Sounds like the ideal solution!

Going through the same thing right now! I just brought "The Dresden Blues" to the LA'er the other day. It is a gift for my oldest son's wedding next february. My son knows how much work and expense I put into a quilt like that one, I would like to think my DIL to be will too. But, like many others have said, when you give something for a gift, it is theirs to do with what they wish.

I guess I don't understand this. It isn't a blanket? What is it, decorative? What do you want them to do with a retired quilt? Store it? Toss it? If you tell them to stop using homemade quilt in favor of a purchased spread, are you saying they've don't deserve another quilt or have been been putting the quilt to the wrong use?

That's a good suggestion. Our guild did two quilts for a non-profit, and one of our members who is an appraiser, valued them and we included these appraisal forms with the quilts so that the non- profit group knew if they had a raffle or auction with them, how much both quilts were worth. It would also tell the insurance company, in the event of a fire or some other disaster, what the handmade quilt was worth, not just receive the cost for a replacement " blanket".

Take your DIL to a LQS. Show her the cost of fabric.Or get it appraised. That what I did for my SIL.

I heard an appraiser state the following reasons to put an appraisal and cleaning directions in a little pocket sewn on the quilt:
1. Non-quilters do not know the cost of all the materials used (fabric, thread, pattern, batting, etc) before it is sewn, then adding your time and machine use to it.
2. It should be insured because if something should happen to it (burnt in a fire, lost in a tornado, etc.), the insurance company would say, "Here's $30--go buy a quilt at Wal-Mart"-----Chinese made with poor quality fabric and big "hand stitching"----it's a blanket, right?
.

I would definitely have it appraised it may cost a little bit but then you have a proof of value for insurance purposes and I have a rider on my home owners policy to cover replacement value for my quilts. The last one I had appraised was $1500.00 so very good thing to do. With the cost of materials going up and the future so uncertain being safe rather than sorry is a good thing.

They should realize that you can't put a value on a quilt. A quilt made especially from you is priceless. I would give them the monetary figures and tell them that you aren't just telling them what it cost as it is worth way more than cost as It can never really be replaced. Tell them you aren't telling them the price to be snoody tell them it needs a replacement value for insurance purposes. It should become priceless to them. The Love and feelings that went into the quilt can never be replaced!!!!!!!

ainoko, I like the suggestion of a small pocket sewn on the quilt to put cleaning instructions and an appraisal for insurance purposes. I never would have thought of that.

The time, effort and love put into making a quilt is where the real value is for me. I have just finished a 1st anniversary quilt for my son and DIL and hope they will both cherish it because of those reasons. I want them to use it, but hope they don't abuse it. Alas, once it is theirs, they own it and may do with it what they will.

I love this idea! I will probably write it out for them with washing instructions. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and ideas. Appraisal is a good idea but I do want them to use it and they might not if I went with that. Thanks again.:)

I understand this problem. I gave my son and DIL a scrappy quilt my mother (now deceased) and I had lovingly made. A few years later I was visiting their home and noticed the quilt was on the floor of their bedroom as a dog bed for their two dogs. I had a quiet, private chat with my son about the sentimental value, time, love etc. that went into the quilt and how to take care of it. I suggested they keep it on a bed or in a cupboard so my grandson could appreciate it one day. I have not seen the quilt on the floor so I am assuming and hoping it is in a cupboard. You don't want them to feel guilty or obligated about the quilt but you just want them to appreciate and value it on all levels.

I can't see any way to communicate a dollar value to them without it being tacky. If I was the bride or groom I would be offended... even if you were my mother! I would want to take care of it because it was made with love, not because it was worth high dollars. Just TELL them how to take care of it, or tell them you will wash it for them when it needs it, if you are that concerned they will ruin it. I machine wash and dry my quilts. How wrong could they go?

I would no more include receipts/appraisal with a quilt than I would tape a receipt to any other gift. It just doesn't feel right to me.

I also think that if one is somehow worried that a quilt is not treasured as you want it to be, then perhaps you shouldn't be making a quilt in the first place. Not everyone has the same values or taste.

I made a king-size quilt for my son and his (then) wife. After he remarried, his new wife put the quilt in a recycling box even though it had a label on the back saying it had been hand-quilted for my son. Thankfully, my dd rescued it and I have it with me now. I've never mentioned it to my son.

I can understand how a new wife wouldn't want bedding that another woman had used, but I will never make another quilt for that son. His kids, yes, but he and his wife, no! Although I do think that once a quilt is made and gifted that it's up to the new owner what they want to do with it. That new wife didn't own that quilt she was throwing away so she was wrong....she should have folded it up and put it away in a closet.

