Can't finish my quilts
 

I’ve been sitting here thinking about my inability to finish my quilts. My excuse used to be that I had a sewing machine that was very temperamental when it came to quilting, so tops would be put aside because I couldn’t face the battle. Now I have a new machine that quilts beautifully and I’ve quilted several of my projects – but then they’ve been put aside again rather than bound and finished. On Leah Day’s Quilt Along this week, the subject is finishing a quilt, using a little wholecloth quilt that we’ve just made – and I’m conscious of a real reluctance to do it, though the quilt has come out far better than I could ever have hoped, and I’m thrilled with it.

So why this reluctance to see the finished results of all my hard work on this and other quilts? I’m puzzled, though I think it may lie somewhere in the past – for over 40 years I firmly believed I was useless at anything creative. I was told as much by teachers and others, and was in the shadow of a very creatively talented sister. I was only rescued from that by a dear friend who, 8 years ago, patiently taught me to quilt, having a lot more confidence in me than I had in myself. You’d think that would make me eager to finish my work – every completed project proves the critics wrong and underlines my creative abilities. But there’s still this deep reluctance to get on and do it.

Can anyone else relate to this? Has anyone dealt with similar issues? Any thoughts?

I don't know about you, but for me, what I do is like my children and when I finish them completely it is difficult to let the 'go.' They are my precious ones and I really don't want others judging them. I was also told how I was lacking in soooo many skills, so now I have to rephrase those messages in order to move on. Not an easy task.

I do finish all my charity projects and that is OK.

Let me know what works for you. Maybe it will work for me too.

ali

When folks try to tell me I can't do something, I do it just to prove them wrong! When I first started quilting two yrs ago my DH told me the Dresden Star block was too far advanced for me. I got upset, so I put one together just to show him I could & I made a beautiful tote bag for my granddaughter out of it for Christmas that year! It's not about what others think of your skills, it's how you value yourself that counts!! Have fun with whatever you apply yourself to!! :-)

If you post pictures of your near finished quilts, I am sure you will get a ton of compliments and then will feel ready to finish them. Instead of thinking about finishing them, think about the fun of binding them. Some people hate binding but I absolutely love doing the binding. It is one of my favorite steps. It is relaxing, not taxing and can be done in front of the television. Try to have fun with it.

Perhaps you are suffering from clinical depression. The inability to finish anything is one the signs and symptoms of depression. I have suffered from depression for many years and have been on anti-depressants for years. Perhaps it's time to see your doctor.

Yes, I can relate! I have a "Super Sister" creative genius! Really! But the older I get the more I realize that we are 2 different people and so what if I am not as creative as she? This is what I enjoy doing. I also make quilts for sick children. I am sure they are not looking over how good or bad the quilt is. Knowing something I made beautiful or not is going to brighten someone's day keeps me finishing each quilt sooner (or sometimes) later.

Alas, I can relate. I love to put tops together but the quilting slows me down. I love hand quilting but that takes so long. I have one on the frame right now and I've been working on it every day but I leave for the summer cabin soon and it will sit till next fall..... still unfinished. And machine quilting??? It just never turns out as nice..... no matter what I do the squares aren't as straight and smooth as with the hand quilting. So, I understand your frustration. I have to make myself do the quilting..... love the pieceing.

I do like hopetoquilt's idea though..... show us what you have and we'll encourage you.

For me, I feel a profound sadness when I finish a quilt. It's very hard to even explain. I want to avoid that sadness, so I prolong finishing. The sadness is there even if the quilt is the best and prettiest I have made. I have been known to simply drop the quilt on the floor after the last stitch on the binding is done. Why? Because all the planning and preparation was what got my juices flowing. I think it's like having a child grow up and not need his parents anymore. The end result may be what you had hoped it would be all those years, but it hurts to have the process over.

I'm sorry you lose interest and don't get the quilts finished. PLEASE show them - we all love to look at folks' beautiful works. I hope you find the joy that comes from finishing the quilt...Or maybe you'll find someone who will finish them because they don't like to put tops together..

