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Thread: Quite honestly a matter of tact...

  1. #26
    Community Manager PatriceJ's Avatar
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    i don't worry about whether or not compliments i get are made because the other person doesn't want to hurt my feelings. by the time i finish something, i know every nook and cranny of it. i know where, how many, and how "bad" the mistakes are. therefore, i know before i show it which the situation will be. if i post something i know is hideous ... trust me ... i'm posting because i need the pity to make it through the rest of the day. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    i have barely scratched the surface of all the different types of quilts there are.

    i haven't tried every technique there is for the types of quilts i've made.

    i've never entered a quilt show, let alone won a prize.

    therefore, i don't feel qualified to criticize anybody else's work. i can find enough fault with my own to entertain myself for days on end. :lol:

    i'm with those who won't point out a flaw unless the maker asks me to. and they have to ask three times so i know the really want the truth. i'm also with those who start with a "this [whatever] is excellent", follow with a gentle mention of the [perceived] flaw", then another good thing.

    we're not doing anybody a favor if they WANT help and don't give it. but failure to encourage somebody to keep trying would be even worse. :shock:

  2. #27
    Community Manager PatriceJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruth Camp
    Hmmmmmmmm I just started a new project and posted the start of it.......a lot of people admired the fabric........lol well either way I like it :roll: :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink:
    if you're talking about that lucious beauty in blues and whites ... well ... anybody who doesn't like it needs their head examined. there's a whole lot more about that quilt to admire than just the fabric! :P

  3. #28
    lisae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PatriceJ
    Quote Originally Posted by Ruth Camp
    Hmmmmmmmm I just started a new project and posted the start of it.......a lot of people admired the fabric........lol well either way I like it :roll: :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink:
    if you're talking about that lucious beauty in blues and whites ... well ... anybody who doesn't like it needs their head examined. there's a whole lot more about that quilt to admire than just the fabric! :P
    I think people complimented the fabric because it was so wonderful...but it was Ruth who 1)recognized just how wonderful the fabric is and 2) came up with a very effective way to use it. Geeze, give yourself credit...:)

  4. #29
    marieg's Avatar
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    Maybe I need to clarify a little: I never met a fabric I didn't like and every quilt or block is time consuming. I don't feel like I'm brushing someone off when I say that. Ruth my CRS is bad today I don't remember blues, can't find it either.
    I guess in general I feel like we do this because we love it, we love what we do, we know all the problems in our quilt. I would rather have a pat on the back. It's sort of like the woman with a really tight dress asking hubby "do I look fat in this".
    I think worse then seeing quilts that needed more attention, I once had a woman call me saying her mother had died and she had some quilts she didn't know what she should do with. She made it sound like they were rags. I almost didn't go look at them. They were beautiful hand applique, hand quilted stunning quilts. I tried to talk her into keeping them. She asked why as if they were used toilet paper.
    I would rather give someone compliments then be like this daughter.

  5. #30
    Senior Member Lois-nounoe's Avatar
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    Right on Minda! I like to post pics of my quilts here because, even if someone thinks they aren't great, everyone knows the work and love that goes into each one we make.

  6. #31
    bj
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    Super Member bj's Avatar
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    Something I remember being told as a young teacher was that for every negative thing you say to a child, it takes 10 good things to balance it. I've had kids come back to visit me and tell me they always appreciated that I did put them or their work down and that we laughed a lot in my class. I still try not to put anything someone does down and I still try to laugh as much as possible. Praise and humor go a long way!

  7. #32
    Steve's Avatar
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    "if I post something i know is hideous ...", yeah right Patrice, you? That'll be the day...

    Honestly, have you ever really done something truly "hideous"? I find that hard to believe.

  8. #33
    Senior Member annmarie's Avatar
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    BJ - I agree. My favorite, when my only child was growing up was:

    Fill your child's cup so full that when others poke holes in it, it never goes empty.

    He is a wonderful young man.

  9. #34
    Community Manager PatriceJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve
    "if I post something i know is hideous ...", yeah right Patrice, you? That'll be the day...

    Honestly, have you ever really done something truly "hideous"? I find that hard to believe.
    let's put it this way ... the local landfill never gets cold. it's got more than one of PatriceJ's Originals to keep it warm.

    i made one some years ago that i thought was just beautiful. simple and basic, but very pretty. when i took it out of the washer, i had a simple, basic and very pretty wad of patches and threads. stupid thing all but disintegrated! :shock:

    the funniest thing, though, is that the absolute ugliest and most poorly constructed quilt i've ever made never made it to the landfill. somebody saw it and insisted i let her buy it from me. my worst quilt was my first sale. go figure. :lol:

  10. #35
    Steve's Avatar
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    "go figure." I've ceased trying!

    Do you ever recycle the ugly children? Leslee made me a neat pin cushion out of one.

  11. #36
    Senior Member k_jupiter's Avatar
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    Lahk everyone says. I am my own best critic. You can't tell me anything I don't already know about my quilt. And I only give quilts to kids under 13 who know if they complain I have the power to send them to bed without supper. I can't imagine someone not loving my quilts, my taste being what it is, but if it were to happen, I would take the critique from who it's given. One or two of you know you could devastate me with harmful negative comments, but I won't tell you who you are...

