I lied to my husband
 

I won a QuiltCut 2 on ebay a few days ago! Every time I found a used one, I would be outbid, but this time I actually won it! I've been wanting one for so long. My husband thinks I spend way too much money on my quilting to begin with so I lied to him about how much it cost me. I told him what they go for brand new and then told him I paid half that price. He wasn't impressed with that. Now I'm feeling guilty for lying but if I tell him that I paid quite a bit more, I don't know how he'll react to that. It was my money, but he says it was our money. I paid less than $180 for it, but I told him I paid less than that. What should I do? I tried to explain how the Go baby cost so much more because you have to buy dies and mats all the time but it didn't help. I don't know if I should keep my mouth shut or confess. It hasn't even arrived yet.

If I found myself in that position, I'd have to confess - having that hang over my head would keep me from ever enjoying it! What might seem like a small, spur of the moment lie can turn into a major issue.

OOPS! - I have also learned that it's better to NOT lie . Doesn't mean I volunteer everything I know now, either, though.

To paraphrase some of the characters from the Jean M. Auel series:

We don't lie.
But we don't need to tell anything if we are not asked, either.

I don't always volunter how much I paid for something but if asked, I'll tell him. Lies too often come back and bite you in the backside unfortunately. That being said, only you know what's best for your relationship.

First off, I wouldn't have fibbed. Secondly, you only saved $50.00.

I would tell him, all he can do is pitch a fit.

Oh, I agree with you. i don't lie but sometimes I don't volunteer either.

Remember that most hobbies require good tools to produce good results. Point out that inferior products for home improvement produce lousy results....

Will you be able to use it and enjoy it knowing you lied to him about it ? Why was hubby so against you getting one ?

I wouldn't have lied, in the first place, since I don't believe in spousal allowances. If I want to buy something, I have the sense to know whether or not we can afford it; my dh feels the same way. However, since you did lie about it, I'd weigh my options very carefully. How much harm will it do now, to tell him you lied? Forget about "clearing your conscience" and think how it will affect his feelings and your relationship. Will he forgive and forget . . . or will it cause him to have trouble trusting you, in the future?

Another question - Is there a way he'll find out about your lie, if you don't confess? If he's going to find out, it's better coming from you. If not, I'd keep quiet and try to forgive myself for fibbing.

Since your posting the question seems to me you feel guilty.. So just tell him the cost and tell him why you felt the need to lie and tell him that that lying doesnt solve anything thats why you are telling him the truth now..

He may or may not pitch a fit.. But on all actuality the fit may be more about the lying than the actual cost..

BUT...



you got your Altos so smile...



I too dont volunteer any info but when asked I will tell.. He teases me on my purchases but anything under $300 with cash or debit card I dont need to confer.. its the purchases on the AmEx that i need to let him know BEFORE the bill comes in..

It's the other way around with us.
DH wants me to buy things and supports me in all my quilting as he knows how important it is to me.
But he also knows I won't buy things I don't have the money for.
It's not to me to judge you, but I think you are not feeling good about it because else you wouldn't have written this post.
I agree with neesie's last two sentences.....but who am I??;)

He'll never find out about it because it came out of my checking account. I told him it was $29 cheaper than it actually was. I looked it up online on ebay and I paid $169. I've been talking to him about the Go Baby and he thought it was too much because of having to buy all the dies and mats so when I saw this on ebay, I went and bought it with my own money. But I thought he wouldn't appreciate that it was so much less than a Go Baby with accessories, so I did lie and tell him I paid $140. I think I will keep my trap shut and not spend any more money on quilting for a while so the guilt will subside. I usually spend $200 a month on fabric and gismos every month, but I had already spent that and this was on top of it. But I am going to keep my mouth shut because I agree that it will do more harm to tell him I was dishonest.

That seems like a petty argument to justify one's lie.

Regardless of where the money came from......yours, his or a joint account. You feel pangs of guilt over the deception.

And to keep quiet will only fester and come out in other ways.

But only you know your marriage, we don't so good luck and hope all ends well.

