My feelings don't get hurt by how people choose to use my quilts, my heart just soars with joy if they are using them at all.

My dog has taken a personal interest in most all of my house quilts, so I can't complain when others do the same. She makes a beeline to any quilt she sees, it's pretty funny actually. I have a few quilts where I like the back more than the front, so if someone has a quilt folded "wrong" on the sofa, I usually assume they didn't pay attention to how they folded it- but I might think maybe the prefer my quilting to my piecing, either way, the quilt is out.

I made my nephew a baby quilt, and for 5-years, never once saw it. I figured it was never used, and had likely been donated- forgotten that it was a hand made speciality. Well, 5 years later my sister sends a picture of my nephews playing out in the snow. The new babies are laying on that old quilt. Yes, it was outside in dirty snow, but it was still in the house, and still loved by the recipients.

Once I give it away, I can no longer control it. But man, it sure does make me happy if I find out that the recipients do use it, and haven't hidden it away (or worse, given it away)

" Would you want the person you gave a quilt to say right up front "Thanks but I really don't like this and give it back to you?"

Absolutely! As in the case of the raffle-won quilt, which I insisted upon taking back because it simply wasn't their style AND it they saw an awful face in it! I wrote about it on this thread. If they don't want the next (replacement) one, that's OK also, but I would like it back if they simply don't want it. They are wonderful people, just much more dignified and conservative than I am. Perhaps a shinny really puffy quilt is more their style... I don't know. But I love them and am trying to make one they will like.

If I didn't know someone so well I'd probably keep quiet... but family, extended or not, they can speak up, or if the grapevine message gets to me, I'll speak up. Why not?

Why would my feelings be hurt?? When I give a quilt, it's not with strings attached. The recipient is free to use it as they please.

I make my quilts to be used and not displayed. If that persons wants to display it fine, it is also fine to use it.

What an interesting thread to read. It really tells so much about the folks on the Board and how they feel about the quilting. My little tale is this, I found a beautiful quilt top in the closet in a paper bag after my mother died. Some
years later when I went to the area of her birth and was writing about her I talked to relatives who told me about the top. It was made by my grandmother (Mother's mother) and I was named for her! So I became a quilter but had that top hand quilted by a person in Mom's birth area. It has faded badly but is still a memory of someone I never knew and who's daughter didn't care enough to even mention it.

I have written about both women and the quilt and written a poem about the quilt and how women are connected by threads of memory. My granddaughter will have the quilt eventually. Never underestimate the power of a quilt!

I'd rather NOT see my quilts on top of the bedding. Our households all have dogs now and permissive slobs that we are, the dogs are on the beds night/day and the JRT burrows under the covers. And once in a while they scratch up the covers to improve their nests.

No one likes to see unappreciated gifts, it shows lack of respect for the giver's feelings--hand work most of all, from a tot's scribbled crayon art, a kid's potholder, etc. to a grand quilt.

Justme CA,
I would love to see your poem about your grandmother's quilt posted here if you wouldn't mind sharing it.

In 1989 or so, I did a swap on Prodigy (remember that forum/bulletin board? lol)...and got a lot of black/white fabrics. I decided I was going to take a piece of vintage red fabric w b/w tiny flowers on it and make a serged log cabin quilt. My son kept saying...ugh, it's dull, ugly, etc. By the time I put the borders on and was quilting it (on my old Kenmore)...he was telling everyone that it was HIS quilt. I gave it to him...he later went off to College, then when we moved to CA, and he came back home...he had a jet ski...had taken some classes & was a boat mechanic...so...he tells me he needs my help with a part..."It's really dellicate mom, and with my eyes, I need you to help get it out of the trailer cubby." Ok...didn't understand, but went get it out for him...that precious part for his jetski...it was all rolled up in the log cabin quilt! Greasy, and looked like it had torn in places...I gently unwound the quilt from the part and my son held the part in place while I put the screws in (I have smaller hands, have since Lon Jr was 4 years old...he's 6'4"+ now, a very tall man of 39)...he thanked me...and started to close the lid on his trailer cubby... I told him to give me the quilt, I had something better for wrapping parts...an old wool army blanket. I broke out every time I touched that thing.
On closer inspection of the log cabin quilt...it was not torn, the serger thread I used to quilt it was in tact...some of the fabrics (my favorites...had Bob Hope, James Cagney, Mae West, etc. on it) had disintegrated! Just left nice quilted rectangle holes where it used to be. I still have that quilt...never replaced the missing sections...I use it for family picnics as a table cloth, to sit on, etc.
My son said later he expected a lecture from me on the quilt's treatment. I said, "Nope, you loved that quilt to death, and when a nice soft protection was needed for that part..you used the quilt...it was an honor to see you still had it. It was made with fabrics that I had no idea of on the content...Yet, even after the pieces were gone, you didn't toss it."
I actually was proud he still kept the thing. Now, It's so worn, it's really ready to be tossed, but I'm gonna finish using it to death!

