I'd probably do it. I wish nothing but the best for my ex, my children's father. Why be petty about it?

Absolutely do it. Of course everyone's circumstances are different but best possible scenario, on the future occasions when you all have to be together, it's much better to be cordial and your ex and his second wife will remember you helping your daughter to make them something special. Everybody wins. My husband's first wife made us a needlepoint pillow when we married. She wanted to do it, he and I were pleased, the kids were happy about it. We've all been lucky.

Mrs. Fitz - "second wife"

Hmmm - I'd probably help her but I'd be sure there were red ants in the batting! LOL! Only kidding. Seriously, I'd give her guidance and help where necessary, but make sure she did most of the work herself. This isn't about you. It's about her wanting to make something special for her father and there's nothing wrong with that. No matter what happened between the two of you, he's still her dad. I always want to be one better than others so that no one can ever say anything bad about me. Just think how you will shine in her eyes.

I say help her. I would do something for DH's ex if my stepson asked. We have a cordial relationship with DH's ex and her family. Though we don't socialize together or spend holidays together, we do sit together at son's ballgames, or whenever the occasion presents itself. I once told DH that it's not about him and it's not about her, but it's ALL about their son, my stepson. He comes first. I'm sure your daughter comes first with you, so jump right in and help her do her best! She will admire you greatly. Good luck!

OK So everybody has been nice about this til now-my ex not only didn't want to have kids with me, he got remarried within 60 days of the ink drying on our papers and SHE had their first within ( months of that_I say put itching powder in the batting!!!!!(just kidding)

I would "probably" do the same...but what I would be thinking about is NOT appropriate for our "family-oriented" site...LOL!

I would say it's her Dad and she needs to do what she needs to do. I don't think you need to help. Depends on your relationship w/your ex. Wouldn't be me and I've been there. Give her basic sewing instruction if need be but you don't need to be party to the quilt. JMO

Help her for sure but then make a nice large label with your name along with hers and put it on the back of the quilt. Nice big bold lettering!! Better yet, put it on before it gets quilted so it will stay on!

My daughter would never put me in that position!! My ex husband married my ex best friend.

Extra scratchy cotton for the backing?!?

My decision would depend on a lot of things.

Age of my daughter, type of relationship I have with my ex, # of years divorced, type of help my daugter is asking for (hands on versus guidance).

In my case, I would not be helping my daughter (if I had one) in any way as my ex married my best friend.

Have to agree with this and a quilt is a huge expense both monetarily and in time. I'd help her to come up with another idea. Small wall hanging or table topper? It will break your daughter's heart when she finds out the new wife won't use something made by the ex.

I agree with focusing on the time & sharing your art and talent with her. Consider the product of your time together a charity quilt because it certainly is!

If he is good to my daughter I probably would for her sake.

I agree with helping her. It is a gift she wants to give, and you will be doing the right thing for your daughter.

Cherish the time you get to spend with her ... no matter what the circumstances, any time spent quilting with loved ones is time well spent!

Help your daughter and wish your ex the best. But then my ex and I are good friends.

Before you respond to your daughter's request, you might want to have a gently worded conversation with her, to ask her how her father's soon-to-be second wife might feel about sleeping in a bed covered by a quilt her husband's first wife helped to make. When your daughter thinks of it from her future stepmom's point of view, I think she will also think of the situation from your point of view, but without you having to direct her attention to you. I am a second wife, and I hold no resentment toward my predecessor. However, I certainly wouldn't want a tangible reminder of her on my marriage bed.

Best of luck, whatever you decide. This is an emotional topic, I can tell, and I'm sorry that you're in pain.

PLEASE her your daughter make this quilt...show her that you are a person to look up to!

I think Jenel has given you some very wise advice.

My daughter knows that if I was making a quilt for my ex it's probably to wrap his dead body in it!

That aside it depends on the relationship you have with your ex - do you both still talk for the sake of your daughter. I'd suggest a simple pattern for her to learn/do and maybe pay for some private lessons at the LQS you could go to give her suggestions and guidance on how to complete it.

Why would an ex even want his ex as part of his wedding gift in any shape form or fashion. I think your DD is not thinking this all the way through. The best answer would be for her to take a quilt class on her own and leave you out of this memory.

I don't have an ex and don't know for sure what I would do.

