditter That is all true and soooo very funny! :shock: :mrgreen: :-D :P :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :XD: :thumbup: Thank you soooo much for the wonderful laugh and smile you just gave me! Right Back At ya! :thumbup: :-P

  10. #10
    Super Member lindyline's Avatar
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    Ditter, Thanks so much for the laugh.

  11. #11
    Super Member wvdek's Avatar
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    Thnaks for the chuckle Ditter.

  12. #12
    Super Member sewmuchmore's Avatar
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    If that does not put a smile on your face you have had one too many facelifts. ;-)

  13. #13
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    Those are all so funny. I like success. Thanks for my laugh.

  14. #14
    Google Goddess craftybear's Avatar
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    thanks for the smile today!

  15. #15
    Super Member
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    The 'success' is right on the money!

  16. #16
    Fox
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    Such truisms!

  17. #17
    Super Member C.Cal Quilt Girl's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the laughs !!

  18. #18
    Power Poster earthwalker's Avatar
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    Loved 'em! Viva Ditter's "Happy Posts".

  19. #19
    Aunt Retta's Avatar
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    So true! So true!

  20. #20
    Senior Member MoMoSews's Avatar
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    Tee Hee Hee!!!

  21. #21
    Super Member finch's Avatar
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    Gee Ditter.Thanks for the morning laugh!

  22. #22
    Peggerly's Avatar
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    I started reading your Summary of Life, then I started laughing which caused the dog at my feet to start yapping in confusion. I guess she hasn't heard me laugh enough to know what I was doing, which leads me to believe your posting is just what I needed today.

  23. #23
    Member
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    It is wonderful and so true!

  24. #24
    Super Member ksea's Avatar
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    Ditter you always make my day, I find myself looking for post from you when I need a smile or laugh in my day.

  25. #25
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    This was fun, thanks. My husband is at the "looks like Santa Claus" stage.

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