Quiltingboard Forums - Help! How do you handle someone at classes and meetings

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I know every situation is different, but aren't group sewing sessions, retreats, etc so that we can learn from each other and help each other? I don't encourage doing her work for her, and talking while someone is teaching must be discouraged, but I vote for the loving sisterhood method.

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Originally Posted by SingerSewer (Post 7116255)

It is not our intention to be rude to her but we really would like to get the point across that she has to take care of herself and not expect others to stop and help her. Which ordinarily turns into doing most of it or helping her remove stitches.

You are going to have to be blunt and tell her exactly that, before you get to the retreat. Otherwise she will go with the same expectations she has at meetings-- that any and everyone is available to help her.

Just tell her. Don't let her behavior ruin it for others. Maybe she acts like this because it works for her. No one has corrected her so far, so she will continue.

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Originally Posted by faykilgore (Post 7117554)

I know every situation is different, but aren't group sewing sessions, retreats, etc so that we can learn from each other and help each other?.

There is a big difference in helping and being pestered to help. All the ones that go out of their way to be kind are the ones doing all her work which is what she wants kind or not. LOL

I think there is and old adage about you cant be taken advantage of unless you let it happen. I think I would give her my thoughts/advice if asked, but then Politely tell her it is her project if she wants to learn she needs to be the one to rip or fix her stitching herself--it is just like we tell our kids--they won't learn from their mistakes if we fix it for them.

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Originally Posted by bearisgray (Post 7116253)

Duct tape?

You get my vote! 😇

I run quilting retreats and go to two of my own that is just for fun. We do have "Needy Nellie" at the one that I call my vacation. I make an announcement at the beginning of the retreat.. "We are not a teaching retreat,this is for our enjoyment to relax and get our stuff done. If you are having trouble with something,you must wait til someone can help you for 5 mins and only 5 mins. They are here to do their work, not yours" The first time I made this announcement you could hear the sigh of relief from the room. It took care of the problem. Hope this helps

Sounds like the overly dependent, helpless type who (usually) does not realize what a pest she's being or how she robs others of their time in order to help her. I agree, it's a tough situation, but there's no help for it other than being pretty frank with her. She won't improve otherwise (may not anyway) and the rest of you are inconvenienced and irritated. If the instructor can't or won't lay it out for her then I think a couple of you are going to have to, in your "kind but honest way" as my boss used to say.

We used to have one of these in our family -- but she was more of an attention hog than truly helpless...and frankly, more than a little lazy. When we couldn't ignore her, we were fairly honest....though I hate to tell you, she never really changed. It was just who she was.

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Originally Posted by quiltingcandy (Post 7116484)

It really does fall on the instructor or the "enablers" to deal with the situation. When I was an instructor and a mentor I had to learn there are these people in every class. So when they interrupt, if I am in the middle of a training there is a chance someone else has the same question so answer the question as best I could. If we were is a part that required them to do something, I would walk around and see if anyone needed assistance. In a sewing situation and a person has to un-sew, then I would say I will be back when you have finished taking out what needed to be undone, just raise your hand so I know when you are ready. It took me a while to learn to instruct and not do for someone. If people are doing it for her, then she won't learn. If she asks someone to do it for her then they need to say no - she has to do it in order to learn.

No one needs to be rude, they just need to instruct rather than do for her. Once she finds out no one is going to do it for her, she will either leave or learn to do it herself. If you are not the instructor, then direct her to the instructor for assistance. She may have to wait but again, she will learn or leave.

this is excellent advice and every instructor should include these "tools" in their repertoire. If the problem is a 4 day retreat without any class included, then all of your should do basically these same things--nicely but clearly "letting" her fend for herself and limiting the help to helping, not doing. Perhaps part of the problem is that some of you find it hard to say no? I was at a retreat with this type of person and since no one would drop their project and do her's for her, she basically did not get much done. Will she go again? Who knows? If she does maybe she just likes to hang out with us!

I would think the instructor would announce early in the class that you are limited for time and preparation, so would those having trouble just listen and seek help after the class is over. They can take notes, and please, do not interrupt until there is a Q/A time

Good luck and we want to know all about your retreat.