The rest of the story............ i have a great daughter and if that is what she want she can count on me to help her or i would even do it for her.lol my ex and i are on good terms. not sure what the new one is like but that i not my problem. lol. it is his third marriage and only wish him well. i got the best in my three daughter and found a super husband now. we have been married for 10 years now. he is the one that bought me the 6500 jenome. so i have no complaints. i laughed and cryed over some of the post here. but i read everyone of them. i do know that if i want a good answer to anything i come to all of my friends here and they will tell me the truth. thanks for all of the post. love and blessings to all ogama

Junior Member

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Join Date:Jul 2011
Location:colorado
Posts:165The rest of the story............ i have a great daughter and if that is what she want she can count on me to help her or i would even do it for her.lol my ex and i are on good terms. not sure what the new one is like but that i not my problem. lol. it is his third marriage and only wish him well. i got the best in my three daughter and found a super husband now. we have been married for 10 years now. he is the one that bought me the 6500 jenome. so i have no complaints. i laughed and cryed over some of the post here. but i read everyone of them. i do know that if i want a good answer to anything i come to all of my friends here and they will tell me the truth. thanks for all of the post. love and blessings to all ogama

I would help her in any way I could. I don't have an "X", but my husband does. When my stepson was younger and still lived with his mother, I would take him shopping for her b-day, mom's day, x-mas, etc. and pay for the gifts. I figured she and my husband made a great kid together and just because it did not work out for them, he did not have to feel bad about not being able to get his mom gifts. I think it also helped with my relationship with her. She also started to take him for mom's day and x-mas for me. Which did shocked me, since he had his dad to do that. You will feel better when it is all done and over. The time my stepson and I got to spend together then (and now) was and is priceless.

I would help her make the quilt. You're doing it so your daughter can give her father a gift! After all, he' s obviously still an important part of her life and that's worth celebrating!

I had a bitter 2 1/2 year fight to get my divorce and didn't speak civilly to my ex for 8 years......but I kept the children out of it as much as possible. I would help my DD make the quilt and make it a good one. After all it is her dad....and it would really irk the new wife when she found out!!!

I think you should help after all he is your ex not your daughters

I would help her. The world is changing and so is the relationships of Xs. When we were divorcing I wouldn't have but now we have grandchild from our two sons and I don't feel that anyone should be left out at Christmas. We have had my DH x wife for Christmas many times and last year my x came for Christmas.

What happened in our marriage is over and done with. Now it is about the kids and grandchildren. I know that my sons appreciate that we get along "most times".
Life is to short to hate someone for the rest of your life. So if I had a daughter that wanted to make something I would help her.

Help her, He is your Daughter's Father, You loved him once! life is too short to hold grudges. Your Daughter could have asked for your help with out telling you who it was for, Be a bigger better person than he is.

I agree.
The first few years it would have been tough for me to help my son but I would have. I encouraged my son to have a good relationship with his dad. Now my DH & I are glad we did. My Ex pasted away when my son was 16. My son is not stupid he knows what It cost me to me nice to his dad and I know he loves me more for it.
Look at it as a time spent with daugther not a quilt for Ex.

If it were me, and my daughter had asked me, I would tell her to pick out a beginner pattern and I will help her any way I could. However, I would let her know that she would be the one who should make it so it would be from her. I would also let her know that I was sure they wouldn't want something made by me but would treasure what she had made for them.

Let me tell you a quick story. My ex was very abusive. He never helped with the children financially or physically after we divorced. When my daughter was 36 years old, she was scheduled for her 2nd cancer surgery. I wanted to be there with her (700 miles away). When she told me her Dad (she had developed a once in a while relationship with him about 3 years before) was going to be there, I told her I couldn't be there if he was there. I "HATED" him so much for what he had done to me. I asked my Bible study group to pray for me in this situation. I decided to go but finding the money would be difficult. The leader of my group gave her frequent flier miles and I went. Everything was absolutely wonderful and he even asked me to forgive him. He has since dropped out of the picture again and my daughter is now an 11 year survivor. Things always work out well in the long run.

I'd help HER! You can help her in a situation that must feel strange for her too. She is trying and so can you I know you can!.

The best gift that my Mom ever gave me was allowing me to have my own relationship w/ my dad based on my own experiences, not clouded by her feelings towards this man that she divorced. This isn't about you making a quilt for your ex - it's about helping your daughter do something for HER dad. He may be your ex-husband, but he will always be HER dad. I encourage you to take the high road, teach your daughter how to make this quilt. If she is young, she doesn't understand all the grown-up stuff that goes on w/ divorce. Maybe the way you accomplish that is to sign her up for a class and you two work on the project.

I would say help her make it and build a bridge to showing your daughter forgiveness...the only things that bothers me, is what is the new wife going to think of the quilt YOU helped make ? I've done gorgeous quilts and for my nephews and then my SIL got angry with my family and threw the quilts away...something to think about...

help....it took awhile, but taking the high road does wonders to one's soul....and makes God smile too.....

absolutely GwynR...

I agree w/majority here. He is HER dad and always will be. Have her do the work and guide her thru the process. I would make sure she knows SHE will be making AND finishing it. Make a lap size if she has never made a quilt before. You have a better chance she will get it done. Oh...and if you have to rant about this project..rant with us. We understand!!!