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Thread: what would you do if your daughter came home and said you ex is getting married and ?

  1. #1
    Junior Member ogama's Avatar
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    Wink what would you do if your daughter came home and said you ex is getting married and ?

    what would you do if your ex is getting mararied and she want you to help her make him a quilt for the wedding.

  2. #2
    Super Member frauhahn's Avatar
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    The best thing to do would be to help her-but make her do most of it herself. You'll look like a really great person in her eyes. And-you're doing it for her, not for him. I imagine it's hard to be put in this position, though.
    frauhahn

  3. #3
    Power Poster mighty's Avatar
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    Oh that is really a tough question!! I would love to quilt with my daughter but my ex is just that my EX and I would not make him anything!!!

  4. #4
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    I agree, I would suggest you help her and treasure the time you get to spend teaching her something you love so much. No matter what your relationship is with your ex, he is still her daddy and she loves him. You did something right to allow her to hold onto that.

  5. #5
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    Boy, I bet they will REALLY enjoy sleeping under that. Make a lovely one and enjoy y our loving daughter.

  6. #6
    Super Member Grace MooreLinker's Avatar
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    I would just give her a pattern and say sew it,
    I'm not that big on sharing with x's or new bees.

  7. #7
    Power Poster ckcowl's Avatar
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    i would help her- it is her father- and she certainly has the right to make him something special if that's what she wants- it really has nothing to do with you- other than her need with some quilting assistance/guidance- think of it as a project you are helping your daughter with---what she does with it when she is finished is up to her.
    hiding away in my stash where i'm warm, safe and happy

  8. #8
    Super Member GwynR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angelaz View Post
    I agree, I would suggest you help her and treasure the time you get to spend teaching her something you love so much. No matter what your relationship is with your ex, he is still her daddy and she loves him. You did something right to allow her to hold onto that.
    I agree 100%!!! Good job!

  9. #9
    Super Member Grace MooreLinker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mighty View Post
    Oh that is really a tough question!! I would love to quilt with my daughter but my ex is just that my EX and I would not make him anything!!!
    I agree with you onthis one show her how, but that's it. He had his chance once???

  10. #10
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    I would help her. Because it didn't work out between your X and you should not, cause problems between you and your daughter. So hold your head high and say to yourself I can do this.

  11. #11
    Super Member Peckish's Avatar
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    Help her make one, you might be surprised how good you end up feeling. I know of one quilter who made a baby quilt for her ex and his new wife when they had a baby, and now she's really happy she did. You can read her story here.

    http://www.thatgirlthatquilt.com/201...part-four.html

  12. #12
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    Since I don't have an "X" husband it's kind of hard to think what I would do. What I THINK I would do is this. See exactly what pattern she wants to use. Then on your own scrap fabric show her how to cut it and then tell her to use 1/4" seams when she pieces it for the top. Tell her what kind of batting to use and see what backing she wants to use. Again...show her with your own fabric how you make a quilt sandwich. Is she planning to stitch in the ditch or FMQ or send it out to be quilted. Oh...and binding of course...again show her on your own scrap fabric. I consider THIS helping...and not doing it for her.

    Did she specify what she wanted from you...strictly guidance or does she want you to actually have hands on sewing/quilting for your X?

    I guess a logical question too is...how old is your daughter? If she is really little then I would probably consider the hands on approach. But if she is a teenager or older then I would go with the guidance approach.

  13. #13
    Super Member Vicki W's Avatar
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    I would do whatever my daughter needed done to make the quilt if that was what she wanted to do (upto donating fabric from my stash).