As I Coast Guard wive I have met a lot of women who worry about what others think. I always tell them it is none of their business. I know after 40 years its hard to put those negative words behind you, but remember you can do anything you set your mind to. You are your own person with a talent nothing like your sisters. Talents come in many shapes, sizes and ability. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The Quilters eye sees things that a non quilters eye doesn't see. Please share your quilts with us, let us praise you and build your confidence to finish them. Maybe you can dedicate a quilt to a needy family in your community, this commitment could be the kick in the bottom you need to finish it and give it to someone.

Making a quilt for someone is the lift you need. When that person sees it and holds it is all you will need. Quilters are talented and very creative workers. YOU are too. Give it a try.

Maybe you just need to ENJOY the process of the quiltmaking for itself. Do what you like & forget about quilt police. I had someone tell me that in the beginning & so I've gone with my own ideas & really liked the quilt. I don't have to make it to be perfect but to give myself joy & pleasure in the making of it. And if someone likes and enjoys it too then that's all the better.

Annesthreads, I know you can do it. :thumbup: Please post pictures so we can all give you lots of encouragement.

I wish I could help...

I don't have a place to store quilts but have room to store quilt tops. So I finish the top and when I need a quilt I have the top done and can get it long arm quilted and bound in a short time. If I am making a quilt for a certain person or reason I have no problem finishing them. I love to see them quilted and bound. It just makes something that was beautiful so much more beautiful and so fulfilling to see them done.

As someone recently said, Dr. Phil I think, "We wouldn't worry so much about what others thought about us if we realized how seldom they do.". Love that quote!

I like to make the quilt tops but have to force myself to finish them. Usually I let a few tops pile up then finish a couple at a time. How about selecting one of your smaller quilts and just tell yourself you're going to do the first step of the finding today, then the next step tomorrow. If you have a plan, you might be able to get a few done that way. Good luck!

Some people like piecing, some like quilting, others like binding. It is normal for one person to prefer one part of the process over another. Can you find someone to finish them for you? Maybe you could barter.

As for the WHY - I watched Oprah the other day when she had Tony Robbinson on. Not that I am a big fan, but the subject interested me. They talked about the story WE TELL OURSELVES. For example, part of my story (I had to admit) is that nothing matters because I don't matter. At a conscious level I know that is not true, but subconsiously...that's another story. You need to find out what you are telling yourself. Trust me, you'll know whether you are speaking the truth. (You can only kid yourself for so long) Once you figure out what the negative story is, then you can change it to a more positive approach. Try it and see.

For whatever reason that you have allowed this to be the case in the past, remember that you are you and your sibling is your sibling. Just shine from your own candle.

Everyone has talent in my family too, great talent. But, we have all different styles and mediums. Just be kind to yourself and do it. Enjoy the process and finish those quilts. Then spend some time staring and enjoying your work. Most of the "cure" is recognizing that there was a problem and addressing it positivly!

There are videos at youtube on binding. I suggest that maybe if you watch a few, you would get motivated and feel confident to finish them up. There are also great books out on the process of machine quilting now. They are inspiring and informative and might help with the finishing. I think once you finish one, you will see how artsy and fun it is.

You are a individual. Remember that and value your work and talent.

God gave us all different gifts. Your sister may have many talents and yours may just be making other people happy by a smile or just helping out someone. We are all special in our own way. My one daughter can do anything crafty and do it great. My other daughter can't do decorating or crafts at all, but she is a great person at paper work and now is going into nursing. She is a great people person. So different. Just remember you are a SPECIAL person to all of us and you go get to binding those quilts and we want to see them when they are finished. OK I'm done. lol

It could be low self esteem. I find it hard sometimes to finish or start something because I doubt myself. It is a lot harder when you've been told you can't do something all your life, those little voices are hard to ignore. Just keep pushing forward, even small steps move you forward. Don't talk yourself out of finishing your quilts, they'll turn out just fine. Right now I'm looking at a quilt that I need to finish the binding, scary stuff, I hid it in my cabinet months ago, but today I will finish it. (Or as soon as I get sick of looking at it laying on by sewing table.)

