I'm sure this has been the topic of many discussions, but it always comes up in my quilting world.

Why are we so critical of our own work. I know that we are not all that way, but some of us bash our work at every chance. You know the type. You say "nice quilt" . They say " Oh it is Ok, but don't look at the poor points" or "It is not that nice, my quilting is just terrible".
We would never say to another quilter, "you did a crappy job on that one, what were you thinking?"

We should all take an oath... I will not talk poorly of my own work. I will love everything I do....

My mother always said if you don't have anything nice to say....

I am my own worst critic. I joined a table runner swap (my first swap) and made THREE table runners before I decided which one to send LOL! And then I was still nervous about whether my swap partner would like it. I don't post a lot of pics of my work on here but when I do, I sit and stare at the "submit" button for ages before I hit it. Do ya think I'm insecure???

I agree and will take the oath

I will accept compliments from everyone on my project.
I will graciously listen to opinions during the quilting process and make my own decisions on changes, if any :).
I will not point out any flaws to anyone once the project is completed.
I will tell people "I planned it that way" if they find any flaws. :) :) :)

Good Morning...
I had a friend who had a small store where she sold her art work. Everytime someone came and complimented her she did the same thing. Brought up everything that was wrong with it and why she would do it differently next time. Sales were not going well.. She then hired her mother who banished her to the back office. Sales went through the roof, because our mothers think our work is always amazing! She was her best sales person! When ever I need a boost, I just show it to my mom.....

Ken, this is such a great thread! Somewhere in my pea brain I think that my quilts must look like the photos in whatever I get my inspiration from!! Now tell me- what book, pattern etc do you find a non-perfect looking quilt !??? It would be like a cook book with unappealing pics of great recipes !! Well, sort of, you get my point!
Thanks for the great advice- I'll take it!!! :D

Deep down inside we are insecure and need the praise of others. I am critical of my work, but am also realistic, that life is not perfect and we wouldn't be happy if it was. So why should our work be perfect? It wouldn't look handmade if it was perfect. My mother used to tell me when I was little and she had made me a dress. You'll never see it on a trottin' horse. She made me hem all my dresses she made, and naturally they weren't perfect.

I totally agree. It home with me when someone asked my husband if it was relaxing to watch me sew. He said no because she stresses over everything she does.(He was in the hospital at the time due to heart pains and I was hand sewing.) That made me right there and then to stop complaining or stressing over all my mistakes and just enjoy the process. I didn't even point out the huge mistake I made on the one for my bed I just pieced together. ( It is true nobody can tell unless you tell them )

will take the oath.

I think I tend to do this with anything and everything - from how I look to what I write, to what I sew. It's really a habit for me now.

But as insecure as I can be about my work (quilts, stories, etc), there's always that part of me that loves it anyway. Like it's my kid. Yeah, I know it's got flaws and it's certainly not perfect. But the quirks make it lovable.

Maybe that's why I find it painful (but good!) when people critique my writing. I'm like "ouch, don't make fun of my baby!"

We made an Elvis quilt for a 13 year old girl. She was over the moon because she just loves Elvis. Next thing you know, she wants us to teach her how to make a quilt. She wants to make a baby quilt for her soon to arrive niece.

Once her quilt was pieced, DH was teaching her how to quilt it on the LA. She was about to cry, saying it wasn't going to look right, that he should quilt it for her.

We asked did she think her Elvis quilt was perfect and she said "Oh YES!" I then told her about a couple of "issues" with it. Told her see, she didn't notice the issues on the Elvis quilt. Nobody would notice her issues with the baby quilt either. She finished, and she was THRILLED with it.

I think all of you do beautiful work, and even if there is a flaw somewhere, hey, you STILL did beautiful work. Think how many people see your work and wish THEY could do something "that beautiful"!

I love this!

My husband is constantly telling me that I am way to critical and am trying to be a perfectionist (note - I said "trying"). So, I am trying hard to relax. I especially like the "I planned it that way" response.:)

My sister told me she is going to smack me if I don't stop criticizing everything I make. I just can't seem to help it. It pops out of my mouth before I can stop myself. Oh well, I will keep trying and trying and trying.