The fact that whoever uses the gift of a quilt, no matter how it's used...is an honor in itself...it could be in the back of a closet, or in the goodwill bin...just be glad it's there.

I think we all know that a gift belongs to the recipient once we give it away. (How obnoxious would we be if we showed up at their house to make sure it was being used the way we wanted it to be?) If it's hidden under other quilts, folded up in the back of the car, or kept on a closet shelf, it's pretty obvious they don't like looking at your quilt. At least they are making some sort of use out of it, but the question was "Are your feelings hurt?" and of course they are! We don't say this to them, but yes it hurts that they don't love your artistry as much as you hoped they would. It hurts. When a gift is underappreciated in this way, I make a FIRM mental note never to give the person another gift with as much of 'me' invested in it... to spare myself more hurt. I think that's human nature.

It's very risky to give handmade gifts when you don't know for sure how they will be received, because you are giving part of yourself away with them. Rejection of the gift is going to feel like rejection of you.

As so many others have already said, when I give a quilt away, I want it to be enjoyed any way the person wants. The best thing I have ever seen was the first quilt a made for my oldest grandson. After 12 years it is completely tattered ... I couldn't be happier! I know it has been well used and loved.

I made a king size carpenters star quilt for my niece and she said she loved it but the next time I went to visit her she had it on the floor for her dogs to lay on..I did feel bad at first but then I thought it is hers to do what she wants with it.. just glad that someone is getting joy out of using it and her dogs love it..LOL

I gave a wedding quilt to my Dh's brother, it kinda hurt my feelings that nobody ever sees the front of the quilt; only the back. If I had known that I would've given them a bedspread from Wal-mart. Its not my quilt anymore and therefore I have no say how it is used.
This is a picture of the quilt:
http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/...45965719fgaxFs

Sharon

Quilts to Grandchild
 

I must add that I have given quilts to my grandchidren & when I asked him if it was keeping him warm, he said he "lost it" My daughter-in-law never uses anything I give them, homemade or bought, believe me, this hurts. What would you do ??;/

I am thankful that they are using it. It would crush me if it ended upin a thrift shop or yard sale.

I would start giving checks or photographs .

Most of my quilts, I never see again, because they were given to a charity, like the battered women's shelter. The ones that I made for o ur children and grandchildren have all been heavily used. However, one that I gave to a neighbor received an honor that embarrassed me. When this older woman moved in across the street from us, I realized that she was hardly using her furnace. I gave her a small quilt that I had just finished. It had a gazillion mistakes, but I thought she could use it to wrap up in to keep warm when watching TV. Imagine my surprise when I visited her next and saw the quilt hanging on the wall. This wasn't just an act to make me feel good, because the quilt was still hanging there 3 years later. She has since taken it down to redo that wall but assured me that the qulit would go back up as soon as she got the painting done. The quilt was only what I considered a utility quilt in a simple stair step design.

It's a beautiful quilt!!!

I would give the kids something edible and give the DIL nothing.

My pets are allowed on my lap, couch, and bed. My daughter made a beautiful quilt for me that I kept folded on the back of a seldom used chair. One day I noticed the quilt was missing. When I mentioned it to her, she said if I wasn’t going to use it, she was. Her house is also an indulgent pet home. It is now being used on my bed and she is happy.

I think “treated with respect” is a subjective term. When her beloved old dog died, she buried him wrapped in the quilt I made for her when she was a teenager. She is very aware how much time and work goes into a quilt, but knew I would not consider her act of love disrespectful.

