I recently made my mom a quilt as a Christmas present and was talking to my Dad (he lives in another state) about it.

He says "so when do I get a quilt?" I said that as a matter of fact I had something in mind for him.

Well, the following week I received a note from him, and I quote..."I was just kidding about the quilt. I do not want a quilt, and I wouldn't use one"

I was dumbfounded when I received this. What do you make of it?

My take is, sluff his remarks off...tell him he can just lay it on his chair & bet he'll be using it before long, but don't mention it anymore until you give it to him. Men are just that way sometimes. Wrap it up real tight so he won't know what it is & bet he'll be happy to see it.

My mother told me she does not want me to make her a quilt.
I mentioned that I would like to make one for her and she said that she had no need for one. She asked me if I knew how to do some type of fabric folding for a wall hanging and I said "No"
I made one for my dad and he uses it all the time. Mom still does not want one.
My Mother in Law, on the other hand has two of my quilts and she tells me almost every time I see her how much she loves her quilts.

I don't think I have ever had anyone say that to me.
If my dad had said that to me, and I had been thinking about making him a quilt, I would go ahead make it and send it to him.
If he used it fine, if he didn't, fine.

Ha Ha that's actually kind of funny. I'm sure if you gave him one he'd use it...he's a man, what does he know??? :)

My dad would have said the same thing because he would not have wanted me to go to all that work for him. I bet his first response was the accurate one and he is trying to let you off the hook, so to speak, by saying that he doesn't want one. He might have felt like he was soliciting a quilt and didn't want you to feel put out. I would still make him that quilt.

Maybe ask him again on the phone, then you can hear by the tone in his voice if he really wants one or not.

I do know a few people who would never use one...They prefer fleece or other softer feeling fabric, and if given a quilt it would sit in a closet or be given away....

Also ask yourself, if you did make him one and he never used it...how would you feel?

I did talk to him on the phone later and he brought the up the subject. I explained to him that I was thinking about making him a lap quilt that he could use when he reads, sitting in his favorite chair. His response "oh" and then he changed the subject.

When I told my sister about his note she too thought his note was a bit blunt. We talked about how if it seems that someone wouldn't appreciate your efforts, maybe it is best to not bother. Use your time where it will be appreciated.

I would never presume to make someone a quilt for their bed without knowing if they want one. It would seem presumptuous to dictate to them how to decorate their bedroom. So that is why I thought he might like a lap quilt.

His note and subsequent phone call really hurt my feelings so I am relunctant to make anything for him. My Dad tends to say what he means, and means what he says.

I was telling my friend (saleswoman) at my favorite sewing machine store. She too thought it was odd. A nice man (waiting for his vacuum cleaner) overheard us and said "I would love a quilt" He made my day.

he just wanted the one u had for ur mom sometimes they like to be the first

Is he remarried? Maybe his mate or girlfriend is afraid of what you might send? I would tend to go with his first instinct and send him a lap quilt. My mom didn't want me to go to the expense of making her one but it's on her bed every day. She's always afraid of us spending our money on her.

Hugs,
Sharon

I have four children and have made quilts for three of them. One of my sons told me he didn't want a quilt because they don't keep him as warm as a comforter. I even suggested making it completely out of flannel and he still said no. His loss.

I've never had anyone say they wouldn't want a quilt. I can't keep up with all the family/friends I want to make for.

I'm sorry your father hurt your feelings. If he's always that blunt, he probably doesn't realize how much it hurt you. Many men don't understand why we buy fabric, cut it up and sew it back together when we could just buy a blanket.

Does he already have a favorite blanket on his chair?

I did have an (almost) argument with someone I used to work with. I made her a baby quilt for her (only) child and at the shower she was so happy, she told me over and over how beautiful it was and she was going home right away to get her husband to hang it on the wall above the crib. I told her (privately) it wasn't art for the wall, it was for the baby and I hoped she used it. She never ever did any type of handcraft. They painted the room to go with the quilt, I felt very honored.

