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Originally Posted by RenaB
I would get it straight from the one that matters the most, the mother. Tell her exactly what you told us and tell her u want to respect her wishes.
I think she woukd appreciate and respect that u cared enough to ask. If it was me, personally, I would want the memory of the twin that was lost to continue. The twin that lived will want to remember the memory of the brother that once shared a bond with him. I think this is a wonderful idea...I'm the nana to two strapping 15-year old twin boys, and they are still each others best friends, so the living brother will always want to know about the one that is in heaven. |
We lost a granddaughter right before her 5th birthday and my nephew lost a still born. Please, please ask the mom first. Somethings you receive help and other things are too painful. Only the parents can tell you what would be helpful. There is no predicting what will help and what will be a comfort without asking. Please ask first.
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i think i would wait a little untill she can talk about it then make your decision. everyone feels different about their loss. good luck. sue
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Originally Posted by AFQSinc
I would still make it. I have a friend that lost one of her twins (they were born at 27 weeks) and she said that the thing that hurt the most was that people didn't acknowledge the baby that died. She believed that they were doing it because they didn't want to cause her additional pain or upset. The fact of the matter is that the other baby did exist and is loved as much as the one that survived.
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thats a tough question but i would avoid mentioning anything with 2 in it
so sorry for her loss |
Originally Posted by lindasidlow
Probably something else. On the other hand, 2 did come! You just cant predict how the mom will take either one. She could be sad OR mad that you left the other one out. Maybe wait awhile and see how she deals with the situation.
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Originally Posted by sweetana3
I would make sure there was a wonderful rainbow and one dove flying. I agree with the others to go with your feelings and knowledge of the mother. It does not need to be a surprise.
Two babies were born, one went to heaven but he was here for a short time so yes follow your heart on this. |
Please Please finish the Noah's ark as planned. I lost a son that was stillborn and it hurts everytime he is left out of the count of grandchildren. The baby did exist and needs to be counted. I also lost a daughter that died 2 hours after giving birth, she was 29 but I would still want her counted. So please do the mom a favor and count the one that passed away.
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That's a hard one. My condolences to the family. I agree with the other readers, I would want the other baby acknowledged. But you know the mother best, and hopefully you can read her personality as to what she would want. I am not so sure I would give it immediately, I think time to let the loss sink in, and see how she does will be a big factor in your decision. She is still very blessed with the other baby that needs her.
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Why not ask her.
Some people like to put this sort of thing our of their mind, others want to keep the memory alive. |
Originally Posted by jljack
Wait a while, then give her the Noah's ark....she did have two babies, and from my own experience it's normal to want to include the memory of the other who is not here now. We know a family who lost a 2 yo girl to drowning, and their other children were told she now lives in heaven, and they all talk about her all the time.
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Originally Posted by MadQuilter
Can you modify the pattern and add angel wings on one of two on his ascent to heaven? (Assuming you believe in heaven)
That baby will always have a place in the family's heart. I would acknowledge him and his passing. |
Originally Posted by AFQSinc
I would still make it. I have a friend that lost one of her twins (they were born at 27 weeks) and she said that the thing that hurt the most was that people didn't acknowledge the baby that died. She believed that they were doing it because they didn't want to cause her additional pain or upset. The fact of the matter is that the other baby did exist and is loved as much as the one that survived.
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Originally Posted by jmabby
I had two nephews, twins, born early, one died yesterday. I had started to make a wall hanging of Noah's ark with "They come two by two". Would you still give it or would you just make another wall hanging not mentioning the little boy that died??
My vote would be to go ahead with the hanging. Nothing can possibly remind them of the baby they lost because that baby will always be remembered. Nothing can make the pain worse than feeling like no one else has noticed that precious little life. If you have the time, energy, etc, I'd also suggest something just for the surviving twin. |
I decided to give her a preemie outfit and a minky blanket for now. In two weeks I will be going up to see her again and get a feel of how she is doing, maybe ask her if she would like the wallhanging. I plan on asking what she would want on it and take it from there. Thanks for all your answers.
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