Several of you have made suggestions something along these lines. Believe me, I'm very tempted. We don't live close, and so the only chance I'll have is when I travel south this winter, and we are planning to visit her. I know she has a sewing machine, but she says she hasn't used it in years (decades, I'm guessing).

The one thing holding me back is that she's worn glasses since we were kids. She told me once she doesn't sew because her eyes aren't good enough any more, and I'm sympathetic about that.

I think I'm having a strong reaction to this because if she had asked me to make something for her, I would have done it gladly (sort of). But I really dislike her husband. He's verbally and psychologically abusive to her. I think she should have left him long ago, but that's just my opinion. It's her life, and she has to live it her way. It's a second marriage for both of them (her first husband walked out when her kids were babies), and I know she really just wanted to make their marriage work. She's paid a heavy price for that.

So I think I'm really put off at her asking me to make a gift for him. I don't really want to do anything for him, nor do I want her to do anything for him. She may bend over backwards to make her marriage work; but if it were up to me, I'd have thrown the bum out years ago.

I think I'll feel best if I follow through and do what I said I would do. But I won't do it if it happens again. Once I've done this project, I'll feel like my obligation as her friend is complete. Beyond that, I'll show her how to do it herself.

She bought it at a quilt show, and so no chance for a refund. I was surprised she had gone to a quilt show. I feels all tied up in a nice little bundle for me to do. I was very surprised that she would make the purchase without asking me first. I would never have assumed something like that about a friend. But that's just me.

It was easy to say no to a queen sized project, and I would have said no to her to her too. Maybe not, "No" but I would have definitely made it worth my own while by charging an arm and a leg for it. In that case, it would have been a job, not a gift, and that's a whole different story.

I had to laugh at your comment about hemming pants. I hate hemming anything, and so I am willing to pay someone to do it!

This is the bottom line, and it's what I'll end up doing.

Send her a "kit" of something (even if it's paint by numbers). Let her know "how much more fun it would be if we made it a swap". Hers will be ready when you receive yours in the mail. Is she good at anything? Make it comparable. Let her know you really want this, but don't have the time to do it yourself. In the end, maybe you'll both end up with something nice...

From me she would get a crossstitch kit of "The Golden Rule"; even if I had to make the darn kit up myself with instructions.


LOL -- I like that plan a lot.

RST

Rewrite this so it sounds like something you would say and then practice saying it so you will be ready the next time someone puts you on the spot. Sorry your friend has sucked you into a project you won't enjoy because you were trying to be nice.

"Quilting is my creative outlet and I really need to follow my muse and make things that catch my interest at that moment so I have trouble making projects that others have planned for me and I didn't choose. When I do that it feels like work to me and takes the joy out of my hobby!"

Good answer, and it's absolutely true.

Ok, I'm kinda screwed, because the owners of the company I work for bought me my Janome 7700 for my birthday. Now one of the owners wants me to make him a queen size quilt for his bed. The bad thing for me is that he has no idea what he wants and he's picky, I'm a new quilter and I'm not sure if what he will want is something I can do and I'm hoping he forgets all about it. I hate doing stuff for people because I'm not even close to being good enough to do stuff for others yet I feel obligated because they got me the machine.

It's easy to say No thank you I don't want to. It works, it's simple and honest, and I'm not feeling stuck with an obligation. Somethings I have to do want to or not but everything else is my choice. Tell your friend that after looking at the kit and pattern and thinking it over you do not want to put that much time into something you don't want to do. Give the kit back and smile and forget about it.

Since you are committed and don't feel you can back out of the project perhaps there is a way to help you feel less trapped in this project of doom. What if you completed the project as soon as you have the time but delay sending it back to her until spring. By doing to sooner you remove that feeling of I don't want to do this project I hate. You could turn it into a major learning experience on several levels. Do what feels right to you and the doom will disappear.

Good Luck!
Andie :)

Oh my gosh, I understand how you might feel obligated. Still, a queen-sized quilt is a serious undertaking. I'm afraid I'd communicate how loooooong such a project will take, and how expensive it will be. I suspect that, like my friend's husband, they'll forget about it when the onus is on them to come up with the materials and pay for the quilting. Just because they got you the machine doesn't mean they own you. There is no indentured servitude in this country.