My first thought is how old are the kids to marry each other? Do they know or have any ideas about your quilting? I would let them know in a nice way that they should insure the quilt with their homeowners insurance that way they can ask you questions about the quilt and know it's value. Sue

My Son got married a few years ago and I made them a queen sized quilt as a gift. Last year I asked them if I could put it in our local quilt show. This was a quilt that I had designed myself, hand appliqued and partially hand quilted. When they brought it to me, it was quite dirty, and had a 1/2 inch layer of cat hair on it. I was so dissappointed and not sure what to do. I didn't know if they didn't like it so they let the cat use it, or what. I finally decided to talk to my son about it. He said they love the quilt, and knew that their playful cat was laying on it, playing on it etc... while it was on their bed, they were afraid that if they put it away, my feelings would be hurt that they weren't using it. He decided that they would put it away for awhile until the cat got a little older and settled down. I have always had a great relationship and great communication with my son, so I felt sure talking to him would be the right way to go. Somewhere in the conversation I did mention that the quilt was probably worth more than he would think and get more valuable over the years if it is taken care of. I also at that time gave them "permission" to love it to death if that is what they wanted to do. If someone gave me something that had a value that I was ignorant of, I would appreciate knowing it.

If you have it appraised by a certified appraiser, give a copy of the appraisal with the quilt and let them know that their insurance company - for renters insurance or homeowners insurance - will need a copy of it in case of fire or theft. That way they can see for themselves the value of the quilt without you having to tell them the cost. Also, do add care instructions (separate label?) so they know how to care for the quilt. Keep a copy of the appraisal for yourself...may just need it!

See this is where we are all different. In my house, I would expect cat hair on any blanket/quilt, bedspread that is in the house as we have cats and I don't ban them from the beds. 1 inch thick seems excessive, however...I'd wash the quilt!

But you were pretty brave to try to show a quilt that you made several years ago and has been in use (and not just hanging from a wall somewhere as a wall hanging). I'd never ask someone for a quilt back in that case. I'd expect it to be too worn or faded to show proudly.

This is an excellent idea! Even though we really do not expect a disaster, there is always a chance and having items like this "appraised" for insurance purposes is a must. Add that special little poem to it and voila! You have accomplished what you need to accomplish without patting yourself on the back.

I so agree with Tothill. The choice of how much to spend for a wedding gift is up to the "giver". Once decided , you cannot dictate how the gift is used. When it leaves your hands it becomes "theirs" to use ( or not ) as they see fit. Your choice of design, fabric, etc., no matter how exquisitely made, may not be theirs. Young people have very definite ideas as to how they choose to decorate their homes these days. What good is a gift if you have to keep it tucked inside a drawer or cedar chest carefully wrapped inside of acid free paper for the rest of its life.

I agree about having it appraised! Strongly. They will appreciate having the appraisal for insurance purposes and writing a short note about "care and feeding of a a quilt" is worth your time. And an explanation why you chose the colors, or the pattern and the love you put into it should earn you "brownie points".

I think you are more trying to educate the person on the value of the quilt. I don't see your concerns as trying to dictate how it is used. Appraisals are good, because you are giving them the value for insurance purposes.

People don't understand how expensive everything is. Shoot, I've been sewing/quilting for 30 years now and I go into sticker shock sometimes at the LQS. The Walmart bed-in-a-bag for $50 has everyone spoiled. I've even bought the store ones because there is no way I can make it for cheaper.

I only give quilts to those who understand fabric quality, time involved and quilting. They don't have to know how to quilt, just appreciate that it is expensive and time consuming.

My mother was a quilter for awhile, she made really nice quilts and gave them to my brothers, who were married with children. She came home in tears one day after visiting them, they were using her quilts for grease rags in the shop. They'd wipe their greasy hands off on them while they were working, used it in the back of the truck under the tools to protect the truck bed and on the garage floor to protect the floor while changing the oil. Mom questioned them about it "Oh, it's just some old blanket."

Gifts are given, the receiver of the gift will be the care giver of it . The poem idea is the best if the $$'s are a worry then
it's not being gifted it in the right spirit..

I make quilts for my daughters on special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.). My grandchildren each got a twin quilt when they left the crib. Now as teenagers, I have repaired the grands quilts from years of them dragging their ubies around and they asked for new quilts this year for birthdays, king size quilts no less. I told them and the mothers that as expensive as fabrics and sewing notions had become these were the last quilts until graduation and wedding present would be the very last one for them all. I have always very frankly made them know this quilt I made cannot be gotten just anywhere and with them in and out they know how much time and work goes into it. And from here I agree with Sharonb, they will either care for it or whatever.

Many people like to keep their finer things such as their best china, real silverware, etc. reserved and not use it for each every day meal. They like to know that when they want their meal or their home to look its very best, their china will not have chips on the plate edges, the quilts will not have rips from the pet's claws, etc. They have a difference in their everyday things and in their best things. Some people do not. Some people use their best things on a regular basis - such as when friends come for dinner or all the family comes. Others do not. Some do not want to reserve anything for a special occasion and others find no occasion more special than everyday life.

