When you see your quilt
 

When you have given a quilt as a gift and later you see it used on a bed, but it is not being shown, another quilt is on top, or a comforter or a bedspread, are your feelings hurt? When you have given a lap quilt and you see it displayed on a sofa, but the back of the quilt not the front is the side that is being shown, are your feelings hurt? Do you say anything? If you gave a lap quilt and thought it would be used on the sofa and you saw it used in the car, would you be hurt?

I'm thinking of a comment that "The front of the quilt was just too busy with all that pattern and color - the solid color of the back was so much nicer."!!!!

Who am I to force my color choices and design ideas on someone else? I give a gift and how they use it or not is up to them. About 90% of the quilts I see, I'd not display in my home but find another way to use. A gift should be given with no 'strings' or rules applied. Or don't give gifts.

What Candace said! Once you gift it, it's their's to use as they see fit. So what if it's covered - they are enjoying the warmth. And maybe your colour choice wasn't to their liking - but they are still using it and loving one side (and your quilting, obviously). The comment you quoted was perhaps not the most diplomatic - but I hope that I am not expected to use a quilt exactly as the gifter envisioned. Heck, my own quilts are usually folded randomly if they are in frequent use, and don't necessarily highlight the part I thought was most beautiful when I made it.

I gift bags quilts etc as you say once given it is theirs to use as they wish. Today at our quilting class I gave presents out 2 years ago , one of the group has asked if I have the pattern of the one I made. I felt very proud and had not realised it was used ever time sha was quilting.

my mom only uses hers when we visit or family comes and stays... first thing she does is show it off and puts them on the beds for them to use.. When they leave she puts them up again..

I was gifted one for my daughter when she was born and i used it everyday.. washed well and still looks great.. The gifter was mortified that it wasn't saved as an heirloom..

My brother uses his on the floor for the kiddos naptime...

My sister keeps hers on the couch....

my aunt uses hers while shes in her wheelchair...

My friend tucks hers away in a closet and 'supposedly' uses/displays it when visitors arrive..

Everyone is different.. what they do with it after its given is their decision.. What they end up doin determines whether or not a second ( or third) quilt from me is in thier future..

I would never say anything to someone on how they used my gift. All the quilts I have given away have been loved and treated with love, however if I felt hurt by the treatment of one I would never give that person another quilt.

I only get my feelings hurt if the person who recieved it had picked the pattern and the fabrics. I do have a "quilt gift" policy I tell all who receive one of my quilts. If for any reason you want/like one I have currently that has not been "claimed"yet. You can exchange it !
I only had one "exchange" in over 30 years. In fact there are some still out there , that I wish would come back , as my quilting has improved so much over the years , some look so... dull and primative .. I hate to admit I made them.
There have been a few that found homes on shelves.. and I was told that they are too good for regular use. I have threatened to dump spagetti sauce on them so they won't be "so good". So many times people I give to really do cherish them and just can bring themselves to use them regularly. So the "spagetti sauce talk" lets them know USE THEM. It would bother me more to know that some other generation ( who never knew me or met me) would find them on a shelf .. and discard them. I intend for my quilts to be "consumed" in my lifetime.

I made a beautiful quilted wall hanging for a friend using the colors she loves. I even helped her make her one and only quilt when I lived near her many years ago. She is unable to do crafts pretty much on her own without someone holding her hand thru the whole process. She is a sweet person but she really can't figure out much on her own. There are times the friendship wears on me. She told me she loved the wall hanging that I made for her but she has yet to hang it up where it can be seen. She has moved to three different houses and still it is folded away. When I asked her if she ever hung it up she said "I'll treasure it always". That really sounds nice but I'd feel it was more appreciated if it were hung up somewhere...even the basement would do! She hinted to me recently she'd love to have a quilt but I told her she already has a quilt from me....the wall hanging.

It's really kind of funny the emotional tie we have to our quilts. We love to make them, give them away, but we always think about them. If they are loved, used and cared for in the proper manner.
My first quilt was given to my niece for her first born child. I ask my sister, does he still use it? How does it wash? Is it faded? Worn or tattered? It's ten years old. He still loves it, and uses it on his bed. It makes me so happy. But I cringe when I think of all of the little "oppsies" that I made. But, it doesn't matter one tiny little bit to him.