I'll try to keep the oath, but my problem is I always think people are giving me compliments so my feelings won't get hurt. I know I am getting better all the time, and sometimes I even surprise myself.

I have one friend that always finds a flaw in my work, I know she is trying to help, but I wish she would look as close at her own work.

I was pressing some blocks I finished today and with every single one I was looking at all the 1 1/4" HSTs and seeing if there were any cut off points. I just had to STOP DOING THAT!! I did my best and try to tell myself that when it's all put together it will be fine!

Just accept that the compliments are sincere and don't second guess them. Easier said than done, I know.

That's not very nice for your friend to do that. I would never, ever, point out the flaws in someone's work, would only give advice or help if it is asked for. Let her know that you would like her to not do that and hopefully she will respect that.

I love this oath! I will try and follow it more myself :D:D:D

Love it! I will certainly give it my all! Until tonight I was my worst critic. LOL

The quilts we make have flaws and we know it - I think we feel like we have to vocalize our mistakes. Instead I suggest writing it down in your quilt journal (if you keep one) or just stand in front of the quilt and say out loud all of the flaws that are there and then let it go! My last conversation with a quilt went something like this ---- "I sure wish I had used a stop border on you before adding the large border....if I had used the same fabric as the binding, you would have been perfect....you look a little busy and confused....but you are going to a new home where you will be loved for all your flaws and I won't forget the important lesson I learned from you." No kidding - I talk to my quilts - lol -

I took a similar pledge a long time ago....if I don't praise my work, no one else will either.

What a great idea ... why are we so critical of our work? I am a quilter because my great grandmother, my grandmother, and my mother-in-law were quilters and their quilts are great family treasures. As I look at their quilts today, I see that some of the colors are not what I would have chosen and a couple of points don't match, but they are still family treasures! I promise to give myself a break and do the very best I can on every quilt I make AND enjoy each one! Thanks, Ken ... visited Nova Scotia a few years ago ... absolutely beautiful area.

I am critical of my work but I think it's more to the good than to the bad. I look for flaws in my work because I want to improve and I can't do that if I don't know what it is I'm doing wrong. Quilting, for me, is an adventure but it is also always growing and changing. If I'm not growing, I'm not having fun. That's just my personality though and I know many people who are comfortable with the skill level they are at, and I'm good with that too. I enjoy the challenge of mastering a new technique or improving on an old one. It's part of what makes quilting such an amazing experience for me.

Now I have learned not to point out the flaws in my work to others. Usually they don't notice them, but if they do then I know it is something I need to work on. And if the person looking at the quilt is not a quilter, I know they won't see any mistakes. You gotta love that! :-D

I've finally come to the conclusion that what I do is good enough. If there is an error, if I cannot see it from a galloping horse, I don't worry about it. I do agree we are all our worst critics. For years it did bother me to know when something wasn't "just right", however after years of no one else noticing the small errors, I realized life is to short to worry about it. If I like it, who cares if someone else doesn't?

as the Amish believe there is nothing perfect in this world so you quilt should not be perfect. Use the "Galloping horse" principle. Walk by your quilt very fast and you will probably not see amy mistakes.

Marianne Fonz said she had never made a perfect quilt, but parts of every quilt she made was perfect.

That is the best thing about quilting. Only you know where the mistakes are. Others really don't. The important part is for you to remember that you made this piece of art. Please read my phraze under my icon. That is what helped me keep from beating myselt up.

If someone is riding by on a galloping horse next to your quilt, likely they're just going to kick up and throw mud on it. You tell that rider to keep him and his horse away from your quilt!

I'm not so much critical of my own work, it's just that I know my limitations. I know what I can do and what I can't. I know there are many quilts that are much better than mine and some that are worse. I'm okay with that because quilting is strictly for my own pleasure and enjoyment. If it becomes a chore than I will move on to something else.