For some people to find their quilts used in the garage as oil cloths would be an example of "pearls before swine."
Apparently other people would not be bothered at all. Go figure.

I never thought about getting my daughter's wedding quilt appraised when I made it 9 years ago. She did use it until they bought a Duvet. They now live in Australia and that seems to be the preference of bed coverings. When she first moved down there, I went with her and she had to use the wedding quilt because her duvet's were all packed on the slow boat to Australia. She worried over it, worried the baby would pee on it or spit up on it etc. I told her not to worry it is washable and meant to be used. Now that the duvets are there the quilt has gone back into storage. I have a feeling if I had it appraised then she would never use it because it would be so pricey.
So maybe letting some one know how much the quilt is, they may get scared and not use it for fear of spoiling the gift. I make quilts for one to love and use so I wouldn't want them to be afraid to use it because of the price. But then on the other hand.....it should be included in the home insurance in case of accidents. Sigh....you can't win or lose here so I guess I will stick to what I have always done......Just give the quilt and let them decide what they will do with it as it now belongs to them.

I haven't read all the responses here, but my first reaction is you might be walking a thin line here. You made this quilt with a ton of love and dollars. It was your choice to splurge on the gorgeous but costly batiks on a quilt this large. But no amount of money is worth possibly offending your son and future daughter-in-law. It might take the joy right out of receiving the gift and spoil your very best intentions if you put a dollar value on the quilt. They also could chose to put the quilt away, afraid to use because of something happening and that would be such a shame. If you want it appraised, that's fine, but I'd keep and produce it only if necessary due to an unforeseen catastrophy. Nothing wrong in printing something out with laundry directions and maybe including a box of color catchers. I hope I haven't offended you with my honesty.

When my husband and I were getting married, it was a very low-key affair. We rented a nice house, and rather than put a lot of money into disposable decorations, my husband suggested taking the money we would have spent on those and put it into the wedding quilt. It ended up being the focus piece of the wedding - we hung it from an upper balcony over the doorstep where we got married. My mom helped with it - she was the one finishing up the binding an hour before the ceremony, which makes it mean all the more.

The older ladies loved it, and still talk about it. They "get" it. They didn't ask about how much it cost, and didn't ask me to make them one.

That being said, most of the people my age (late 20's, early 30's) don't get it. They were... shocked... when they found out how much it cost, and how much I'd charge them. They don't get why I would spend that kind of money (close to a thousand dollars) and time (close to a thousand man hours, including all the steps), on a quilt. And if they don't understand, I'm not about to waste my breath. You can't make someone value something they don't.

What I suppose I'm trying to say is that some people will get it and treasure it. Others simply don't - and that's not really a bad thing, it's just a case of different priorities. I like quilts, quilting means something to me, so I made my own, and it was our gift to "us". So when I give a gift, I try to get a feel for the individual, and give a gift in line with their priorities. Normally, if someone wants a quilt for a big occasion, they start hinting about it early, and I just take the hint.

I think an appraisal tucked in with the quilt is a good idea. Even if they do have great sentimental value for the quilt (and you can't guarantee that) they might not understand the actual $ value of it.

I know people I give small quilts to are constantly telling me I should sell them, and then when I tell them I couldn't make enough money for it, they are shocked. Sometimes they'll even say something like "I mean, I'd pay $50 at least for this!" and I laugh and say materials alone cost $120, not to mention time, they just have no idea.

Knowing the cost of it might make the difference of being stored in acid free paper in a climate controlled closet, vs folded and put in a plastic bag in the attic if it ever does get put away.

I am glad someone else said this, as I was about to put my two cents in. Often people think that it can be made CHEAP if you make it yourself. They don't understand the cost of all the supplies, the quantity of how much of those supplies goes into a quilt, etc, etc, etc. We all know what I am talking about. They also don't think of the time put into it. If they were to pay someone to make a quilt, that would be part of the equation, too.

But, all that aside - why NOT tell them what it cost to make, and how many hours you spent on it? Perhaps you think it is not cool etiquette. But, if you bought them a toaster, set of luggage, pair of curtains - anything off their registry - they would know how much you spent (or at least potentially spent, not considering discounts, coupons, sales, etc). How is a lovingly made gift/quilt different?

I agree they need to know something for insurance purposes.