    As far as what I might say to that orange, pale green and PINK monstrosity someone shows me.... If I say.. "It sure looks warm" or "It sure looks handy for changing the car's oil", you might get the idea I am being polite.

    I do enjoy seeing all your works. Bad comments will never come out of me because then you might stop showing and then where would I be? If there is something that truly jars me, I just suspect I don't understand it, kinda like a Magritte painting.

    tim in san jose


  12. #37
    Senior Member Lois-nounoe's Avatar
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    As the old saying goes "One man's trash is another man's treasure!" I'm sure that goes for quilts too, Patrice! :D

  13. #38
    Steve's Avatar
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    Honest Tim, pink really is in the rainbow (color spectrum) if you look hard enough. HA! Never met a color that I didn't love in one way or another.

  14. #39
    Senior Member k_jupiter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve
    Honest Tim, pink really is in the rainbow (color spectrum) if you look hard enough. HA! Never met a color that I didn't love in one way or another.
    And green peas go on top of Shepard's Pie. Don't mean I don't pick each and every little green bugger out before I eat my dinner.

    PINK... BAH!

    tim in san jose

  15. #40
    Super Member Chele's Avatar
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    You guys crack me up! No pink? No peas? What is left?!!

    And every landfill needs a quilt or two. That cotton helps with rotting. I think Gore says that in his movie. Think of the environment folks!

    Send me your rejects and I'll make sure they have a place! LOL!

  16. #41
    stay-at-home's Avatar
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    when i first finish a quilt that's half way decent, I love it. I want to show it off. Give it a few days and then I see the mistakes. but I don't want anybody taking my pleasure away in those first few days. Soooo, maybe some of the criticism depends on how long ago the quilt was finished! As we get some distance from it, we can take the criticism better. And constructive criticism is a necessary thing.

  17. #42
    Senior Member DebJ's Avatar
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    Yes, constructive criticism is a good thing given it that it is given in kindness. I know myself I don't want to send something to someone that I would not like to receive. I appreciated the kindness about my Red Hat Lap disaster of a quilting job. Thankfully my sister loved it anyway. I just hope that future quilts won't suffer the same condition. :lol:

  18. #43
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    I think most of the time we can tell when a person is looking for affirmation and when they want help with a problem. If you want to know why your triangles all ended up crooked, it's frustrating to be told "Oh, it's just beautiful as it is!" and "Don't worry about it!"

    And really, if someone has just finished 36 blocks, it's a little late to tell them that their background fabric doesn't have sufficient contrast to display the star points. It would just frustrate them.

    There is always SOMETHING nice to say!

  19. #44
    Steve's Avatar
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    I guess that is why I like the constructive part sandwiched in the middle Cathe, so that I can improve the next time.

    "Looks warm!" HA!

  20. #45
    lisae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by k_jupiter
    Quote Originally Posted by Steve
    Honest Tim, pink really is in the rainbow (color spectrum) if you look hard enough. HA! Never met a color that I didn't love in one way or another.
    And green peas go on top of Shepard's Pie. Don't mean I don't pick each and every little green bugger out before I eat my dinner.

    PINK... BAH!

    tim in san jose
    Pink is okay, but I am glad to see someone else feels the same way I do about green peas...:)

  21. #46
    stay-at-home's Avatar
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    is that a pic of your red hat lap quilt Deb?? i sure don't see any disaster there. i see a beautiful quilt! What's the disaster????

  22. #47
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    This is why our Guild Card says "Everyone's Welcome." Too many of us have been slighted or not accepted at our local quilt guilds.

    This is the place you can ask questions, share your troubles, show off your work, and even learn online.

    It is not the place for nasty comments or criticism.

    If I see something that is not my cup of tea, I try to post a some sort of honest compliment, or I just don't post anything. Usually someone else has already shared my sentiment anyway!

    I think a lot of us here think of this as our group of friends! Especially the chat girls!

  23. #48
    Super Member Tiffany's Avatar
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    It would seem most everyone here approaches this in about the same manner and I'm right along with the rest of you. The one thing I never, never do is tell someone I like their quilt when I simply do not. I do not have the type of personality to enjoy false praise and I feel I need to respect others enough not to give it. As many of you can guess, this relates to childhood issues. My family uses praise as a form of manipulation and so I am somewhat sensitive to the issue. I won't give out praise I don't feel, yet even if I dislike the quilt, there is always something positive I can find to say about it. And I find that if I don't like something, it is often easier to ask the quilter questions and learn the story behind the quilt (every quilt has one). Often that will allow me to appreciate it more than I would have otherwise and quite often I learn something, which is always an added bonus. And I never knock anyone for the pattern they chose or the colors they use because each is very subjective and I know my tastes won't always line up exactly with everyone else's. How boring if it did! :lol:
    ~Tiffany


  24. #49

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    Like the one with the cross that you have for your tag? see how'd that make you feel? BE NICE! ask them what they like most about it. if they like/love it they must value your opinion, do you really care if anyone likes your cross? You love it.

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