I always tell the truth to my husband. Think of it this way. Would you want your husband telling you a lie? If an item is very pricey we always discuss it first. Then we plan a way to save for the item. I also look at the item and decide if I really need it or do I just want it because it is a new gadget. I try not to buy things that I will not get a lot use out of. And remember it is never a good idea to lie to your spouse.

I would fess up and then curtail my shopping for a considerable amount of time. If the two of you agree on a time frame that is acceptable to both of you the sting may be less. I know that it is a challenge to all of us but having a shopping budget for any hobby helps to keep a balance. We love to quilt, we love to make beautiful things and to have the tools to do it well, but as in your case this desire has lead you to do something that has hurt your heart toward your husband. It put you in position of being untruthful and baring the guilt.

Pull back and use your stash and apologize to him for being dishonest. You are two grownups and I trust you should be able to help each other out to solve this situation. I pray that you will be strengthened through this and not defeated.

I realize you don't want to hear any preaching, but it should be stated honesty in every aspect makes for a better relationship. So just tell your husband the truth how much this meant to you and you were concerned about his negative reaction so you did something 'stupid' and lied. Then tell him because honest and open communcation between the two of you is most important to you, you decided to tell him. But also suggest jointly to set up a budget for each of you to spend on items only the other individual cares about, and then in the future you or he can happily purchase items within the budget without having to get an okay. Hopefully, it will lead your husband to share some of his not disclosed expenditures as well.

If it is your money, you can spend it the way you want, correct? He said it is "our" money??? Does he have tools in the garage? Does he have a variety of guns? What is his hobby? Life is too short not to enjoy getting and using things that will make you happy. Take a deep breath, know that you made a good deal. Don't dwell on the deception of a few dollars. Just don't do that again. Be up front. I would have a sit down talk with him in the near future and tell him that as partners you have a right to enjoy your hobby, as you support his. Tell him that he makes you feel guilty when you spend money on your hobby and you are not going to feel that way anymore. If it is taking food out of his mouth, or if you are not paying bills, then he can complain. However, let him know that his negative reaction everytime you make a hobby purchase will no longer bother you. You are an equal partner and partners should always support and respect each other. You are allowing him to make you feel guilty...deep down it is not guilt over the lie on the price, it is the guilt he makes you feel for purchasing something that is for you to enjoy.
Ask hubby if he wants you to enjoy life. If he says yes, then case closed, spend what you can afford on your hobby. If he says no, then boot him out the door with all his tools, guns, computers, software, games, motorcycle, and sports stuff. He knows how to lay down guilt. Don't accept it! If you don't own the guilt you will be much happier and enjoy your life.
Diana in TX

when I bought my first embroidery machine I commented that I wasn't sure I could justify the cost, the sales
lady asked if my husband always consulted and justified the cost of tools and fishing gear that he wanted...That
being said I spent the $1500 (my own money) and six months later spent upgraded to one that was over $10,000.
I don't spend foolishly but only use my own money and buy the tools I want for my sewing room

I agree with Diana. This isn't about your new tool, this is about your relationship with your husband. A century ago the man ruled the family (why isn't clear, but probably because he brought home the paycheck... the woman did nothing but raise the kids, keep the house in order, cook, sew, help out friends, etc.). Ever since WWII the value of women and their contributions has been openly recognized. You don't have a right to tell you husband what to do with his life as long as it is in the realm of your marriage vows, and he doesn't have the right to tell you what to do. You need to sit down together and make sure your goals in life are compatible. Work out what either of you can spend money for and how much. My hubby and I talk about the big things and ignore the smaller (the ones we both feel we can afford). Never should either of you feel guilty about spending money on something that is important to you. If it (say a sewing gaget) isn't important to him then he doesn't need to use it! And if you don't like his weed eater or brand new set of tools then you don't have to use them. I have a friend who is uncomfortable on water and doesn't want to be in the fancy boat her husband bought. He knew she didn't like being out on the water, but now he's mad because he spent so much money on it and she cried when he tried to make her go on it! Go figure???? Talk to each other. If he won't really talk about these things then do what you think is reasonable and get on with your life.

I have to add one more thing.... Years ago my husband invitied a new employee and his family to our house in the country and we walked, kids and all, the mile to the river and back. The guy was still trying to impress my husband (I guess) and talked about how he would work hard all week at his new job. He went on to say he works on Saturdays on the lawn and house and on Sundays he has his wife serve him coffee in bed. My hubby said, "Oh, I bring Sierra coffee in bed every morning!" The man (actually) said "That's discusting!" To which my husband said, "No, what's discusting is Sierra before she's had coffee." The wife, hubby and I all burst out laughing and the husband couldn't understand what was so funny! They only had two or three very active children...... We had five. No clue.....