Same here, my husband has me buy whatever I need or desire. Right now, he is pushing for me to pick out and buy a long arm quilting machine. And I am digging in my heels till I find a bargain on one. I am leaning towards the Bailey's Home Quilter 13.

I'm confused If you WON IT! Why do you have to LIE about anything?



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I would not have volunteered any information about it. You think it's your money, right? Why say anything? Since you have already volunteered information, I would simply not add to it.

Why does your husband think it's his money? Why do you feel it necessary to justify your purchases to him? Does he have any hobbies?

It seems to me that wives bring these problems on themselves by raising expectations in the husbands that the men have final say in every little thing that goes on in the household. Why do wives feel the need for permission? I make some purchasing decisions independent of my husband, he makes some purchasing decisions independent of me, and we collaborate on major purchasing decisions. I can see raising objections over a $1,000 purchase without consultation, but not over a $200 decision. Maybe it depends on household income? Not sure.....

Edit: I just read the second page of posts (after all this time, WHY do I still forget to check for another page???) and saw your second post. I would just hold back on purchasing more quilting stuff for a month to make up for this purchase. And go on with life from there.....

Since you asked...
Lying about it was bad enough, but deciding not to come clean quickly just makes it worse. Your only concern seems to be about easing your own conscience, not about undermining your husband's trust in you and the damage that can do to a relationship. Perhaps it's time to examine your priorities.

ICON, I think she won the bid. I'm not sure. Maybe we need to find out.ha.

I don't and can't lie about things like this ... not just because of the ethics of it, but hubby and I share the same pay-pay account :)

In fact, yesterday he said to me "I can't believe you spent $99.00 on fabric this weekend" (an online purchase). I argued with him VEHEMENTLY that I most assuredly did NOT spend $99.00 on fabric.

I spent it on thread :)

It was a really good sale!!

Sorry, but how many hobbies does he have and what do they cost ? how many years have you taken care of him? I would let him find out how much you paid and be proud of how much you saved not buying the new one. I remember one year when I was new to quilting I actually spent 3000. on fabric and stuff for sewing. I now spend almost nothing on quilting. I am far from rich and my DH just said ' if it's what you like dear'. He has always been very supportive of my one hobby and vice versa. There should be no guilt about living and doing what you love. Hope he will be reasonable with you.
peace

EDIT: ICON, very funny!

Just have the wisdom to tell the difference. Truth - good. Lying - not good. I don't know what your financial situation is. It does come into play here. If you feel guilty - you aren't going to enjoy it.

Does he have any hobbies and/or tools that he buys? Do you question the price? Does he always ask you before he buys?

I can't relate to this so I don't know what to suggest. I can't imagine DH getting angry over anything I buy if I discuss it with him or not. It has never crossed my mind to think he would. He's my DH not someone I will ever tip toe around.

That's my policy, too... info on a strictly need-to-know basis. I'd tell him, let him flip out, remind him it was my money & then go sew... IMHO.

It is hard not to stretch the truth, and what is done is done. My suggestion is not to dwell on the issue, and own up to telling the truth. Let him know that using the quilt cut 2 will prevent the rotor cuff damage that happens with regular cutting.

That's pretty harsh! Seems to me, her priorities are right where they should be - maintaining a good relationship, with her dh, and preserving his trust in her. She made a mistake and feels badly about it . . . but sometimes it's better to bear one's own guilt, than to come clean and inflict pain upon another. She's the only one who knows how confessing would affect her dh's feelings.

My Husband never asks what I pay for anything, so I don't say. Some men think God put them on earth to run a woman's life. I have bought dogs my Husband didn't want me to buy, but he ends up in a short time to be crazy about them. Money isn't the issue, just thinks it is his place to give his permission, which he hasn't. I am an adult and I insist on living my life and making my decisions, after all I work also and I am the care givers for the pets.
Do as you see fit.

