Welcome to the Quilting Board!

Already a member? Login above
loginabove
OR
To post questions, help other quilters and reduce advertising (like the one on your left), join our quilting community. It's free!

Page 1 of 6 1 2 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 135

Thread: Sad, but .........

  1. #1
    Super Member jmabby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Minnesota, Land of 10,000 Lakes
    Posts
    1,523
    Blog Entries
    1
    I had two nephews, twins, born early, one died yesterday. I had started to make a wall hanging of Noah's ark with "They come two by two". Would you still give it or would you just make another wall hanging not mentioning the little boy that died??

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    494
    Blog Entries
    1
    I think that might be too sad right now.

  3. #3
    Super Member snipforfun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    1,971
    Blog Entries
    8
    Probably something else. On the other hand, 2 did come! You just cant predict how the mom will take either one. She could be sad OR mad that you left the other one out. Maybe wait awhile and see how she deals with the situation.

  4. #4
    Senior Member lheartsl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    small town Jersey
    Posts
    586
    oooh.... tough one.....
    i don't know what the right answer is...... do what your heart tells you to do...

  5. #5
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Long Island, New York
    Posts
    1,070
    I would still make it. I have a friend that lost one of her twins (they were born at 27 weeks) and she said that the thing that hurt the most was that people didn't acknowledge the baby that died. She believed that they were doing it because they didn't want to cause her additional pain or upset. The fact of the matter is that the other baby did exist and is loved as much as the one that survived.

  6. #6
    Super Member jljack's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    North Carolina - But otherwise, NOTW
    Posts
    8,069
    Blog Entries
    9
    Wait a while, then give her the Noah's ark....she did have two babies, and from my own experience it's normal to want to include the memory of the other who is not here now. We know a family who lost a 2 yo girl to drowning, and their other children were told she now lives in heaven, and they all talk about her all the time.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    central indiana
    Posts
    690
    I would make sure there was a wonderful rainbow and one dove flying. I agree with the others to go with your feelings and knowledge of the mother. It does not need to be a surprise.

  8. #8
    Super Member Doreen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    El Paso Tx
    Posts
    1,431
    I would go for the Noah's Arc. You need to talk to the mother, I think it is very important to acknowledge the other child that passed away.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Hattie Frances's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Tallahassee Florida
    Posts
    325
    Blog Entries
    2
    My condolences to the mother and father. My thoughts are to continue the quilt and do a memorial of the baby in that quilt as a rememberance for the mother. My heart is sad for them.

  10. #10
    Super Member jmabby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Minnesota, Land of 10,000 Lakes
    Posts
    1,523
    Blog Entries
    1
    Thanks everyone. I will finish it and hold off to see how things go. I did ask my brother (grandfather) if he would want to cut several locks of hair to put in lockets for the mother and grandmothers to give later, and one for the dad for his wallet. That too will have to wait (the giving), but I'm sure, knowing the parents will appreciate it later.

  11. #11
    Power Poster
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    15,687
    Blog Entries
    1
    Can you modify the pattern and add angel wings on one of two on his ascent to heaven? (Assuming you believe in heaven)

    That baby will always have a place in the family's heart. I would acknowledge him and his passing.

  12. #12
    Senior Member misscarol's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    883
    My cousin asked me to make all her grandchildren a quilt. She had twin grandsons born early and one passed away. I still made a quilt for him that she keeps at her house. I think the lost twin needs to be remembered. Follow your heart.

  13. #13
    Member kkdolls's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    54
    Please accept my sympathy for the family. I had twin daughters and lost one when she was nearly 19. Give the Mother a while, but I bet she will be delighted to have them both included in your quilt. There was 2, and always will be. One will just live in heaven.
    God bless you for your kindness.

  14. #14
    Senior Member misscarol's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    883
    Quote Originally Posted by sweetana3
    I would make sure there was a wonderful rainbow and one dove flying. I agree with the others to go with your feelings and knowledge of the mother. It does not need to be a surprise.
    I love the rainbow/dove idea. How precious.