Other thoughts: (1) You can buy a “quilt” at Walmart for $20, some people think that’s what quilts are worth. (2) I quilt for my own pleasure and enjoy the cutting, intricate piecing, and the actual quilting. My biggest expense is buying fabric from my LQS. (3) Just because I think my quilt is gorgeous, doesn't mean it is. (4) Some people don’t want cats or dogs, some don’t want them in the house, some only want them on the floor, and some people regard them as treasured members of the household.

I give and let go....but must admit was a bit surprised when last year I made a quilt for my mother. I agonised over the pattern, spent quite a bit of money on some special fabrics (all her favourite colours)...stitched with love and care. The backing I had on hand...chintzy apricot/mauve rose fabric (not a favourite of mine)...but I knew Mum would like it. The idea was, she could use it for Nanna Naps etc. Sure enough she keeps it on the end of the bed....Backside up! My sister and I make a game of sneaking into her room and flipping it right side up every time we visit.....As long as she loves it and uses it...I don't really mind:)

I started out with the quilt my Mom made me on top of my bed so it could be seen but soon decided that wouldn't work. The fur babies would get on it and our kiddos always ended up cuddled up on the bed. I found a (thankfully) small stain on it. So now it is under the bedspread to keep it safe, but I can see it when I turn down the bed and I can feel myself hugged in my Mom's love. So, it isn't because I don't like it that it is covered, but because I love it so much and would be devastated(?) if something happened to it.

As long as they are not being used in the driveway to lie on when changing the oil in the car.... my sister's son actually did that with one of his Grma's quilts! He was a teenager, but still should have respected it enough not to use it like that!

When I give a baby quilt I add a small note to "Dear Mommy" : Miss Beth says I can sleep with this, drag it thru the mall, wrap the dog in it and if it wears out ,she will make me another one! Love (insert baby's name) There are only a few things that upset me when I give a quilt as a gift: #1 don't call it a BLANKET #2don't tell me you will put it away for good. It was meant to be USED..even if it means being used on the ground for a picnic or if it lives in the back of the car #3 not saying THANK YOU. I am not a good letter writer, never have been, so I don't expect that. But a nice thank you...or tell me how its being used or that your mother said it was pretty. I will climb off my soapbox now! (all those have happened to me..esp #3 almost makes me want to stop gifting quilts. Except I KNOW the babies love 'em!)

Reminds me of the quilt my sister made and gave to my son as he didn't have one at age 2 for his birthday. It is made from Polyester doubleknit backing and the top is prequilted animals and gingham squares from her days doing custom draperies and home dec for a local store. Anyway, son is almost 37 and that blankie is still in use on his bed or packed when he is going out of town. On the honeymoon his wife couldn't figure out why they had to go back two hundred miles to retrieve the blankie at home before they could go on their trip! LOL So, some quilts literally bite the dust with all the love that is shared under and on them and continue to hang in there. I make quilts and enjoy the process and hope they find a niche to fill in someone else's home. If they eventually end up as the padding under the car as someone works to keep the beloved car running, who am I to comment? My quilts generally are 100% cotton with cotton batting so they can cushion and absorb most anything. I am trying to make a few to have on hand when there is a disaster and someone needs a blanket as well as an affirmation that they are cared for by other members of the community. God forbid that I not make an effort for charity to be just the same as something I would gift anyone I know with. Upholstry fabric makes great utility quilts too.

Let's be realistic..not everyone "likes" quilts. Might explain why they display them with the backing side exposed. I am no longer into dried flower arrangements...I rec'd a door wreath for a gift ten years ago..purple flowers and purple ribbons. Not my taste. BUT I did hang it proudly for a while and then it "disappeared". I sent it on its way to someone who DID love it.

I don't make large quilt projects for anyone. period. Not as gifts that is. Raffles and fundraisers. maybe. Charity quilts...of course.

I used to make raggedy ann & andy dolls. They took me over 40 hours to make. I did not give them away if I thought for a second they would not be appreciated. I was glad that I did not give a set to one of my friends' baby girl..soon after the child was old enough to play with dolls, she collected 12 American Girl dolls (the mother was obsessed over them). I figured my dolls would have ended up in a pile somewhere. I never regretted not making a set for her. Her mother like to buy ....

