I would just let her have pattern

I loaned a dress pattern to a co-worker once and she returned it (after much prodding) with several pieces missing.
I told her where she could go online to replace the pattern and that it was $8.00. She was surprised that I wanted her to replace it. She was a supervisor and I was a secretary....huge difference in our salaries, so she could easily afford the $8. I kept nudging her and finally she replaced the pattern. Lesson learned.

I've learned not to loan out anything, I want to be kept in good condition. I may make an exception for family members (or my very closest friends) but never, ever to casual acquaintances. Years ago, I loaned my Dr. Spock baby book (still in like-new condition), to someone I thought was a friend. When she finally returned it, it was totally ruined. Her explanation was that she'd left it in her car trunk, which leaked. . . but she made absolutely no offer to replace my book with a decent copy. Things like that have a way of really hurting one's heart.
As for the pattern, I'd probably just say something like, "Sorry but I'm not finished with it, yet."

Tell her you borrowed the pattern from some one and can't lend it out lol

It is your pattern to lend or not. I have done that before and never seen it again. So I understand the feeling. I am curious which pattern we are talking about. Can you show a picture of your tote?

One of my husbands co-workers, who I didn't even know, asked him to ask me if she could borrow my good dress making shears. I told him to tell her under no circumstances could she borrow them. I wouldn't even loan them to my sister. I feel the same way about patterns that I purchase, I had to pay for them so can they. If it is one I got free from the internet, I will give them the website so they too can download it.

This must be quite a tote bag to cause this much conversation. How about posting a picture of the finished product ? AND the name of the pattern/manufacturer so we won't have to ask to "borrow" yours! lol ! I am really interested in seeing the tote in question.. I would be honest and say NOPE! Don't lend things! PERIOD.... no 'I'm SORRY". Just a polite NO will do! Thx in advance!!

A situation very similar to this happened to me last week. I shared a quilt at our guild meeting that I recently finished. One of our guild members contacted me and asked what pattern I used for it. I shared all that information with her and even told her where I purchased it. She then asked me if she could borrow it. I told her first I had to find it. It took a while but I did find it. I remembered that I had paid $10.00 for that pattern and planed to use it again. I told her I didn't want give up the pattern. She said no problem. She asked me to scan it into my computer and send her a copy. I didn't want to do that and told her so. She insisted "everyone" does it. She then said if I didn't want to share the pattern, she didn't want to even make the quilt anymore.
This was very hard for me to reason it out. She was willing to spend lots of money on fabric, invest lots of time to make it, invest more money in having it quilted and wasn't willing to spend $10 on a pattern. Sure didn't make any sense to me.

I personally would decide if I am really going to use the pattern again. If so, I would say, "I plan to use it again, but if you'd like to buy it from me in the spring (or whatever time frame you think i might be tired of it/realize I won't makeanother tote of that pattern) then I can sell it you if you're still interested." She might say okay and doso, might forget about it. Either way, you've not said no, youve bought yourself some time, and you just might be willing to sell it at a later date. And no hard feelings, no lies, no more being nagged if she hears "not now".

Sheesh! Did ya wanna say "oh grow up!"! ?!! She's manipulative like a child. I'd like to know what she thinks her time is worth and what she would charge if she made a pattern to sell. Would it seem chintzy to her that someone didn't want to pay $10 to have the pattern and measurements and fabric requirements all figured out for her? Rather just get something for nothing and also ask (childishly demand) a fellow quilter break copywriter laws?