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Thread: A Three Year Old Tells ALL!!!!

  1. #1
    Super Member Sassylass's Avatar
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    A Three Year Old Tells ALL!!!!

    A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
    By Shannon Popkin

    My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window.

    People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned- 3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

    Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

    "Mommy, areou gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on DA toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?"

    At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full .. 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.

    Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh .. Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!"

    I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting.

    Trying to! divethim , I said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy We'll both have some!" "No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!" He started to gag at this point. "Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!"

    As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

    "Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull me off.

    Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.
    "Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under DA door? What were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?"

    More laughtr.I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.
    "Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy." He started pounding on the door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!"

    I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud. My first thought was complete emabarassment, then I thought, "Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy?" But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

    (Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public restrooms)
    If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers

  2. #2
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    That was great! I had a little one just like him.

  3. #3
    Super Member Wine Woman's Avatar
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    Out of the mouth of babes!
    Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much
    Stay flexible you won't get bent out of shape.

    Barking Frog Winery, Carlton, Oregon

  4. #4
    Super Member auntpiggylpn's Avatar
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    I can't stop laughing! Thanks for sharing!
    No one has ever become poor by giving. - Anne Frank
    Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

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    Moderator Up North's Avatar
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    My DDIL was just telling us a story about her 4 year old, They were in Walmart and she was looking at Bras he saw the underwear and grabbed a package and loudly insisted he did not see her wear them so she needed to buy some. She said all the way to the checkout he kept saying "Mommy you need to buy underwear, I do not see you were them, You need to wear them" She was so embarrassed.

  6. #6
    Super Member maryb119's Avatar
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    Thanks for the laugh!!! As the mother of 6...I can relate to those embaressing but endearing, little moments.

  7. #7
    Super Member jitkaau's Avatar
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    The best one I had was when my two year old niece announced to everyone that 'Aunty put socks on up here', whilst pointing both index fingers at her chest.

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    Senior Member Wendys Quilts's Avatar
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    Lol too funny!!!!

  9. #9
    Super Member Amythyst02's Avatar
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    Thank you so much for my morning laugh...nothing starts a day out better than being able to smile and enjoy something you have read here.
    Amythyst

  10. #10
    Super Member GailG's Avatar
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    Wonderful story! I once brought my 6 y/o into a voting booth with me. There was a long line of voters waiting right outside the booths. As I registered my vote, my son read it in his "best reading voice." OHGsh! I was so thankful that I had voted for our relative that was running for re-election. As he read it, I froze. Out of the booth I heard snickers and laughter. I made my way out of there in a hurry. After that I always got baby sitters when I needed to go to the polls.
    One step at a time, always forward.

  11. #11
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    thanks for the laugh. a great way to start off the new year.

  12. #12
    Senior Member tedytrser's Avatar
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    Very Cute!!!! Thanks for the laugh.
    Deb in Texas

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    To everyone, I am sitting here in tears, from laughter and sorrow. I volunteer for a CASA program in our state. I wish every parent and grandparent had the sense to cherish and encourage the small ones to bring joy and laughter to the day. So many children deserve parents and grandparents like us and I pray everyday, I can just touch the life of one child so they have a good memory when the go to bed. I have met many children and always cherish every word or smile I encounter.

  14. #14
    Super Member BuzzinBumble's Avatar
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    Very touching and very funny stories!

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    Quote Originally Posted by gennie1950 View Post
    To everyone, I am sitting here in tears, from laughter and sorrow. I volunteer for a CASA program in our state. I wish every parent and grandparent had the sense to cherish and encourage the small ones to bring joy and laughter to the day. So many children deserve parents and grandparents like us and I pray everyday, I can just touch the life of one child so they have a good memory when the go to bed. I have met many children and always cherish every word or smile I encounter.
    From your lips to God's ears.
    If you quilt fast enough, does it count as aerobic exercise? Bernice Manning

  16. #16
    Senior Member sewnbug's Avatar
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    That is hilarious. Thanks for the chuckle.

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    children are the spice in our lives!!!

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    Super Member butterflies5518's Avatar
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    thank you thank you thank, now I need a tissue for the tears of laughter! Boy do I miss those days! Happy New Year!
    Quilting makes me happy!..

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    This week my oldest son and I watched my two grandchildren while their parents had a well deserved date night. Just before her bed time the three year old girl climbed into bed with me and asked to watch Supper Why. She and I curled up to watch her program, when my 36 year old son came to check on her. he climbed on the bed too. Next my 8 year old grandson came to check what was going on in grammies room so there we all were all snuggled down watching Super Why in my TWIN bed. I cherish every moment of being a mom and grammie.
    Thank you Lord for Friends, Family, and Quilters

  20. #20
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    Never underestimate the power of a child's voice or the tpic they latch onto

  21. #21
    Senior Member Grinster's Avatar
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    Thanks for sharing! I live in Portage and if had heard this I would have thought what a great mom. My sister in law who lives in Grand Rapids tells the story of how her 5 year old never mentioned her pregnancy until they were in the check out line at the D&W. For awhile he would ask ?s. Most of them based on the upcoming birth. She simply told him the doector would help her. That would satisfy him and the rest of the shopping trip would be uneventful until the day when that question just was not enough. He then said, "HOW?" All of the shoppers and clerks nearby stopped what they were doing and waited for her reply? This is the same child that was very happy to ride in my VW Rabbit because he could see out the front window from the front passenger seat (this was before the new rules). I always wore Dr. Scholl's wooden sandals in the summer and I always had to kick off my left sandal to operate the clutch. That made him very curious and I explained it was so I could operate the clutch. At church the following Sunday he told how his Aunt Mina had crotch problems. I found this out because several of those who heard this story worked with me at Butterworth and the next day delighted in asking about my "crotch problem." LOL
    Grinster.....
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  22. #22
    Junior Member beckalou's Avatar
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    I just read this story out loud to my DH. We were both in tears of laughter by the end, I had a hard time speaking. Kids do say the darndest things! Kudos to you for handling it the way you did, he's only repaying you the praise you have given him.

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    Our first grandson was like that if you took him some where every one wanted to hear him talk
    Last edited by carhop; 01-01-2012 at 04:05 PM. Reason: spelling

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    Senior Member Gabrielle's Mimi's Avatar
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    Our funny bathroom story...my husband was at a business meeting in a fancy hotel. He invited me to come for the day and I had to bring along our 3 year old son. At one point I was in the ladies room chatting with one of my husband's female coworkers. She has no children and didn't understand that you can't just close a stall door in the face of a talkative 3 year old.....he just CRAWLED UNDER THE DOOR into the stall to be with her and finish his little story!!! She was horrified and mortified! Needless to say it was a devil of a job for me to try to extricate him from a closed stall! That was nearly 25 years ago, and the poor woman has never had children since!
    Create with joy in your heart!

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    Power Poster miriam's Avatar
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    My son - then 2 1/2 was still potty training. He loved big words. He had spent time with grandma. Grandma taught him to use the big boy word when he went to the bathroom - ok - 'bowel movement' So we were sitting in the living room and he was in the half bath with the door open - he was a big boy so he wanted to go alone... ok... Well, we heard BABOOM!!! some grunting and BABOOM!!! and more grunting and BABOOM!!!! so when he came out I inocently asked him what he was doing in there and he proudly said, "I was making some BOMB MOVEMENTS!!!"
    NEVER let a sewing machine know you are in a hurry.
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