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I once saw a quilt with bits of paper and string attached. I started to 'help clean it up' so the quilter wouldn't feel bad. When she said 'Don't you just love it? I was cleaning my sewing room floor one day and saw all this lovely stuff and it inspired me to make an art quilt.' I just smiled and said yes it looks very graphic. She just beamed. So the beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all. The quilter was so thrilled with everyone's reaction, she was going to make another. We quilters are a very diverse group.
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there is always postive things to see.... beautiful colors , cratful pattern, "eyes of the beholder". The best thing is not say nothing if nothing nice to say. That is what my grandma always said. But I didnt learn that until way later.
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It takes a lot of courage to post or hang ones work and if the work gets verbally trashed, that person may get discouraged. I always ask: Who am I to be criticizing? If the person honestly doesn't know that the work isn't up to par, it is still not my job to point that out. Unless someone asks me for my opinion. That said, I have seen some cringeworthy tops which were bypassed quickly at a show - without comment.
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I agree with everyone on here. Why would you hurt someone's feelings on purpose. There is no need to make a critical comment, and there is always something nice to say. I believe that if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.
Sue |
The old saying, 'If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all". That's the way I learned it.
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I always compliment their work. If they are proud to show it off, there must be something to like about it. Artistry is as unique and individual as we are.
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Read a great piece of advice on this before (as it applies to show dogs - another subjective "art"). You say ....
"You must be very proud". Also learned (also from dogs) is that unless someone specifically asks for my opinion, I keep it to myself. If they ask, I first try to meter whether or not they can handle the truth before opening my mouth. |
How about, "You must be so proud of your quilt!"
After all, if it's in a show, the maker is proud of it! I posted this and then saw that the post above mine says the same thing. Great minds and all that stuff... |
Everyone is unique whether it's beautiful or ugly; we are all artists and not every body sees the true beauty in a product.
What I would say is, your work is really unique. |
Originally Posted by jljack
Funny you brought this up right now. I said "yes" to quilting a quilt being made by a very close friend's mother. The mom had a stroke a few months ago, and my friend said her mom was struggling to complete the quilt top. It's for a wedding gift.
Well, they brought me the top on Saturday. It brought tears to my eyes, as I could just see the struggle the lady had finishing the top. It was a very simple pattern with many uneven seams, puckers, folds, open seams. It would not lay flat no matter how I patted and tugged. I spent yesterday gently taking the borders off and separating the rows so I can at least straighten them enough to re-sew them together. It is obvious that the machine she used was having tension issues, as there were knots of thread and very uneven stitches. Anyway, I will NEVER say a word to my friend or the mom about me fixing some of the issues. I can't do them all, because I would have to take it completely apart. I love the effort that she put into this top, and the amount of love she showed by that effort. Her struggle is written all over that top, and it is to be cherished. My goal is to make it a useable quilt, not to re-do her work. Hopefully they will not notice that I straightened the seams, and will just think that I did a great quilting job!! :thumbup: :D BTW, I had quilted one of her previous quilts, and it was really quite good. She is home-taught by her mother, and has been making her quilts for several years. |
I for one was taught at a very young age "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything"....
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Originally Posted by Ann L
Originally Posted by thepolyparrot
Originally Posted by stewyscrewy
Kind words are the first comment to make.
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I always just compliment their work. Not everyone can be as good as we think they should be. Same as when I say oh what a pretty baby! Or pretty horse. Or house. I never ever say different unless asked specifically.
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Originally Posted by Ann L
Originally Posted by thepolyparrot
Originally Posted by stewyscrewy
Kind words are the first comment to make.
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If I really dislike it, I say nothing, usually I say it is pretty. Everyone likes to think they're work is great and it encourages them to keep trying, most always the work or color choices will improve. No one is perfect and that is always good to remember. Who are we to decide what is good or pretty?
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Now you are making me worry. I sell my sewing at craft shows, but i sell some things and alot of people say "I do nice work" I hope my items are of high quality. and you know presentation means alot. The correct table clothes and a mirror to look at what they might purchase and change and your manners and a nice bag and tissue to pack there puchase and your business card. even a breath mint in a dish for the customers is nice. I try
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I would never find fault with anyones quilt (or any other craft). I agree that we all need to say nice things or nothing at all. I like the statement "You must be very proud!" and will be using it!
