Value of wedding quilt for my son
 

I am making a wedding quilt for my son and DIL. It is king size and all batik bought from LQS. By the time I am finished it will have cost A LOT. I don't begrudge the cost at all. My problem is how to impress on them how valuable it is so they will take good care of it. I don't want to come right out and tell them how much money has gone into it. Please give me your thoughts on this.

Can you get it appraised and give the appraisal with it?

I was at Lancaster, PA last month and the Amish quilts they had for sale at some places where priced at $775.00. They were very beautiful but that is why I quilt. I can make for less.. But They were beautiful.

Why can't you tell them how much money and love and work and time has gone into it? Some people really have no idea.

Write a little tie on tag to go with it that explains how to take care of it. For example, "I am your wedding quilt. If you take proper care of me, I will last many years. I like to be washed.... I never want to be.... Etc.

Did you save the receipts from the fabric? And if you had it LA,d did you get and save the receipt? If you quilted it yourself, did you keep track of the hours and expense of thread, batting, etc.? All of this along with a pic of the quilt can be kept as a "proof of value" for homeowners or renters insurance. I would offer them the information (or keep it for them) so they could have the value added to their insurance policy. I know it's uncomfortable to tell someone the value of a gifted quilt but think of it this way, if you had purchased something off the bridal registry they would know the cost.

If your son/daughter-in-law to be have over the years been exposed to quilting, your son might surprise you by really appreciating the love, time, effort (and yes, money) in your gift. If it's heirloom quality I'd say get an appraisal. I gift a lot of quilts, some of which I wish I had had appraised but I confess: I want my quilts used, hopefully for years. God bless their marriage and lives together

If they were to have a fire or a theft, their insurance company would insist on valuations in order to pay the claim, so Joyce888's idea of providing receipts and value of time is a very good one and you can tell them that's why you're doing it.

My kids already know the cost that is involved in making a quilt ( grumble about me spending their inheritance LOL) so maybe your son already knows ?

And sadly they will either "get it " or they won't about taking care and appreciating all the time , effort and money that went into the quilt . It is just like any other quilt , you have to give it away and let go and hope for the best :)

I just gave my daughter a beautiful sampler quilt which she really wanted, I told her the value was up there but I don't think she believed me. I do hope she enjoys it which I think she will but not realize the value.

An appraisal is the way to go. I had a wall hanging I made for one of my sons appraised and was surprised when it was valued (insurance appraisal) at over 1,100. Not as large as the quilt you are talking about. It was worth the 45.00 to know my work has improved to that level. When I gave them the quilt the appraisal went with it. That way they can talk to their insurance company to see if they need to insure separately. They already know the time and material that went into it let them know you have value in what you do.

You might want to give them the receipts and/or tell them the cost so they can include it on their homeowners insurance.

My son is getting married in October...and I am making them a quilt...reading these suggestions...and will be adding a special label...to let them know the quilt is made with lots of love and that the quilt should be well taken care of...sure hope they do take care of it well.

Wish I knew how to impress son and DIL with time, work, value and love that goes into making a special quilt for them. My own design, sampler style, photos, personalized embroidery, etc. and DIL still has it in the quilt storage bag given to them with the queen-sized quilt 7 years ago, even bought a quilt rack! So please find a way to save you much "distress" and let them know the "total value", made with "priceless" love.

I started a thread yesterday asking if a person got their feelings hurt when a quilt wasn't shown at all or wasn't used as intended. Most of the answers were along the gist of "You can't make a person like a quilt no matter how much you liked it while you made it. Some will never use it - some won't even keep it. When you give it away, forget it."
But I'm sorry your DIL and son won't use your quilt or display it on a quilt rack - at least when you come to visit if at no other time.

Honestly? If they do not appreciate your love and your work, I cant imagine that providing receipts will help .

when i made my daughter her wedding quilt after it was quilted & bound i had it appraised-then gave them the written appraisal with the quilt

There is another thread currently on this forum about giving quilts with strings attached.

