I had two nephews, twins, born early, one died yesterday. I had started to make a wall hanging of Noah's ark with "They come two by two". Would you still give it or would you just make another wall hanging not mentioning the little boy that died??

I think that might be too sad right now.

Probably something else. On the other hand, 2 did come! You just cant predict how the mom will take either one. She could be sad OR mad that you left the other one out. Maybe wait awhile and see how she deals with the situation.

oooh.... tough one.....
i don't know what the right answer is...... do what your heart tells you to do...

I would still make it. I have a friend that lost one of her twins (they were born at 27 weeks) and she said that the thing that hurt the most was that people didn't acknowledge the baby that died. She believed that they were doing it because they didn't want to cause her additional pain or upset. The fact of the matter is that the other baby did exist and is loved as much as the one that survived.

Wait a while, then give her the Noah's ark....she did have two babies, and from my own experience it's normal to want to include the memory of the other who is not here now. We know a family who lost a 2 yo girl to drowning, and their other children were told she now lives in heaven, and they all talk about her all the time.

I would make sure there was a wonderful rainbow and one dove flying. I agree with the others to go with your feelings and knowledge of the mother. It does not need to be a surprise.

I would go for the Noah's Arc. You need to talk to the mother, I think it is very important to acknowledge the other child that passed away.

My condolences to the mother and father. My thoughts are to continue the quilt and do a memorial of the baby in that quilt as a rememberance for the mother. My heart is sad for them.

Thanks everyone. I will finish it and hold off to see how things go. I did ask my brother (grandfather) if he would want to cut several locks of hair to put in lockets for the mother and grandmothers to give later, and one for the dad for his wallet. That too will have to wait (the giving), but I'm sure, knowing the parents will appreciate it later.

Can you modify the pattern and add angel wings on one of two on his ascent to heaven? (Assuming you believe in heaven)

That baby will always have a place in the family's heart. I would acknowledge him and his passing.

My cousin asked me to make all her grandchildren a quilt. She had twin grandsons born early and one passed away. I still made a quilt for him that she keeps at her house. I think the lost twin needs to be remembered. Follow your heart.

Please accept my sympathy for the family. I had twin daughters and lost one when she was nearly 19. Give the Mother a while, but I bet she will be delighted to have them both included in your quilt. There was 2, and always will be. One will just live in heaven.
God bless you for your kindness.

I love the rainbow/dove idea. How precious.

I would get it straight from the one that matters the most, the mother. Tell her exactly what you told us and tell her u want to respect her wishes.

I think she woukd appreciate and respect that u cared enough to ask.

If it was me, personally, I would want the memory of the twin that was lost to continue. The twin that lived will want to remember the memory of the brother that once shared a bond with him.

only you know the parents so go by what you know. My niece lost a baby a couple of years ago and even right after it happened she would get really upset when others tried to act like the baby didn't exist. She was born too early and only survied a couple of days. For my niece if I would omit the baby from anything she'd be very upset. I know that everyone is different so this could up set her or act as a comfort to her.

I think it would be a beautiful tribute to remember the one that didn't make it. I think of the women who count their angel babies. It was still a baby, it was born, and it was a twin. Maybe save it for a later date, and give it privatly so she can grieve openly without others present. But, honestly... if one of my girls passed on, I would want to remember both of them.

this was my first thought. i made a preemie quilt for my daughter's third who died that day. she proudly displays the quilt on the wall with the pictures of her other 4 kids. unless you know that the couple is too sad to think about it right now.

I agree that it might be best to wait and see how the Mom handles the situation. I would still give a gift for the living twin. After a while, you might tell her your original plan and let her decide if she would like to have you make it for her.

Do not ignore the baby that died. I lost a son 8 years ago, and nothing gives me more joy then when people speak about him.

My sister lost a baby boy right before his birth. The hardest part still, all these many years later, is people never acknowledged their son who died. He was a real person, and by not mentioning him the pain is that much worse. I think the two by two would probably be good. Don't assume it will hurt her more-I suspect it will mean the world to her that you remember the child they lost.

Kat

I would say follow your heart ~ My youngest son was a twin, we lost his brother in-utero ~ so lucky to have him, so he's very much a momma's boy. I would have cried buckets during the first couple months being presented with something like that. Maybe wait and see how the parents acknowledge the loss, i.e. do they talk about him? or not? or build a memorial shrine within the home... go with what your heart tells you

Love this idea. Very thoughtful and all encompassing.

I think I would go with something else. Too sad right now.

I would definitely complete the quilt and present it to the parents. Perhaps on the label you could make a statement like..........
One in your hands, One in God's"............

I also know of young parents that gave birth to twins and sadly the one died just 10 short days later. Both Mother and Father were grieved by the fact that no one mentioned the twin that had died. Yes, they grieve but they also want to celebrate the birth of and lives of both twins.

Please finish Noah's Ark.

I would make each baby their own quilt. I had a stillborn twin and a strong, healthy one. While I wanted people to acknowledge J's existence, I don't think I would have wanted a constant visual reminder. If you make separate quilts the family can choose whether to store or display the deceased twin's quilt and still know you cared. Then the survivor can have his own. I did not tell my son until he was a teenager that he had a brother. He was glad as he said he always felt as he something was missing, but I'm glad I waited. I think it would it have been a lot for a young one to handle.

This is a wonderful thought, thanks

Very nice thought, thank you

Thank you for your thought.

I don't touch comfort quilts with a ten foot needle unless I am certain the person is okay with one. You never know how the person receiving them feels.

I appreciate your input, I never know how others feel at these times since some are more sensitive than I. "One in your hands, one in God's" is such a nice note. Thanks

Wow. Sad and touching story. Jmabby, I admire your compassion in being so prudent. Blessings on the mom, dad, and whole family during such a difficult time. I would be interested in an update if/when you give them the quilt.

I am so sorry for your loss. That is sad and such a hearbreaker for the parents & family. Seeing the live one will always be a reminder of the other that passed. My BIL & DSIL went through this. She wanted people to acknowledge the little one that did not make it. But? Right now may be too painful. I would go ahead and make it & hang onto it for just a little while. Huge Hugs

I like this idea.

Absolutely the correct answer. Never deny her the acknowledgement of her baby's death.

Give the quilt as you wanted to design it. The rawness of the loss will be slightly diminished by the time they receive it, only because they will be spending vast amounts of emotional energy on the surviving twin who will likely be hospitalized for quite a while yet. Encourage her to talk about the babies and just let her know you feel sorry for her pain. You really don't need to make any other comments.

(I learned these things through my childbirth education practice and doula work in TX.)

Jan in VA

I am so sorry for the whole family. Such a terrible loss... I agree that giving a quilt to acknowledge both little ones would be appropriate, but I wonder if the Noah's ark with the two by two theme is too "cutesy" for the situation. There have been some other lovely suggestions.

Please convey my condolences to the family! My thoughts and prayers are with them!

So sorry for this, I would not know what to do.

Would think the remembance of the loss would be wanted. They lost a child. they loved that child. I will pray that all else goes well.