What if she says she wants it after your daughter's done? I tell people I don't lend patterns, books or tools, but ask for their email address and tell them I'll send them a link to the item.

It took all the courage I had to learn to say No. I don't want to do that, when put on the spot about something. Once I said it the whole situation was over. No follow up questions to answer either. It's honest and to the point.

Don't mention it again, but wait for her to bring it up (she may well forget about it, in which case, don't poke the bear)

Since you've already said to her that you're not sure if you've still got it, if she does remind you I'd respond with 'I'm not sure where it has gone to, but it is the XX pattern designed by XX, I found it XX'

That will be enough for most, but if she continues to ask let the pattern remain 'lost' for as long as is necessary (and don't offer to look for it, that encourages her to expect you to produce it)


As a general thing, if someone asked to borrow a pattern my response would be to tell them the name and designer together with where I got it (or a suggestion like Amazon or Ebay). If pushed, I would then say no I don't lend out my patterns (or whatever). And if pushed further, I'd continue to say no, that I've had bad experiences with lending in the past and that I would like to keep [the person] as a friend. After that, just stand your ground. You don't owe them anything.

Most people aren't that pushy and won't get beyond response one or two. The ones that do keep insisting aren't worth worrying about offending - after all, they aren't bothered about offending you!

Just tell her to give you her contact information and you will send her the link unless of course you can tell her the website. Me, I have asked for patterns' links. I always assume they got it off the internet. No excuses needed. Just the info plain and simple. She could download it right off her phone or iPad or tablet. She will find out if she needs to pay for it. If she finds there is a cost and asks you for it, then you can tell her you paid for it and she can too. I have no problem telling someone, there is a cost and they need to go to the site to download.

I'm pretty generous with my "stuff" - I lend and give away things often. For me...I'd probably just lend her the pattern unless I believed I'd use it again and she wasn't likely to return it promptly and in good condition. In which case I'd just say that I don't want to lend it out until I'm done with it, and I'm not done with it yet.

But it doesn't matter, that's what *I* would do. You say you don't want to lend the pattern out...so don't! Just tell your coworker your honest reason, whatever it is. (Unless maybe it's something like, "you have bad body odor and I don't want my pattern coming back stinky"...maybe find a tactful excuse if it's that sort of situation, lol)

It's perfectly OK to say no to people. If you do it honestly, MOST people will respect that and appreciate your honesty. The ones that don't...it's probably not a bad thing if they avoid you a bit in the future.

"I'm sorry, I'd like to keep it, but here's where you can get one...."

Thank you again for all you responses, I get it, honesty is the best policy. Did not come up today, so I will see if she pursues it in the future, will let her know, that I just do not loan patterns and have web addy handy!!!

You don't even have to say no. Just say "I don't loan my patterns". I want them near if I decide to make another one. That is no lie.

Next time someone asks, just tell them it is your daughter's pattern(or you borrowed from a friend), but that xxx is the name of the pattern, xxx made it, etc. I think she got it on Ebay, etc. That way, she is not offended when you say no. I also hate to lie, but sometimes it is for the good of the relationship. Especially if you work with them.

Just saying - "this is one of the places where one can get it - - - - "

leaves it up to the person asking to pursue whether they want it badly enough to get their own.

You don't even have to actually say "no" - - - - :o