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Thread: What's with the negativity?

  1. #1

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    I've been noticing a lot lately that there is a lot of negativity here. What I mean is this: When someone posts because they feel they may have been wronged by a quilt shop, the first reaction of most people is, Demand they fix it! Don't stand for it! Contact the BBB!, etc. Whatever happened to, Call and politely explain the issue and give them a chance to make it right? After all, honest mistakes happen all of the time. Also, when people share their stories of disappointment regarding how someone has received a gift, people post about rudeness and a lack of gratefulness and manners. There are also often a lot of posts about how kids, grand-kids, parents, in-laws, or what-have-you are "like that." It's not often that people give others the benefit of the doubt.

    I know that there are times when we must fight to get what we've paid for, and I know that sometimes relatives and friends disappoint us, but there seems to be, in my opinion, an unneccesarily angry vibe around here sometimes. I'm sure I'm not innocent of it, but why can't we all just lighten up and enjoy our shared hobby a bit more? It seems to bring more grief than joy to many that post here. I've struggled a lot with whether or not to continue reading this board lately. I've taken breaks for days at a time to ponder the question. I still haven't decided, but I suppose I did decide to throw this out there and get it off my chest. I'm not sure how others feel about it, but I know I'm dreading the responses. ;)

    For those of you who keep it light and fun, and who see the joy and pleasure where others choose to be disappointed and fight, thank you!

  2. #2
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    I totally agree with you.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Rachel's Avatar
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    I take it more as someone just needed to get something off their chest, so they aren't holding it in. I just read and let it go. sometimes you just need someone to listen.

  4. #4
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    I fully agree with you, Mattee. I think folks don't realize how negative it sounds. It's nice to have a place to dump/vent sometime, but I see it getting waved like a banner when multiple people report having experienced similar situations. I, too, have considered leaving the board, in spite of the good things that are here - guess we'll both have to see what the rest of the responses are.

  5. #5
    Super Member Quiltforme's Avatar
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    I just skip over the ones that say venting or frustrated sometimes this is the only outlet others might have and they need that short paragraph to get it off their chest get advice and come back to reality when your in the middle of an emotional issue some tend to forget the paths they need to take to resolve a problem. Just my opinion.

  6. #6
    Community Manager PatriceJ's Avatar
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    i, too, am dreading the responses. :lol:

    first, let me assure you that your sentiments are shared by far more members than you might think.

    now ... on the other hand ... and please do not interpret this as an argument against your point because it is not.

    it is possible that we paint with too wide a brush when we throw around words like "most." it does often prove to be true that the majority of people who add comments to the topics you've described tend to add their own negative thoughts and suggestions; what they think are corroborating horror stories, etc. anger feeds anger and things spiral out of control very quickly.

    but ... here's the question:

    does that necessarily mean that most of our members altogether think that way, and react that way?

    i think not. i think the reason such topics remain under the control of the Negative Nellies and Hysterical Hannahs is that the Sensible Sues and the Positive Pams move right on past them without stopping to comment. they avoid getting sucked into all the drama. so it looks like anger, fear, offense, etc are the dominant perspective when they really are not.

    so, while i personally agree with what you've said, i must respectfully disagree with the conclusion to which your observations have led you.

    the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

    the quiet, well balanced, properly inflated wheel keeps us rollin' along on a smooth and mostly happy road.

  7. #7
    Super Member bamamama's Avatar
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    I'm new here and have noticed plenty of positive posts and alot of enthustic comments when people post their photos and supportive comments when someone has a problem weather it is quilt realted or not. Yes there are some negative ones too but there are a lot of people who post here. If I open a post that I don't like the tone of I just close it and go to something that interests me more.

    It is interesting though that the negative ones seem to get the most comments!

  8. #8
    Super Member mommamac's Avatar
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    Postings here are kind of like TV channels to me... If I see something that has a neg. tone, I can click on to another 'channel'.

  9. #9
    Super Member noveltyjunkie's Avatar
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    I read the title expecting to agree with you, because negativity bothers me, and I agree that there is a lot of it around.

    But I have to say that I am much more bothered by general negativity ("children have no manners anymore" "this country is not like it used to be", "you have to have a gun" etc) rather than the "OMG I am so PI%%ED about this one thing that happened me today!" posts, which I see mostly just as outbursts, rather than chronic negativity.

    I am sorry that you are experiencing these posts in that way and that it is ruining your experience of this board, which I think is a really great resource.