  15. #15
    Super Member RenaB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    1,155
    I would get it straight from the one that matters the most, the mother. Tell her exactly what you told us and tell her u want to respect her wishes.

    I think she woukd appreciate and respect that u cared enough to ask.

    If it was me, personally, I would want the memory of the twin that was lost to continue. The twin that lived will want to remember the memory of the brother that once shared a bond with him.

  16. #16
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Norfolk, VA
    Posts
    5,391
    Blog Entries
    1
    only you know the parents so go by what you know. My niece lost a baby a couple of years ago and even right after it happened she would get really upset when others tried to act like the baby didn't exist. She was born too early and only survied a couple of days. For my niece if I would omit the baby from anything she'd be very upset. I know that everyone is different so this could up set her or act as a comfort to her.

  17. #17
    Junior Member Kkimberlee's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Austin, Texas
    Posts
    204
    I think it would be a beautiful tribute to remember the one that didn't make it. I think of the women who count their angel babies. It was still a baby, it was born, and it was a twin. Maybe save it for a later date, and give it privatly so she can grieve openly without others present. But, honestly... if one of my girls passed on, I would want to remember both of them.

  18. #18
    Moderator QuiltnNan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    western NY formerly MN, FL, NC, SC
    Posts
    48,323
    Blog Entries
    53
    Quote Originally Posted by MadQuilter
    Can you modify the pattern and add angel wings on one of two on his ascent to heaven? (Assuming you believe in heaven)

    That baby will always have a place in the family's heart. I would acknowledge him and his passing.
    this was my first thought. i made a preemie quilt for my daughter's third who died that day. she proudly displays the quilt on the wall with the pictures of her other 4 kids. unless you know that the couple is too sad to think about it right now.

  19. #19
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    1,610
    Blog Entries
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by lindasidlow
    Probably something else. On the other hand, 2 did come! You just cant predict how the mom will take either one. She could be sad OR mad that you left the other one out. Maybe wait awhile and see how she deals with the situation.

    I agree that it might be best to wait and see how the Mom handles the situation. I would still give a gift for the living twin. After a while, you might tell her your original plan and let her decide if she would like to have you make it for her.

  20. #20
    Senior Member sall's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    404
    Do not ignore the baby that died. I lost a son 8 years ago, and nothing gives me more joy then when people speak about him.

  21. #21
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    3,826
    My sister lost a baby boy right before his birth. The hardest part still, all these many years later, is people never acknowledged their son who died. He was a real person, and by not mentioning him the pain is that much worse. I think the two by two would probably be good. Don't assume it will hurt her more-I suspect it will mean the world to her that you remember the child they lost.

    Kat

  22. #22
    Super Member fabric whisperer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Ohio... wanna build a cabin in the woods and live off the land... and quilt all day!
    Posts
    1,108
    I would say follow your heart ~ My youngest son was a twin, we lost his brother in-utero ~ so lucky to have him, so he's very much a momma's boy. I would have cried buckets during the first couple months being presented with something like that. Maybe wait and see how the parents acknowledge the loss, i.e. do they talk about him? or not? or build a memorial shrine within the home... go with what your heart tells you

  23. #23
    Super Member Murphy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Iowa
    Posts
    8,899
    Blog Entries
    1
    Love this idea. Very thoughtful and all encompassing.

    Quote Originally Posted by sweetana3
    I would make sure there was a wonderful rainbow and one dove flying. I agree with the others to go with your feelings and knowledge of the mother. It does not need to be a surprise.

  24. #24
    Power Poster blueangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    20,471
    I think I would go with something else. Too sad right now.

  25. #25

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Luck, Wisconsin
    Posts
    25
    I would definitely complete the quilt and present it to the parents. Perhaps on the label you could make a statement like..........
    One in your hands, One in God's"............

    I also know of young parents that gave birth to twins and sadly the one died just 10 short days later. Both Mother and Father were grieved by the fact that no one mentioned the twin that had died. Yes, they grieve but they also want to celebrate the birth of and lives of both twins.

    Please finish Noah's Ark.

Page 1 of 6 1 2 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.