I am sorry to bring this bug into the room but you said that its your money and he thinks that it is both of yours. Maybe its time to set up one bank account. I have found that having two accounts can damage a relationship. I and the rest of us don't know the home or financial situation, but maybe its time for the two of you to sit down and have a very frank and loving discussion about your marriage and about the finances and bank accounts. When my hubby and I married our concealer said that no matter who makes the money it is always best to talk about how it is going to be spent and have only one account to keep both parties from feeling like the other has more power or more control in the relationship. and if you think about it when you get married two become one and everything is shared. money, chores, love, work. if you have a "safety net" as one lady in a good relationship but ready to bolt at a moments notice said that she needed to have her safety net to help her if her relationship failed. I told her that unless it was an abusive relationship where he verbably or physically hurt her then maybe she was hoping that it would fail. anyhoo I digress. I say talk to your hubby, not specifically about the purchase but about the separation of the money. and why you feel that it is just your money and not his too. hope this helps.

I would also tell him the truth..but in doing so I would also point out why you fibbed..I have told my husband if he talks down to me when explaining something to him I will no longer tell him anything .. It made him more understanding and I tell him more because he won't be yelling about it.

Good luck - whatever you decide to do.

I have my own account and we also have a household account, so if I would like to purchase something there is no reason for permission to be granted, I just go get it. My husband has the same option. If the money is needed for household expenses it would be used for that first. Does he tell you what he spends every dollar on? Is this a control issue for him or are you just worried about rocking the boat? Is this money you could not afford to spend? Either way, you have to figure out if $29.00 is worth a big fight or if you can live with the decision you made to purchase the Quiltcut and not have to answer to anyone for spending your money.

I wouldn't have out and out lied, but I sure wouldn't have volunteered any info, either...especially if I knew this was how he'd react. This is a good argument for separate checking accounts...then you don't HAVE to explain yourself!
Good luck!

So what else is going on in your life?

For those that really jumped on her - have you ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS told the truth, the complete truth, and nothing but the truth?

There are times when saying nothing is the best way to go. Especially when telling the truth would do more harm than good.

Doesn't this seem a little petty as well as ridiculous?
This argument is a lot like casting the blame on him for her spending money out of her own account.
Is this how your house is? I know mine isn't, my husband has his "tools" and I have mine. We discuss what we need then save for it. It's always been this way. No asking if I can have something. Or you got this and I now want something of equal value. LOL

I find it amusing how some of you are acting like you condone such behavior.

May I respectfully disagree with your opinion? We are married almost 30 years and have never merged bank accounts and we never have money issues over what we spend. Of course we are both reasonable people and know what our financial limits are. It has always been "easy peasy" to divide household expenses - in the beginning of our marriage I was working and had a house. Later, his salary outranked mine and we bought a house together. Now he pays most of the expenses. It has never been a problem either way. And if he forgets to write something in his checkbook I am not annoyed!! I guess everyone has to figure out what works best for them. The other thing I want to add is I hope none of us is ever "afraid" to tell our spouses anything because of their reaction. If you get my drift.

Call me a bitter divorcee, but my attitude is that if I spent MY money it is none of his business...NOONE tells me what I can or cannot do, even when I was married. He never cleared it with me when he spent money..He might not have spent such a large amount, but he spenmt enough smaller ones tp add up to more than I spent

Confess. It's good for the soul.

I can relate - sometimes one is disappointed in oneself for not doing/being as good as one knows one should be.

I still feel bad about an incident where I allowed myself to be talked into doing something that I 'knew' wasn't quite right - and the $ amount was about $2.00. And this happened about 40 years ago!!

I made restitution, apologized, etc. I also learned to NOT trust a couple of people that I thought I could.

I worked, have my own accounts and spent what I earned on what I wanted. He finally realized that I was the one responsible for all the technology, computers, cameras, etc. in the house - not to mention my telescopes and eyepieces that he enjoys as much as I do. He also realized that I don't buy fancy household stuff, designer sweatshirts, etc. I MAKE them.

Neither one of us cares about style - if the ARC has what we want - we'll buy it there. I like my truck. I don't want a new truck. We'd rather save and spend on a nice trip to Red Rock country for scenery and stargazing. I've played with some of the things mentioned here and don't care for the articles for me.

He leaves my sewing stuff alone but he thinks I can fix anything. I worked for my sewing machines and sergers.