My great grandmother made quilts for all her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. My mother used her quilts (on beds, covers on sofa, and dog beds). Her sister (my aunt) stored hers away in a cedar chest. Imagine how happy I am to have been the receiver of that cedar chest!!! Yes, I still have the quilt she made for my bed and from one of my brothers that I cherish as wall hangings. But on the coldest winter nights I wrap up in the one she made from upholstery fabrics -- very heavy, but lovingly warm. The dog quilts are long gone but its the ones that were either lightly-used or admired that I am able to cherish today.

[QUOTE=Candace;5446621] About 90% of the quilts I see, I'd not display in my home but find another way to use. QUOTE]
I think that is probably true for most of us. Our taste is so individual. It's nice to hear that so many of you would not have your feelings hurt.

Sometimes people might fold the design inward thinking they are "saving" it from damage. I agree it's easy to be hurt when someone stashes a quilt away that you have made for them. But for me, knowing my grandchildren all loved their baby quilts because their mothers used them, washed them, held them snuggled in them, that's all that really matters. Just as we have to let our children go and live their own lives, we have to let our quilts go and not be hurt. One daughter lives with black labs who sleep on the bed, and though I made her quilt in colors with that in mind, I know the wear and tear ruined it. But she loved it while it lasted. Now she has a wall quilt I made for her that used to hang in her office. She recently lost that job (very unfair situation, traumatic to her), and when I last visited she said she is going to hang it in her hallway where it will be seen from the dining room. I've learned not to surprise people much with quilts, and to ask what people like when I do make one. As someone said, you can't expect everyone to love your designs and your colors. And you can't always expect people to appreciate how much love, and energy and $$$ goes into a quilt. Be happy that you enjoyed the process.

The only time I get cheesed off about the quilts I give away, are when I see them laying in the dirt under the back porch, or nailed up in the window, used as a curtain, burned in a bonfire or when I find out they sold the quilt. Other than that, I have no say once they leave my home. (the previous mentioned people have never received another quilt from me.)

I know that many of us cannot understand this but some people just do not like quilts. I have a friend who will not have one in her house, and that is fine. I do not give large quilts to anybody who is not family and whome I can not "pester" if they do not use it. My mother in law is an amazing person with many hobbies but the best one is cross stitch and hand embroidery. She gifted me some gorgeous pieces and none are on the wall yet. It is not because I do not like them, i think they are amazing, they are just not my style. I will frame them and probably hang them in my guest room, but i do not want to hurt her feelings because I know how much work and effort goes in making one of her pieces.

A gift is just that. A gift. I do not loan my gifts. once they are gifted they are out of my hands. I have no say in who does what with them. I consider them like my children. I raised then with love. Sent them out into the world with love. They have all grown and given love back to me and the world around them. Some times I want to say something when I see some of the things they do, LOL but I did my best niot to, they are all grown up living there lives as they see fit. So my quilts have a life of there own to thrive or fale, So far the people that have entered into the lives of my kids and quilts have for the most part ben good to and for them.

ive given away almost every quilt ive made and everyone is different about their gift my sil is proud and hangs or displays it almost reverently lol. my brother decorates his man cave with it. their daughter uses and launders it often. the other daughter is the same and the only time ive worried was i made a wallhanging for one of the great nieces and i wanted to dabble a bit in applique so i planned it to hang up and not be laundered much well ally had different ideas and she thought her doll needed a quilt so its been washed alot as she drags her dolly everywhere im holding my breath that it stays together lol.
carla

Your question is "are your feelings hurt?" and the answer is "probably". Doesn't mean I can't get over it, nor would I ever say a word to the receiver about it. We put a great deal of money, time and thought into quilts. How could we not become emotionally involved with them? In fact, that's the whole point of giving something we made.

I make a quilt with a specific receiver in mind. I think about them while I am making it, so it gives me lots of time to have them in my thoughts. Of course I want them to treasure it, so I am less hurt when someone wants to put it up to save then I am when they put it on the garage floor to lie on when changing the oil in the car, but I still want them to use and love it everyday and feel a little unhappy if they do anything else.