If you are concerned about replacement value for insurance that is one thing, but really insurance will only give them money not the love that went into the quilt.

Once you give it to them you cannot dictate how it will be used or looked after. You do not want to impress upon them how 'valuable' the quilt is to the point they are afraid to use it.

As I posted on the other thread my MIL wanted to give us her dining room suite when she downsized. She was all about how valuable it was, to the point that it had only been used 2 times in the 15 years she owned it. I refused as I knew it would never be mine to use as we saw fit. She gave it to my BIL and checks each time she is at his house for scratches and proper polishing. He has only used it twice in the 6 years he has owned it. Both times she was present and made many comments on the table and how careful everyone had to be. This is not an antique, but she wants it to become and heirloom. My BIL has no children and at 50 is not likely to now.

My grandmother has an antique solid oak dining suite. It has dents and scratches and so many fond memories attached to it. We learned to play cards on that table, we made crafts with glue, shells sticks and stones. We ate meals, spilled drinks, sewed and so much more on that table.

So my point is maybe your son and his wife will take your gift camping and it will smell of smoke, or have a pet snuggled with them in or on it. In a couple years your grandchild may have a diaper changed on it, a few years after that they may use it to build a fort or take it to the beach. Let them create their own memories with the quilt. Those memories and the love you put into making the quilt give it far more value than an insurance appraisal.

My son will be getting married in a year or so, (they have not set the date), if I make them a quilt it will be freely given, no strings attached. Just as I have given him an engagement ring set, no strings attached. They can use it as it is, sell it or have it redesigned.

If they know you made it, you won't have to tell them. It'll have sentimental value right off the bat. I gave a 9 block quilt made from stash to a 13 yr old boy who calls me his 2nd mom and he had a fit if anyone besides him used it. And that didn't cost a lot to make!

There can be no price put on a quilt made with love, made with expensive fabrics or from scraps. We just want our quilts 'honored' in some way and maybe as someone suggested somewhere or sometime your son's family will make their own memories of the quilt.

Maybe you know your DIL well enough and she might be like a SIL I had, she only valued a gift if she knew how much it cost not how much thought and caring went into it. If that's the case nothing you can do will impress upon her what your labor of love is worth.

Do as ckcowl suggested. Have your quilt appraised and give them the appraisal documents along with the quilt. You have no control over how they treat the gift once it is given. That was determined long, long ago when they were small children.

I've learned over the years that once a quilt is gifted, or anything else for that matter, you just have to let it go or you'll drive yourself crazy. Include a tag on how to care for it (don't forget to emphasize it shouldn't be dry cleaned) and maybe a jar of quilt wash. I would rather see a quilt I gave someone as a gift worn and frayed after a couple of years then in pristine condition. That means it's been well used and well loved. (I never did like the phrase "cutter quilt" you see a lot on eBay.)

Well said Tothill!

I can't imagine telling my boys how much something cost that I gave to them. Just tell them all your love went into making this quilt. INMHO

I want my quilts to be used and become one of those fond memories that my kids have.

Twenty + years ago my MIL sent home the most lovely quilt for our home. It has remained on our bed ever since my hubby walked in the door with it. I have washed it, air dryed it, had grandkids sleep on it, puppies lay on it, and to this day it is still one of my most prized gifts. But I use it, and I know each stitch that is in it was put there with so much love and tenderness. I miss her, her quilting knowledge was amazing and she did the most beautiful work. When she passed and we went out to MI to clear out her little home, no one wanted all the quilted wall hangings!! I brought them all home, and put them up immediately. They still hang in home, and I love them. I guess what I am trying to say, does anything really matter as long as they love the quilt?

I found one of the best ways for a quilt to be truly appreciated is to let the person see the quilt in process. One way to do this would have been first to take a picture of the fabric before cutting, then take pictures as you go along. Make an album of it and give it as part of the gift. I know it is too late for this one, but for future quilts, give it a try. I was making a quilt for a fund raiser, and DD stopped by several times during the assembly of it. She was amazed at how much time I spent on it, and had a new appreciation for my quilting. I showed the finished quilt to one of her friends, and DD was very quick to tell all about how I went about making it, and how much time I had spent on it. This came from a person that is not easily impressed.