Hey Ken, My mom always said the same thing! :thumbup:

I had a friend who was a wonderful cook/baker, but she always found something wrong with everything she made. She frequently sent home her "mistakes" with me for my family to eat, and we never found a thing wrong with them as we devoured them.

Then one day she made me a special cake for our family. I took it home and said who had made it, and my youngest son asked while eating a piece, "What's wrong with it then?" I told her his remark, and she began to see that no one but her found flaws with her wonderful baking and that she was making people look for flaws in her work. It helped, but she never did really believe her cooking was as great as everyone else thought it was. Just human nature!

When I was a little girl, my big brother told me that the Navajos never made anything perfect, but put a flaw in it. So since my big brother told me and of course he was right, whenever something isn't "perfect", that's one for the Navajos. They could do things perfectly for a long time and still be okay because of my errors! But it made my sewing and knitting more enjoyable! LOL

You need a copy of my essay for people who are too critical of their own work. It hangs next to my sewing machine, and it keeps things in perspective. If you're interested, PM me, and I'll send it to you. I can't post it because of copyright issues, and I'm sure the moderator would take it down.

Amen Sister!!! I have several old quilts my granny made, and believe me, they aren't perfect, but oh, so treasured. If I make a minor mistake, points not lining up, etc. I don't worry about it. I hate ripping anything out so, if it's not a total disaster, I let it go. Life's too short! :thumbup:

I learned from performing in public that if you make a mistake, just keep on going. Many times, the only one who heard the mistake was me, because I knew what the song was supposed to sound like. When I was complimented on my performance, I said "Thank you.", not "But didn't you hear the flat note?"

With quilting, it is the same. I don't point out my mistakes. I say "Thank you" to every compliment I'm given. And if someone point out a mistake, I just tell them it's my humility block -- as the Amish say, only God creates perfection.

As a young architect, I learned over time that self-criticism sometimes tends to bring out the best in what we do. And, it also tends to bring out the worst in what we do. Finding that balance between the two brings out an imperfect product that tends to reveal the very heart of who we are and what we are capable of. Thanks for the post, and I will be sure to do that, especially being a very young quilter. Best wishes, always.

This person is no friend.

I gave the first applique quilt I made to my best friend. It was absolutely awful. Full of mistakes and just plain poor technique. I was learning, after all. She loves it and hung it in the hallway across from her bedroom so that she sees it first when she comes out of her bedroom in the morning. I told her once that someday I'd make her a better quilt. She said she wouldn't take it because she loves the one she has.

Now that is a good friend.

If you think about it, it's sort of insulting to answer someone's compliment about your quilt by showing them the flaws. It's like telling them they have poor taste or that they don't know what they're talking about.

[quote=catrancherIf you think about it, it's sort of insulting to answer someone's compliment about your quilt by showing them the flaws. It's like telling them they have poor taste or that they don't know what they're talking about.[/quote]


Very insightful.

You guys are so good for one's ego.

No matter how you look at it we can do ourselves more harm than good. We'll all get together to form the Quilter's Oath and all swear by it.

No on the other side of the coin, I teach classes and quilt for Atlantic Fabrics, so I sometimes need to point out flaws. I remember on one occasion finding two variable stars in a quilt that had one side reversed during a quilt check in. The customer said well "no one's perfect so leave them" I so wanted to flip them around, but my hands were tied. nuff said. Another time in class I carefully pointed out that have of the student's background pieces were underside down. Her reply was 'well I don't like the person I'm giving the quilt to anyways" I know these are the exceptions, but it is funny how everyone looks at things. I usually get the "oh my gosh i didn't see that and I have been working on this quilt forever"

I am repairing a quilt for a friend that her grandmother made , it was the last quilt she made. I find quite a few mistakes in it. Seams crooked tucks sewn it etc. My friend sees none of that. All she sees is the love her grandmother put into piecing it and her mother put into tying it.The only thing I am "fixing" is the binding which is the back folded to the front and only because the sewing machine her mother used wasn't stitching properly and it was coming apart. I am hand sewing where the seams are coming apart.

I have finally learned to say to myself "IT IS WHAT IT IS''........my mistakes are my "signatures"!!!!