Make your father a quilt. Since he does a lot of reading, make it very cozy, flannel or fleece on the back, maybe flannel on the front, too. He'll find out he's happy to have it. Remind him you made it because you love him.

well, i feel like this: if someone told me they didn't want a quilt, no matter who it was or their reason, you can rest assured i would never make them one. that goes for everybody i make something for and they don't treat it right, you can bet i'll never make them anything else. just because WE quilters love our quilts, that doesn't mean that everyone does.

It's the thought that counts. If you want to give him a loving quilt made by your hands, then do it. It's your way to show him you love him......even it he doesn't use it. But I bet he will. I just think he was giving you a way out because he, at first, indicated that he wanted one.

WELL...I would love to have one lol How about greens? blue? yellow? red? get the picture? ROFL

Margie

Exactly what I think too!! I would certainly make him one~~

since he was so blunt, i think you can be also. tell him you were making the quilt out of love for him, but if there is something he'd rather have, then you'd like to give him that instead. let's be practical. not everyone loves what we love. my mother wanted me to make every stitch of her clothing, but she didn't want one quilt or painting that i made. my father wanted every painting i did and never wanted anything i sewed. my sister wants every quilt i make. too bad. she throws them in the corner for her dogs. i buy her dog beds, instead. go figure! it just wasn't important enough to them. my husband wants me to share all his interests, but i don't.

don't be insulted. life is too short. ask what he really wants.

Very good idea!

I totally agree. It's hard to go right out and be blunt, especially about something that hurt our feelings... but it's (more often than we'd like to admit) the best approach. Ask him how he feels, and let him know you want to make him something... but what does he want? Good idea butterflywing! ;)

i just went back and re-read this topic. i thought i might have missed something, but if the gift is really for him, then it shouldn't be a quilt. he just won't appreciate your time and effort.

Yes, I have had 2 people tell me not to make them one. They said they would not use it because it would be to heavy. I figured, oh well, their loss. I'll save my work for someone who will really appreciate it!

I agree. I understand that not everyone sees the value in the quilts that we make, and I know that certain members of my family would not appreciate one and for that reason they are not on my list of future projects.

I guess I would have appreciated if he had found a different way of saying what he thought. Something like, "I really don't care for quilts. I prefer blankets or chenille throws" I won't be making him a lap quilt for fear he would say "I thought I told you I didn't want one" and it would really bother me if I made one and he never used it.

My Dad is very set in his ways. He never remarried, so he has been divorced from my mom since I was 3 years old. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive, just wanting to please him as I have been trying to do all my life.

Enough about this. Thank you everyone for allowing me to vent. Now lets talk about something fun.

I know exactly how you feel, I wanted to make a quilt for my mom and she said "what will I do with it?" (I think it's quite obvious what you are supposed to do with it!) The point is, it was a rejection that really hurt! I will not make her one especially if she won't appreciate it. The reason why her rejection hurt so much is that she is very talented at many things, like fashion sewing, smocking, painting etc. If anyone would know and appreciate the love and hard work that goes into a quilt it would be my mom.....but I guess she doesn't want to with my quilt for some reason.

You said:

I know exactly how you feel, I wanted to make a quilt for my mom and she said "what will I do with it?" (I think it's quite obvious what you are supposed to do with it!) The point is, it was a rejection that really hurt! I will not make her one especially if she won't appreciate it. The reason why her rejection hurt so much is that she is very talented at many things, like fashion sewing, smocking, painting etc. If anyone would know and appreciate the love and hard work that goes into a quilt it would be my mom.....but I guess she doesn't want to with my quilt for some reason.[/quote]

Thank you so much for that. My dad is a painter...a watercolorist, so I thought like you...if anyone would appreciate the time and care that goes into making something it would be him. Guess you and I need to be selective in who receives one of our gifts LOL.

MAybe you could make it and then when you see him, tell him you made it for fun but didn't have anywhere for it, did he want it? If he says no, I'm not sure what to tell you.
My dad drives me crazy in that I can never tell if he likes something or not.

Sabrina

I think MistyMarie is right. Maybe he was thinking of what it would cost.

Exactly what i would think! I would make him one anyway.

My DD has said "Jack(DGS who is 2) doesn't need anymore quilts"..LOL! he only has 4 so far!