Another idea if you don't want to tell exactly. Make a journal (even after the fact), make it like a diary. "today I bought the fabrics for the quilt for Bob & Sue, the color reminds me of the sea that summer we went to.........", "Well, it only took 11 hours to piece all the stars for Bob & Sue's quilt, now I need to.........","Thank God for coupons! I was able to buy the batting today for 40% off! That meant that I could buy some really expensive fabric for the back", "with each stitch of the binding, I said a prayer and dreamed of their beautiful life together"," well, it is all done - total 18 yards of fabric and batting, about 300,00 stitches, 87 hours of work - hope they like it" etc. That would let them KNOW how much went into it, and how much you loved them to be willing to do that, yet without having to tell a dollar amount.

ecmoore, your quilt is beautiful, I really like the spiral effect. And what a treasure.

My SIL made a beautiful batik quilt for my daughter for her wedding gift, I tried to tell her what a huge gift it was in words.
I did not feel that worked, so I pulled up some online quilts done in batiks that started at $1200. When I showed her the
pictures she remarked "Aunt Connie"s is much nicer than those......I had no idea how much it was worth!"

My sister gave me a Longaburger basket one year for Christmas. After she explained to me that it was a quality basket and how it was made and all that then I understood what she had given me. If she hadn't told me I probably would have thrown it in the closet someplace and not thought about again. But since I know what a Longaburger basket is now, it has a place of honor on my dining room table and use it all the time.

I go through this every time I give a quilt. People who don't know better will just throw a baby quilt in the washer and dryer. Would anyone believe a crib quilt has $150.00 in it on top of your time. I always give care instructions hoping they get the hint. After that when I see the quilt, I look for signs of accelerated wear from washing and drying etc. I certainly want them to use the quilt but I also want them to appreciate the value.

I am a little surprised that quilters are so reluctant to be up front about their quilts. In another thread I told how I asked for a quilt back and am making another for a nephew and his wife, one more to their taste (the first one was won in a raffle). Why should the fact that the quilt is absolutely not to their taste stand between us. Someone else will want it and if they kept it anyway it would always be a problem (an in-the-closet one).

We make quilts for creative outlet and for love, and sometimes for money for a raffle. If the fit of quilt to person isn't right then that's OK. For one "auction" I donated 5 lap quilts but told them they had to have a minimum of $70 per quilt because that is the actual cost of those quilts (fabric, batting, thread, percentage of annual machine cleaning, etc.). They put the price at $100 each and they all sold. The school felt good and I felt good and will probably do more this next year. The point being, speaking up isn't bad... it can make everyone feel better.

Usually I talk to the person for whom I intend to make a quilt (DIL right now) and ask what that person wants (ocean, blue, etc.) But recently I held my breath when I gave my sister a "fun" quilt as a surprise and she absolutely loves it. I could breath right away :). But if she had been hesitant I would have talked to her later and told her I'd make one more to her liking.

Quilts, especially for family, are made with love and love is never wrong. If they are not to the style and liking of the particular family/person, why not put them on your list of future quilts and take that one back and make them another? In my case it would be at least a year down the road, but that is better than awkwardness.

I'd tell them it's value, money-wise and evaluation-wise. I also tell them that if it doesn't fit in any way, I'd work with them on designing another. Family is worth everything. Why do we tip-toe so much. We all do, but it's nonsense. Now that I'm really old I see just what a mistake it is.

Baby quilts get vomited on, get pooped on, have milk and formulae spilled on them frequently. How do you wash and dry them?

Personally, I usually try to make my baby quilts that will be used and abused super sturdy, good fabrics, well quilted etc. And expect it to get worn by the time baby becomes a toddler, then I make another one to use and abuse.

But when I make a super special one I put a sleeve on the back with instructions on how to hang it. Like this one I made for a co-worker : http://www.quiltingboard.com/picture...t-t127524.html


I made a different science themed quilt that is a use and abuse type quilt: http://www.quiltingboard.com/picture...t-t127911.html

For me, it has to do with time spent, the number of people involved in making the quilt. The first one I had everyone at work that knew the father give me ideas on the greatest scientific discoveries and scientist. And I spent months embroiderying and drawing designs.

The second one, I just traced out of a book so it's easy to replace that one.

[QUOTE=Quilt27;5455114]I go through this every time I give a quilt. People who don't know better will just throw a baby quilt in the washer and dryer. Would anyone believe a crib quilt has $150.00 in it on top of your time. I always give care instructions hoping they get the hint. After that when I see the quilt, I look for signs of accelerated wear from washing and drying etc. I certainly want them to use the quilt but I also want them to appreciate the value.

Huh? How is one supposed to clean a baby quilt if not by washing and drying? Or are you expecting it to be put away (for what purpose?)

Some non quilters have no idea of the value of the fabric and the added value of the love and time and thought a quilter puts into a quilt. Keep the communication open with your DIL and son. If you feel comfortable saying something - say something to the fact that a quilt this size in Lancaster PA (per someone on the QB) has a price tag of $775, but that with each stitch you added love, and good wishes, and happy thoughts for their marriage - a one of a kind gift for a one of a kind couple.