We have a joint bank account that I use for grocery shopping and paying the bills. Then I have my own account and I pay a certain amount of bills with that and the rest I usually do what I want with it. It's not that we don't have the money. My husband told me a month ago that his waders he bought for fly fishing cost $700!!! I was shocked. But he never told me before how much they cost and I didn't ask him. Well, I don't know why I lied about $29. We talked about buying a Go Baby and I told him it was too much money and then I went and bought the Alto's QuiltCut 2 and felt like I was doing something wrong. I don't know why I felt that way. I have my quilts quilted by LAQ and they usually cost over $100 and have a few done at once, so he knows how much money my quilting cost. I just don't know why I lied. I think I was worried that I would get a lecture about spending money on things I didn't need. He would have brought up the fact that I have a few cutting mats already and lots of rulers and I thought I couldn't explain how the Alto's Quiltcut 2 would be better and easier and faster. When I told him I won the bid on it, I froze like a deer in the headlights and my head started going 90 miles an hour and all of a sudden a lie came out. He has rifles and fishing equipment and all kinds of coats and vests for his hunting and fishing, but he hasn't bought anything new lately.

When it arrives, if he says anything, I might say "Boy, I learned a lesson. This wasn't such a good deal after all. By the time the shipping costs and stuff were added in, I wound up paying a lot more than I thought -- even though it was still less than I've seen it on sale locally. I'll be more careful next time I bid on something on eBay."

And, if any of your quilting friends wants to know, I'd also say something like that.

Otherwise, I'd leave it alone and not bring it up again "voluntarily". Do some "penance" by making a couple of nice charity quilts using the new machine......

Of course, men never lie about anything and they always voluntarily offer apologies if they DO slip a bid and bend the truth, right?

Does he have a hobby? One friend use to point to her DH's 'new toy' any time he complained about the money she spent on her quilting. After awhile he stopped complaining because her quilting was 1/2 what his 'hobby' was....

No, I wouldn't have lied either. I would have just said, 'You really don't want to know'.....

The other question I have is, if what you spend is 'our' money, is what he spends, 'his' money? We have a big pot that everything goes into so it is 'ours'....

I'd have to say tell him the truth. One little lie can lead to many more to cover up that one. You're gonna love your QuiltCut 2 though, I have one and love, love, love it!

JCrow- It's $29. It was your money. You're an adult. You have confessed to some degree here on this board.

Don't let guilt take from the joy of your great purchase. Do what will make you feel right about it. Pray about it and the answer will come to you. You will do what is right for you and yours

Enjoy your cutter and congratulations on your purchase. Let go, jump in with both feet. Life is short.

All that being said- No one, not nobody tells me how to spend my money.

Have a great day. Do good stuff and don't sweat the rest.

I agree!!!!

I love my Quilt Cut 2. I don't know how I ever managed to cut straight strips before, but I do with this. I wouldn't trade it for the much of anything. You are going to love it too!

Anita in Northfield, MN

Gee this was YOUR money and you have to account for it? I agree with the gals that say to drop it and let it ride.

Knowing that life changes all the time, and that my husband's reactions do too, I once found and clipped out this little ditty: "If you're gonna doubt it, don't do it.
If you're gonna do it, then don't doubt it."

That has helped me sort out where I really stand about purchases! :-)

My husband also says that I have too much fabric also, so sometimes I can't tell the truth. No, I would not tell him. Was is done, is done. Just go ahead an enjoy it. I'm sure the guys hide some expsenses too!

Hubby would never dare tell me I spend to much on my quilting or anything else considering the stuff he buys for himself or has in the past. I don't feel I have to justify what I do buy either. I've worked since the age of 5 working in potato fields (did not have labor laws back than like they do now) and worked all my adult life therefore feel no need to justify what I may choose to buy. Lies get us no where so just tell him the truth and be done with it. Personally I could never be married to or have as a partner anyone that questioned how I spent my money.

Promise to make money on quilts you make using it, and repay the kitty as a show of good faith.

Since you asked...
Sometimes the truth hurts, but you won't have to agonize over having made the right decision or not. Be honest. Honesty breeds respect, the most important ingredient in a good relationship, in my opinion.

If he gripes too much remind him how much his hobbies cost. Hunting trip, outfitting the bass boat, deer corn. New rod & reel.

I think you can spend your own money anyway you choose. Just enjoy the quilt cut (I have one and I love it) and don't worry about it. You should not have to ask permission to spend your own money.

This is why we have a family account for household things and we have separate accounts. I don't question what he spends his money on and he dares not question what I spend mine on.

Isn't this kind of childish?

As well as being the basis for a stupid argument.

And if he dares to question you? What happens? Moldy bread and pond water for supper?

My husband and I consider it "our" money. After bills are paid, money into savings, groceries, gas in the trucks. What is left over is "ours".

That's right especially if it's your money. I learned to not tell unless asked.

After almost 44 years, I have a saying, "What is yours is mine, what is mine is mine. . . .and he says the same thing. LOL!!