That's a good idea. We like the town they live in and have avoided telling them we're there until we're getting ready to leave. That way we can enjoy the place, but limit the company. This is kind of a different take on the same idea. The first time we visited her (in our RV) we made the mistake of staying longer than we had planned to. We saw them every day, and her husband just about drove us batty with his inane comments and his selfishness.

what I did when faced this situation. I said "Sure, just cut it out very carefully, pin the pieces together, come over and iron every seam as I finish a piece and learn how to unstitch it if I sew something wrong."
Elizabeth

So she has bad eyesight? There are stronger glasses available, there are large magnifying glasses that can hang around your neck so that you can sew with them.

If she can't see, why does she not get rid of her sewing machine? Or doesn't she have kids or family who might want it?

Quilting is an art, and when you don't want to sew something, then it rapidly turns into work. And work should be paid for.

I think I would just tell her that I've changed my mind and won't be doing it for her. If she asks why tell her there are just too many people that expect you to quilt for them and you don't have the time to quilt for yourself or your family anymore. If she offers to pay you, tell her thanks but it still doesn't free up time for yourself.

Good idea.

I wondered about this too. She sees well enough to read a newspaper or a dictionary. It seems she could make accommodations so that she could sew if she really wanted to. I have arthritis I need to accommodate, and I'll sew in spite of the pain just because I love it so much.

If you have arthritis I would be adding that to the list as another reason you can't quilt for others anymore.

Well, now that is a good idea. I don't know why I didn't think of it. It's as good as her excuse that her eyes are bad.

You're right :thumbup:

Just remember how to say no.

I think this friend of yours is nervy. If she were any type of friend, she should have asked first before buying this. No matter how, small it may be.
When you visit with her arm yourself with the basics of what you were planning to take, look at the box.
Tell her, that you thought you would be able to squeeze her in sometime in the spring, but unfortunate, you won't be able to.
You have arthritis, and this slows you down a bit. Offer the items to her, and show her how it is done.
This way your off the hook and she can do something for herself.
I disagree with the sight as being a downfall. I am farsighted and wear 2.5 readers and use a magnifying glass that hangs around my neck, when I need it.
I also have a friend who is Blind. She was born that way. Let me tell you, she cooks for her and her partner, she KNITS. She visits people in Hospice. She does just about anything, a sighted person can do, not as well, but, she tries. No reason your friend could not try

After re-reading the first posting -

I have a couple of questions?

If your friend bought the kit - it may have been the last one - whatever -

Did she ASK or DEMAND that you make it up for her?

Some people actually think that one is "looking for" projects to do --

She may have just been "dumb/ignorant/unaware" - and didn't fully realize what she was asking - after all, you did make a whole quilt for her.

So - maybe next time - just say something like "That's a cute kit - I hope you enjoy making it up"

My sister taught me an easier way to say No! When she cannot or does not want to do something she always says "That doesn't work for me". As a person who has great difficulty saying No to anyone about anything, this little phrase has made a huge difference in my life! Give it a try. We're rooting for you.

It does no service to anyone involved to come up with an excuse, legit or not. It's an admirable quality to be open and upfront and that should never be equated with rudeness either. Life is so much more peaceful when you can be honest.

From your comment it looks like you're going to go ahead with the project, but for as long as you have that in sight it's going to keep making you angry about the circumstances. Is it worth it? Especially since there's a lot of personal emotion attached to the fact that it's for her husband, who you said you just can't stand. That seems to be the root of the problem more than the presumptuous way your friend acted with coming to you with the project to begin with.

I think I would suggest to her that SHE learn how to quilt herself........there are always classes around, at the local store or on line, or whatever............

How complicated can an 8" x 10" kit be? Or do I have measurements
wrong?

Why all this discussion....the answer is really very simple. Just say NO.

"O? You bought a kit. How nice. Your taking a class? Do you have the time? O he will be so proud of you. "
"My I am so sorry. But I have so many things going right now I just wouldn't have the time."
"Perhaps another time.

It's not complicated. It's just the idea that she purchased it expecting me to make it without asking me first. It makes it hard to say no, and I just don't want to for a variety of reasons. I would not have done the same thing to her.

Thanks. You've all made great suggestions. Hopefully, I won't get caught unaware like this again.

Uuuuuhhhh no way. Maybe you should have told her you were very excited about her also getting into quilting and that you would try and help her with teh quilt kit when you have time.

tell her it would mean so much more to her hubby if she made and teach her how to do it.