My Mom went to her grave thinking she was dumb because her parents wouldn't let her and her older sister go to high school, but let her other sisters go! She was 2nd oldest and they lived on a farm and her parents needed her to help out at home. She left home at 15 and made her way in the world.

She helped me with college, but then seemed to resent anything I said to her, and would often follow a comment with, "You think you're so smart!". It was hard for me to talk with her because if she didn't like what I said, I always got that back in my face. Finally had to say to her that she brought me up to think and helped me get an education, so why did she expect that I would agree with her 100% on everything? That improved things for a long time.

When she was deep in Altzheimer territory, she brought up her resentment about not going to college, and said, she was just as smart as the other girls, and her parents could have afforded to send her, why didn't they? Then she said it always made her feel dumb! My response, and this was honest, was that she was one of the smartest women I know, that she could do many things that I could never hope to do and do them well! Then I listed a number of things she'd done and told her how much I admired her for her achievements. Her response, "You think I'm smart?" She smiled and we dropped the subject.

Don't let the script others programmed into you ruin your life. Write another script, one where you are what you want to be, and follow that script.

I wish I were like you. I dislike binding. I have quilts that are 5 years old that need binding. And I have a binding machine and a roller to roll up the finished binding and I still haven't used them.

I only like binding because then the quilt is finished and I can wash it and give it away!

I was also told that I had no "eye" and no talent (except for a professor who accused me of trying to mess up). There is sometimes a feeling that as long as something is unfinished it won't get caustic criticism. You might tell yourself that you will finish just one project, for yourself or for charity. You might surprise yourself. I suspect that you are really doing much better than you think you are. One thing I know about quilters is that almost all of us want to encrouage and help. when you are ready to share, we would like to see your work.

Now I hear, "That was just easy for you because you are SO talented and don't do anything wrong." Wrong. I suspect many of us are quilters in part because we can do "our thing" in private. It takes hard work and lots of guts to open up after being dumped on. Maybe open up by sharing a placemat, potholder or mugrug. Please don't let the 'artistic' bullies of your past win.

What motivates me is the happiness I see in the eye of the person I gifted the quilt to. And I love going to someones house and seeing it on the back of the couch, or scrunched up as a pillow for someones head. I guess I just like knowing I gave something that gets used and loved. And on one ocassion I had a grandchild bring me a well-loved quilt begging me to fix it again. The darn thing was almost thread bare. That ocassion turned into a fun trip to the LQS and a whole new project for me and another opportunity for me to see the happiness in the eyes of that grandchild. I guess I love to quilt. :-)

I sure hope you can find something that motivates you to keep on with the process and create something beautiful. When I make a mistake sometimes I don't fix it intentionally...I remind my self that it is handmade and all is good. Whatever you create is part of you, love it and enjoy it.

annesthreads, The Lord didn't make any useless people, we do that to ourselves and each other.... There is no perfect person on the face of the earth, only a lot of people that each have a talent that is their own. It doesn't matter if it is only ONE talent or HUNDREDS. That talent is uniquely your own and nobody else can duplicate it. All my life I have always had the attitude that I was 'the bomb' (as they say), then one day my DH said something that knocked the pins right out from under me. At that point I questioned my life and what I was doing and wondering why I was trying to do anything. It took me a few years to get my confidence back, but it still isn't as strong as it once was and may never be. BUT I do know that I am a unique person and what I can and do do that nobody else can duplicate. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and someday my quilts will bring wonder to somebody in the future and they shall say, "I wish I could do what she did!" Just like we do with the quilts and scraps we find today....

Sometimes, I start something and I'm not very happy with how it's turning out, don't know how to quilt it, or just don't feel like finishing it. I put it to the side and work on something else that is more fun at the time. I do go back and finish the others when I am more in the mood for it.

Thankyou all very much for all the replies, which I've been thinking about -some great insights here. My current mood of discouragement is probably partly because it's a holiday weekend - never a great time for me. I can see various things that are contributing to my procrastination, which is almost a fear of finishing my quilts.
Bedtime now, so I'll come back to this tomorrow. Just wanted to say that I really appreciate all your thoughts.