Can't you just say you bought it? I wanted something it was a lap top computer and my husband said you have a computer, but I wanted the lap top, so I said to him as he was restoring his old VW " well you all ready have a car"
needless to say I got my lap top.
Not to mention our money starts with two of us and you have as much right to the money as he. hat is another thing I ask my DH "Why do you get to decide what is to be bought?"

Can't unring that bell. I would just let the subject die and enjoy the new toy. If he says something else about you spending the family money on a toy, just tell him "thanks for being so generous, honey" with a big smile and keep on cutting.

girl you had might as well tell him. but do it smiling and girl like. it is your money and how often does he buy stuffwith (your money) as he says our money.

you are not a child you can buy what you want, when and pay what you have to for it.
if he gets mad cause you didn't fess up so be it. it was not a lie to damage anyone just a fib,.
good luck to ya.
:thumbup:dawn

Money is the root of all evil - it's also the root of a lot of marital discord.

Maybe you and hubby should make a rule - I can spend X number of dollars every week/month/quarter/6 months and don't have to account for it. That way you don't question him spending a lot on a toy and he can't fuss at you.

Well I wouldn't had lied about it, fortunately I have a very understanding husband. But if it were a higher priced item than I wanted to pay but got it anyway, I would have still told him. Anger only lasts for a time and remind him that it was Your money...sometimes a woman has to have some mad money of her own and you just spent yours!
Tell him dear, it's the right thing and you'll feel better And he'll respect you more for your honesty.

For the life of me, I can't figure out why so many of the women on this board act like children instead of mature adults when it comes to spending money. I quit a SS class one time because the women talked incessantly about hiding the clothing they had bought from their husbands--and nearly all those women worked outside their houses. I can't bear to call it a home where one adult is so dictatorial that he/she inspires the other to lie to keep the peace.

I don't know whether you live in a community property state, but if you do, half the assets are yours. If you earned the money yourself, half of it is his and half is yours and when you spend a portion of your half of the assets, it is your right to do so. If you don't live in a community property state, what is yours is yours and he doesn't have any say except as a matter of courtesy if you choose to tell him.

Try asserting your rights as an adult and if he "has a fit," call the police. froggyintexas

Never lie to the husband. They'll find out sooner or later.

I have been in the same position. I know that the lie eats at me like a sickness. Eventually, I will tell him the truth.
Every relationship is different. I try to wait awhile before I brake the news of what I really spent. I usually wait until
he is shopping for a tool for his workshop. I never have a problem with what he spends on tools so why should he
have a problem with what I spend.

Hey, Elaine 433....What's my dogs's picture doing as your avatar?? They're both little dolls, aren't they! :-)

First fix him his favorite meal, then after eating when you both are relaxed, tell him the truth. Say you are sorry. If you tell one lie, then you will have to tell more lies to cover up the first one. Voice of experience.

Yes I agree

Froggin, when I really wanted something, saved the money and spent it, that is what I do or I wait till he sees it and asks then I tell him. I work as well, he smokes, I don't so it evens out in the end. I used to cower but now it is what it is. I show a result for my spending, he lets it go up in smoke.

There are so many responses concerning this issue, interesting.

I often see advice to the effect that each partner in a marriage should have an agreed upon discretionary budget, money that is yours to spend without discussion. The key is to have that agreement made before the spending happens. We haven't actually worked that out in 40+ years, but my DH has an much more expensive hobby (golf), and so I could probably get away with murdering the budget if I wanted to, but I'm pretty much a tightwad anyway. I don't know how to get out of the situation that you're in without coming clean. Possibly you could work it out from the question of why he thinks he should get to decide what you spend on your hobby. You would be in a position of strength in this as long as your spending isn't cutting into the budget for necessities - especially if he has something he spends money on that you don't have a say in - cigarettes perhaps? Fishing tackle? Whatever it is, there's probably something.

Let well enough alone. You've already told him, to bring up the subject again would just keep his ire up. Does he come home and confess everything that he has bought with "our" money? Probably not. It's a fact that women "splurge" on little things, but when men splurge, it's big things like boats or tractors. Call it even and call it quits. Next time, dont volunteer information not requested. If he complains, start keeping track of every dollar spent from "our" budget, then agree that you each have a certain amount to spend weekly without strings, even if it's only $10. Yours will add up.

I would just fess up after all what he is going to do? Probably pitch a fit and yell but then hell get over it. You will not be able to enjoy the item you purchased if youre always worried about the lie coming back and haunting you. My husband also gets on my case about the amount of money I spend on quilting but i just remind him that it makes me happy. I do however talk to him before making any purchases over $100.00 ecpecially if I have already purchased other things recently. Other than that he doesnt pay much attention. Maybe next time just talk to him about it then start bidding then you dont run into this problem.. Also, if it was truely your money that you got for your sole use then there should not be any problems. If it presents a problem then it probably was both of yours money which means that you probably should discuss large price item first. Hope this helps.