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I'd same the same things as I'd say on here.As others said, not all quilting/crafts is to my liking.So what? Neither will everyone like mine.Different strokes for different folks holds true here.A simple ...that looks like a lot work....or took lots of time is fine.If it's quilted, there is always something good we can remark on.
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I was always told "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything"
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Thank you for doing that.Your remarks also brought tears to my eyes.Some ppl get it right & you surely have.
[quote=NannySandy]
Originally Posted by jljack
Funny you brought this up right now. I said "yes" to quilting a quilt being made by a very close friend's mother. The mom had a stroke a few months ago, and my friend said her mom was struggling to complete the quilt top. It's for a wedding gift.
Well, they brought me the top on Saturday. It brought tears to my eyes, as I could just see the struggle the lady had finishing the top. It was a very simple pattern with many uneven seams, puckers, folds, open seams. It would not lay flat no matter how I patted and tugged. I spent yesterday gently taking the borders off and separating the rows so I can at least straighten them enough to re-sew them together. It is obvious that the machine she used was having tension issues, as there were knots of thread and very uneven stitches. Anyway, I will NEVER say a word to my friend or the mom about me fixing some of the issues. I can't do them all, because I would have to take it completely apart. I love the effort that she put into this top, and the amount of love she showed by that effort. Her struggle is written all over that top, and it is to be cherished. My goal is to make it a useable quilt, not to re-do her work. Hopefully they will not notice that I straightened the seams, and will just think that I did a great quilting job!! :thumbup: :D BTW, I had quilted one of her previous quilts, and it was really quite good. She is home-taught by her mother, and has been making her quilts for several years. |
Originally Posted by clem55
I truely believe that you can always find something that is nice to say. If that person is actually asking for your advice or opinion, then maybe it'd okay to offer constructive opinions, but even then, find nice first, give opinion last.
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remember thumper in peter rarrit he was told if you can not say something good say nothing at all lets think first then be nice we all were taught to be nice right!!!!!!!!
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Always say something positive! I agree we all have different favorite colors and styles, and some of us just starting quilting.
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I just keep my opinion to myself, smile and say that is nice. Just like different people have different intelligence levels so do they have different seamstress levels. If it is good to them it should be good enough for everyone else I would think.
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I am a very outspoken person but I would never hurt someones feelings over a quilt they were so proud of. There is always something nice to say. I quilted several quilts for a lady that were so hard to work with because they were so uneven and later found she worked on them while her husband was dying with cancer.
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one can always say "wow-that must have take you some time!" (pretty generic,eh?)
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I say be polite and try not to hurt their feelings. Who knows it might just be their first quilt and they are proud of their accomplishments. Jeanniebelle
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Originally Posted by Enchanted Quilter
Originally Posted by thepolyparrot
Originally Posted by stewyscrewy
Kind words are the first comment to make.
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Originally Posted by nanna-up-north
The greatest gift is LOVE..... I try not to forget that. Love goes into every quilt we make...... and sweet, kind words are a good expression of love..... I try to always find something loving to say.....
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when I first started I had such visions of my Art/quilt. I still have my initial projects and I even posted one of them on this list. I will never finish it cause I hate it now. LOL But if you all werent so kind to me I would have lost heart and probably not continued. Since then I have done a couple pieces and my ocd has made me rip out and do it again and some times again and again. I have been to a quilt show and looking at some of the work think "why did they enter this?" as I saw whole lines of stitching missing etc. Then I saw spectacular quilts that made me stand in awe looking at them. all a learning experience.
Im my own worst critic and my husband of 25 years who is also my best friend tells me gently when something is amiss and i dont see it myself as he knows that I would want to know from him and not from someone else. So I guess what Im saying here is Yes be kind. always find something positive to say. It helps us newbies to grow! JoAnn (who is by nature a perfectionist, but has learned that life is not perfect but an art!) |
My thoughts exactly!