I must be honest here...had that happened to me I'd never make him anything. I wouldn't waste my time on it. Alot goes into making a quilt, I'd hate to know that it just sat in the closet never to be used. It's his loss!

Wait till he gets it-he won't part with it!

I think he just saved you a ton of work that might not be appreciated as much as your mother did hers. Maybe he likes his fleece blanket he uses or never uses one for napping in his chair or couch. If he took the time to write you it meant he got worried you might actually do this. Listen to him and you wont have hurt feelings. Slippers are cheaper than a quilt anyways. I however would love a lap quilt so feel free to expend your energy on me! My daughter just learned how to make pot holders. I will be pretty old before she is making be blankets!

I might still make one. But it wouldn't be a work of art ....it would be something that I wanted to try, a pattern I wasn't sure of, colors I had a desire to work with, but hadn't and SIMPLE. An Irish chain, a rail fence. Nothing difficult. And maybe only tied. One of the charity/Linus patterns, but larger, to be a lap quilt.

And, then, you give it to him. Nothing else said before or after, except, I was testing this pattern out, and realized I don't have anyone to give this to!

Yes, my daughter told me, "No thank you, I'm not a quilt type person." Two months later, "Ok, Mom, I've found the fabric for my quilt." ;) She has now asked for her second one!!

my rule is do things out of love in your heart. dont look for appreciation and in the case of quilts have found give it, give it up in your heart, let it go, what people do with it we cant control. a lap quilt sounds better maybe of deer or plaid flannel fabric whichever u think he likes. he is a man and they get weird sometimes. u are very lovely to want to give out of your generous heart.

I think at one time before quilting became so popular that quilts were associated with becoming elderly, used for lap quilts in nursing homes. I'm learning from personal experience that no matter what our intentions, sometimes older parents think we're conspiring to put them in a nursing home.
Maybe you can make him a wall hanging instead.

My late mother in law, grew up poor and had 10 kids and was poor most of her life.
She did not want anything homemade. Homemade pie...she added sugar before tasting.. Hand made sweater...never again seen ect......Then she told everyone....I do not want hamd made stuff....thats all I ever had...want store bought lol and the really


glittery and glitzy...this all came out in her 70's
I made her an afagan was in the basement in a box :roll: :roll: :roll:

My son gives me the best gifts...a load of cirtificates....he covers the bases...ice cream store, movie, mc donalds, Lowes, joanns, green house, oil change.......you get the idea...a few each holiday, i use them all :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

yes, my sister...she is very modern and said a quilt just doesn't go with her "style", I said absolutely no problem LOL

My take on this is that he was a little jealous that you made a quilt for your Mother and was feeling left out. Then he retracted because it sounded like he was jealous. I would go ahead and make him a lap robe, maybe you could find him some fabric that would reflect his career or a hobby. I bet he'd use it. Men, ya know??! lol

Not everyone is "quilt worthy", so I do not spend my time working on something that will not be appreciated.

Since I just came back from my cousins memorial service, I would like to give my '2-cents' worth.

Last summer, G. started feeling sickly. This is a man who ate correctly, exercised, and walked the equivalant(sp) miles around the equator and stated he was going to start his second jorney around. That's in the vicinity of 23,000 plus miles. He kept accurate records, that's how we know.
His DW's exercise group was in the process of making them a queen-sized quilt. He got reallly sick in the fall, hospitalized in November, had 75 B-day in hosp., and never saw the absolutely beautiful quilt the group made for them.

If your father died next week, do you think that you would regret not making him a quilt and kick yourself or...
what if you die next week and he received a quilt from you, don't you think he would cherish it?

Ask me how I know. The afghan I started to make my father is still sitting in the sunroom. He died before I finished it. I hope to finish it this summer and give it to my oldest brother even though we are not close. .

Do what you know in your heart is the right thing to do and you will be able to live with the decision much easier. Some things you can't put a price on nor hold that grudge for. (off my soapbox)

I agree with MistyMarie. My dad was so sweet, never wanted me to go to any trouble at all for him. Your dad may know how much work goes into it and just doesn't want to "burden" you, though I know you don't think of it that way! Go for it!