Please try to trust yourself. you deserve better. As a teacher, I must have heard hundreds of times, "You made me smart." Wrong. Someone else made those students FEEL dumb and untalented. Whoever chose to make you feel untalented, don't let the bullies win. My grandmother did that to both Mom and my aunt. Mom was in her 60's before I was able to persuade her to overcome my abusive grandmother's harm. It turned out that she was very talented.

So sorry that you feel you aren't talented but I bet your quilts are fantastic. Be proud that you are a quilter and can do it!! If quilting is your hobby, keep doing it and let us help you gain some confidence by showing your quilts. Good luck.

I understand how you feel, when we grow up feeling inferior or hurt when we reach out, not putting our selves out there for someone to hurt us again feels safe. I can finish quilts because they are mine and I don't have to share unless I want to, but I do not make phone calls or send cards or write letters. I feel safer just not reaching out. I know no one is going to be unkind any more but this thing inside holds me back..If I do call my children the first thing they ask is something wrong. I am okay with it because it is just me, and understanding why I don't reach out helps. Not finishing a quilt is your business and you never have to finish if you don't want to. Quilting is your journey go as far as makes you happy :)

I have to say I can relate to your feelings! I have almost wondered if my inability to finish was something more sinister than simple procrastination......do I have adult A.D.D.? Am I clinically depressed and, for some reason, fearful of completion? I don't have the answers, but just wanted you to know that you're not alone in this!

I think this is partly what I'm feeling - I suspect there are some old, half-buried memories of being proud of things I'd done and then the terrible disappointment of being told they weren't very good. On another forum this week someone made a mildly critical comment - though I'm absolutely sure it was even intended as such - and all the compliments I'd received on that piece of work just turned to dust -I could only see what she'd called attention to. It's so true that one criticism outweighs 10 compliments! Maybe not finishing protects me from the vulnerability of having the quilt out there and open to criticism and/or disappointment.

I've wondered about all this too. I know I'm not clinically depressed at the moment - been there done that - just a bit lonely over the holiday weekend - but the inability to focus sometimes scares me, though I laugh at my "butterfly mind". With quilts, I think it's been partly the lure of the next exciting project that has led to UFOs building up, plus the very practical problems with my old machine. I've taken steps - putting all the projects except the one I'm working on out of sight helped a lot - but still tend to split myself between different projects. I'm doing the Leah Day Quilt Along, which is great fun and helping my quilting hugely - but of course that's giving me less time to tackle the backlog and is even adding to it as things get stuck at the binding stage. I notice the same thing in other areas of life and have to be careful not to spread myself too thinly. Probably not ADD as such, but tendencies that way that just have to be managed. I think our society just encourages this scattered mindset -far too many different media and possibilities, and some of us have trouble limiting ourselves!

I don't actually mind binding, once I've got it sewn onto the quilt (hate trying to get the 2 ends together!)- I enjoy the hand sewing. It's just getting myself to do it...

I don't think it's perfectionism that's the issue any more. Used to be - I ruined my first few years of quilting by thinking everything had to be perfect. I've moved on from that, and if they look OK from several feet away with my glasses off, that'll do! I don't intend to enter any shows. It's the enjoyment of the process that matters. No, strangely, there's almost a pain in seeing that my work IS quite good - that's surprisingly hard to deal with. Which must be where the old stories are still getting in the way.

Sometimes an inability to complete things is because of a deep seated fear of failure, being worried about not "coming up to scratch". Doing your best, learning and getting better each time is what we should be aiming for. Not perfection, as this is unattainable. I agree with you about everything being so "scattered" these days, if we allow it, those cell phones and computers will throw a spanner in the schedule every time:).

That's more than enough from me about me! Again, thankyou all for your kind responses. I've replied to a few, but they've all been read and appreciated.
I'm away from home till this evening, but will post pictures of some of the quilts. Or you could look on my blog

http://annes-threads.blogspot.com

- last year I posted several times about my (mostly unsuccessful) efforts to finish some UFOs.

I HAVE to finish the quilt I've just started - it's for a friend's baby, due mid-May!