We're human and allowed to feel anyway we want. I don't let those feelings affect my actions however. I just make a note not to give that person another quilt and move on.

Once I give it away, it is the receiver's to do with as he or she pleases. Of course I would love it if my quilt was front and center - but if it isn't then it isn't. I would be upset if the quilt was disrespected (like the drop cloth under the oil pan) and I would learn quickly to not give that person any more gifts.

It doesn't hurt me feelings at all. If they are using it, that is great. If not, well, it was a gift and we all know we've been given gifts that you just don't care to use. I've been guilty of it too.
I know the quilts I have made for my grandmother, they are hanging up on a quilt rack(right next to my mom's...lol) and they don't get used often. I am glad she likes them and that she proudly displays them.
Here in my house...quilts get used. All of them, but the few I have tucked away that are getting really old and showing wear. My kids drag them with for car rides, sleep with them, use them to drag each other around, they are tents, ect.....they do get used. Everyone uses their quilts differently and different appreciation for them. Some are heirlooms and some don't think that way. I wouldn't let it bother you.

I know that not all of my gifted quilts are used. I gave them to the person because I love them and I know they appreciate the blood, sweat & tears that goes into them. If they want to save them, it's their choice. I wouldn't want them coming into my house and re decorating it.

I made a quilt for my MIL when she moved out of her villa into an apartment 2 years ago. It was done in her colors (as she has VERY specific colors!). She has it draped across the back of her couch. She says she uses it when she has a headache and lays on her couch (which I doubt that she EVER lays on her couch). She's kind of a strange bird. It doesn't bother me because she has it displayed for all to see. I made her a stack and whack wall hanging and she promptly took it and had it put under glass and framed. She didn't want it to get dusty and ruined. She spent more on the professional framing than I did on the fabrics & time to make it! It hangs above her bed. I know that when she has company in, she brings out all of my handiwork and shows it off. It's her's to do with as she pleases. We had been to a craft show and she was oohing and ahing over the fleece vests with applique on them. I made her one for Christmas. This is no joke: She opened the gift, stated "This is beautiful, let me hang it up." and she got up off the floor in the middle of gift opening and hung it in her closet. I have seen her wear it once but who knows what she wears when I'm not around. I've learned to just take her in stride. I don't take it personally that she doesn't use my items. I know she is a little "different". This is the woman who after her 2nd husband died and she had sold his truck needed to take her van in for some work to be done. Now instead of paying the $25/year for rental car insurance, she went out and bought a brand new Jeep so she would never be without a car!

DD and I have both made quilts for my MIL -- and yes she usually uses the backs out because they are not too busy. I am just glad she uses them. The thing she uses the most, however are the fleece throws that I make for her legs -- they are a solid color with only her name embroidered on them. I try to make a couple new ones a year since she lives in a nursing home and the wash messes up things.

once you GIVE a quilt it is no longer yours to decide how it is used-or even whether it is used. you gave it away-
maybe they like the back better than the front- just because you like one side over the other doesn't mean everyone will- we all have our own tastes- maybe the one on the bed is covered to protect it- maybe you should be happy it's not in a garbage bag in the attic or basement- or in a goodwill box.
no- i do not think you should say anything- it is no longer yours to decide how it lives- unless you are asked about how to care for it - you should just be happy they like it well enough to use it at all

Since you had given it away, would you be hurt to find they had given it away also?

I made quilts for my great nieces and nephews and the only thing I said as the parents admired them was "All I ask is that you use them -- don't be afraid of something happening to them cause I can always make another." It's nice to see them being used. I lovved the comment about making forts out of them -- I remember as a child dooing that with quilts my great grandmother had made -- fond memories.

When I give a quilt it no longer belongs to me. It's difficult sometimes, but that's the way it is. Our daughter and her family use them always. In fact, she asked if I still had fabric from one I made her husband so he could trade them out and I could take one home and repair it because he just loves it and it needs some work. I can't ask for more than that: They love the quilts I make

Maybe your quilt was covered by another because the owner wanted it close to them? Just sayin'...could also have been done that way to protect it...:)

I am happy to see a quilt I made being used anywhere, inside out, upside down or backwards!! It was a gift for someone to use, not to be hidden away!!

