a sensitive quilt question
11-01-2010, 12:17 PM
#22
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Central Ca
Posts: 2,598
If I had somthing finished and handy I'd probibly take it to leave her with a perpetual Hug, then just be there for what ever support you can give, so she worries less about the small things, have gone with the zip baggies and extra plates, napkins, wrap, TP in the car just incase and supprising has been put to use many times. Have also sent flowers a couple of weeks later to remind that person I'm still thinking of them in there loss, since it the pain dosen't go away right after the services. May ask brother to save a few things for use later, and then ask her, If it would be ok. I try to not give things like this at the holidays, have had enough reminders myself about past loved ones not to be taken over the edge at what is often a stressful time like the holidays can be to some.
Well that was longer than I thought it would be.... {{{huggs}}} to you and your family .
Well that was longer than I thought it would be.... {{{huggs}}} to you and your family .
11-01-2010, 12:20 PM
#23
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 572
I think a comfort quilt also for now. While you are at the services listen to what other people and your SIL may say about her mother. When most people are talking at the services they are only bringing up that persons wonderful qualities and happy memories and maybe that will give you an idea for the quilt for next Christmas. When my Aunt passed I asked my Uncle for some of the clothes she wore all the time so I could make my cousins quilts from them. I waited a couple months to ask but didn't want to wait to long for fear he would donate them. Hope this helps and so sorry for your family loss.
11-01-2010, 12:22 PM
#24
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 709
I would suggest the comfort quilt instead of a memory quilt. Death is a very personal subject for anyone. I think she would appreciate it, but don't be hurt if she doesn't accept it with open arms for now. She will be dealing with her emotions and right now nothing but time may heal her.
Give her some space, but let her know you are there for her.
Give her some space, but let her know you are there for her.
11-01-2010, 01:16 PM
#25
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 4,091
For now I agree that a pretty, snuggly, comforting quilt for her is best. I would go ahead and ask your brother/husband to make sure that some things are saved for a memory quilt. Then I would try to figure out a way to show SIL a memory quilt without asking her is she wanted one and I'm talking down the road here...like a year from now. You know...one of those..."Oh...I was on the board today and this woman had done a beautiful memory quilt for her DH's Mom...you should have seen it....pics of the family and she used all her dresses......" If SIL seems interested you know....if not maybe she'll say no. It's just a thought. Good luck and I will be praying for comfort for your family.
11-01-2010, 01:25 PM
#26
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: S. W. Indiana
Posts: 7,484
Originally Posted by sahm4605
okay ladies, this is a very sensitive subject. My SIL's mom just passed away saturday. Not to get into the details but she took her own life. I am wanting to do something for my SIL and was thinking about making a memory quit for her. But I don't know if it is a good idea. there are many issues with their relationship, but she was her mom. Do you ladies think that it would be a good idea to make a memory quilt for my sil, even though her mom took her own life? (it was do to a life long battle of horrible depression at least that is what I have been told) I am even hesitent to ask because it is a very touchy subject for me as well as for my SIL. Do you ladies think that this is a good idea or should I not go there?
A quilt is something she can put away in a closet for now if she's not up to dealing with any part of mom's life. She can always pull it out, keep it out and put it back when she's not in the mood. Regardless of how she's feeling, she's sure to appreciate your efforts.
Question? Are you planning on using photos or something like that? Or are you going to try to get some of her clothing to make the quilt?
11-01-2010, 01:53 PM
#28
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Maine-ly Florida
Posts: 3,917
Comfort, definitely. Maybe a memory quilt someday, maybe not. I know someone who lost their Mom in a really difficult way, not the same way, but even with healing and time would have just felt sadness from a memory quilt. It might make her wish for what can never be. But, your heart is definitely in the right place.
11-01-2010, 02:01 PM
#30
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Jefferson, MA
Posts: 137
Just repeating what many have said: Yes, to a comfort quilt (or lapquilt), no to a memory quilt, at least not now.
Families are incredibly complicated, and not everyone reacts the same way to memories, good or bad. For example, I wouldn't want a memory quilt, ever: I prefer other ways of preserving memories than quilts.
Later, if you're close to your SIL and she talks about her mother, you can (gently) ask her whether she would want such a quilt. But I'd wait for this conversation to happen: I wouldn't force it!
Jory
Families are incredibly complicated, and not everyone reacts the same way to memories, good or bad. For example, I wouldn't want a memory quilt, ever: I prefer other ways of preserving memories than quilts.
Later, if you're close to your SIL and she talks about her mother, you can (gently) ask her whether she would want such a quilt. But I'd wait for this conversation to happen: I wouldn't force it!
Jory
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