My quilts will never be of the quality of many I see on this site, but it gives me great pleasure when someone sees something good in them. I am critical enough of my own work so any positive comment warms my heart. I try to remember this when I view the works of others.[/quote] |
In class last Fall we were asked to take a piece of paper and a pencil and draw lines on it. Of course we did not know where we were going with this project, even though it was the first art quilting class. The results looked pretty bad to my eye. After while our teacher took each paper and found a wonderful spot on it to talk about. I really admired her ability to see something good that could be built upon.
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I think that there's a difference between something someone has made recreationally, and something they're selling, such as at a craft show. There's never a need to be rude, but with someone selling their products, if they ask how I like them and I think the workmanship is poor, I would say so. It's pretty important information a business person needs. If it's someone who has made an item for the fun of it, I would always find something to compliment.
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This kinda reminds me of this board----those of us with less than stellar skills post our pics and ALWAYS receive kind, caring remarks. We have all learned from practice and encouragement. Everyone deserves the encouragement.
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"How nice. I can see you've worked hard"
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Individuality is what sets us apart from the other species. otherwise we'd be boring.;)
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Why would it break your heart to get negative comments - it's just ONE person's opinion....... Consider the source, smile, and move on.... :-)
Originally Posted by deema
If I can't find a single endearing quality...I say nothing at all. If its a one on one situation where I'd clearly be expected to say *something* I'd say something completely generic - "Very interesting fabric choices" or whatever. I really try to find something I like about any project, even if it's not my style. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I don't want to be "that guy" (well, I'm a girl) that said something about someone's work and hurt their feelings. Quilting techniques and choices are very much a personal thing. I put a fair bit of thought into the things I do for any given quilt. Maybe my color choices don't appeal to you...but there is a reason I chose them. Know what I mean? Maybe I chose those colors because they remind me of my deceased grandfather and I wanted to make something to honor him. For someone to then tell me my color choices are crap would break my heart...
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I actually had an experience with something like this....but I was the "quilter" that was just starting out. I decided to attend a class making a Dresden Plate Block. The teacher, though a very skilled quilter, made negative comments about every stitch I took. My seams weren't perfect, they weren't straight...etc...and no matter how hard I tried, the more she commented, the more nervous I got. And my stitching got worse. Now, up to that point in time, I was an accomplished seamstress..I made all my own and my children's clothes..you would think making the transition to quilting would have been easy. And...I had made some simple applique baby quilts on my own already. But I wanted to learn to piece. Needless to say, the fabric and the one block from that class still reside in my UFO's. And, maybe most importantly, it was over 20 yrs before I could screw on my courage and attend another class. The only class I ever have attended....and it was on hand-piecing. And that experience has kept me from being around other quilters, too...I have, until this year, avoided guilds, classes, etc...as I felt so inferior. I still have to screw on my courage just to attend a guild meeting......
Now maybe my response to that one class was extreme....but it does go to show that our words are very powerful....and how we interact and what we say to another person can impact their life for a long, long time.... k |
To me anyone to attempt to make a quilt, deserves kudos. Making a quilt or attempting to is not as easy as it looks, and also takes many hours of dedication.
I am a lover of colors, all shades, I love the majority of them. The person's choice of color, may not be my choice. It is there quilt and their choice. I would never give a negative opinion. After all, I am not pefect, so who am I to judge. We all start some where |
Originally Posted by deema
If I can't find a single endearing quality...I say nothing at all. If its a one on one situation where I'd clearly be expected to say *something* I'd say something completely generic - "Very interesting fabric choices" or whatever. I really try to find something I like about any project, even if it's not my style. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I don't want to be "that guy" (well, I'm a girl) that said something about someone's work and hurt their feelings. Quilting techniques and choices are very much a personal thing. I put a fair bit of thought into the things I do for any given quilt. Maybe my color choices don't appeal to you...but there is a reason I chose them. Know what I mean? Maybe I chose those colors because they remind me of my deceased grandfather and I wanted to make something to honor him. For someone to then tell me my color choices are crap would break my heart...
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