My mom's mother made quilts and nobody in her family really appreciates them. Me included until I was in my late 20's. I started making a quilt for my niece's graduation, and it's all hand-work and it's lovely, but while I was working on it, I thought "she won't even like it". And a few months ago, I was reunited with the graduation quilt that I got from Mammaw. I thought it'd been lost, but it was at my mom's. So I got it back from her. It's been in my closet ever since, because I am afraid something will happen to it. On the other hand, when I give my quilts, I say, "If you like it, put it on your bed, I made it for you to use, not store", but I can't do that myself.

That's the reason I won't make a bed quilt for wedding gift. I know who much is costs and the effot to make it. No one else does.

Soon after my son married they had a garage sale and sold something I had given them. I ask my daughter-in-law that if I ever gave her anything she didn't want would she please give it back to me. This has worked real well. We get along so good. She will call me and say I am cleaning house do you want my trash. They have now been married 30 yrs.

I have told my kids that they don't have to keep any of my antiques when I pass on to the big quilt shop in the sky, but they shouldn't sell it for low dollars to dealers who come looking before we're even cold. I definitely would have it appraised and give them the appraisal.

I've had the same situation many times. Enclosed with the gift card, I give an article about "how to care for your quilt." In conversation I do tell them it "isn't a blanket" - With my children and grandchildren I tell them to use it, enjoy it, and when it starts to show signs of wear, let me know and I'll make them another one. (With my own daughter and son in law, a king size quilt was actually getting very worn so I came out and asked them to "retire it" and I'd be happy to purchase them a new bedspread for their next anniversary. Also, make sure you write out a relatively detailed label to affix to the quilt more or less for the benefit of posterity. "Happy quilting"

Get it appraised and give them the appraisal. They will need it anyway for insurance purposes.

The problem though is that they may not use it because they are afraid of wrecking it. I get it that you don't want them to use it for the dog's bed (been there, done that). I agree with the other poster though. When you gift it, it is theirs. Another poster had a great idea - let them know that if it is not to their taste, to please give it back to you and you can talk with them about making something more appropriate to their taste.

Excellent idea, quiltngolfer. I would sew the care instructions in the back of the quilt so they don't get separated from the quilt itself.

I definitely vote for stressing sentimental value over monetary value. I cherish my grandmother's quilts like they're the most precious antiques (because to me, they ARE) but MOST of them were made from cut up thrift store wool skirts and suits and whatever batting and flannel grandma could find at a deal, usually tied with yarn left over from other projects. She chose well and wisely and her quilts are in amazing shape considering they get used every single winter...but they cost her very little money to make. If she'd have spent thousands it would not make them any more valuable to me - I value and prize them because they are made with love by my grandmother, and because they are warm and cozy as all get-out. :)

Or if you are uncomfortable about giving them the receipts, you could hang on to them in case they are ever needed. Keep them in YOUR album of quilts (if you have one). If you don't have a quilt scrapbook of your quilts, now might be the time to start one - LOL.

That is a tough one, because what they value and what you value may be different. I know my son & family don't give a hoot about my quilts, but because I have made all my grandchildren quilts...theirs will/have too. I just gave the 10yr old his applique doggy quilt and he just looked at it and said...oh good a new blanket...I drooled on my other one. The other one was a fleece square. I just shrugged my shoulders. Once it is given...it is theirs to do with what they want. I have to admit I wanted to hear about how wonderful I was for going to all that work just for him.

How about saying something like, "This quilt was made with heirloom-quality fabrics. If cared for properly, the quilt can be passed down to your children and then to your children's children. I hope you will treasure it as a symbol of my love for you, and my happiness for you on this special day."

Some people's sentimental value of an item seems to be roughly equivalent to the dollar value of the item.

I don't see any harm in attaching an appraisal to the gift. After that - it's up to them what they do with it.