what would you do if your daughter came home and said you ex is getting married and ?
 

what would you do if your ex is getting mararied and she want you to help her make him a quilt for the wedding.

The best thing to do would be to help her-but make her do most of it herself. You'll look like a really great person in her eyes. And-you're doing it for her, not for him. I imagine it's hard to be put in this position, though.

Oh that is really a tough question!! I would love to quilt with my daughter but my ex is just that my EX and I would not make him anything!!!

I agree, I would suggest you help her and treasure the time you get to spend teaching her something you love so much. No matter what your relationship is with your ex, he is still her daddy and she loves him. You did something right to allow her to hold onto that.

Boy, I bet they will REALLY enjoy sleeping under that. Make a lovely one and enjoy y our loving daughter.

I would just give her a pattern and say sew it,
I'm not that big on sharing with x's or new bees.

i would help her- it is her father- and she certainly has the right to make him something special if that's what she wants- it really has nothing to do with you- other than her need with some quilting assistance/guidance- think of it as a project you are helping your daughter with---what she does with it when she is finished is up to her.

I agree 100%!!! Good job!

I agree with you onthis one show her how, but that's it. He had his chance once???

I would help her. Because it didn't work out between your X and you should not, cause problems between you and your daughter. So hold your head high and say to yourself I can do this.

Help her make one, you might be surprised how good you end up feeling. I know of one quilter who made a baby quilt for her ex and his new wife when they had a baby, and now she's really happy she did. You can read her story here.

http://www.thatgirlthatquilt.com/201...part-four.html

Since I don't have an "X" husband it's kind of hard to think what I would do. What I THINK I would do is this. See exactly what pattern she wants to use. Then on your own scrap fabric show her how to cut it and then tell her to use 1/4" seams when she pieces it for the top. Tell her what kind of batting to use and see what backing she wants to use. Again...show her with your own fabric how you make a quilt sandwich. Is she planning to stitch in the ditch or FMQ or send it out to be quilted. Oh...and binding of course...again show her on your own scrap fabric. I consider THIS helping...and not doing it for her.

Did she specify what she wanted from you...strictly guidance or does she want you to actually have hands on sewing/quilting for your X?

I guess a logical question too is...how old is your daughter? If she is really little then I would probably consider the hands on approach. But if she is a teenager or older then I would go with the guidance approach.

I wouldn't hesitate to help HER. This is all about her, not your EX.

I would have to say it depends on your feelings for your ex and if, in your heart, you WANT to. You know if you have bitter feelings, you could accidently forget about a hundred straight pins in it. ( just kidding ) I don't have a daughter with my ex. but I do have a son, and if he asked me to help with anything for him I would be glad to do it. Of course being divorced for 39 years makes bitterness fade a lot.

Help her make it.

boy it sucks being a grown up sometimes! haha but I agree; just as I helped her shop for his birthday presents and Christmas and father's day-this is something else you are doing for her-not the ex no matter how big of a jerk or a prince he was in the end. she will remember the time with you and the lesson to rise above.

I agree with all the posts that say to help her! It will, more than likely, strengthen the bond with your daughter, and as she grows older, she will love and respect you even more, realizing how difficult it may have been for you.

And Peckish ... the story in the link you provided is so beautifully written, and so touching. The writer is obviously a wonderful person, and I admire her greatly. Thanks for sharing it!

I would sign her up with a beginner class at a local quilt shop. I would not participate in making the quilt. Unless you had a good relationship with your ex's soon to be wife, it would be a mistake to participate. That quilt will never see the light of day or be dumped at the local Salvation Army box as soon as she got wind that you helped.

I would help her...he is her dad and your x......enjoy the time spent with her and she will always remember you for loving her enough to help when she grows up and realizes what a hard thing that was for you to do...your love for her will help you do a beautiful job.

This was my thought, as well :)

Help her but leave a few pins inside LOL!!!!

What about the wife's feelings? Put yourself in her place... honestly....