  10. #10
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    These topics do keep our Moderators on their toes and at times on the edges of their seats.

    We just need to remember, venting can be ok... but bashing businesses is never ok. There are certain legalities that have to be kept in mind.

    If you ever wonder if the topic you are starting is ok, or if it belongs in Main, GCC or the PDA section? Drop Patrice J a PM and she will cheerfully help you out :D:D:D

  11. #11
    Super Member chickadeee55's Avatar
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    I agree, I usually over look negative posts. Everyone has their right to their thoughts, but I perfer to encourage and look for the light at the end of the tunnel.
    I love this forum.

  12. #12
    Super Member dakotamaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PatriceJ
    i, too, am dreading the responses. :lol:

    first, let me assure you that your sentiments are shared by far more members than you might think.

    now ... on the other hand ... and please do not interpret this as an argument against your point because it is not.

    it is possible that we paint with too wide a brush when we throw around words like "most." it does often prove to be true that the majority of people who add comments to the topics you've described tend to add their own negative thoughts and suggestions; what they think are corroborating horror stories, etc. anger feeds anger and things spiral out of control very quickly.

    but ... here's the question:

    does that necessarily mean that most of our members altogether think that way, and react that way?

    i think not. i think the reason such topics remain under the control of the Negative Nellies and Hysterical Hannahs is that the Sensible Sues and the Positive Pams move right on past them without stopping to comment. they avoid getting sucked into all the drama. so it looks like anger, fear, offense, etc are the dominant perspective when they really are not.

    so, while i personally agree with what you've said, i must respectfully disagree with the conclusion to which your observations have led you.

    the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

    the quiet, well balanced, properly inflated wheel keeps us rollin' along on a smooth and mostly happy road.

    Well said, Patrice. :D

  13. #13

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    I think instead of negativity it is just having someone to get things off your chest and speak how you think with out having to cause problems in family and friends that will last for ever. We are always saying we are here for each other does that mean we are for each other as long as it is what we want to hear. Woman need something or someone to use as a sounding board someone to bounce things off of to see if the way they feel is unusual or normal. And because this is a hobby that is mostly consisting of women it is a good place to vent and feel better. If you see a post that is negative and you do not wish to pertispate then don't read it go to one that you do want to read and comment on.
    Some people have no one else to vent to as they are handicapped and shut in or not in a community that they can find friends easily. You know just maybe with a kind word or suggestion you may turn someones terrible day or exxperience around. JMOP

  14. #14
    Senior Member Missysgottohelp's Avatar
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    I think most of this is just people venting and where is the best place to do that then with friends. I would say that 95% of what is on this board is positive and like the others have said if you don't like what you are reading go to the next post. No one is making you read each and every post. We are a big mixing pot here from all over the world and I personally think this is a wonderful place even though I sometimes feel like I have to watch how I say things so they don't get taken the wrong way. Overall I think this board is a great place to just be ourselves.

  15. #15
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    Misery loves company and it does help to hear of misery when you have a misery of your own. The mood passes but it helps to waller every now and then.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachel
    I take it more as someone just needed to get something off their chest, so they aren't holding it in. I just read and let it go. sometimes you just need someone to listen.
    I agree that it helps to have someone listen to you once in a while. Besides the titles of the posts often give a hint as to the content so I can chose not to read ones that seem negative. Then when I do happen to open one, I stop reading. I find more joy here than otherwise.

  17. #17
    Community Manager PatriceJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BellaBoo
    Misery loves company and it does help to hear of misery when you have a misery of your own. The mood passes but it helps to waller every now and then.
    that's why Admin indulged us by creating the Personal Diaries and Announcement section.

    venting, ranting, getting things off our chests, crying on willing shoulders, etc. are permitted there with virtually no interference.

    they are not encouraged or appropriate in other sections of the board.

  18. #18
    Super Member katiebear1's Avatar
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    Yeah, I think sometines a person just needs to vent

  19. #19

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    You are completely correct, Patrice. I suppose I should have been more specific. By "most," I really mean most of those who actually post. I'm left guessing as to everyone else's thoughts.