I believe we all put our hearts + a lot of time, $$$ and energy into our quilts.

In an ideal world they would be put and used in a place or honor. We don't live in an ideal world.

Right now, I have three quilts that my Mother (now deceased) made. They are each hand quilted. Can't begin to imagine how long it took her to create these beauties. However, there is no way and not enough places for me to display all of them. So, I rotate using them on the bed in the guest bedroom. Figure this is the best way I can honor her.

My Mother's theory was at least someone is enjoying _________ . (fill in the blank)

If I made a quilt especially for someone only to learn it wasn't used, appreciated or given away. I'd be sad.
However, I would have also learned a lesson. Wouldn't go down that road again.

If a quilt is not used I don't like it. I want my quilts to be used but taken care of reasonably well.

I made a quilt for each of my three (step) grandchildren when they were born. I made them to match my step-daughters nursery theme and colors, and bought high quality fabric and paid for LA quilting to complement. I've never seen them again. That hurts my feelings but I won't ever say anything.

My sister hinted that she would like a king-sized quilt made into a duvet cover to cover up her store bought comforter SO THE DOGS COULD GET ON THE BED AND NOT DAMAGE HER COMFORTER. Fat chance I would ever make one for her.

I try to let go when I give one of my quilts as a gift but when I put so much of myself into it's kind of watching your child going out into the world and wanting them to be loved. It is easier to donate a charity quilt knowing you'll never see it again.

Like several of the other posts here, once I give a quilt away, what happens to it is out of my control so I put it out of my mind. If I were to find out that one wasn't being treated the way I'd like, I might not be so anxious to make that person another one, but thus far, I haven't had that problem.

A couple thoughts.

I never give a handmade gift, if I am not sure of how it will be received. Or have invested so much time and energy into it that I would be disappointed.

I regift things that I have been given that do not suit my lifestyle to someone who would better enjoy it.

My grandmother made beautiful crochet bed spreads for my brother and I when we were young. I never even knew they existed until after she had died. Now 30 years later it is on my bed in the winter. It is too heavy for warm weather use.

My step mother had a house fire when her youngest child was 2. They lost everything except their lives and the dog. She had been saving china linens etc for special occasions or to use when the children were older. All her beautiful things were lost in the fire. When they rebuilt, she decided that if she wanted to eat breakfast off chine she would. She would let the children drink out of the crystal glasses etc.

So I try to follow her example. I use the beautiful and or special things, but if they do not suit our lifestyle I let them go to someone who will appreciate them. If a gift was for our children it would be used, but if I was given a pink gift, I would regift it to someone who would appreciate the colour.

My MIL tried to give us her dining room suite. I refused, because I knew it would still be 'hers' and she could not fully let it go and accept the way we would use it. So my BIL got it and every time she is in his house she checks it for scratches, comments if she does not feel it is properly polished etc.

a gift is a gift --let it go with love ---- or do not bother making it

Too many things are "saved"...never to be used. "heirloom" is so overrated. We live today. I agree with the posters who believe that once you give a gift, the recipient is free to use the gift (or not) in whatever manner they choose.

After reading these posts, perhaps put a price tag on the quilts you plan to "give away". IF the person who requests a quilt from you, show them your offerings and sell the quilt to them. No hard feelings and they will be invested in your wowrk, that way if you get your $$'s worth out of the quilt. ok, Im kidding..kind of. no, I don't make quilts for anyone. I make small purses and gifty things once in a while. Then I am not worried about what happens to the item. I did not put a lot of time or $$ in the item..sandy

I actually use the backing side up about half the time on the quilt I made for my own bed. I like seeing the quilting, which shows better from the back (and to be honest, it's more restful to the eyes than the pieced side).

Omg! She's off my gift list too!

That's why I happily make "charity quilts". I never know who, where, or why what happens to them:)

I don't make quilts for people unless they have a say in the process. There is way too much money and time involved in it for someone to not like it. I also emphasize the importance to be honest w/ me because the point is for them to enjoy it and no one likes to be disappointed at the end.

I don't think that I would ever make something where the receiver would not be in on the process so that changes can be made when they are smaller/easier than being disappointed w/ the end project.