I DID make this "child" a memory wall hanging for her college dorm room. She had shared with me that she missed her dogs while away at school so I made a wallhanging using photos of all of the pets she had and the two dogs that she now has. I had a blast making it and she loved it! Tthe reactions of her parents was interesting. "we have never seen anything like this". It was kind of funny...the perplexed looks on their faces.

Let's face it, there are so many people who don't think anyone still "quilts" or "sews" in this world.

Sandy

My own personal enjoyment comes from making the quilt. From the idea to the last stitch on the binding. Hope it will be used and appreciated, but don't mind if it is lovingly stored away for "someday" to remember me by. I have to admit though that I cringed a little when I went to a grandson's home and their huge great dane was using the quilt I made for his wife's college graduation for to sleep one. However, in their defense, they do love that dog like a child. Oh, well.

Perhaps the bottom line is WHY we quilt. Every quilt I make is for love... especially if it is for someone I know or is in my family. The ones I make for people I don't know I still pour love into because while I'm making them I try to put some obvious sweet, or exciting thing into them.... to make them interesting.

If it is family or close friend I would not hesitate to ask for a quilt back, and ask them what they would like. If the answer is "we really have never liked quilts" then that is OK; it's a good answer.

If I see a quilt I have given and it is being used I am excited! That's exactly what I made it for. I don't care if they have another quilt or bedspread on it. I'm just glad they like it enough to use it for whatever reason. As for the back of the quilt being shown, it could have been the way it ended up after the last use! If it was in a car, they must have needed it to keep someone warm and didn't bring it back in yet. The point is, it is being used.

I gave a wall quilt to my son in law for his birthday, he is an artist. The next time I saw it, it was NAILED to a wall in the Bathroom, with the back showing. I asked him why he didn't show the front side, his reply 'I wanted everyone to know who made it'. At the time I did not realize it was nailed also, when I found that out, I was so angry I was afraid to say anything. Not only was my feelings hurt, but I was really angry.

Maybe we need to really look at who we want to give the quilt to and IF they will appreciate it respectfully. Honestly, once I give any gift, I don't "check up" on the gift to make sure it is treated in a respectful manner. BUT I don't give quilts either. Whatever the recipient wants to do with the gift is their choice. Regifted if you want to! I've done that myself.....its better that someone who wants it and will use it ...has it. my 2 cents.

sandy

There's a lesson for all of us. Perhaps we should put grommets in our wall hangings, or if we put sleeves on the backs then we should also give a rod of some kind and brackets for the sleeve to be used with, and put small labels on the front of the wall hangings. After all, original oil paintings are signed on the front, so perhaps our quilted items should be also.

I made a stairway to fortune quilt in red, black and white for my grandson. It was a lot of work! He is a quirky 19 year old and just for fun, I put pale aqua sock monkey fabric on the back. You guessed it. The sock monkey side is always up. He loves that quilt and is always wrapped up in it to watch TV when it is not on his bed.

I mostly make scrappy ones that are to be well used so I don't think or worry much about it . If I put a lot of money into one I would not be happy if it were terribly misused . I made my parents a king size one once . It is still in their closet . I just got a king size bed Hmmmmmm Maybe I need to swipe it :)

I have given away numerous quilts - mostly to family - some to friends. Some I know have been used. Others are 'saved'. And still others I have no idea what their status is. I just don't worry about it. I enjoyed it when I made it and I enjoyed giving it. Whether or not they enjoy it (or appreciate it) is beyond my control. I would possibly be hurt if I discovered it was given to the dog but it is no longer mine. I try to focus on the enjoyment I received from making it and giving it.

Sometimes when the quilts are "put away", I found out it was because the recipient thought it was too special to use everyday.

My former DIL never let the children use the quilts I made them and when I told her it was OK, even good, if they used them to death, she told me she saw no good reason to cut up perfectly good fabric and sew it back together again. Oh my.... After the divorce I asked my son to take the quilts to his place (they share custody) and, against the "rule" the new puppy got to 2 of them and chewed them up pretty badly. They were mailed to me, at my request, and someday I'll get around to fixing them. But the oldest girl told me recently that she has a vision in her head for a quilt and wants to know if I'll help her make it!!!!!!!! She still wants her other quilts back, fixed, but understands the problem (it was hers that got chewed and she knows she's the one who left the bedroom door open). I have other commitments right now, but maybe next summer we can make a quilt together!!!! All's well that ends well.