    Quote Originally Posted by PatriceJ
    i, too, am dreading the responses. :lol:

    first, let me assure you that your sentiments are shared by far more members than you might think.

    now ... on the other hand ... and please do not interpret this as an argument against your point because it is not.

    it is possible that we paint with too wide a brush when we throw around words like "most." it does often prove to be true that the majority of people who add comments to the topics you've described tend to add their own negative thoughts and suggestions; what they think are corroborating horror stories, etc. anger feeds anger and things spiral out of control very quickly.

    but ... here's the question:

    does that necessarily mean that most of our members altogether think that way, and react that way?

    i think not. i think the reason such topics remain under the control of the Negative Nellies and Hysterical Hannahs is that the Sensible Sues and the Positive Pams move right on past them without stopping to comment. they avoid getting sucked into all the drama. so it looks like anger, fear, offense, etc are the dominant perspective when they really are not.

    so, while i personally agree with what you've said, i must respectfully disagree with the conclusion to which your observations have led you.

    the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

    the quiet, well balanced, properly inflated wheel keeps us rollin' along on a smooth and mostly happy road.

  20. #20
    Senior Member purple_butterfly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SherryLea
    I think instead of negativity it is just having someone to get things off your chest and speak how you think with out having to cause problems in family and friends that will last for ever. We are always saying we are here for each other does that mean we are for each other as long as it is what we want to hear. Woman need something or someone to use as a sounding board someone to bounce things off of to see if the way they feel is unusual or normal. And because this is a hobby that is mostly consisting of women it is a good place to vent and feel better. If you see a post that is negative and you do not wish to pertispate then don't read it go to one that you do want to read and comment on.
    Some people have no one else to vent to as they are handicapped and shut in or not in a community that they can find friends easily. You know just maybe with a kind word or suggestion you may turn someones terrible day or exxperience around. JMOP
    I agree Sherry (and I love your little bear)

    All forums have a small percentage of 'venting' posts, it's human nature to have a winge and forums are supposed to be a safe place to do that. It may be their only outlet and they like to hear that others have experienced the same thing. This is a great place to be and I have learned so much in the short time I have been here than I would have otherwise.

  21. #21
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    I think sometimes the venter needs positive people to see the brighter side of the situation.

  22. #22
    Power Poster Jingle's Avatar
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    I always figure the poster has gone the nice and polite route to get their wrongs righted and only post after that hasn't worked. Then when they post others will tell them to do the other things you talked about.
    Because you don't know what the others may be going through, it isn't nice to judge them.
    Like someone else said if you don't like what someone has posted, just ignore it and go to something else.
    Just the way I see things.

  23. #23
    Senior Member Mary M's Avatar
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    I sure do like the way you see this. Yes, there are times when we shouldn't put our problems on others to read and instead keep it light but what I am also seeing is negativity being treated with negativity. If we really look at it, there really isn't much difference in the person complaining about a store [just an example] than a person on here complaining about that person. I usually don't take the average complaint about a store [say, the help is rude] as being really negative but more to "buyers beware." There have been times I have appreciated the buyers beware postings for it saves me time in not bothering with thise places. Just different opinions among different people.


    Quote Originally Posted by SherryLea
    I think instead of negativity it is just having someone to get things off your chest and speak how you think with out having to cause problems in family and friends that will last for ever. We are always saying we are here for each other does that mean we are for each other as long as it is what we want to hear. Woman need something or someone to use as a sounding board someone to bounce things off of to see if the way they feel is unusual or normal. And because this is a hobby that is mostly consisting of women it is a good place to vent and feel better. If you see a post that is negative and you do not wish to pertispate then don't read it go to one that you do want to read and comment on.
    Some people have no one else to vent to as they are handicapped and shut in or not in a community that they can find friends easily. You know just maybe with a kind word or suggestion you may turn someones terrible day or exxperience around. JMOP

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachel
    I take it more as someone just needed to get something off their chest, so they aren't holding it in. I just read and let it go. sometimes you just need someone to listen.
    i also beleave someone was just trying to vent everyone needs to do this once it a while leave it with a grain of salt

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by SherryLea
    I think instead of negativity it is just having someone to get things off your chest and speak how you think with out having to cause problems in family and friends that will last for ever. We are always saying we are here for each other does that mean we are for each other as long as it is what we want to hear. Woman need something or someone to use as a sounding board someone to bounce things off of to see if the way they feel is unusual or normal. And because this is a hobby that is mostly consisting of women it is a good place to vent and feel better. If you see a post that is negative and you do not wish to pertispate then don't read it go to one that you do want to read and comment on.
    Some people have no one else to vent to as they are handicapped and shut in or not in a community that they can find friends easily. You know just maybe with a kind word or suggestion you may turn someones terrible day or exxperience around. JMOP
    Sherry, I agree with totality!

    It's still a free country, If u r not interested in a post, just move on to another topic, no one will ever know:)

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