I would help her- and think(focus)on it as showing/teaching her how to quilt - not as making a quilt for the "ex" you and her can make some wonderful memories and who knows this may be the start of many more quilts together :)

reguardless of your relationship with him it could help repair what went wrong to some extent and to do this with your daughter will always remember this time.

I really agree with helping your daughter, in whatever ways she needs, to make the quilt. We don't have to have a friendship relationship with our ex or even see them ever again if it weren't for the children. Essentially, your children are part you and part him. You love your daughter and he is her dad. I'll bet this can be a very rewarding experience. I believe you will reap tremendous blessings from this if you can work and give with a good attitude. The story on "thatgirlthatquilt" is precious.

Somehow, some way, the anger and pain we have from these broken marriages has to be dealt with. That anger and that pain we try to bury within us will affect us spiritually, mentally and physically if we don't forgive. It doesn't hurt them, it hurts us. I certainly don't want to sound preachy or goody-goody. I say this because I have done some reaping in these areas. Not fun.

I went through a terrible divorce experience with a man who has kept coming back and tries all he can to get me to come back to him. I am only saying this because I've had the divorce experience in my life and I won't for my own health, have any type of relationship with him. I don't get angry, I just do everything I can to hold my boundaries. If I speak with my children (adults) about their dad, I do so with compassion for him. My letting go and healing came with a lot of time, counselling and prayer.

My ex is the one who kept being an ass after the divorce but I would have helped my daughter make him a quilt. There was no hard feelings on my part I guess because I wanted the divorce. I agree with those that said take the high road and help her make something for her dad. He will always be in your life because of the kids. Make the best of a bad situation.

I agree also. Being divorced myself, my daughter has a great relationship with her Dad and I would do nothing to jeopardize that.

I would have to decline. If she is a quilter she can make it herself. If she is not a quilter that means you would
end up doing all the work.

I say help her. You and your ex must have, at one time, found some common ground between you since you have a daughter together. I would, however, make sure she understands the cost involved and that your stash is off limits. She will have to buy all the materials. I believe once you work up the total cost of the materials she'll decide on another gift.

I would say no way. If she wants to give hime something to cherish then she needs to do something she knows how to do. If she still insisted on a quilt then I would give advice only, no actual work.

Always rise to the occasion. You are a better person for it. Plus you get to spend time with her. He still is her father your choice not hers. She is caught in the middle.

Help her make a lap quilt just for him ----------I wouldn't think a bed size quilt would fly with the newbie :-)

My sons get recommendations from me every few years when i see something i know their dad (my ex) would like. I do it for them, not for him...I do it to try to teach them to think about what the other person would like...if they listen and choose to follow my suggestions, fine, if they don't, that's okay, too. It doesn't happen often, just when I see a new tool or accessory or some little thing that I think they may not have seen...as the years have gone on, they usually have already noticed so it doesn't come up very often now...

the fact that your daughter has given this kind of thought to a wedding gift is due to the thoughtfulness and hard work you have demonstrated when faced with these situations. Find a pattern that is simple enough to be fast and that she can do most of it, and let the color be everything... send it out to be stippled in the biggest one possible...offer to pay for batting and backing if she covers the cost of the quilting....she needs to know what kind of cost is involved and to feel like the gift is really from her. When I mention cost, of course I am assuming that she is a teen, at least... if she is younger than that, then help her make a wallhanging...

okay, now if all of this doesn't sound like you can live with it, put her picture (or a pic of her and her dad) right in the middle of it and let the new stepmother live with that over the couch or on the wall.....she won't dare hide it...first in time, first in line...

My daughter taught me to quilt, so she wouldn't need my help. :) Anything she made would be much better than anything I could help her with.

Kudos! You give good advice.

What kind of help does your daughter need or expect? I would suggest that you take on a mentor role.

Well, it is her DADDY. You are her MOMMY. She loves you both. Yes, do it as a partnership. If she does not know how, help her along but give her the credit for trying. Bless both of you :)

Ditto this.