    Both of my daughters are grown now and neither has a relationship with their father. His choice and now their's but I have been blessed to hear from both of them that they never heard me say an ill thing of him. He is now ill and if they decided they wanted to do something for him. I would help.
    Vicki W

  14. #14
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    I wouldn't hesitate to help HER. This is all about her, not your EX.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Connie M.'s Avatar
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    I would have to say it depends on your feelings for your ex and if, in your heart, you WANT to. You know if you have bitter feelings, you could accidently forget about a hundred straight pins in it. ( just kidding ) I don't have a daughter with my ex. but I do have a son, and if he asked me to help with anything for him I would be glad to do it. Of course being divorced for 39 years makes bitterness fade a lot.

  16. #16
    Super Member sewbeadit's Avatar
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    Help her make it.
    Sewbeadit
    W. Washington

  17. #17
    Super Member cherrio's Avatar
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    boy it sucks being a grown up sometimes! haha but I agree; just as I helped her shop for his birthday presents and Christmas and father's day-this is something else you are doing for her-not the ex no matter how big of a jerk or a prince he was in the end. she will remember the time with you and the lesson to rise above.
    You never stand taller than when you stoop to help a child.

  18. #18
    Senior Member KerryK's Avatar
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    I agree with all the posts that say to help her! It will, more than likely, strengthen the bond with your daughter, and as she grows older, she will love and respect you even more, realizing how difficult it may have been for you.

    And Peckish ... the story in the link you provided is so beautifully written, and so touching. The writer is obviously a wonderful person, and I admire her greatly. Thanks for sharing it!

    Quote Originally Posted by Peckish View Post
    Help her make one, you might be surprised how good you end up feeling. I know of one quilter who made a baby quilt for her ex and his new wife when they had a baby, and now she's really happy she did. You can read her story here.

    http://www.thatgirlthatquilt.com/201...part-four.html

  19. #19
    Senior Member IAmCatOwned's Avatar
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    I would sign her up with a beginner class at a local quilt shop. I would not participate in making the quilt. Unless you had a good relationship with your ex's soon to be wife, it would be a mistake to participate. That quilt will never see the light of day or be dumped at the local Salvation Army box as soon as she got wind that you helped.

  20. #20
    Super Member tslowery's Avatar
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    I would help her...he is her dad and your x......enjoy the time spent with her and she will always remember you for loving her enough to help when she grows up and realizes what a hard thing that was for you to do...your love for her will help you do a beautiful job.
    May Everyone have a Blessed and Bountiful 2012..Teresa

  21. #21
    Super Member Amythyst02's Avatar
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    I would help her make it, and I would do all I could to make it perfect for her. I have to say, my ex and I are very good friends, and we were not friends when we divorced. But, we had two lovely children and they loved us both. Even though he was a jerk and cheated on me, and left me for another woman, today I can say, he is a great friend. I want to add, that one of my daughters greatest memories was when she graduated from High School, and out in the audience, sat her Mom and Step Dad, and right next to us, was her Dad and Step Mom, and her grandparents (from her Dad's side). She told me later that all the other kids had to keep looking all over, in different areas to find their families, and all she had to do was look in one spot..and we were all there. Now all these years later, and we have grandchildren, and every year my ex and his gf fly in for Christmas. We spend Christmas morning together watching our grandchildren, and we have a wonderful Christmas dinner together. It has been worth it to me, and to him, to remain close all these years, for our children and now our grandkids.

    So about that quilt, I would get right on it : )
    Amythyst

  22. #22
    Moderator QuiltnNan's Avatar
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    This was my thought, as well
    Nancy in western NY
    before you speak THINK
    T is it True? H is it Helpful? I is it Inspiring? N is it Necessary? K is it Kind?


  23. #23
    Junior Member aggie's Avatar
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    Help her but leave a few pins inside LOL!!!!

  24. #24
    joy
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    What about the wife's feelings? Put yourself in her place... honestly....
    joy...

  25. #25
    Moderator sharon b's Avatar
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    I would help her- and think(focus)on it as showing/teaching her how to quilt - not as making a quilt for the "ex" you and her can make some wonderful memories and who knows this may be the start of many more quilts together
    To keep your mind fresh- learn one new thing a day !

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